Man, this is weird. Ever realize Cap'n Crunch's eyebrows are actually on his hat?
That's what's weird? Joey the man's been captain of a cereal for the last 40 years.
What? The spoon! You licked and you put? You licked and you put?
Yeah, so? Don't you see how gross that is? I mean It's like you using my toothbrush!
You used my toothbrush? That was only because I used the red one to unclog the drain.
Mine is the red one!
Oh, God! Can open. Worms everywhere!
Why can't we use the same toothbrush...but we can use the same soap?
Because soap is soap. It's selfcleaning.
All right. When next time you take a shower...think about the last thing I wash and the first thing you wash.
Look at you fancy lads! What's the occasion?
You know that guy on my show that's in a coma? He's having a brunch.
Ready when you are. Okay
I can't believe you guys are actually getting tattoos.
Excuse me, you guys are getting tattoos? Yes, but you cannot tell Ross cause I wanna surprise him.
Wow, this is wild! What are you gonna get?
Umm, I'm getting a lily. For my mom, because her name's Lily.
That's lucky. What if her name was Big Ugly Splotch?
So where you getting it? I think on my shoulder.
What? What's on your shoulder? A chip.
A tattoo. I'm getting a tattoo.
A tattoo? Why? Why would you wanna do that?
Hey, you don't think they're kind of cool?
No. Sorry, I don't. I mean why would anyone pay someone to scar their body for life?
What if it doesn't come out right pheebs? It's like having a bad haircut all the time.
Why is everyone staring at me?
Ross can you sign this birthday card for Dad? Richard can be here any minute.
Richard's going to the party too? He's my parents' best friend. He has to be there.
So is today the day you'll tell them about you two?
Yeah, for my dad's birthday, I decided to give him a stroke.
No, I think you should tell them.
No, I don't know how serious he is about me. Until I do, I am not telling them anything.
I don't know. I don't think mom and dad would mind.
Remember when you were 9 and Richard was 30, how dad used to say..."God, I hope they get together."
Shall we? Yes
No, you know what? Ross, let's switch places. You get in the middle.
You know unless this looks like we're trying to cover something up.
Monica Monica, you could come in straddling him, they still wouldn't believe it.
We're here! Hi, kids! Hi darling! The children!
Happy birthday, Dad. Thank you. Happy birthday!
So you kids thanked Dr. Burke for the ride?
Actually, Mom, I think Monica thanked him for the both of us.
So you kids take the train in?
No, Richard Burke gave them a ride.
Speaking of whom...I hear he's got some 20-year-old twinkie in the city.
Finger cramp! Oh, God! Sorry. Here, let me get that, Mom.
So Richard's shopping in the junior section?
Are we still on that?
You just know she's got the IQ of a napkin. She's probably not even pretty. Just young enough so that everything is still pointing up.
Can you believe this place? I know. This is a great apartment.
I was just in the bathroom and these mirrors on both sides of you. So when you're in there, it's like you are peeing with the Rockettes.
Well, there's my fantasy come true. No, seriously.
Hey! We were just saying, great apartment, man! Thanks. You want it?
Yeah, I'm moving to a bigger place. You should definitely take this one.
Yeah, can you see me in a place like this?
Why not? You hate park views and high ceilings? Come on, I'll show you the kitchen.
That's all right fellas, I saw a kitchen this morning. On TV.
Stop talking. Okay!
Come on, tell us! Is she really 20?
I am not telling you guys anything.
Come on Richard, it's my birthday. Let me live vicariously!
Dad, you really don't want to do that.
What's a little midlife crisis between friends? Would you let it go?
Look, I know what you're going through. When I turned 50, I got the Porsche. You got your own little speedster.
Guys, seriously, it's not like that.
Tell you what. Maybe one of these weekends you can borrow the car and I could...Dad, I beg you not to finish that sentence!
What? I'm kidding! You know I'd never let him touch the Porsche.
Okay, Rach. Which lily? This lily or that lily?
Well, l. . I like this lily. It's more open and that's like my mom. She had a more open, giving spirit. Foghorn Leghorn!
Hi, blonde girl? You're in room two. Notsoblonde girl, you're with me.
Here we go! Uhuh.
You're not going? Uhuh.
What? Is this because of what Ross said? No, well, yeah, maybe. I don't believe this.
Is this how this relationship gonna work? Ross equals boss? I mean, come on, what is this, 1922?
What's 1922? Just, you know, a long time ago. When men used to tell women what to do a lot.
And then there was suffrage, which was a good thing. But it sounds horrible.