Unbelievable. Every shitting time
Leave me alone!
- They never will, you know
Whole point about the Furies.
Never let you go
My God, she's still alive!
- I know, it's a nightmare
- It's a triumph
- Still breathing away
- Well done you, darling
- Still hauling my carcass round the kitchen
- Ah, but what a carcass it is
- Look at that, ladies and gentlemen, she's still got it
- Do I really?
Age shall not weary her, nor the years condemn
There we are.
Miss Havisham, eat your heart out
- Miss what?
- That's the hope, though, is it?
Get back one weekend
and find me face down in the catmint
- I can see it must be terribly disappointing
- I'm spending a penny
Especially when one thinks
of the poor old Health Service
I can't hear
Because you're turning them away in droves,
They're dying in the corridors,
and I can't even catch a bit of shingles
- You know what I blame?
- Me, I imagine
- All this fresh air
- You blame...
But then this is what's so terrifying
about living in the Cotswolds
One could go on forever
You know what we need?
If you're ever going to get rid of me?
A dual carriageway
- An A road. Steady stream of heavy goods vehicles
Oh I see
It's your constituency.
You could make it happen, couldn't you?
Deconsecrate the green belt. Offer up the paddock.
And we know Burford's desperate for a bypass
- Are you all right?
- I'm not just all right, I'm thriving. This is it
You're not dressed
The odd self-inflicted fracture aside,
I'm in relentlessly good health
It's after eleven.
And you know what day it is
- I suppose there's always smoking
- I'm sorry?
How many do you think
one would have to get through a day...
...to give oneself a really good shot at cancer?
Ten do you think? Twenty?
- Oh for goodness sake
- Don't be disgusting
- No, you're right. Of course you are. Terrible idea
- Because it's such an unattractive way to go, isn't it?
All that hair tufting out in the shower
There we are.
Vanity prevails yet again
- Are you going to be like this all day?
- Do you know, I think I am
Oh good. Excellent. Thrilled I came back
But then you didn't think
you'd get away with it, did you?
- Didn't think you'd get off scot-free
- What is it?
- I'm just...
- No, it's no good
- What are you doing?
- I was trying to remember why I married you
And why I still come back like this.
That's the real question
Because it's hell out there on the roads.
Did you know that?
And yet every week I flog my way back to you
The Hangar Lang gyratory, the Oxford bypass,
the horrors of the A40
My God, why do I put myself through it?
I don't know, Robin. Guilt, I imagine
- I'm sorry?
- Well it's either that or the garden
- Oh don't
- It's unbearable
- The guilt?
- The garden. Don't tell me you haven't noticed?
- Oh for goodness sake, Diana. The damage!
- Oh the damage! Oh I see
- No, I did notice that, of course I did. I'm so sorry
- Because it's heartbreaking, isn't it
- Well I think so
- To see it in that sort of state
- Ravaged like that
- Decimated. Whole country in tatters
And yet for some extraordinary reason
they all keep voting Conservative
- What's wrong with them?
- Ha ha
Because you think they'd learn, wouldn't you?
At some point?
- And I'm always telling them not to vote for you
- Oh, are you?
- I wander the streets of Witney, telling them
- Oh good
I accost them in the supermarket.
I say they may talk a good game...
...but the truth is they're unbelievably dangerous
- I should know, I say. I'm married to one
- I'm so pleased
Because if you really stop and look...
this is what I say as I totter the fruit and veg aisle
...you'll notice that the natural party of government
is in fact unbelievably bad at it
Yes, I was talking about the garden
And yet like a battered wife,
they keep coming back to you, don't they?