Phoebe: Oh my god, can't believe my little brother is married!
Frank Jr. :I know!
Phoebe: You guys, why didn't you tell me you were eloping?
Frank Jr. :'Cause it just sort of happened. You know, we at the courthouse, we having lunch...
Phoebe: Wait, wait. Why were you at the courthouse?
Frank Jr. :We were having lunch. Yeah, and then, all suddenly, we were like, "Hey, you know we're here, we're having lunch, let's get married, right?"
Phoebe: Wow, a year and a half ago I didn't even know I had a brother. Now I have a sister too!
Oh, so great. Oh. Ok. Ok. Stop it. Don't!
Phoebe: So, want to get you a gift now. Is there anything you need?
Frank Jr. :Oh, yeah.
Alice: We've been trying to get pregnant, uh, pretty much ever since we got engaged. That we'd get a jump on things. You know, no one's getting any younger.
Frank Jr. :Because the thing is, we um, we're not able to, you know, uh, conceive, you know.
Alice: And we've tried everything; we've seen a bunch of doctors.
Frank Jr. :Yeah, and, and they say, that our, that our only chance to have a baby is that if they take my sperm, her egg, and put it together in a dish, and then put it into another girl.
So we were wondering if you could be the girl that we could put it into.
Phoebe: It's a really nice gift. I was thinking of, like, a gravy boat.
Alice: We know, we know it's a lot to ask. Uh we don't have anyone else to go to. We could pay someone to do it but we don't have that kinda money.
Frank Jr. .: Plus, you know, you're family and, you know. I don't know. I just don't want my baby to grow into some chick I don't know, you know?
Alice: Don't give us an answer yet, think about it. And, umm, if you say no, we will totally understand.
Phoebe: Ok. Ok.
Frank Jr. .: Oh, and also, uh, we were wondering if you could give us a ride down to the train station. Well, actually, we kinda need an answer to that one right now.
Joey: Hey! You guys, check it out! Check it out! Guess what job I just got?
Chandler: I don't know, but Donald Trump wants his blue blazer black.
Chandler: Blue blazer back. He, he wants it back.
Rachel: Well you said black. Why would he want his blue blazer black?
Chandler: Well, you, you know what I meant.
Monica: No, you've messed it up. You're stupid.
Chandler: So what job did you get Joe?
Joey: Oh, tour guide at the museum. Yeah, Ross got it for me.
Rachel: Well how could you be a tour guide, don't you have to be a dinosaur expert or something?
Joey: No, not really. They give you all the information. It's uh, it's like memorizing a script. Yeah.
"And on your left, you have Tyrannosaurus Rex, a carnivore from the Jurassic period."
Chandler, Monica and Rachel: Heeey! Very nice.
Ross: Uh, actually Joey, it's the Cretaceous period.
Joey: Yeah, but I can pronounce "Jurassic".
Phoebe: Guess what? Frank Jr. . and Alice got married.
你们猜怎么了。Frank Jr. 和爱丽丝结婚了！
All: No way. Oh my God!
Phoebe: Annnd, they're gonna have a baby!
Phoebe: And, and they want me to grow it for them in my uterus.
Ross: My God.
Monica: Are you serious?
Joey: You really think of having sex with your brother?
Phoebe: Eww! And no, no! It's just they want me to be the surrogate. It's her egg and his sperm. I'm-I'm just the oven. It's totally their bun.
Monica: What did you tell them?
Phoebe: Well, they said I had to think about it, first. But uh, what is there to think of? I'm gonna be giving someone the greatest gift you can possibly give.
Chandler: You're gonna carry their child and get them a Sony Play Station?
Rachel: Honey, this really is an incredible thing to do for them but there are things to think about.
Monica: Yeah, I mean you'd be pregnant. I mean, pregnant.
Phoebe: I know.
Ross: Pheebs, you're talking about putting your body through an awful lot. I mean, morning sickness, uh, labor. And it's all for somebody else.
Phoebe: Yeah, what's your point?
Ross: Oh, the stuff I just mentioned.
Rachel: Wow, I don't know if I could ever do that. You know, I always figured the first time I had a baby,
it would be with someone I love and that baby was, you know, a keeper.
Phoebe: You know, you guys were a lot more supportive when I wanted to make denim furniture.
Joey: Pheebs, listen, if you decide to do this, we'll be supportive like crazy.
Monica: We just want you to think it through.
Rachel: Yeah. Honey, maybe you can talk to somebody who's had a baby. Like your mom.
Phoebe: My mom never gave birth. Oh, but my birth mom did!
Kathy: Mmmm, I love this tushie. Can I take it to work with me?
Chandler: Oh, yeah, sure. It's not mine anyway. Came with the pants.
Monica: I am so jealous.
Rachel: You guys are really, you're just, right there, aren't you?
Chandler: Yes. Right where?
Monica: Beginning...where, you know, where it's all sex and talking and sex and talking...
Chandler: Yeah, you, you gotta love the talking.
Monica: And the sex?
Chandler: All right, we haven't had sex yet. Ok, but what's the big deal, you know? This is special, and I want our love to grow, before we move on to the next level.
Rachel: Oh Chandler, that is so nice.
Ross: Yeah, that is really nice...lying! ! No way is that the reason.
Rachel: Why, just because you're not mature enough to understand something like that?
Chandler: No, he's right, I'm totally lying.
Monica: Then what is it?
Chandler: Well, Kathy's last boyfriend was Joey.
Ross: And you're afraid you won't be able to "fill his shoes".
Chandler: No, I'm afraid I won't be able to make love as well as him.
Ross: Yeah, I was going for the metaphor.
Chandler: Yes and I was saying the actual words.
Monica: Big deal, so Joey's had a lot of girlfriends. That doesn't mean that he's great in bed.
Chandler: We share a wall. So either he's great in bed or she just liked to agree with him a lot. Loudly and a lot! All night long she'd agree!
Monica: Sweetie, with you it's gonna be different. The sex is gonna be great 'cause you guys are in love.
Ross: Just go for it Chandler.
Monica and Rachel: Yeah, you should, you should. Come on, really.
Chandler: All right, all right, I'll sleep with my girlfriend. But I'm just doing it for you guys.
Joey: Ok, now the Mastodon is from the semi-late Jurassic period.
Kid: Isn't the Mastodon from the Pliocene Epoch?
Joey: Shhhh. This is a museum. No talking. Ok, right down here we have, uh...a large foot.
Joey: Uh, and over here we have Ross Geller. Everyone wave hi to Ross. Ross is one of our most important scientists. Look at him hard at work.
Joey: Ok, moving right along. Come on.
Phoebe Sr. :It's open, come in.
Phoebe Sr. :Hi. I'm sorry I'm late.
Phoebe Sr. :Oh, that's ok. It gave me time to finish, uh, glazing my nipples.
Phoebe: Wow, you really go all out when you're expecting company.
Phoebe Sr. :No, I was working on my pottery.
Phoebe: Oh, Oh! Oh, I didn't know that you did...pot.
Phoebe Sr. :Oh yeah. Oh mostly nudes. It combines my two passions, pottery and erotica.
Phoebe: Oh, ooh! Erottery!
Phoebe Sr. :Hey! Ok! Well, thanks for coming out to see me. I just, I just thought it would be a very good idea to talk about this baby stuff in person you know.
Phoebe Sr. : Uh, I really don't think it's a very good idea Phoebe.
Phoebe: Why not?
Phoebe Sr. :Well, because, you'd be giving up a baby. And, I, I really don't,
I don't know if there's anything I could say that could make you understand the pain of giving up a baby, so, um...
Phoebe: Oh no no, I understand. Don't, don't hurt the puppy.
Phoebe Sr. :No no no, the-the puppy is yours.
Phoebe: Oh, I get a puppy?
Phoebe Sr. :Well yeah. I mean yeah, but, for only three days.
Phoebe Sr. :Well, you know, I-I realize that I don't have any right to start getting all parenty on you and everything now, but, um, er...
Phoebe, would you please look at me and not the puppy, it's very important.
Phoebe Sr. :I mean, I know what I'm talking about. I gave up two babies.
And, I only wish that I had someone there who had given up babies who could've told me, how terrible it is to give up babies.
Aw, I really shouldn't've given you the puppy first.
Phoebe: That's ok. No we're listening.
Phoebe Sr. :I just think that, it would be something that you would regret every single day for the rest of your life.
So, however hard it is, for you to give up this puppy, it would be like a million times harder to give up a child.
Phoebe: Ok, fair enough. Three days.
Phoebe Sr. :Aw, it's time to take my ass out of the kiln.
Joey: Oh, uh, would you mind sitting there? I'm-I'm saving this seat for my friend Ross.
Rhonda: You mean Dr. Geller?
Joey: Doctor? Oh, I didn't know he had a nickname.
Rhonda: Oh, he won't sit here. Only the people in the white coats sit over there and only the people in the blue blazers sit over here.
Joey: Well, uh, how-how come?
Rhonda: That's just the way it is.
Joey: That's crazy.
Rhonda: Maybe it's crazy in a perfect world - a world without lab coats or blazers.
But you're not in a perfect world. You in a museum now. See that scientist with the glasses?
He and I used to play together all the time in grade school. Hmph, but now...
PETER! HEY PETER! IT'S ME RHONDA, FROM P.S. 129. I shared my puddin' with you man! I gave you my Snack Pack!
See, he pretend he don't even hear me!
Joey: I-I think everybody's pretending they don't hear you.
Anyway, look, I don't know about you and your jackets and your separate tables, but Ross is one of my best friends,
and if I save him a seat, I'm telling you, he will sit in it!
Ross, Ross, over here man. I saved you a seat.
Ross: That's ok, I'm cool over here. I'll catch up with you later.
Rhonda: Oh, this is saved.
Rhonda: Gift shop.
Ross: Hey. Uh I'm really really sorry about what happened in the cafeteria today.
Joey: It's no big deal you know. You uh, you do you gotta do, right?
Ross: No, hey, it's not just me. I mean the scientists and the tour guides never sit together.
Ross: It's like that everywhere, Joey. Ok, Mon, back me up here.
Where you work, the uh, the waiters eat with the waiters, right? And the chefs eat with the other chefs, right?
Monica: I-I eat by myself in the alley because everybody hates me.
Ross: Ok, Rach, when was the last time you had lunch with the uh, the shipping clerks?
Rachel: Ok. Well, I've, I've never actually eaten lunch with the shipping clerks...but it's totally different. They're not allowed in the executive cafeteria.
Oh. I see-I see what you're saying.
Joey: Look, Ross, really, it's-it's no big deal. You know, you wear a white coat, I wear a blue blazer, if that means we can't be friends at work, then, so be it. You know I understand, you know?
Hey, when I'm in a play and you're in the audience, I don't talk to you, right?
So, it's, you know, it's uh, it's cool. I'll see you tomorrow.
Rachel: Yeah, when we're in the audience, he doesn't talk to us, but he does wave.
Phoebe: Who's my puppy? Who's my puppy? Who's my puppy?
Monica: Have you named him yet?
Phoebe: No, I don't wanna get attached.
Rachel: Can I hold him?
Phoebe: Sure. Here.
Rachel: Come here, squirmy. Hello.
Phoebe: Not like that. No.
Chandler: Hi. Why's Phoebe singing to Karl Malden?
Phoebe: Oh, you know what? I think it's time for puppy to go out again. Come on, let's go to the balcony.
Phoebe: Uh, the street. Come on, let's go to the street. Oh, listen, don't go on the balcony until after I get back.
Monica: So, did you do it?
Chandler: Yes, yes, we had the sex.
Monica: Uh-oh, it was bad?
Chandler: It was fine, you know, but she didn't agree with me as strongly as she agreed with Joey.
She was more like, "Uh, I see your point. I'm all right with it."
Monica: It was the first time. You know, there's not always a lot of agreement on the first time.
Rachel: Yeah, not for girls anyway. Guys agree like that.
Chandler: Look, you have to help me, ok? I mean, I know what to do with a woman.
You know I know where everything goes. It's always...nice. But I need to know what makes it go from "nice" to "My God, somebody's killing her in there!"
IMonica: All right, I'm gonna show you something a lot of guys don't know. Rach, hand me that pad please. All right. Now...
Chandler: What, you don't have to draw an actual wo-- Woah, she' hot.
Monica: Now, everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. You got, one, two, three, , four, five, six, and seven.
Chandler: There are seven?
Rachel: Let me see that. Oh, yeah.
Chandler: That's one?
Monica: Kind of an important one.
Chandler: Oh, you know, you know what, I was looking at it upside down.
Rachel: Huhhh. Well, you know, sometimes that helps.
Monica: Ok, now, most guys will hit uh, one, two, three and then go to seven and set up camp.
Chandler: That's-that's bad?
Rachel: Well, if you go to Disneyland, you don't spend the whole day on the Matterhorn.
注释：Matterhorn：马特洪峰（英语、德语Matterhorn，意大利语Monte Cervino，法语Mont Cervin）是阿尔卑斯山脉中最为人所知的山峰。这里指过山车项目。
Chandler: Well you might if it were anything like seven.
Monica: All right, uh, the important thing is to take your time. You want to hit 'em all and you wanna mix them up. You gotta keep 'em on their toes.
Rachel: Oh, TOES! ! Yeah, for some people.
Monica: All right, you could, uh, start out, with a, a little one; a two; a one, two, three;
a three; a five; a four, a three-two; a two, a two-four-six; two-four-six; four; two; two; four-seven; five-seven; six-seven; seven, seven, SEVEN, SEVEN, SEVEN-SEVEN-SEVEN-SEVEN- SEVEN-SEVEN! there you are.
Rachel: Yeah, that'll work.
Scientist #1: Dr. Geller, there's a seat over here.
Ross: Thank you Dr. Phillips, but I'm having my lunch at this table Here in the middle. I'm having my lunch right here with my good friend Joey, if he'll sit with me.
Joey: I will sit with you Dr. Geller.
Ross: You know, we work in the Museum of Natural History, and yet there is something unnatural about the way we eat lunch.
And I want you to know it took a tour guide to show this scientist the error of his ways! You might even say he took me on a tour...of myself
Joey: Yeah. That-that was me.
Ross: Now, I look around this cafeteria, and you know what I see?
I see, I see division. Division between people in white coats and people in blue blazers. And I ask myself, my God, WHY?
Now I say, we shed these, these coats that separate us and we get to know the people underneath.
I'm Ross. I'm divorced, and I have a kid.
Joey: I'm Joey. I'm an actor. I don't know squat about dinosaurs.
Tour Guide #1: I'm Ted, I just moved here a month ago, and, New York really scares me.
Ross: All right, there you go.
Joey: Yeah, you hang in there Teddy!
Scientist #1: I'm Andrew, and I didn't pay for this pear.
Ross: Ok, good-Good for you.
Tour Guide #2: I'm Rhonda, and these aren't real!
Ross: Wow, Rhonda.
Scientist #2: I'm Scott.
Ross: Yeah ok Scott!
Scott: And I need to flip the light switch on and off 17 times before I leave a room or my family will die.
Phoebe: My mom's gonna be here any minute. I can't do this, I can't give him up.
Phoebe: Yes, no, I can. I don't want to. But I can. No.
Rachel: Oh, I can't watch this. It's like "Sophie's Choice."
Monica: You know, I never saw that.
Rachel: Oh, it was only ok.
Phoebe: I can't do this. My mom was right. If I can't, If I can't give him up, then, there's no way I can give up a little baby.
Aw, God, Frank and Alice are gonna be so crushed. What, what else, what else can I give them? A kidney!
Alice: Hi! -All: Hi.
Alice: We were just in the neighborhood, so...
Frank Jr. :Yes, we just thought we'd stop by and let you know there's still no pressure.
Alice: None. But if there was something you wanted to tell us, we're just gonna be right over there having coffee.
Frank Jr. : Oh, who is this little guy?
Phoebe: Oh, umm, well-
Frank Jr. :Oh, he's so cute, he reminds me of my old dog, Tumor.
Alice: You are so precious, I could just take you home.
Phoebe: Hey, why don't you?
Frank Jr. :Are you serious?
Phoebe: Uh-huh, yeah!
Frank Jr. :Oh, thanks.
Monica: What're you doing?
Phoebe: No, I'm really ok with this. You know why? 'Cause look at them. Look how happy they are. And I made that. So, you know,
I know it's gonna be like a million times harder to give up a baby but oh my God! It's gonna feel like a million times better, right? I wanna do this. I wanna carry your baby.
Alice: Oh! Oh! Oh! Thank you so much. You don't know what this means to us. Oh!
Frank Jr. :Oh my God, I think I'm gonna cry. Oh, my God.
Monica: It's gonna be so great.
Phoebe Sr. :Hi. What's going on?
Phoebe: Oh, I-I gave them the puppy and it made them so happy that I decided I'm gonna carry their baby.
Phoebe Sr. : Aw Phoebe...
Phoebe: No-no-no, I know. You and I are totally different people though. And this is a totally different situation. And I know that I am not gonna regret this.
Phoebe Sr. :Oh yeah, I understand all that. It's just...that was my puppy.
Monica: Would you ever be a surrogate for anyone?
Rachel: It depends who asked.
Monica: What if I asked?
Rachel: Oh, Mon. Sure.
Rachel: You're not asking me, are you?
Rachel: Yes, totally.
Kathy: Oh. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Yes, thank you!