Friends Season 3 Episode 3: The one With the Jam.
Joey: WHOAA! !
Chandler: See Joe, that's why your parents told you not to jump on the bed.
Monica: Hey, look at me. I'm making jam, been at it since 4 o'clock this morning.
Ross: Where'd you get fruit at four in the morning?
Monica: Went down to the docks. Hey, Bet you don't know you can get it wholesale.
Rachel: I didn't know there were docks.
Joey: Hey. Hey. Aww, is it broken?
Joey: No, I gotta wear this thing for a couple of weeks.
Rachel: Did you tell the doctor you did it jumping up and down on your bed?
Joey: Nooo. I had a story all worked out but then uh, Chandler sold me out.
Chandler: Well, I'm sorry Joe. I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy that it just FELL out of the socket.
Joey: What is this? Fruit?
Rachel: Monica's making jam.
Joey: Whoa, jam! I love jam! Hey, how come we never have jam at our place?
Chandler: Because the kids need new shoes.
Monica: I’m going into business people. I'm sick and tired of being depressed about Richard.
I needed a plan, plan to get over my man. What's the opposite of man? Jam. Oh Joey don't! It's way too hot.
Joey: This'll just be my batch, right.
Phoebe: Um, that's it. No. Hey! You! J.Crew guy. Yeah. Why have you been following me? I mean, all week long everywhere I look there's you.
Guy: You wouldn't return my calls, you sent back my letters...
Guy: One more chance Ursula, please.
Phoebe: Oooh. Oh, oh this is awkward. Wh...
Phoebe: Um, yeah, 'cause you want Ursula, and I'm Phoebe. Twin sisters! Seriously.
Guy: Oh, that's great. I'm stalking the wrong woman. I am such a dingus!
Phoebe: Oh, you're not a dingus.
Guy: I just, I want-want you to know I didn't used to be like this.
Before I met your sister I was like this normal guy who sold beepers and cellular phones.
Phoebe: Well, I mean look, it's, it's not your fault, you know. I mean this is just, this's what she does to guys, ok? It's just...
Guy: Well, thanks.
Phoebe: Wait, you know what, I got a little story. When I was in junior high school I went through this period where I thought I was a witch.
And there was this guidance counselor who said something to me, that I think will help you a lot.
He said ok, 'you're not a witch you're just an average student.' See what I'm saying?
Guy: Not really.
Phoebe: Um, well, get over it. So, I mean you, you just seem like a really nice guy, you know. I just, don't be so hard on yourself, ok?
Guy: Wait. You're right. I know you're right. And, thanks for being so nice. Here.
Phoebe: Oh, thanks a lot. Do you wanna get a cup of coffee or? Yeah, ok.
Phoebe: Ok. you don't have to walk behind me anymore.
Rachel: Mon? Mon?
Rachel: 'Gone for more jars. Back later. Monica Geller.'
Ross: Wait a minute, look. What? Look, look, look. What, what, what?
Ross: It's an empty apartment. Oooh.
Ross: We're all alone in an empty apartment.
Rachel: Honey, come on, I have to be at work in like ten minutes Oh, all right, well it's not like I'm employee of the year or anything.
Ross: There it is. Oh, oh, that's what you're talking about. Hey. Hey.
Chandler: Do I look fat?
Ross and Rachel: Noo.
Chandler: Ok, I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.
Rachel: Ok, walk us through it, honey, walk us through it.
Chandler: Ok, well. Janice said 'Hi, do I look fat today?' And I, I looked at her...
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You looked at her. You never look.
You just answer, it's like a reflex. Do I look fat? Nooo! Is she prettier than I am? Noo! Does size matter? Nooo!
Ross: And it works both ways.
Chandler: Ok, so you both just know this stuff?
Rachel: You know, after about thirty or forty fights, you kinda catch on.
Ross: Ok, for instance. Let's say, Janice is coming back from a trip and she gives you two options.
Option number 1, she'll take a cab home from the airport. Or option 2, you can meet her at baggage claim. What do you do?
Chandler: That's easy, baggage claim.
Ross: Wrong! Now you're single. It's actually secret option number three, you meet her at the gate. That way she knows you love her.
Chandler: Ok, this is good, this is good. All right listen, I have one.
Janice likes to cuddle, at night, which, you know I'm all for. But, uh, you know when you wanna go to sleep, you want some space.
So, uh, you know, how do I tell her that without, you know, accidentally calling her fat or something.
Rachel: Oh honey, I'm sorry we can't help you there, 'cause we're cuddly sleepers. Ok, I'm late for work.
Ross: Oh. All right are you guys gonna come down?
Ross: Uh, yeah, yeah I'll, I'm right behind you.
Rachel: Ok. Good luck Chandler. Thank you Rachel.
Ross: Bye sweetie. Bye honey.
Ross: Ok the sleeping thing. Very tricky business, but there is something you can do.
Chandler: Well, I thought you guys were cuddly sleepers.
Ross: Noo! No, not cuddly, not me, just her. I'm like you, I need the room. Ok, come here. Ok, you're in bed... Yeah.