Phoebe: Hi, yeah, hi! I'm umm, Phoebe Buffay, and I have babies coming out of me.
Nurse: Ok. Have you started having contractions?
Phoebe: Not yet. Umm, I heard they really hurt, do they hurt?
Phoebe: Oh my God! Ross: It's ok.
Nurse: Now, which of you is the father?
Phoebe: Oh no, none of them are the father. The father is my brother.
Rachel: I am so gonna miss watching you freak people out like that!
Joey: Ok, uh, Pheebs, Look-look! This, is for the babies to look at someday, so, is-is there anything you wanna say? You know before it all starts?
Phoebe: Oh, ok, umm, hi kids! Um, it's me, Aunt Phoebe. I can't wait to see you. Please don't hurt me!
Ross: Hey, what took you guys so long? Your cab left when ours did!
Monica: Well, we-we had to go back 'cause I forget my jacket.
Chandler: That's right.
Rachel: You-you're not wearing a jacket.
Monica: Oh man! I did it again!
Phoebe: Ok, so umm, we have, someone has to call Frank and Alice. And then my mom might...Joey, what're you doing? !
Joey: I gotta get the before shot!
Rachel: Hi, Pheebs? Ok, so we just spoke to the nurse and the reason that your doctor is late is because uh,she's not coming.
Ross: Apparently she fell in the shower and hit her head.
Phoebe: Oh my God, she's so stupid!
Ross: Look, Pheebs-Pheebs, it's gonna be ok.
Phoebe: That's easy for you to say, I don't see three kids coming out your vagina!
Rachel: Honey, listen, you know what? The nurse said the doctor is wonderful.
Ross: Yeah, he's head of the department.
Phoebe: Aw. Alright- Ooh! Oh dear God, save me! Monica: What?
Phoebe: I'm having my first contraction!
Phoebe: Ooh, it's not bad. Chandler: Ok.
Joey: Oh! And so the miracle of birth begins, and aaiiyyyeeee!
Chandler: Hey! You ok?
Joey: Ooh, something hurts!
Phoebe: Ooh, it's sympathy pains. Ohh, that's so sweet!
Joey: Are they? Hey I didn't know I cared that much.
Dr. Harad: Hi! Phoebe, I'm Dr. Harad, I'm gonna be delivering your babies. I want you to know, you're gonnabe in good hands. I've been doing this for a long time.
Dr. Harad: I'll be back in a minute to do your internal, in the meantime, just relax, because everything here looks great. And also, I love Fonzie.
Chandler: Did he just say, he loves Fonzie?
Monica: That's what it sounded like.
All: Hey! Frank: Hey! Am I late? Am I late? Nobody came out yet, right?
Phoebe: No-no-no! We haven't started yet. Where's Alice?
Frank: Uh, Delaware. She's on her way though, so until she gets here, I'm gonna be your coach. But don't worry, she told me all about the la-Mazda stuff.
Chandler: Yeah, that's when if you get the babies out by the end of the month, they give you 2% financing.
Rachel: Yeah. Monica, you're gonna be very proud of me. I just got us dates with two unbelievably cute nurses.
Joey: Oh my!
Rachel: They're male nurses.
Joey: Not in my head.
Rachel: Anyway, they wanna take us out Saturday night! What do you say?
Monica: Umm. Umm. I don't think so.
Rachel: What? What're you talking about? ! You-you're the one who's been telling me to get over Ross and move on.
Rachel: I'm moving on, and you're moving on with me. Come on, give me one good reason why you don't wanna go.
Monica: Umm, why don't you give me something that would be a good reason and-and then I'll tell you whether it's true.
Monica: Harder than it sounds, isn't it?
Rachel: Ok, you're coming with me, and I also told them that if we're still here when they get off that we'll go down to the cafeteria and have some Jell-O with them.
Joey: Yep! There's always room for Jell-O...
Rachel: Joey, how do you make that dirty?
Joey: Uh, it's easy. Yeah, I-I can do it with anything. Watch uh, Grandma's chicken salad...
Joey: Ross! Get a shot of this. Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you were born!
Joey: Ok, now girl baby turn away and boy babies...on Penthouse and Playboy Check it out, huh?
Joey: This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. Alright, now let's dive right into the good stuff.
Phoebe: Oh, ok, I'm having another one! This one doesn't hurt either- Ooh, yes it does! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh!Oh, I was kinda hoping that was it.
Ross: Hey, where are Monica and Rachel anyway?
Joey: Oh, a couple of nurses asked them out. Maybe they're with them.
Chandler: Really? Male nurses?
Joey: Yeah, I was bummed too.
Chandler: So they're going on dates? When?
Joey: I think Saturday...
Frank: What's with him?
Phoebe: Umm, sympathy pains. I thought it was really sweet at first, but now I think he's just trying to steal my thunder.
Dr. Harad: Ok! Phoebe: Ok.
Dr. Harad: Let's see what we got here. Ohh, you know, Fonzie dated triplets.
Chandler: This-this Fonzie person you keep referring to, is that uh, is that another doctor?
Dr. Harad: Oh no-no-no. Fonzie is the nickname of Arthur Fonzerelli. The Fonz.
Frank: It's not that weird, is it?
Phoebe: It's very weird! I don't want some guy down there telling me, I'm you know, dilated-am-undo!
Ross: To be fair, he doesn't seem to be impersonating Fonzie...
Phoebe: What're you doing? ! Why are you defending him? ! Just get me another doctor! One who is not crazy and is not Fonzie!
Ross: Again, it's not that he...Phoebe: OH!
Chandler: Oh-hey-hey-hey! There you are!
Monica: Umm, listen, I-I think there's something you should know.
Chandler: Oh, is this about you, you dating the nurse? Yeah, yeah, Joey already told me, and I am so-so fine. I mean, you and I we're just, you know, we're nothing, we're goofing around.
Monica: Umm, actually I was about to tell you that I was, I was going to get out of it, but hey, if we're just goofing around then uh, maybe I will go out with him.
Chandler: Fine! Maybe I will too!
Joey: Hey, you guys! Look what I found in the giiiiiiift shop. Get up! Get up! Get up!
Ross: Ok, Pheebs, this is Dr. Oberman. He has no strong feelings about Fonzie or any of the Happy Days gang.
Phoebe: Hi! And you're going into what grade? Umm, I'm actually a first year resident, but I get that a lot,you see, I-I graduated early...
Phoebe: Uh-huh, me too. Ross, maybe I should've specified that I'd be needing a grown up doctor. Oh no, really I'm fully qualified to...
Phoebe: Shh! Doogie, shh! Doesn't anybody understand that I'm going to be having babies soon? Huh? Go! Go little boy, go!
Frank: Oh cool! You made him cry!
Joey's Doctor: Mr. Tribbiani, I'm afraid you've got kidney stones.
Joey: Umm, well, what else could it be?
Joey's Doctor: It's kidney stones.
Joey: Or? Joey's Doctor: Kidney stones!
Joey: Well if it was something else...
Chandler: Well it would not be be kidney stones!
Dr. Harad: Alright, you're getting there. Oh you know, these babies are very, very lucky.
Phoebe: They are. Why?
Dr. Harad: They have the honor of being born on The Fonz's half-birthday.
Phoebe: Happy birthday!
Dr. Harad: Just-just to clarify, I'm not Fonzie.
Rachel: Honey, you know I just gotta tell you, I think this is such a terrific thing that you're having these babies for Frank and Alice.
Phoebe: I know, it is.
Phoebe: Can I tell you a little secret?
Phoebe: I want to keep one.
Rachel: Ohh, I'm gonna be on the news! Ok, Phoebe, honey, you've gotta be kidding. I mean, you know you can't keep one of these babies!
Phoebe: Why not? ! Maybe I can, you don't know!
Rachel: Wh- Yes! Yes! Yes, I do! I do know! Frank and Alice are gonna wanna keep all of their children!
Phoebe: Maybe not! You know? Seriously, three babies are a handful maybe they're you know, looking for a chance to unload one of them.
Phoebe: Listen, I-I hate to miss an opportunity just 'cause I didn't ask!
Rachel: Phoebe, no! This is, this is insane.
Phoebe: Oh, just ask him!
Rachel: Wh- Me? !
Phoebe: I can't ask him! Do you have any idea how inappropriate that would be? ! All I'm saying is just talk to Frank. Ok? Just, you know, feel him out!
Rachel: No! Forget it! I am not gonna ask Frank to give you one of his kids!
Phoebe: You're right.
Phoebe: Tell him it's for you.
Monica: Feel you know better sweetie?
Joey: Yeah maybe a little. I wish you hadn't seen me throw up.
Monica: Me too.
Ross: Hey! I just heard. What's up?
Joey's Doctor: Kidney stones!
Joey's Doctor: Now, ordinarily Mr. Tribbiani, we try to break the stones up with shock waves, but they're too close to the bladder now.
Joey's Doctor: Which means we can either wait for you to pass them or else go up the urethra...
Joey: Whoa-whoa! No-no-no-no-no, nothing is going up! Ok? Up, up is not an option- what's urethra?
Joey: Are you crazy?
Phoebe: So did you ask him?
Rachel: No, I haven't had a chance to be alone with him yet.
Phoebe: Well, I'm kinda on a clock here.
Dr. Harad: Oh Fonzie.
Rachel: You know who I always liked? Mork.
Phoebe: Undo it. Undo it. Undo it.
Dr. Harad: Fonzie met Mork. Mork froze Fonzie.
Rachel: Yeah, but umm...Yes, but, Fonzie was already cool, so he wasn't hurt, right?
Dr. Harad: Yeah, that's right.
Monica: How're you doing?
Phoebe: Ok, doctor says it's any minute now.
Frank: Hey, you know, Alice is gonna be here so soon, you couldn't just like do me a favor and like, like hold them in?
Phoebe: Sorry Frank, I'm kinda in the middle of the last favor you asked me to do.
Male Nurse: Rachel.
Rachel: Um, Monica, this is Dan, one of the guys that we're gonna be going out with on Saturday. Uh Dan, Monica.
Dan: Nice to meet you.
Monica: Hello Dan! I'm really looking forward to Saturday night! Really, really!
Chandler: So Dan, nurse not a doctor huh? Kinda girlie isn't it?
Dan: Nah that's ok. I'm just doing this to put myself through medical school.
Dan: And it didn't feel so girlie during the Gulf War.
Chandler: Sure. And listen, thanks for doing that for us, by the way.
Monica: So, why wait 'til Saturday, are-are you free tomorrow?
Dan: Sure! I'll get somebody to cover my shift.
Monica: Oh, great!
Chandler: Hey, how about it? You and me, Saturday night?
Delivery Room Nurse: No.
Chandler: All right. Very good.
Phoebe: Oo, this is a big one. Eww! Arghhhh!
Joey: Ohh, get these things out of me!
Ross: Breathe! Breathe! Breathe through the pain.
Joey: I want the drugs Ross, I want the drugs!
Ross: I do too! I do too!
Frank: Yeah, I love you. Ok, bye!
Frank: Hi! Rachel: Hi!
Frank: That was Alice's mom, she said, that she left five hours ago. She should be here by now!
Rachel: Oh, honey, don't worry. She's gonna make it on time.
Rachel: Yeah. So, Frank, uh, three babies. Whew, that just seems like a lot, huh?
Frank: Not to me.
Rachel: Yeah, fair enough.
Dr. Harad: Ok, you're ten centimeters. Time to start having some babies. All right, I want only the father in here please.
All: We love you. Good luck. Love you.
Monica: Bye Dan!
Dan: Uh, bye Monica.
Chandler: Uh, Bye, momi-moo.
Dr. Harad: All right, I need a clamp, sterile towel, and channel 31.
Phoebe: What is that?
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Dr. Harad: Oh, no-no-no, it's a good one! Fonzie plays the bongos. All right, are you ready? It's time to try pushing.
Joey's Doctor: Are you ready? It's time to try peeing.
Joey's Doctor: Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! It's almost time to try peeing.
Dr. Harad: You know, push! That's it, push! Just concentrate on pushing! Yeah, here we go!
Frank: Yes, it has a head!
Dr. Harad: All right. Let's keep pushing! Come on!
Frank: I can't believe there's somebody coming out of you right now. There's somebody coming out of you! Is it? Is it? That's my son.
Dr. Harad: All right. Here's your first baby.
Frank: YESSSSS! !! Yes! We got a baby boy!
Frank: Frank Jr. Jr. !
Rachel: Oh, how does he look? How does he look?
Frank: So gross!
Dr. Harad: Ok. You ready to push again?
Phoebe: I already had a baby. Leave me alone.
Frank: Ok, ok, come on, you can do it. You can do it!
Frank: Yeah! Little Leslie is here! We got another one! Oh my God, I can't believe I have two-two children. How scary is that?
Frank: Come on little Chandler, it's time to be born. Come on little Chandler! Come on!
Dr. Harad: Yep. All right, he's coming. He's coming!
Frank: Hey, where's his thing?
Frank: Chandler's a girl!
Chandler: Oh God, kindergarten flashback.
Frank: Oh, they mustn't read the sonogram wrong. 'Cause they, 'cause they thought it was a boy, but Chandler's a girl! Chandler's a girl!
Chandler: Ok, keep saying it!
Alice: Am I too late?
Frank: No-no-no, everything's ok. Everybody's healthy there's 30 fingers and 30 toes.
Alice: We have our babies? Frank: Yeah.
Alice: Oh, we have our babies.
Joey: Oh my God.
Ross: You did it, man.
Joey's Doctor: Would you like to see them?
Joey: They're so small!
Dan: So I'll call you tomorrow.
Chandler: So, are you really gonna go out with that nurse man?
Monica: Well uh, you and I are just goofing around, I thought, why not just goof around with him.
Chandler: You know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary...
Chandler: Well, I have, and the technical definition, is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together.
Chandler: You know. But if you have this newfangled dictionary that gets you mad at me, then we have to, you know, get you my original dictionary. I am so bad at this.
Monica: I think you're better than you think you are.
Chandler: Really? Ok, so...
Monica: Know when to stop.
Chandler: You know, I sensed that I should stop. So we're ok?
Monica: Yeah. All right, I'm gonna go tell Dan that it's not gonna happen.
Monica: Don't do the dance. Chandler: Right!
Monica: I think you're my favorite.
Phoebe: Which one do you have?
Monica: I don't care.
Rachel: Hi. Hey, hi! So uh, Frank and Alice wanted me to tell you that they're still outside making phone calls.
Phoebe: Oh. But umm, I mean, did you talk to them about, you know...
Rachel: Yeah, umm, no, honey.
Phoebe: Oh. Ok. It was a long shot. Hey, you guys, can I just have, like a second alone with the babies.
All: Ohh. Yeah, sure yeah. Yeah.
Phoebe: So, here you are. God, it seems like yesterday I was talking to you in that little Petri dish.
Phoebe: Everyone said labor was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but they were wrong, this is.
Phoebe: Well, I had the most fun with you guys! I wish I could take you home and see you everyday. Ok, I'll settle for being your favorite aunt.
Phoebe: I know Alice's sister has a pool, but you lived in me. Ok, so we're cool. Yeah, we're gonna be great. Little high fives! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Well, if you're gonna cry.
Monica: Phoebe, we are so proud of you! You're amazing!
Phoebe: I know.
Rachel: So does it really hurt as bad as they say?
Phoebe: Yeah. You won't be able to take it.
Chandler: So uh, now that little Chandler turned out to be a girl, what're they gonna name her?
Phoebe: They're gonna call her Chandler.
Chandler: Kind of a, masculine name, don't you think?
Phoebe: Works on you.
Ross: And maybe they can gillie it up a little bit, um, like Chandlerette.
Phoebe: Alice called her, um, Channy-Fanny.
Joey: Ha-ha. Channy-Fanny.