ls this fucking thing on?
Oh.Ladies and gentlemen.
He's wacky, he's zany,
he's one entire sixth of the greatest comedy team the world has ever seen.
现在有请 巨蟒剧团成员Graham Chapman上台来掏心掏肺
Here to reveal all, please welcome Monty Python's Graham Chapman!
Er, before I begin,
there is a favour I would like to ask of all of you, please.
And I do mean every single person in the room.
No opting out. I'd like everyone to join in with this, please.
I would like to ask you all for 30 seconds...
Thank you.Thank you so much.
Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you.
还有十五秒 谢谢大家 坚持一下
15 seconds to go! Thank you. Thank you so much.
I want my fucking money back!
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
Get off that stage!
You're a shit!
你 你 你 你个腌臜泼才!
I like you!
Thank you very much indeed. That was excellent abuse.
And it will certainly save a lot of time later on.
纽约 1976年 市中心剧院
New York, 1976. The City Center theatre.
Monty Python's Flying Circus is appearing. We are in mid-sketch.
I am playing Oscar Wilde.
祝贺你 王尔德 你的剧获得了巨大的成功
My congratulations, Wilde. Your play is a great success.
The whole of London is talking about you.
There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about
and that is NOT being talked about.
Very witty, Wilde. Very witty.
There is only one thing worse in the world than being witty
and that is not being witty.
I wish I had said that.
You will, Oscar. You will.
Your Highness, do you know James McNeill Whistler?
Yes. We play squash together.
There is only one thing worse than playing squash together
and that is playing it by yourself.
He waits expectantly for the roars of laughter
and the shrieks of glee. They do not come.
The silence grows longer.
I wish I hadn't said that.
你说了 奥斯卡 确实是你说的
You did, Oscar. You did.
抱歉了 王尔德 我必须摆驾回宫了
You must forgive me, Wilde, but I must get back up the palace.
Wilde is desperate.
The Prince of Wales is leaving with a smile on his face
that had not been put there by Oscar Wilde. He blurtsz
Your Majesty, you are like a big jam doughnut with cream on top.
I beg your pardon?
Er...er... Erm, it was one of Whistler's.
I didn't say that.
You did, James. You did.
L...l meant that, er,
像个甜甜圈一样 您的到来 殿下 给我们带来了欢乐
like a doughnut, your arrival, your Majesty, gives us pleasure,
and your departure only makes us hungry for more.
Your Majesty is like a stream of bat's piss.
- 什么意思? - 王尔德说的 找王尔德去
- I beg your pardon? - It was one of Wilde's, one of Wilde's.
I have just dried. I cannot remember the next line.
我等着呢 王尔德 你倒是说啊
I'm waiting, Wilde. I'm waiting.
整个剧院都屏息等待 在他们等待的同时 我也在等
The entire theatre waits and as they wait, so do I
for that damned line to enter my head. It refuses to come.
Oh, get on with it.
Get on with it.
Dr Chapman? We'll be landing in Los Angeles shortly.
Hello? Dr Chapman?
Are you all right, Dr Chapman?
Keep your seat belts fastened and luggage stowed safely.
Turn off your head sets and electrical equipment
until you see the seat belt sign turned off.
It's at moments like this when one thinks,
"去他妈的 有什么意义呢 我们这都是在干嘛"
"Oh, fuck it. Does it really matter? What are we all here for?
"Are we predestined to take the paths we follow?"
I was born in Leamington, now officially known as Royal Leamington Spa,
moderately famous for the manufacture of gas cookers.
The year was 1942
and the period of gestation ended on February 7th,
during an air raid in which the Germans thought they were hitting Coventry.
My parents, Tim and Beryl
此处指的是Timothy Evans 因杀害妻子女儿被绞死 死后才发现误判
不对 是Tim and Betty 在我降生的时候气坏了
Sorry, Tim and Betty, were outraged when I arrived
because they'd been expecting a heterosexual black Jew
with several amusing birth deformities as they needed the problems.
They lived in an enormous Gothic castle in the south of France
called "Done Drinking Gin And Slimline Tonic With Ice But No Lemon ln",
which was originally built by Marco Polo for himself and a few friends
he wanted to invite round to his place after the pub closed.
I must admit so far
that this has not had much more than a grain of truth in it,
but it is more interesting than all the usual humdrum
wetting of nappies and, later, pants,
and not being allowed to sit next to the Lotti, the Czechoslovakian girl because I once shat myself,
seeing bits of people hanging from trees... Oh!
That does sound interesting. Perhaps I should put that down.
I was three at the time
and my mother wanted to take me along to see my father.
- Walter - 不好意思亲爱的 我忙着呢
- Walter. - Sorry, dear. I'm busy.
喂 说你呢 那个麻袋里已经有两条腿了
Hey, you. That's sack's already got two legs in it.
Walter, dear, we were just out shopping
and I thought that Graham might like...
Look dear, can't you come back later?
Has anyone found that head yet?
Has anyone in this street found a head?
Oh, come on. Someone must have it.
I know this street. You'd steal anything.
I mean, what the bloody hell are you gonna do with a head?
Oh, dear. Perhaps we'll go and get your tea.
啊? 哦好的 吐司配蛋 谢谢
What? Oh, yes. Egg on toast, please.
Left arm here. Anyone missing a left arm?
We haven't got any eggs. There is a war on.
Ask Harold. Something's bound to have fallen off the back of a lorry.
All right, dear. Come on, Graham.
Stop staring at all that blood. It won't do you any good.
Oh, come on, mum. This must be one of my major formative experiences.
Summer term, or "wops" as we called it,
seemed to have dragged on endlessly.
The smell of freshly mown grass wafted over from far-off Hayes meadow,
the village clock chimed in the distance
and somewhere, miles above our petty earth,
a wisp of cloud took flame from the dying embers of the setting sun.
They combined to produce an atmosphere
so redolent of this type of writing.