Joey: What're you guys doing up?
Chandler: Oh, we wanted to finish the crossword before we went to bed. Hey, do you know a six-letter word for red?
Joey: Dark red.
Chandler: Yeah, I think that's wrong, but there's a Connect the dots in here for you later. Hey, how about maroon?
Monica: Yes, you are so smart!
Joey: Aww, you guys are so cute!
Monica: I know.
Joey: All right, I'll see you in the morning.
Chandler & Monica: Ok.
Dream Monica: You know, I love doing crossword puzzles with you honey!
Dream Joey: Aww, me too. Now let's finish this and go to bed. Now let's finish this and go to bed.
Dream Monica: Ok! There's only one left, three letter word, not dog but...
Dream Joey: Cat.
Dream Monica: Yes! You are so smart! I love you. I love you.
Dream Joey: I love you too.
Rachel: Uhh, we-we still need a tip.
Phoebe: All right. Hold on. I got it. Nickel! How much more do we need?
Rachel: A couple of bucks.
Phoebe: Ok, dime! You guys should probably keep talking, this could take a while. Oh no, wait! Look it! Whoa! Oh my God, this is a police badge!
Chandler: Oh that's so cool! Why would a cop come in here though? They don't serve donuts.
Chandler: You know what actually, could you discover the badge again? I think I can come up with something better than that.
Rachel: Phoebe, I bet somebody's missing that badge.
Phoebe: Yeah, I should probably take it back.
Phoebe: Ooh, but you know what? While I'm at the police station, I could check their Ten Most Wanted lists because my friend Fritzy's been like number 11 forever, so this could be her year!
Joey: Hey, you guys!
Joey: Hey. That uh, that's my sweatshirt?
Monica: Oh yes, it is. I'm sorry I borrowed it, I was cold. I-I hope it's ok?
Joey: Well uh, it's just that uh, you know if-if you're gonna be wearing someone's sweatshirt shouldn't it be your boyfriends you know, and I'm not him.
Monica: I'm sorry, I'll-I'll give it back to you.
Joey: No-no! No! I mean it's gonna be all smelling like Monica!
Monica: Are you saying I smell bad?
Joey: No! No, you smell like a meadow. I'm sorry.
Monica: What's with him?
Chandler: Oh, you know what? The last time Joey went to a meadow, his mother was shot by a hunter.
Phoebe: Hey, look-look what I found. It's a police badge.
Ross: Oh, what's that doing here? I don't see any doughnuts. Cops and donuts. Come on. Ohh ok, alright if Chandler had said it you'd be all on the floor.
Chandler: Cops, doughnuts? Me?
Ross: Yeah, I still don't know. I'm sorry I just wanna make sure that I bought the right couch. I need a couch that says, "Kids welcome here." But that also says, "Come here to me!"
Rachel: What? ! You say that to kids? !
Ross: No! No! No! The "Come here to me" is, you know, for the ladies.
Rachel: Ross, honey, it's a nice couch. It's not a magic couch.
The Salesman: Uh you picked a great couch.
The Salesman: Yeah. Could you just sign right here please?
Ross: Oh, sure. Whoa-whoa, what's-uh? The delivery charge is almost as much as the couch!
Rachel: Wait! No, that's ridiculous. Come on, he lives three blocks away!
Ross: Yeah, you know what? I'll take it myself, thank you! All right Rach, come on, let's go!
Rachel: Are you kidding?
Ross: Oh, come on, it's only three blocks! And-and, it's not very heavy, try it! Come on! Come on!
Rachel: Oh! Oh I can do it!
The Salesman: You two are really gonna enjoy that couch.
Ross: Oh yeah, we're uh, yeah we're not together.
The Salesman: Ohh, ok. Something didn't quite add up there.
Ross: What's that supposed to mean?
The Salesman: Well, you, her, I mean, she's very...you know. And you're like...you know.
Ross: Not that it's any of your business, but we did go out.
The Salesman: Really? You two?
Ross: Yeah! Rach?
Rachel: Come on, I don't really wanna be doing this right now. I am carrying a very heavy couch.
Ross: Then tell him quickly.
Rachel: Fine! We went out.
Ross: Not only did we go out, we did it 298 times!
Rachel: Ross! Oh my- Ugh! You kept a count? ! You are such A loser!
Ross: A loser you did it with 298 times!
Phoebe: Oh! Oh! Ma'am? Excuse me, ma'am?
The smoking Woman: Yes?
Phoebe: You can't put your cigarette out on a tree!
The smoking Woman: Yeah I can, it worked real well.
Phoebe: No but you shouldn't! So don't ever do that again.
The smoking Woman: I won't! Till I have my next cigarette.
Phoebe: Hold it! N.Y.P.D! Freeze punk!
The smoking Woman: What? !
Phoebe: Yeah that's right you are so busted. Uh Book 'em.
The smoking Woman: Who're you talking to?
Phoebe: Save it Red! Unless you wanna spend the night in the slammer, you apologize to the tree.
The smoking Woman: I am not going to apologize to a tree!
Phoebe: You apologize to the tree right now or I am calling for backup.
Phoebe: Backup! Backup!
The smoking Woman: I-I'm sorry! Sorry.
Phoebe: Ok, cancel backup! Cancel backup!
Rachel: Ross, didn't you say that there was, uh an elevator in here?
Ross: Uhh, yes I did but there isn't. Ok, here we go.
Rachel: Oh, then wait. Don't you think we should maybe rethink the whole hiring movers thing?
Ross: No way! They're a rip-off! And-and you know what else? They check out your stuff and come back later and steal it. It's true. I saw it on Dateline.
Rachel: Oh, I love Dateline. You know, Jane Pauley is the one woman I would kiss. I don't know, there's justsomething about her.
Ross: Rach, can we concentrate?
Rachel: Yeah, fine. Listened to your dumb story.
Ross: Ok, go left. Left! Left!
Rachel: Ok, you know what? There is no more left, left!
Ross: Oh ok, lift it straight up over your head! Straight up over your head! You can do it! You can do it! Ok. You got it?
Rachel: Yeah. Oh God.
Ross: Yeah, you got it right? You got it right? You got it?
Rachel: Any chance you think the couch looks good there?
Phoebe: So this guy was all And I'm all, Buffay, Homicide. It was just so cool!
Monica: Phoebe, you were supposed to take that back!
Phoebe: I know, but I'm having so much fun doing good deeds.
Chandler: Ok, but impersonating a police officer is a serious thing. You could get arrested.
Phoebe: You could get arrested, right now! All right, yeah, I gotta take it back. I'm totally drunk with power.
Joey: Hey! Oh.
Chandler: Hi Joe.
Joey: Yeah, I didn't know you guys were gonna be here.
Monica: Hey Joey, do me a favor sweetie, taste this.
Joey: What? ! Why? !
Chandler: It's ok Joe. She's a trained chef.
Joey: Uh, actually I was uh looking for Phoebe.
Chandler: Well, y-y-you just missed her.
Joey: Oh was that her?
Joey: Oh, I gotta go.
Monica: Joey, wait a minute. Wait. What is going on with you?
Chandler: Oh come on! You've been acting strange all day!
Joey: All right! There is something. I uh, kinda had a dream, but I don't wanna talk about it.
Chandler: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-what-what if Martin Luther King had said that? I kinda have a dream! Yeah I-I don't wanna talk about it.
Joey: Well, it involved Monica.
Chandler: You had a dream about a girl that I am seeing? ! Oh, that is so cool! I can't tell you how many times I've dream about a girl that he was seeing.
Chandler: Anyway we're talking about your dream. I love you. Your dream?
Joey: Look, don't worry, there wasn't any sex in it or anything. I haven't dream about her like that since Ifound out about you two-ish.
Monica: What was the dream about?
Joey: Well, ok. You were my girlfriend and we, were doing the crossword puzzle. You know like you guys were doing last night.
Joey: So, that's it. I'm in love with Monica and I'll be moving out.
Monica: Wait, Joey! Chandler! That doesn't mean that-that you're in love with me!
Joey: It-it doesn't?
Chandler: No. No, it can mean anything. Like uh, yeah all of a sudden you're jealous that I become the apartment stud.
Joey: Kinda sounds like your dream dude.
Monica: Or, it could mean that-that you saw Chandler and me together and, and you know we were being close and stuff and then, I mean you just wanna have that with someone too.
Joey: Well, in the dream I did enjoy the closeness.
Joey: Well if that's what it was, that'd be great. I wouldn't have to move.
Chandler: Ok, look-look, are you attracted to Monica? Right here, right now, are you attracted to her?
Joey: Not really.
Chandler: Well there you have it!
Monica: Well sure! I'm just wearing sweats! But that's good, that you're not in love with me, because you just want a girlfriend!
Joey: No, I don't think it's just about just getting a girlfriend. You know? I mean, yeah, I can get a girlfriend!
Joey: Yeah, we could sit in the chair and do crossword puzzles, but you know are we ever gonna have you knowthe closeness like-like you guys have?
Chandler: Well you know, Monica and I were friends before we started dating. So maybe-maybe that's it?
Joey: Friends first? That's interesting.
Monica: You become friends after?
Joey: No, never done that either.
Rachel: Hey, umm, do you guys have that tape measure?
Chandler: Oh yeah, it's actually in my bedroom.
Monica: That's right.
Rachel: What's up Joey?
Joey: How you doing?
Phoebe: Excuse me, is this your car?
Phoebe: Well I don't think it's very nice of you to park here, you know you're blocking the entrance.
Guy: Don't worry about it. It's not a problem.
Phoebe: Well, it's a problem for me, which means it's a problem for you Cause I'm a cop.
Guy: So am I!
Phoebe: Ohh, no.
Phoebe: Oh ok, so you're a cop, which means you can park anywhere, Cause I know that Cause I'm a cop too. So, all right, keep up the good work. 10-4.
Cop: Hey, wait a second! So wait, what precinct are you with?
Phoebe: I-I'm with the umm, the 57th.
Cop: Oh, I know a guy in homicide up there.
Phoebe: I'm in vice. Yeah, I'm in fact I'm undercover right now. I'm a whore.
Cop: Who-who else is in vice up there?
Phoebe: Umm, do you know, umm Sipowicz?
Cop: Sipowicz? No, I don't think so.
Phoebe: Yeah, Sipowicz, yeah, big guy, kinda bald.
Cop: Nah, I don't know him.
Phoebe: Don't try to call him or anything, Cause he's not there, he's out. His umm, his partner just died.
Cop: Wow umm, tell Sipowicz I'm real sorry for his loss.
Phoebe: I-I sure will, take care.
Cop: Hey by the way, I'm sure Sipowicz is gonna be all right. I heard that kid from Silver Spoons is really good.
Cop: And where did you find my badge?
Rachel: Hey! Joey, would you mind giving me and Ross a hand moving his couch?
Joey: Oh, I'd love too, but I got acting class. But you know what? I guess I can blow that off, for you.
Joey: Uh, say, Rach, let me ask you something. Uh, I was just over there talking to Monica and Chandler, boythey are really tight.
Rachel: I know.
Joey: Yeah that's not a bad situation they got going over there. Yeah, thinking of getting me one of those.
Rachel: What's up Joe?
Joey: Well, the reason I think Monica and Chandler are so great...
Joey: Is because they were friends first. You know? So I asked myself, "Who are my friends?" You and Phoebe.I saw you first. So...
Rachel: What're you saying?
Joey: I'm saying maybe you and I crank it up a notch.
Rachel: You know, honey, umm, as uh, as flattered as I am, that uh, you saw me first, uhh, I-I just, I-I don't think we should be cranking anything up.
Joey: I'll treat you real nice.
Rachel: Yeah, well, you know, umm...No, honey, listen, I think it's a great idea to become friends with someone before you date them.
Rachel: But I think the way you do it is you know you meet someone, become their friend, build a foundation,then ask them out on a date. Don't hit on your existing friends!
Joey: Won't-won't that take longer?
Rachel: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, but once you find it, ohh it's so worth the wait.
Joey: Yeah. I understand. I understand. Yeah. Man, I wish I saw Phoebe first!
Ross: Come here to me. No-no, you come here to me.
Rachel: Hey Ross! I brought reinforcements.
Ross: Oh, great! What, you brought Joey?
Rachel: Well, I brought the next best thing.
Ross: Chandler? ! You brought Chandler? ! The next best thing would be Monica!
Chandler: You know, I would be offended, but Monica is freakishly strong, so...
Ross: All right. Look, I-I drew a sketch of how we're gonna do it. Ok? Rach, that's you. That's the couch.
Rachel: Whoa-oh, what's-what's that?
Ross: Oh, that's me.
Rachel: Wow! Certainly think a lot of yourself.
Ross: No! That's-that's my arm!
Chandler: Oh, I see. I thought you just really, really liked your new couch.
Ross: You know what? Just-just follow my lead.
Rachel & Chandler: Ok.
Ross: Come on, Chandler.
Ross: All right. Ok, here we go!
Ross: All right, ready?
Ross: Turn! Turn!
Chandler: Ok, I don't think we can turn anymore!
Rachel: Ross, I don't, I just don't think it's gonna fit.
Ross: Oh yeah it will! Come on, up! Up-up-up! Up! Yes! Here we go! Pivot! Pivot! Piv-ot! Piv-et! Piv-ett! ! Piv-et!
Chandler: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Ross: Ok, I don't think it's gonna pivot anymore.
Chandler & Rachel: You think? !
Ross: All right, let's uh, let's bring it back down and-and try again.
Chandler: Ok, yeah, I think it's really stuck now.
Ross: I can't believe that didn't work!
Rachel: I know, me neither! I mean, you had a sketch!
Chandler: Oh, you know, what did you mean when you said pivot?
Chandler: Man, I cannot figure this out.
Monica: Yeah because it's not 1985.
Phoebe: You guys, guess what? I-I ditched a cop.
Monica: What? !
Chandler: What do you mean? !
Phoebe: Well, he caught me using his badge and he tried to bust me. Damn real cops!
Monica: How far did he chase you?
Phoebe: Well, he didn't really. He just-he picked up his badge and-and stood there.
Chandler: Well maybe, we'll see you on World's Most Boring Police Chases.
Monica: Why did you run?
Phoebe: I had to. I mean, you know, impersonating a cop is like a Class E felony. That's two to four years minimum. And I am not going back to that hellhole.
Ross: If I can just get it to pivot we'll be back on track! Rach, Rach, can I get some help please?
Ross: Turn it off! Turn it off!
Rachel: Oh, hey! Maybe the firemen can help us move the couch when they get here. Wait, wait, wait!
Ross: Wait, wait, wait! It's a new couch! It's a new couch! Oww! A new couch!
Rachel: Hey! How's it going? Did you make any new friends?
Joey: Yeah, yeah, I met this woman.
Chandler: Hey, whoa-whoa! What's she like?
Joey: Uhh, well, she's...really good in bed.
Monica: Joey, I thought you were gonna try to be friends first!
Joey: Well, look, hey, it's all your fault!
Rachel: What? ! Why? !
Joey: Well because you didn't give me advice! No! You gave me a pick up line! As soon as I told her I wantedto you know, build a foundation and be friends first.
Joey: I suddenly, through no fault of my own, became irresistible to her! And her roommate!
Monica: What about the closeness?
Joey: Closeness shmoshness! There was three of us for crying out loud!
Joey: All right! Hey, who wants pizza? !
Chandler: Ooh, I do! I do! I do!
Joey: Oh, great! Can you believe I found it on the second floor?
Monica: Who is it?
Phoebe & Joey: Oh my God!
Joey: Uhh, just a minute officer!
Cop: I'm looking for Phoebe Buffay!
Phoebe: Ooh, my God, it's him! It's that cop! God, I can't believe it! He found me!
Rachel: Oh my God, Phoebe, are you gonna go to jail? !
Phoebe: Well, if I'm going down, you guys are going down with me. Harboring a fugitive? That's one to three years minimum.
Phoebe: Good luck Chandler. Ok, you could arrest me. Fine. But you'll never make it stick and you know it!
Cop: Yeah, but I kinda don't have a choice, it's my job. I mean, you understand right?
Phoebe: Yeah! As long as you understand that I'm gonna call my lawyer and once he puts you on the stand he'sgonna make you look like a fool like a fool!
Cop: I don't like looking foolish. You know what? Maybe uh, I don't arrest you today. Maybe I came by and you weren't here.
Phoebe: I would love it if I weren't here!
Cop: Ok, so since umm, you're not going to jail tonight I was wondering if you would umm like to go to dinner with me?
Phoebe: Me? !
Cop: Yeah. Ever since you flashed my badge at me, I kinda can't stop thinking about you. You're the prettiest, fake undercover whore I've ever seen.
Chandler & Joey: Nice!
Phoebe: Wow! I didn't see that coming! You're-you're asking me out!
Cop: Yeah. I mean, I could've done it better, but these people keep staring at me.
Phoebe: Umm, yeah, I'd like to go out with you officer...
Gary: Ok, so it's a date.
Phoebe: Yeah! So-oh, I gotta ask you though. How did you know where to find me?
Gary: Well you're fingerprints were all over my badge so I just ran it through the computer and this was listed as your last known address so I just checked it out.
Phoebe: Ohh, impressive.
Gary: Not as impressive as you. I gotta tell you, I looked at your record and you've done some pretty weird stuff.
Phoebe: Yeah, we'll talk at dinner.
Gary: Ok. So I'll come by in a couple of hours and pick you up?
Phoebe: All right, I can't wait!
Gary: Ok. Don't worry, I'm not just gonna take you out for donuts.
Chandler: He has a gun!
Ross: I'd like to return this couch. I'm not satisfied with it.
The Saleswoman: You wanna return this couch? It's cut in half!
Ross: That's what I'm telling you.
The Saleswoman: Did you cut this couch in there?
Ross: It's crazy, it is cut in half.
The Saleswoman: I don't understand.
Ross: This couch, is cut in half! I would like to exchange it for one that is not cut in half!
The Saleswoman: We can't accept it in this condition.
Ross: Well, I can't accept it in this condition!
The Saleswoman: You're telling me this couch was delivered to you like this? !
Ross: Look, I am a reasonable man. I will accept store credit.
The Saleswoman: I'll give you store credit in the amount of four dollars.
Ross: I will take it.