Joey: Monica? What time is it?
Chandler: Uhh, 9.
Joey: But it's dark out.
Monica: Uhm. Well that's because you always sleep till noon, silly! This is what 9 looks like.
Joey: I guess I'll get washed up then. Watch that sunrise.
Monica: I'm really getting tired of sneaking around.
Chandler: Aw. I know, me too. Hey! You know what if we went away for a whole weekend? You know there're no interruptions and we could be naked the entire time.
Monica: All weekend? That's a whole lotta naked.
Chandler: Yeah, I can say that I have a conference and you can say you have a chef thing.
Monica: Ohh, I've always wanted to go to this culinary fair that they have in Jersey!
Chandler: Ok, you know you're not, though. Let's go.
Monica: Wait! What about Joey?
Monica: Hey, guess what I'm doing this weekend! I'm going to this culinary fair in Jersey.
Phoebe: How weird, Chandler just told us he's got a conference there!
Monica: Aw. Well that-that-that's funny, seems like Chandler's conference could've been in Connecticut or Vermont.
Chandler: I'm not in charge of where the conference is held. Do you want people to think it's a fake conference? It's a real conference.
Ross: Is Rachel here? I gotta talk to her.
Monica: No, she's out shopping.
Chandler: What's going on?
Ross: I told Emily to come. And I just need to, you know, talk to Rachel about it.
Phoebe: Wait a minute! So, when Emily comes you're just, you're not gonna see Rachel anymore?
Ross: Well look, I'm just trying to focus on the "I get to see my wife" part, all right? And not the part that makes me do this.
Monica: Aw, so you guys are, you're never gonna be in the same room together? How is that even gonna work?
Ross: I have no idea. I mean...But-but I assure you I-I will figure it out.
Joey: Doesn't seem like it's gonna work.
Rachel: Hi, guys! All: Hi! Hey!
Rachel: What's going on?
Chandler: We're flipping Monica's mattress.
Joey: So I'm thinking, basically we pick it up and then we flip it.
Phoebe: Yeah that's better than my way.
Rachel: Oh ok, hey, guys, would you flip mine too?
Chandler: Aww, man!
Rachel: Oh look! A letter from my mom.
Ross: So, Rach, you know-you know how Emily's coming, right?
Rachel: Oh yeah! I know.
Phoebe: Can you hear anything?
Chandler: Oh, yes, somebody just said, "Can you hear anything?"
Monica: Hey, Joey's ass!
Monica: What're you doing?
Joey: Well, remember when they got in that big fight and broke up and we were all stuck in here all night with no food or anything?
Joey: Well, when Ross said Rachel at the wedding, I figured it was gonna happen again, you know? so I hid this in here.
Monica: Ooh, candy bars, crossword puzzles...
Phoebe: Ooh, Madlibs, mine! Ok, "Name of someone in room."
Phoebe: Come on, seriously.
Chandler: Hey, what you got in here? Magazines, Doritos, Condoms?
Joey: Hey you don't know how long we're gonna be in here! We may have to repopulate the Earth.
Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?
Ross: Anyway it-it kinda-it all boils down to this, the- the last time I talked to Emily...
Rachel: Oh my God! Our dog died!
Rachel: Oh our dog, Le Poo!
Ross: Le Poo's still alive? ! Ohh! Sorry.
Rachel: It says he was hit by an ice cream truck and dragged for nine-teen blocks. Oh. Oh my God.
Monica: Sweetie, we heard you crying. Please don't cry.
Rachel: It's Le Poo.
Phoebe: I know it's le poo right now, but it'll get better.
Chandler: I can't believe it! We're here!
Monica: Ooh, chocolates on the pillows! I love that!
Chandler: Oh, you should live with Joey, Rolos everywhere. This is so great. No one's gonna come in and bother us. And we're gonna do it. I'm gonna do it with Monica!
Monica: Chandler! Chandler! Stop yelling that you and I are gonna do it! Ohh, I'll be right back.
Chandler: Oh yes! Monica, get in here! There's a high-speed car chase on!
Monica: We're switching rooms.
Chandler: Oh dear God, they gave us glasses!
Monica: They gave us glasses with lipstick on them! I mean, if they didn't change the glasses, who knowswhat else they didn't change.
Chandler: You wanna switch rooms because they didn't change the glasses?
Monica: Well, I, I didn't wanna say anything but the carpet smells too. Come on, I just, I want this weekend to be perfect, Ok? We can change rooms, can't we?
Chandler: Ok, but let's do it now though, because Chopper 5 just lost its feed!
Phoebe: La-la-la La-la-la. La-la Forget it!
Ross: Hey, so uh, you know how there was something I wanted to talk to you about?
Rachel: Oh, yeah!
Ross: Well, you know how I'm trying to work things out with Emily. Well, there's this one thing...Ok, here goes. I made a promise that- Oh hey!
Ross: You-your nose is bleeding!
Rachel: Oh God. No! Oh not again! This-this happened when my grandfather died. It's ugh! Sorry. Oh, ok, so I'm sorry, what-what were you-what did you wanna tell me?
Rachel: Sorry. Sorry.
Ross: Ok, I uh, I can't see you anymore.
Rachel: Yeah, you know, I know. It's ridiculous. I can't see you either. All right. You know what? I'm just gonna go shove a bunch of tissues in my nose.
Rachel: Oh hey, do you wanna tell me while I do that?
Ross: I'm good.
Hotel Clerk: I think you'll find this room more to your liking.
Chandler: Ok, great.
Hotel Clerk: They say he's only got half a tank left.
Chandler: Half a tank? We still got a lot of high-speed chasing to do!
Hotel Clerk: I'll bet he's heading for Canada.
Chandler: They always do.
Monica: We're switching rooms again.
Chandler: What? Why?
Monica: This is a garden view room, and we paid for an ocean view room.
Hotel Clerk: Our last ocean view room was unacceptable to you.
Monica: The carpet smelled.
Chandler: Like ocean?
Monica: No, like feet.
Monica: Excuse me, umm, can I talk to you over here for just a second?
Monica: Chandler! Chandler: Yeah.
Monica: Look, these clowns are trying to take us for a ride and I'm not gonna let 'em! And we're not a couple of suckers!
Chandler: I hear ya, Mugsy! But look, all these rooms are fine ok? Can you just pick one so I can watch-have a perfect, magical weekend together with you.
Hotel Clerk: Woah!
Chandler: Oh man, he almost hit a gas truck.
Hotel Clerk: Do you ever watch Baywatch?
Monica: Ok, this one I like!
Chandler: Nothing! It's over! Damn it! This is regularly scheduled programming! I wanted to see them talk to his neighbors.
Monica: Well, I'm standing right here, you could talk to me.
Chandler: You didn't know him.
Monica: Can-can we turn the TV off? Ok? Do-do we really wanna spend the entire weekend like this?
Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, am I getting in the way of all the room switching fun?
Monica: Hey, don't blame me for ruining tonight!
Chandler: Oh, who should I blame? The nice bellman who had to drag our luggage to 10 different rooms?
Monica: Oh, I don't know, how about the idiot who thought he could drive from Albany to Canada on a halfa tank of gas!
Chandler: Do not speak ill of the dead.
Monica: We're supposed to, be spending a-a romantic weekend together, it-it, what is the matter with you?
Chandler: I just wanna watch a little television. What is the big deal? Gees, relax mom.
Monica: What did you say?
Chandler: I said, "Gees, relax Monnnnn."
Monica: You know what Chandler? You like fast getaways? Watch this.
Chandler: I don't like fast getaways! I like car chases!
Ross: Rachel, I-I-I've been wanting to tell you something for a while now and I really, I just have to get it out.
Rachel: Ok, all right, what's up?
Ross: Ok, before I tell you, I just have to know...is your nose ok?
Ross: Uh, all the other family pets in good health?
Rachel: Well, uh, let's see. Well Davey's still pining after Le Poo, but you know, he's a tough little turtle.
Ross: You know how you told me I should do whatever it takes to fix my marriage?
Rachel: Yeah, I told you to give Emily whatever she wants.
Ross: And while that was good advice, you should know that what-what she wants...
Ross: Is for me not to see you anymore.
Rachel: That's crazy! You can't do that! What're you gonna tell her? Oh, my God. Ohh, you've already agreed to this, haven't you?
Ross: It's awful, I know, I- It's, I mean, I feel terrible but I have to do this if I want my marriage to work.
Ross: And I do, I-I have to make this marriage work. I have to. But the good thing is we can still see each other until she gets here.
Rachel: Ohh! Ohh! Lucky me! Oh, my God! That is good news, Ross! I think that's the best news I've heardsince Le Poo died!
Ross: You have no idea what a nightmare this has been. I- This is so hard.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, really? Is it Ross? Yeah? Ok, well let me just make this a little easier for you.
Ross: What? What are you doing?
Rachel: I'm storming out!
Ross: Rachel, this is your apartment.
Rachel: Yeah, look that's how mad I am!
Chandler: Damn Rolos!
Joey: Hey, you're back! Chandler: Hey.
Joey: How was your conference?
Chandler: Yeah it was terrible. I fought with my colleagues you know, the entire time. Are you kidding with this?
Joey: Uh, so your weekend was a total bust?
Chandler: Uh, no, I got to see Donald Trump waiting for an elevator.
Joey: You know, at the Taj Mahal, he has his own private glass elevator. That's right. Made by Otis Elevators. Yeah. And they usually don't do glass.
Chandler: What kinds of stuff do you know?
Joey: Hey, you're back too!
Monica: Yeah. Umm, Chandler can I talk to you outside for just a second?
Joey: Hey, how was your chef thing?
Monica: Oh, it was awful. I guess some people just don't appreciate really good food.
Chandler: Well, maybe it was the kind of food that tasted good at first but then made everybody vomit and have diarrhea.
Monica: Ok, I'd like to know how much the room was 'cause I wanna pay my half.
Chandler: Ok, fine, $300.
Monica: 300 dollars?
Chandler: Yeah, just think of it as $25 per room!
Joey: What are you guys woofing about?
Monica: Chandler stole a twenty from my purse!
Joey: Nooooo! !
Chandler: I was only stealing it back, the one that she stole from me.
Monica: Stealing and now, lying.
Joey: You know what? Now that I think about it, I constantly find myself without twenties and you, always have lots!
Ross: You should've seen the look on her face. God I don't want Rachel to hate me! I don't know what to do.
Joey: You want my advice?
Ross: Yes! Please!
Joey: You're not gonna like it.
Ross: That's ok.
Joey: You got married too fast.
Ross: That's not advice!
Joey: I told you.
Ross: Going to bathroom.
Joey: Man, if anyone asked me to give up any of you, I don't think I could do it.
Chandler and Phoebe: Yeah, me either.
Monica: Maybe I could do it.
Joey: Hi, Rach.
Rachel: Look, I know you guys heard about the whole thing with me and Ross but you know, I've been obsessing about it all day and I would just love not to talk about it. All right?
Joey: I-I-I don't know if this falls under this category, but uh, Ross is right back there.
Rachel: That's not Ross!
Phoebe: Oh no! Not that guy! He does look like him though.
Chandler: Ok, Ross is in the bathroom.
Rachel: Oh, my God, it's happening. It's already started. I- I'm Kip.
Joey: Hey, you're not Kip!
Rachel: Do you even know who Kip is?
Joey: Who cares? You're Rachel! Who's Kip?
Chandler: Kip, my old roommate, you know we all used to hang out together.
Joey: Oh, that poor bastard.
Rachel: See? Yeah, you told me the story.
Rachel: He and Monica dated when they broke up they couldn't even be in the same room together and you all promised you would stay his friend and what happened? He got phased out!
Monica: You're not gonna be phased out!
Rachel: Well, of course I am! It's not gonna happen to Ross! He's your brother. He's your old college roommate.
Phoebe: Kip didn't even have to be Kip. We just, we handled that all wrong. It was a long time ago.
Joey: Yeah, Rach. And it was before you and me were around. They didn't know what they were doing. Chandler had a mustache for crying out loud.
Rachel: Oh, you know, it was just a matter of time before someone had to leave the group. I just always assumed Phoebe would be the one to go.
Rachel: Honey, come on! You live far away! You're not related. You lift right out.
Joey: Hey, Mr. Bing. That uh, hotel you stayed at called. Said someone left an eyelash curler in your room.
Chandler: Yes that was mine.
Joey: 'Cause I figured you hooked up with some girl and she left it there.
Chandler: Yes that would've made more sense.
Joey: You know, I-I don't even feel like I know you anymore man!
Joey: All right, look, I'm just gonna ask you this one time, all right? And whatever you say, I'll believe you. Were you, or were you not, on a gay cruise?
Rachel: Phoebe? I'm sorry about the whole lifting out thing. You gotta come with me!
Phoebe: Come where?
Rachel: Wherever I go. Come on you and me, we'll-we'll start a new group, we're the best ones.
Phoebe: Ok, but try to get Joey too.
Ross: Pheebs, you mind if I speak to Rachel alone for a sec?
Phoebe: Oh, sure! Yeah.
Phoebe: Bye Ross! Forever.
Ross: Hi. Rachel: Hi.
Rachel: What're you doing here? Isn't this against the rules?
Ross: I talked to Monica. Look, I'm the one who made the choice. I'm the one who's making things change,so I should be the one to you know, step back.
Rachel: Oh, Ross...Ross: No, no, it's ok. Really.
Ross: There're plenty of people who just see their sisters at Thanksgiving and just see their college roommates at reunions and, just see Joey at Burger King. So is, is that better?
Rachel: No, it's not better. I still don't get to see you.
Ross: Well, what-what would you do? Rach, if you were me, what-what would you do?
Rachel: Well, for starters I would've said the right name at my wedding!
Ross: I can't believe this is happening.
Rachel: I know.
Ross: I am so sorry.
Rachel: I know that too.
Joey: Hey, Rach? Sorry to interrupt but umm, Phoebe said you wanted to talk to me about a trip or something.
Chandler: I just came over to drop off...nothing. So that weekend kinda sucked, huh?
Monica: Yeah, it did.
Chandler: So, I guess this is over.
Chandler: Well, you know, you and me, I mean it had to end sometime.
Monica: Why, exactly?
Chandler: Because of the weekend, we had a fight.
Monica: Chandler that's crazy! If you give up every time you've a fight with someone you'd never be withanyone longer than- Ohhh!
Chandler: So, this isn't over?
Monica: You are so cute! No. No, it was a fight. You deal with it, you move on! It's nothing to freak out about.
Chandler: Really? Ok. Great!
Monica: Ohh, welcome to an adult relationship!
Chandler: We're in a relationship?
Monica: I'm afraid so.
Phoebe: Oh hey, Monica, I heard you saw Donald Trump at your convention.
Monica: Yeah, I saw him waiting for an elevator.
Monica: Hey, Rach, can I borrow your eyelash curler, I think I lost mine.
Rachel: Yeah, it's in the bath.
Joey: Oh! Ohh! Oh!
Chandler: Joey, can I talk to you for a second?
Joey: Oohh! Ohh! Oh-oh-oh! Oh-oh! Ohhhhhhhhhhh! !!
Chandler: Yes. Yes.
Joey: You? ! And-and you? !
Monica: Yes, but you cannot tell anyone! No one knows!
Joey: How? ! When? !
Chandler: It happened in London.
Joey: In London!!
Chandler: The reason we didn't tell anyone was 'cause we didn't wanna make a big deal out of it.
Joey: But it is a big deal! I have to tell someone!
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no! You can't!
Monica: Please. Now, I know this is hard.
Joey: It is. It hurts.
Monica: We know. Please? Please? ! We just don't wanna deal with telling everyone, ok? Ple- Just promiseyou won't tell.
Joey: All right! Man, this is unbelievable! I mean, it's great, but...
Monica: I know, it's great!
Joey: Aww, I don't wanna see that!
Phoebe: We're so stupid! Do you know what's going on in there? They're trying to take Joey!
Phoebe: The most popular Phoebe in tennis is called the overhand Phoebe. And if you win, you must slap your opponent on the Phoebe and say, "Hi, Phoebe!"
Monica: Oh that's cute! We really all enjoyed it. But you know, it doesn't count.
Phoebe: Count for what?
Monica: Just, count in our heads as-as good Mad Libs.
Joey: I guess I'm done.
Chandler: Fun's over!
Monica: Wait-wait, guys! If-if we follow the rules, it's still fun and it means something!
Joey: See ya.
Chandler: I'm gonna take off.
Monica: Guys, rules are good! Rules help control the fun! Ohhh!