Man, this is weird. Ever realize Cap'n Crunch's eyebrows are actually on his hat?
哥们，这好诡异。你知不知道嘎吱上尉（麦片品牌）的眉毛长到了帽子上？
That's what's weird? Joey the man's been captain of a cereal for the last 40 years.
那叫诡异？乔伊，那家伙当麦片的上尉已经四十年了
What? The spoon! You licked and you put? You licked and you put?
怎样？汤匙！你舔完放回去？舔完放回去？
Yeah, so? Don't you see how gross that is? I mean It's like you using my toothbrush!
嗯，所以呢？你看不出那很恶心吗？我是说就好像你用我的牙刷一样。
You used my toothbrush? That was only because I used the red one to unclog the drain.
你用过我的牙刷？那是因为我用红的那只去通排水孔嘛。
Mine is the red one!
红色的是我的！
Oh, God! Can open. Worms everywhere!
上帝啊，罐头一打开，虫子就满处爬了（一发不可收拾）。
Why can't we use the same toothbrush...but we can use the same soap?
为什么牙刷不能共用……肥皂就可以共用？
Because soap is soap. It's selfcleaning.
因为肥皂是肥皂，会自我清洁。
All right. When next time you take a shower...think about the last thing I wash and the first thing you wash.
好吧，下一次你洗澡的时候……想想我最后洗的和你最先洗的。
Look at you fancy lads! What's the occasion?
瞧你们打扮的。有什么大事？
You know that guy on my show that's in a coma? He's having a brunch.
记得我的电视剧里那个演昏迷不醒的人吗？他要请我吃早午餐。
Ready when you are. Okay
就等你了。好的。
I can't believe you guys are actually getting tattoos.
我真不敢相信你们真的要去刺青了。
Excuse me, you guys are getting tattoos? Yes, but you cannot tell Ross cause I wanna surprise him.
你们要去刺青？对，不过你不能告诉罗斯，我要给他一个惊喜。
Wow, this is wild! What are you gonna get?
哇哦，好狂野哦！你们要刺什么？
Umm, I'm getting a lily. For my mom, because her name's Lily.
我要刺一朵百合。因为我妈就叫莉莉（百合）。
That's lucky. What if her name was Big Ugly Splotch?
真幸运。她要是叫大污点怎么办？
So where you getting it? I think on my shoulder.
那你们要刺哪里？我想在我肩上。
What? What's on your shoulder? A chip.
什么？什么在你肩上？一个碎片。
A tattoo. I'm getting a tattoo.
是刺青，我要去刺青啦。
A tattoo? Why? Why would you wanna do that?
刺青？为什么？你为什么要那么做？
Hey, you don't think they're kind of cool?
嘿，你不觉得那有点酷吗？
No. Sorry, I don't. I mean why would anyone pay someone to scar their body for life?
不，抱歉，我不觉得。怎么会有人花钱去搞个一辈子的伤痕？
What if it doesn't come out right pheebs? It's like having a bad haircut all the time.
万一要是刺得不好呢？那不就像一个一直丑的发型吗。
Why is everyone staring at me?
大家为什么都瞪着我？
Ross can you sign this birthday card for Dad? Richard can be here any minute.
罗斯，过来签给爸的生日卡，理查随时会到。
Richard's going to the party too? He's my parents' best friend. He has to be there.
理查也要去参加派对？他是我父母最好的朋友，他必须去。
So is today the day you'll tell them about you two?
那你打算今天告诉他们你们的事吗？
Yeah, for my dad's birthday, I decided to give him a stroke.
注释：stroke：中风。
对，我爸的生日，我决定给他一个打击。
No, I think you should tell them.
不，我觉得你应该告诉他们。
No, I don't know how serious he is about me. Until I do, I am not telling them anything.
我还不知道他对我有多认真。在搞清楚之前，我什么也不说。
I don't know. I don't think mom and dad would mind.
我不知道，我想他们不会介意。
Remember when you were 9 and Richard was 30, how dad used to say..."God, I hope they get together."
记得你九岁，理查三十岁的时候，爸常说……“天啊 真希望他们在一起”。
Shall we? Yes
可以进了吗？是的。
No, you know what? Ross, let's switch places. You get in the middle.
不行，你知道吗？罗斯，我们换位置，你来站中间。
You know unless this looks like we're trying to cover something up.
除非这看起来像我们想隐瞒什么。
Monica Monica, you could come in straddling him, they still wouldn't believe it.
莫妮卡，就算你骑着他进去，他们也不会相信的。
We're here! Hi, kids! Hi darling! The children!
我们来了！嗨 孩子们！嗨，亲爱的！是孩子们。
Happy birthday, Dad. Thank you. Happy birthday!
生日快乐，爸爸。谢谢。生日快乐！
So you kids thanked Dr. Burke for the ride?
你们谢过柏克大夫载你们来了吗？
Actually, Mom, I think Monica thanked him for the both of us.
妈，事实上，莫妮卡帮我们两个谢过了。
So you kids take the train in?
你们搭火车来吗？
No, Richard Burke gave them a ride.
不，理查柏克载他们来的。
Speaking of whom...I hear he's got some 20-year-old twinkie in the city.
注释：twinkie：奶油夹心蛋糕，也指年轻的萌妹。
谈到他呀……听说，他在城里有个二十岁的年幼女友。
Finger cramp! Oh, God! Sorry. Here, let me get that, Mom.
手指抽筋！哦天哪！抱歉，来，让我来，妈。
So Richard's shopping in the junior section?
理查在青少年部“购物”？
Are we still on that?
我们还在讲那个吗？
You just know she's got the IQ of a napkin. She's probably not even pretty. Just young enough so that everything is still pointing up.
想也知道她的智商一定超低。说不定连漂亮都谈不上只是够年轻，所以一切都还没下垂。
Can you believe this place? I know. This is a great apartment.
你能相信这个地方吗？我知道，这个公寓很棒。
I was just in the bathroom and these mirrors on both sides of you. So when you're in there, it's like you are peeing with the Rockettes.
我刚去过浴室，两边墙上都有镜子。尿尿的时候，就好像跟火箭女郎舞蹈团（一排人做同一个动作一起尿尿）。
Well, there's my fantasy come true. No, seriously.
我的梦想实现了。别闹，说真的。
Hey! We were just saying, great apartment, man! Thanks. You want it?
嘿！我们刚说到，很棒的公寓，老兄！谢了，你要吗？
Yeah, I'm moving to a bigger place. You should definitely take this one.
是的，我要搬去一个更大的。你真的应该租下来。
Yeah, can you see me in a place like this?
你看我会住这种地方吗？
Why not? You hate park views and high ceilings? Come on, I'll show you the kitchen.
有何不可呢？你讨厌公园景观跟高天花板吗？来吧，我带你去看厨房。
That's all right fellas, I saw a kitchen this morning. On TV.
不用了，兄弟们我今早看过一个厨房……在电视上。
Stop talking. Okay!
别说了，好吗？
Come on, tell us! Is she really 20?
来嘛，告诉我们吧。她真的只二十吗？
I am not telling you guys anything.
我什么也不会告诉你们的。
Come on Richard, it's my birthday. Let me live vicariously!
注释：vicarious：间接感受到的。
得了，理查，今天是我生日。让我也感同深受一下嘛。
Dad, you really don't want to do that.
爸，你不会想听那个的。
What's a little midlife crisis between friends? Would you let it go?
跟朋友分享一下你的中年危机嘛。我们能别谈这个话题吗？
Look, I know what you're going through. When I turned 50, I got the Porsche. You got your own little speedster.
嘿，我了解你在做什么，我五十岁买了部保时捷，而你有了自己的小“加速器”。
Guys, seriously, it's not like that.
各位，说真的，不是那样的。
Tell you what. Maybe one of these weekends you can borrow the car and I could...Dad, I beg you not to finish that sentence!
这样吧。或许找个周末，我把车子借给你，而你的小…… 爸，我求你不要说完那个句子。
What? I'm kidding! You know I'd never let him touch the Porsche.
怎么了？我在开玩笑！我才不会让他碰我的保时捷。
Okay, Rach. Which lily? This lily or that lily?
阿秋，哪一朵百合？这一朵还是那一朵？
Well, l. . I like this lily. It's more open and that's like my mom. She had a more open, giving spirit. Foghorn Leghorn!
我… 我喜欢这朵。它开得更大，就像我妈。她有比较开放给予的精神。来亨鸡福亨！（华纳动画中的搞笑公鸡）。
Hi, blonde girl? You're in room two. Notsoblonde girl, you're with me.
金发女孩，你去第二间。没那么金的，你跟我来。
Here we go! Uhuh.
走吧！嗯哼。
You're not going? Uhuh.
你不进去？嗯哼。
What? Is this because of what Ross said? No, well, yeah, maybe. I don't believe this.
怎么了？是因为罗斯的话吗？是啦，或许。我真不敢相信。
Is this how this relationship gonna work? Ross equals boss? I mean, come on, what is this, 1922?
你们的关系这样维持吗？罗斯是老板？拜托，这算什么？现在是1922年吗？
What's 1922? Just, you know, a long time ago. When men used to tell women what to do a lot.
1922年有什么？只是很久以前嘛。是男人总是命令女人做事的时代
And then there was suffrage, which was a good thing. But it sounds horrible.
然后还有投票权，那是件好事，但听起来很可怕。