Cooper, it's open.
It's supposed to be awesome.
Hey, give me back my quarters, you hoser!
How are you so good at this? You've never even played it before.
I don't know.
There's a pattern to how they're moving. Watch.
I don't see it, but you sure as hell do.
Use the Force. Use the Force.
You're a superstar, dude.
And it's time to show the world.
Attention, all contestants.
The competition will start in 15 minutes.
You too? That's so funny.
I think you're pretty darn foxy yourself.
Lady Lisa, I'll love you till the end of time.
-Who are you talking to? -Nobody!
We'll talk later.
You're Ludlow Lamonsoff, the Wonder Kid, right?
Who told you that? The government?
'Cause I'm this close to figuring out the secret of the Bermuda Triangle.
Wow, you don't have any friends, do you?
Just my grandma.
Well, Wonder Kid, you can hang out with us.
What's up, geeks and goobers?
They call me the Fire Blaster!
'Cause my hands are blazing fast,
and also I will blast and burn all my competitors' weak-ass moves.
You must be the local talent.
If this was a fugly contest, I'd be in trouble.
At least we didn't make up our own nicknames, Fire Blaster.
Who cares who came up with it?
It's totally tubular.
Welcome, gamers, to the first annual
Worldwide Video Arcade Championships!
Tonight, we have representatives here from the Guinness Book of World Records,
as well as NASA, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration,
who will be videotaping tonight's competition
to be included in a compilation of 1982's news events and popular culture.
That videotape will be placed in a space probe
which will be launched by NASA into our solar system
with the hope of connecting to, and perhaps providing a message for
extraterrestrial life, should it exist.
Ladies and gentlemen,
start your gaming!
All right, ladies and gentlemen, what an evening we have had here.
Six new US records set.
Three new world records set.
And, as the smoke clears, right now we have a tie.
Two hundred and fifty-nine points for your new Pac-Man world champion.
The Fire Blaster, Eddie Plant!
Go, Fire Blaster!
And 259 points for your new Galaga Centipede world champion,
Well, gentlemen, how 'bout we break this tie.
-Good luck, man. -Thanks.
You have the patterns down pretty good with these games.
You're gonna be tough to beat.
You see, the thing about Donkey Kong is,
at the higher levels the barrels become more random, possessed almost.
And playing by the patterns doesn't do the trick anymore.
Does it, Brenner?
On coming in second!
Fire Blaster is the world champ!
The local yokel looked destiny in the eye and blinked.
He's a loser, and he will always be a loser.
Sam, Sam, wait.
You're still gonna go to MIT
and invent something that makes you a millionaire.
And maybe even marry Olivia Newton-John.
I was actually thinking Samantha Fox.
Nice, but she's no Sheena Easton.
there's always Madonna.
How about Scarlett Johansson?
Not Halle Berry hot, but so, so hot.
And don't forget Katy Perry.
这是干嘛 我们太老了 有够恶
What are we doin' right now? We're too old. It's just gross already.
Plus, you're married to a woman who hates you.
She doesn't hate me. She just doesn't get it, you know.
We don't have the free time to do stuff together like we did 10 years ago.
This job is killing me, man.
If I were you,
maybe a half hour a day, turn off the cell phone,
不看电邮 别吃零食 专心陪老婆
shut down the emails, put away the Reggie bars and focus on your wife.
The President's gaffe-filled summer continued today...
Hold on a second. I gotta see this.
...at Joseph Knibb Elementary School
to promote his new youth reading initiative.
Here's what happened.
"Mittens jumped up onto the table and knocked over the whole bowl of soup.
"Mrs. Pickles gassed... Gasped."
"And the whole room fell silent.
"This was casta...
"This is cast...
I got it, sweetheart, okay?
Why'd you yell at me?
Leave her alone.
The President can't read.
You gotta learn how to read, buddy. It's as simple as that.
I was on three hours' sleep, all right?
-Your economics are hurting poor people! -Nice to see ya!
You've got the blood of innocent children on your hands.
Thank you for your support.
-I can't afford to go to college because of you! -That's a lovely dress.
-You're ruining the country! -Yeah, we're all in this together, now.