I can't believe Joey's having lunch with his stalker. What...what is she like?
Well, you remember Cathy Bates in Misery? Rachel and Yeah. Well, she looks the exact opposite of that.
And she's not crazy?
Oh no no no, she's a total wack job. Yeah, she thinks that Joey is actually Dr. Drake Ramoray. Oh my God.
Ah, and I mean, he's going out with her? He can not pursue this.
Hey, just because this woman thinks she can actually see Joey through the magical box in her living room doesn't mean she's not a person.
I mean, does she not deserve happiness? Does she not deserve love?
What are you looking at me for? He's the one who wants to boff the maniac!
You OK? No, uhuh, I'm just, I'm nervous. So, you know what, maybe if I just, if I picture them all in their underwear.
That's not a good idea, that's kinda the reason the last guy got fired.
I'm just, I'm, I'm, I'm used to playing for grownups. You know, they just, grownups drink their coffee and do their grownup thing, you know, and kids listen.
It's just a huge responsibility. What? Are you gonna kiss me?
I was thinking about it. OK. OK, alrighty, let's play some tunes.
Hi, everybody. I'm Phoebe. Hi, Phoebe!
OK, um, I'm gonna play, um, some songs about grandparents, OK?
Now Grandma's a person who everyone likes. She bought you a train and a bright shiny bike.
But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner, and last time you saw her she looked so much thinner.
Now your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru, but the truth is she died And someday you will too.
Oh, Drake, isn't it amazing? Yeah it is.
Well, here we sit, devil may care, just a little while ago you were reattaching someone's spinal cord.
Yeah, that was a tricky one. In reality, that operation takes like, over 10 hours, but they only showed it for 2 minutes.
Who's they? No one.
Oh Drake, you are so talented, let me see those hands. Oh, these hands, these beautiful hands. I could just eat them. But I won't.
Otherwise my watch would fall off.
No, seriously. These hands. These miracle, magical, life-giving hands. Oh, just to be near them, touch them, maybe even lick one?
Alright, just one. You're good at that.
Oh my God! Someone, he's choking. Is anyone here a doctor?
Well, yes, yes, the best doctor in all of Salem, Dr. Drake Ramoray.
Meet me in the nocturnal house in 15 minutes.
Uhh, hey look, I don't really enjoy being with other men that way. But, um, zoo dollars?
It's about your monkey. It's alive.
I don't understand, why didn't you help that man?
Uhh, because, uhh, I'm a neurosurgeon and that was clearly a case of, uh, uh, foodal chokage. Alright, look, I got to tell you something.
No, no no no, you don't have to tell me anything. You don't have to explain yourself to me.
Who am I to question the great Dr. Drake Ramoray? I should be happy to be near you.
That's it. Just hey! Like at the end of a dance, HEY! Hey. Hehey.
There'll be times when you get older, when you'll want to sleep with people, just to make them like you. But don't!
'Cause...that's another thing...that you don't wanna do. Everybody! That's another thing that you don't wanna do.
Excellent! Very informative! Not at all inappropriate!
Thank you for coming, everybody. There're cookies in the back.
That was great, the kids loved you.
Yea, I rock.
And you know why? Because you told the truth. Nobody ever tells kids the truth. You were incredible!
But. How did you know there was a but?
I sense these things. It was either "but" or "butter."
The thing is, I think some of the parents, they were kinda hoping that you'd play more songs about like, barnyard animals.
I can do that.
Because that would be fantastic. What? You wanna kiss me?
Thinking about it.
The bat. Ambassador of darkness. Flitting out of his cave like a winged messenger. Sightless specter of the macabre.
Buddy, my monkey?
Oh, yeah, right. There was a breakin, few months back, inside job. Your monkey was taken.
Oh my God. But the zoo told me that my monkey was dead.
The zoo! Do you believe everything the zoo tells you?
That, that's the only thing the zoo's ever told me.
Of course they're gonna say he's dead. They don't want the bad publicity. It's all a great big coverup. Do you have any idea how high up this thing goes?
That guy Lipson?
Lipson knows, huh? Hello, Mr. Possum. Enigma of the trees, upsidedown denizen of the night. Taunting gravity. Buddy, my monkey. My monkey?
Word on the street, well, when I say "street," I mean those pretend streets here at the zoo. Of course.
Your monkey found a new career, in the entertainment field. That's all I know.
This is unbelievable.
So, what is this information worth to you, my friend?
Are you trying to get me to bribe you? Maybe.
But you already told me everything.