Phoebe: Oh hey, you guys, look! Ugly Naked Guy is putting stuff in boxes!
Rachel: I'd say from the looks of it, our naked buddy is moving.
Ross: Ironically, most of the boxes seem to be labeled clothes.
Rachel: Ohh, I'm gonna miss that big old squishy butt.
Chandler: And we're done with the chicken fried rice.
Ross: Hey! Hey! If he's moving, maybe I should try to get his place!
All: Oh Yes! Great idea!
Ross: It would be so cool to live across from you guys!
Joey: Hey, yeah! Then we could do that telephone thing! You know, well you have a can, we have a can and it's connected by a string!
Chandler: Or we can do the actual telephone thing.
Monica: Uh-oh. He's got packing tape stuck to where you really don't want it.
Chandler: Get it off, fat man, get it off!
Ross: Oh no, he's trying to pull it off slowly.
Joey: Take it from me, if you're gonna be pulling tape off yourself it's gotta be in one quick motion.
Joey: Like that.
Ross: Oh my God! I love this apartment! Isn't it perfect? ! I can't believe I never realized how-how great it is!
Rachel: Well that is because your eye immediately goes to the big naked man.
Phoebe: It's amazing! You better hurry up and fill out an application or I'm gonna beat you to it.
Rachel: Well, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm gonna go use Ugly Naked Guy's bathroom.
Phoebe: Oh, look! There's-there's Monica and Chandler! Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! Ohh! Ohh! Ahh-ahhh!
Phoebe: Ahhh! Chandler and Monica! Chandler and Monica!
Rachel: Oh my God!
Phoebe: Chandler and Monica!!
Rachel: Oh my God!
Phoebe: Oh! my eyes! my eyes!
Rachel: Phoebe! Phoebe! It's ok! It's ok!
Phoebe: No! They're doing it!
Rachel: I know! I know! I know!
Phoebe: You know? !
Rachel: Yes, I know! And Joey knows! But Ross doesn't know so you have to stop screaming!
Ross: Hi, what's going on?
Phoebe & Rachel: Ohhh! HI! Hi!
Ross: What? ! What? !
Rachel: Nothing! Oh God, now we're just so excited that you wanna get this apartment!
Ross: Actually, it looks really good.
Phoebe & Rachel: Ohhh! God!
Phoebe: Get in here! Come on!
Phoebe: You mean whenever Monica and Chandler where like you know doing laundry, or going grocery shopping or...
Phoebe: Oh! All that time Monica spent on the phone with sad Linda from camp!
Rachel: Uh-huh, doing it. Doing it. Phone doing it.
Phoebe: Oh! Oh, I can't believe it! I mean I think it's great! For him. She might be able to do better.
Joey: Hey you guys!
Rachel: Joey! Come here! Come here!
Joey: What? What?
Rachel: Phoebe just found out about Monica and Chandler.
Joey: You mean how they're friends and nothing more?
Rachel: No. You know, Joey, she knows!
Rachel: We were at Ugly Naked Guy's apartment and we saw them doing it through the window. Actually, we saw them doing it up against the window.
Phoebe: You know we saw them fornicating! Ok, so now they know you know and they don't know that Rachel knows?
Joey: Yes, but, you know what? It doesn't matter who knows what. Now, enough of us know, that we can just tell them we know!
Joey: Then all the lying and the secrets would finally be over!
Phoebe: Or, we could not tell them we know and have a little fun of our own.
Rachel: Wh-what do you mean?
Phoebe: Well you know every time that they say that like they're doing laundry we'll just give them a bunch of laundry to do.
Rachel: Ohhh, I-I would enjoy that!
Joey: Oh no-no-no! No, wait Rach, you know what would even be more fun? Telling them.
Phoebe: That doesn't sound like fun. Rachel: No.
Joey: So we'll make it fun, we'll do it like a- like a barbershop quartet. 'We know we know we know !"
Rachel: Yeah, no, I wanna do Phoebe's thing.
Joey: I can't take any...
Phoebe: Oh, you don't have to do anything! Just don't tell them that we know!
Joey: No! I-I can't take any more secrets! I got your secrets. I got their secrets. I got secrets of my own you know!
Rachel: You don't have any secrets!
Joey: Oh yeah? Well, you don't know about Hugsy, my bedtime penguin pal.
Rachel: So, umm, how-how are we gonna mess with them?
Phoebe: Well, you could use your position you know as the roommate. Ok.
Phoebe: And then I would use you know, the strongest tool at my disposal. My sexuality.
Chandler: Hello children!
Phoebe: Ok, watch, learn, and don't eat my cookie.
Phoebe: Hey! Ooh, wow that jacket looks great on you!
Phoebe: Yeah the material feels so soft...oh, hello Mr. Bicep! You've been working out?
Chandler: Well, I try to, you know, squeeze things. You ok?
Phoebe: Well, if you really wanna know, I- Oh! I can't tell you this.
Chandler: Phoebe, it's me. You can tell me anything.
Phoebe: Well actually you're the one person I can't, tell this to. And the one person I want to the most.
Chandler: What's going on?
Phoebe: I think it's just you know that I haven't been with a guy in so long and, you know how sometimes you're looking for something and you just don't even see that it's right there in front of you sipping coffee...
Phoebe: Oh no, have I said too much? Well, it's just something to think about. I know I will.
Monica: You are so cute! How did you get to be so cute?
Chandler: Well, my grandfather was Swedish and my grandmother was actually a tiny little bunny.
Monica: Ok, now you're even cuter!
Chandler: You know that is a popular opinion today I must say.
Chandler: The weirdest thing happened at the coffee house, I think, I think Phoebe was hitting on me.
Monica: What're you talking about?
Chandler: I'm telling you I think Phoebe thinks I'm foxy.
Monica: That's not possible!
Monica: I'm sorry it's just, I mean Phoebe just always thought you were, you were charming in a, in a sexless kind of way.
Chandler: Oh, you know I-I can't hear that enough.
Monica: I just- I'm sorry, I just think that you misunderstood her.
Chandler: No, I didn't misunderstand, ok? She was all over me! She touched my bicep for crying out loud!
Monica: This bicep?
Chandler: Well it's not flexed right now! Why is it so hard for you to believe that Phoebe could be attracted to me?
Monica: It's not. All the girls are attracted to you. You're part bunny.
Rachel: Hey Mon, what're you doing now? You wanna come see a movie with us?
Monica: Uhh, you know actually I-I was gonna do some laundry.
Monica: Hey Chandler, you wanna do it with me?
Chandler: Sure, I'll do it with you. Monica: Ok.
Rachel: Ok, great, hold on a sec!
Rachel: Oh, here you go! You don't mind do ya? That would really help me out a lot! Thanks!
Monica: You mean I-I don't I think I have enough quarters.
Phoebe: Oh, I have quarters!
Chandler: Great. Now we can do laundry all night. All night laundry!
Rachel: Hey, Ross! Any word on the apartment yet?
Ross: Well, I called over there and it turns out Ugly Naked Guy is subletting it himself and he's already had like a hundred applicants.
Ross: No-no, it's ok, Cause you know the difference between them and me is?
Chandler: Your history of bed wetting?
Ross: Ok, I trusted you man! Anyway, the difference is, I've got the edge.
Ross: It's not exactly ethical but I sent him a little bribe to tip the scales in my direction. Check it out, you could probably see it from the window.
Monica: Oh, is it that pinball machine with the big bow on it?
Chandler: That new mountain bike?
Monica: Well what did you send?
Ross: A basket of mini muffins.
Phoebe: There-there's a whole table of mini muffin baskets. Which one did you send?
Ross: The small one.
Rachel: What? ! You-you actually thought that basket was gonna get you the apartment?
Ross: Well, yeah! Someone sent us a basket at work once and people went crazy over those little muffins. It was the best day.
Chandler: Your work makes me sad.
Ross: Oh man! I want that place so much! And I was so sure that was gonna work! There's twelve bucks I'll never see again!
Rachel: All right honey, we'd better go if we wanna catch that movie.
Phoebe: Bye Chandler! I miss you already.
Chandler: Ok, did, did you see that? ! With the inappropriate and the pinching? !
Monica: Actually, I did!
Chandler: Ok, so now, do you believe that she's attracted to me?
Monica: Ohhh, oh my God! Oh my God! She knows about us!
Chandler: Are you serious?
Monica: Phoebe knows and she just's trying to freak us out! That's the only explanation for it!
Chandler: Ok but what about you know, my pinchable butt and my bulging biceps? She knows!
Chandler: Phoebe knows about us!
Joey: Well I didn't tell them!
Monica: Them? ! Who's them?
Joey: Uhhh, Phoebe and Joey.
Joey: And Rachel. I would've told you but they made me promise not to tell!
Chandler: Oh man!
Joey: I'm sorry! But hey, it's over now, right? Cause you can tell them you know they know and I, can go back to knowing absolutely nothing!
Joey: No! Not unless! Look, this must end now!
Monica: Oh man, they think they are so slick messing with us! But see they don't know that we know that theyknow!
Chandler: Ahh yes, the messers become the messees!
Joey: Come on, you guys. I-I...Think-think about how much fun it would be to tell. 'We know, we know, we know'.
Joey: Oh...that wasn't you.
Rachel: Oh Ross, honey you gotta stop torturing yourself!
Phoebe: Yeah, why don't you just find another apartment?
Ross: Look, I've already looked at like a thousand apartments this month and none of them even compares to that one!
Ross: Well except for one, but I would've had to share it with an Armenian family. Grandma really liked me. But I want Ugly Naked Apartment!
Rachel: You know what you should do?
Rachel: You-you should find out what his hobbies are and then use that to bond with him.
Rachel: Yeah! Like if I wanted something from Joey, I would strike up a conversation about, say, umm, sandwiches. Or uh, or my underwear.
Joey: I'm listening.
Ross: That is a great idea! And! I know Ugly Naked Guy because we've been watching him for like five years so that gives me back my edge! Oh, let's see now he had the trampoline.
Phoebe: Yeah well he broke that.
Ross: Well, he had gravity boots.
Rachel: Yeah, he broke those too.
Joey: So he likes to break stuff.
Ross: Ok, I've gotta go pick up Ben but I-I will figure something out. Hey, didn't he used to have a cat?
Phoebe: I wouldn't bring that up, it would probably just bum him out.
Joey: Yeah, poor cat, never saw that big butt coming.
Rachel: Hello! Oh! Yeah! Hey! Hold on a second she's right here! It's Chandler.
Phoebe: Oh? Hello you.
Chandler: Hello Phoebe, I've been thinking about you all day.
Chandler: Well you know that thing you said before, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued.
Chandler: Yeah, listen, Joey's not gonna be here tonight so why don't you come over and I'll let you uh, feel my bicep. Or maybe more.
Phoebe: I'll have to get back to you on that. Ok, bye! Oh my God! He wants me to come over and feel his bicep and more!
Rachel: Are you kidding? !
Rachel: I can not believe he would do that to Mon- Whoa!
Rachel: Joey, do they know that we know?
Joey: They know you know.
Rachel: Ugh, I knew it!
Joey: I would say 'Thank God! Everybody knows. It's finally over.' But that hasn't been working for me.
Rachel: Oh, I cannot believe those two!
Phoebe: God, they thought that they could mess with us? ! They're trying to mess with us? ! They don't know that we know they know we know! And Joey, you can't say anything!
Joey: Couldn't even if I wanted to.
Ross: Good evening, sir. My name is Ross Geller. I'm one of the people who applied for the apartment. And I-I realize that the competition is fierce but...
Ross: I'm sorry. I, I can't help but notice that you're naked and I applaud you. Man, I wish I was naked. I mean, this-this looks so great. That is how God intended it.
Monica: Look at them, they're-they're panicked!
Chandler: Oh yeah, they're totally gonna back down!
Monica: Oh yeah!
Phoebe: All right. All right! If he wants a date, he's gonna get a date. All right, I'm gonna go in.
Rachel: Ok, ok, be sexy.
Phoebe: So Chandler, I-I'd love to come by tonight.
Phoebe: Oh absolutely. Shall we say, around seven?
Phoebe: Good. I'm really looking forward to you and me having sexual intercourse.
Joey: Hey-hey, check it out! Check it out! Ugly Naked Guy's got a naked friend!
Rachel: Oh yeah! Oh my God! That is our friend! It's Naked Ross!
Ross: Would you like another mini muffin? Try the blueberry, they're delicious.
Rachel: Show time!
Phoebe: Hey, Rachel, get me perfume! Rachel: Ok!
Phoebe: And Joey, get me a bottle of wine and glasses?
Phoebe: All right. Thanks. But umm, glasses that do not have handles and that are glass. And umm wine that is not olive oil. Rachel: Uh!
Monica: All right, it'll be great! You just make her think you wanna have sex with her! It'll totally freak her out!
Chandler: Ok, listen, how far am I gonna have to go with her?
Monica: Relax, she-she's gonna give in way before you do!
Chandler: How do you know? !
Monica: Because you're on my team! And my team always wins!
Chandler: At this? !
Monica: Just go get some! Go!
Rachel: Ok honey, now I'm gonna try to listen from right here!
Rachel: Ok? Whoa, wait!
Phoebe: Good idea!
Rachel: Yeah, oh wait!
Phoebe: Oh now, don't give away the farm! ok.
Chandler: Come on in.
Phoebe: I was going to. Umm, I brought some wine. Would you like some?
Phoebe: So, here we are. Nervous?
Chandler: Me? No. You?
Phoebe: No, I want this to happen.
Chandler: So do I.
Chandler: I'm gonna put on some music.
Chandler: Joey likes to scare the duck.
Phoebe: Maybe I'll dance for you.
Chandler: You look good.
Phoebe: Thanks! You know, that when you say things like that it makes me wanna rip that sweater vest right off!
Chandler: Well, why don't we move this into the bedroom?
Chandler: Oh, do you not wanna?
Phoebe: No. No! I just, you know first, I wanna take off all my clothes and have you rub lotion on me.
Chandler: Well that would be nice. I'll go get the lotion.
Chandler: Listen, this is totally getting out of hand! Ok? She wants me to put lotion on her!
Monica: She's bluffing!
Chandler: Look, she's not backing down! She went like this!
Phoebe: He's not backing down. He went to get lotion.
Rachel: It's Chandler, you-you can take him. I mean come on, don't you remember, when you made him cry usingonly your words?
Joey: Oh man! Aren't you guys done yet? ! I wanna sit in my chair!
Rachel: Joey look, just look at it this way, the sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler the sooner this is all over and out in the open.
Joey: Ooh! I like that!
Joey: Oh, ok! Show him your bra! He's afraid of bras! Can't work 'em!
Phoebe: Wow, you didn't rip off any buttons.
Joey: It's not my first time.
Monica: You go back out there and you seduce her till she cracks!
Chandler: Ok, give me a second! Did you clean up in here?
Monica: Of course.
Chandler: Oh, you're-you're going?
Phoebe: Umm, not without you, lover.
Phoebe: So this is my bra.
Chandler: It's very, very nice. Well, come here. I'm very happy we're gonna have all the sex.
Phoebe: You should be. I'm very bendy.
Phoebe: I'll kiss you now.
Chandler: Not if I kiss you first.
Chandler: Well, I guess there's nothing left for us to do but-but kiss.
Phoebe: Here it comes. Our first kiss.
Chandler: Ok! Ok! Ok! All right! You win! You win! I can't have sex with ya!
Phoebe: And why not? !
Chandler: Because I'm in love with Monica!
Phoebe: You're-you're what? !
Chandler: Love her! That's right, I...Love...Her! I love her!
Chandler: I love you, Monica.
Monica: I love you too Chandler.
Phoebe: I just - I thought you guys were doing it, I didn't know you were in love!
Chandler: And hats off to Phoebe. Quite a competitor. And may I say your breasts are still showing.
Joey: All right! So that's it! It's over! Everybody knows!
Monica: Well actually, Ross doesn't.
Chandler: Yes, and we'd appreciate it if no one told him yet.
Ross: Well here it is. A new place for a new Ross. I'm gonna have you and all the guys from work over once it's you know, furnished.
Dr. Ledbetter: I must say it's nice to see you're back on your feet.
Ross: Well I am that. An-and that whole rage thing is definitely behind me.
Dr. Ledbetter: I wonder if it's time for you to rejoin our team at the museum?
Ross: Oh Donald that-that would be great. I am totally ready to come back to work. I...
Ross: What? No! Wh...What're you doing? ! Get Off My Sister!