Phoebe: Hey! Check it out! This is unbelievable! Joey has been holding his breath for almost four minutes!
Joey: Dude! What're you you trying to kill me? !
Rachel: Pheebs, I wanna ask you something.
Phoebe: Uh huh, what?
Rachel: Uh, well since I'm moving out and and you're so beautiful…how about I move in with you?
Phoebe: Well, that would be great but then what do we do about Denise?
Monica: Who's Denise?
Phoebe: My roommate.
Rachel: You have a roommate? !
Phoebe: Yes, Denise. Denise!
Joey: Hey, what is with the secrecy Phoebe? Huh? And what about this Denise, she cute?
Chandler: Pheebs, I don't understand. How can you have a roommate that none of us know about?
Phoebe: Maybe because you never listen to anything that I say. I talk about her all the time! DENISE!
Joey: Hey Rach, listen, I was thinking uh, I'm gonna have an extra room over at my place...
Rachel: Oh, that's true.
Joey: Yeah, why don't you move in with me? It'll be great! We can like stay up late, talking, and watch movies, and you know about Naked Thursdays right?
Rachel: Yeah, yeah I think I'm gonna find my own place.
Chandler: Hey hey! I thought Naked Thursdays was just our thing man!
Phoebe: So, what did Rachel say when you told her you were still married to her?
Ross: Oh, that. Umm, she took it really well.
Phoebe: Huh. You didn't tell her, did you?
Phoebe: Of course not, because you're in love with her.
Ross: I am not in love with her. She was very upset about having to move out so I eh, didn't tell her we were still married 'cause she'd only get more upset. I I just comforted her, as a friend.
Phoebe: What do you mean, comforted her?
Ross: It's nothing, I just gave her a hug.
Phoebe: Ahha! A classic sign of love, the hug!
Ross: It's also a sign of friendship.
Phoebe: Yeah, not in your case Lovey Loverson.
Ross: It was a hug! Ok? A simple hug. I was a friend being a friend to a friend.
Phoebe: Use the word "friend" more. Just tell me this, did you or did you not smell her hair?
Ross: S s smell her hair? What if I did?
Phoebe: Ninety percent of a women's pheromones come out the top of her head! That's why, that's why, that's why women are shorter. So that men will fall in love when they hug them! Oh come on Ross, you're a scientist.
Ross: I was hugging her as a friend. Ok? It's not my fault her her hair got in my face, she's got a lot of it and it smells all all uh...you know, coconutty. What? ! Oh, that doesn't mean I've feelings for Rachel! Maybe it means I've feelings for coconuts!
Phoebe: Ok, whatever you say. But just be careful, all right? Rachel's not in the same place you are.
Ross: Ok, if the place you are referring to is being in love, then she is in the same place as me because I am not in that place!
Phoebe: Ok, I didn't understand that, but you know, maybe that's 'cause you were speaking the secret language of love!
Joey: Dude, some guy just called for you.
Chandler: Who was it?
Joey: I don't know! How about, "Thanks for taking the message." Jeez!
Monica: Ok listen, you know when you move in, Rachel's room is gonna be empty, you wanna talk about what we wanna do with it?
Monica: Ok, I was thinking we should have a beautiful guest room, right? With a mahogany sleigh bed and bedside tables with flowers on it all the time! And we could have a rolltop desk with little, comment cards so people can say how much they love staying here? ! Eh, whatever, you know, I haven't really thought about it that much.
Chandler: Well I like that idea. Obviously! I was thinking maybemaybemaybe it could be a, a game room, you know? I mean you can buy old arcade games like uh, like Space Invaders and Asteroids for $200, the real ones! The big big big ones!
Chandler: Ok so you mean no as in, "Gee Chandler, what an interesting idea. Let's discuss it, before we reject it completely."
Monica: Oh, I'm sorry. Of course Yes, uh, interesting idea, umm, talked about it, but no.
Chandler: So, that's it?
Monica: I just don't think that you know, arcade games go in the beautiful guest room. The beautiful guest room is gonna be filled with antiques.
Chandler: Which is why Asteroids is perfect! It's the oldest game!
Monica: What do you have against the beautiful guest room?
Chandler: Nothing, I don't have anything against the beautiful guest room, especially since everybody that we know, lives about 30 seconds away!
Monica: Are you mocking me?
Chandler: No, I'm not mocking you, or you beautiful game room.
Joey: Hey, what's up?
Chandler: Nothing, Monica and I had a stupid fight.
Joey: But you're still moving in together, right? 'Cause my ad came out today.
Chandler: ‘Wanted. Female roommate, non smoker, non ugly.’ Nice!
Joey: Yeah? I just figured you know, after living with you it'd be an interesting change of pace to have a female roommate, you know? Someone I can learn from, someone someone who's different than me. And what's more different than me; a guy who's not 19 than say a girl who is 19? Enh? Not just a hat rack my friend!
Rachel: Pheebs, I have to ask you...
Phoebe: Shhhhhh! I'm swamped right now.
Rachel: You're just staring into space.
Phoebe: Umm, I'm trying to move that pencil.
Rachel: This one?
Phoebe: It worked!
Rachel: Pheebs, this whole apartment thing is A nightmare! Every place I can afford comes with a roommate who is a freak. I mean, look at this. "Wanted. Female roommate, nonsmoker, nonugly."
Phoebe: That's probably just some 12 year old kid trying to get girls to call.
Rachel: It's just, there is nothing! The city's full!
Phoebe: Wait, no, look at this! "Two bedroom, two bath, must be non smoker, Satan worshipers ok..." Oh, yeah, but it's on the ground floor.
Ross: Rach, uh, you still looking for a place?
Rachel: Yeah! Why?
Ross: Ok, there's this guy, Warren, from the museum and he's going on a dig for like two years. And he's got this great place he needs to sublets. So uh, you interested?
Rachel: That sounds great! I'd love to live at Warren's! I love Warren! Oh, wait, wait. Is he the guy that asked you for naked pictures of me? That doesn't matter, he won't be there! Thank you!
Ross: Don't thank me! If you wanna thank something, thank the volcano that erupted thousands of years ago, killing but perfectly preserving an entire civilization. Here's Warren's number.
Rachel: Oh, this is great! I am gonna call him right now! Oh, thank you!
Ross: Ok, you go call him!
Phoebe: I saw it.
Ross: I don't know what you're talking about.
Phoebe: Umm, I'm talking about that which you already know but won't admit. You know, that you love her again; you re love her!
Ross: Look, I do not relove her.
Phoebe: I can't believe you won't just admit it! Ok, just promise me that you won't do anything stupid.
Ross: Look, we're just friends now! Ok? Why would I do anything stupid?
Rachel: Ugh! !! Well, the apartment is already subletted! I mean, this is just hopeless. I'm never gonna find anything.
Ross: You can live with me.
Rachel: What? !
Phoebe: What? !
Rachel: What? Oh my God! Are you serious? ! I would love to live with you Ross, that's that's great! Thank you!
Ross: Well, I'm I'm just glad I could, you know, help you out.
Phoebe: Wow! I'm some so happy for you guys. This is so so, not stupid.
Rachel: Ross, Ross, you have no idea what this means to me! I mean, I mean I was gonna be homeless. You just saved me! You're my hero!
Ross: Ohhuh, hero, I uh, I don't know, well, all right.
Rachel: Oh, I have to go tell Monica what a wonderful brother she has!
Ross: Oh please!
Ross: You're gonna say things now, aren't ya?
Phoebe: No. No, I won't. But I should tell you this. This exact same thing happened to my roommate Denise. She moved in with a guy who was secretly married to her and he said he didn't love her, but he really did. And it just blew up! And that's how she ended up living with me! Ok, that's a lie.
Ross: You don't have a roommate.
Phoebe: Denise! No one ever listens to ME!
Chandler: Hi, listen, I'm sorry about before. I don't need to have a game room. I mean when I was a kid I only played those games because I couldn't get girls, and now I can get them. Now, I have you. Not not that I think that I have you, or think of you as property in any sort of way, I see women...
Monica: Stop it Chandler. I'm sorry too.
Chandler: Really? Monica: Yeah! Oh, yes!
Monica: Listen, we don't have to make that a guest room, we can think of something to do with the room together.
Chandler: That's a great idea! We can easily think of a way for us both to enjoy the room.
Chandler: We don't have to come up with this now.
Monica: Oh good.
Chandler: Hey, you know what? Why don't we think about changes we can make in the living room?
Chandler: Yeah, I mean we're gonna have to move around some furniture to make room for my chair.
Monica: You're you're you're gonna bring the Barcalounger over here?
Chandler: Is that a problem?
Monica: Well, it's just that they're a set and they should probably stay together.
Chandler: Oh, that's cool. Then I'll just uh, bring 'em both over.
Monica: See nownow you're taking them away from their home.
Chandler: Ok, I get it. So, I get nothing! Nothing here is mine! Everything is yours! I'll get up in the morning put on your clothes, and head off to work!
Monica: Yeah yeah, you know what? Yeah, that's it, that's it, everything will be mine! Nothing will be yours! That's that's what I said! Oh come on, Chandler! I'm talking about the Barcalounger!
Monica: It just, it doesn't match! Where is it gonna go? !
Chandler: In the game room!
Monica: Look it is not my fault that your chairs are incredibly ugly!
Chandler: All right! That's fine! That's fine! I won't bring over the chairs! I won't bring anything over! I wouldn't want to ruin the ambiance over here at Grandma's place! !
Joey: Everything on your application looks really good. Uh. . Ohh! Just one last question, umm Are you and your friends gonna be over here all the time like partying and hanging out?
The Potential Roommate: Oh don't worry, I'm not really a party girl.
Joey: Whoa! ! Now look, don't be just blurting stuff out. I want you to really think about your answers.
Chandler: You can call off the roommate search! Hi! I'll be living here.
Joey: Oh don't listen to him, he's just some guy who really wants the apartment, but I don't think he's gonna get it.
Chandler: Why did you take the shower curtain down?
Joey: That thing was a hazard! I'm very safety conscious.
Ross: Hey! Oh uh, I was just clearing some space for your stuff.
Rachel: Oh, thanks, but listen, I was just at Monica's and she and Chandler had a big fight and they're not moving in.
Ross: What do you mean, they're not moving in? They they're still moving in, right?
Rachel: No, no, they just had a big blow out over what to do with my room.
Ross: Wow, over a stupid room? !
Rachel: I know, I feel kinda bad for them, but I'm also really psyched 'cause I don't have to move in here!
Ross: Oh no, yeah no, that part's great! What's all this about you guys fighting? ! Is this really over a room? ! I mean, that is so silly!
Monica: Ross, we can handle this. Ross: Well, aapparently not.
Ross: And I can't just stand by and watch two people I care about so much be hurt by something that is so, silly. I mean, enough of of the silliness!
Chandler: Well, why don't you tell her to stop being silly!
Ross: Ok ok! Two very good points. look, I've known you both a long time, and I've never seen either of you one millionth as happy as you've been since you got together. Do you really wann throw that all away over a room? That is so silly. Now wh what is more important, love or silliness?
Chandler: Well, we are fond of the silliness, but we also have a soft spot for the love.
Monica: Love is the best medicine.
Chandler: That's laughter.
Monica: Why do you do it?
Chandler: I don't know.
Ross: Ok! All right! Now, Chandler, you you wanna live with Monica, right?
Chandler: Yeah, I do.
Ross: And Mon, you wanna live with Chandler, don't ya?
Ross: Good! A verbal contract is binding in the state of New York!
Gunther: So I understand you're looking for a place.
Rachel: Nono, I'm staying put.
Gunther: Oh, I was going to offer you my apartment.
Rachel: Why, where're you going?
Gunther: I don't know.
Ross: Hey, Rach!
Ross: Uh, you're never gonna believe it uh, Monica and Chandler're moving in again. That's great news, right? I mean, for them, right?
Rachel: Oh wow.
Ross: Yeah but, on the bright side, we get to be roommates again.
Rachel: Yeah. You know umm, uh, umm About that, umm, Ross, I, I really appreciate your offer to let me move in and everything… But don't you think it's gonna be weird?
Ross: Wh why? ! Why why why would it, why would it be weird?
Rachel: Well, you know, because because of us! Because of our history.
Ross: No! No! It would only be weird if we were still in that place, I mean are you still in that place?
Rachel: No! Not at all!
Ross: Good! Me neither!
Rachel: So it's not a problem. We're just two friends who happen to be roommates.
Rachel: Ok, but, Ross, eventually you and I are gonna be dating.
Ross: Really? ! We are?
Rachel: Oh yeah! I'm gonna have a boyfriend and you're gonna have a girlfriend....
Ross: Ohh! That'd be great.
Rachel: But you know what, if you think it's gonna be ok we'll just work out a system. You know, it'll be like college, I'll hang a hanger on the door and put a sign. ‘Come back later, I'm getting lucky.’
Ross: Yeah, I I didn't think of that. So are you sure about this whole moving in thing? ! I mean it's a really big step! Andand what's the rush? !
Monica: That's very funny!
Chandler: He's being silly, because he knows that we enjoy the silliness!
Ross: No, I I I'm serious, ok? I mean, think about it. You move in, uh, you start fighting over stupid game rooms, next thing you know, you break up!
Monica: Ross, you were right before, it was just a stupid fight about a room.
Ross: Ok, there are no stupid fights! This isn't about the room, this is about what the room...represents! And unfortunately, this room could destroy you!
Chandler: Yeah, I'm not so worried. Monica: Yeah, no, me neither.
Ross: Fine! It's your life! I just don't wanna see you guys break up! You know? Which you will do if you move in together. But that's what you want, there's nothing I can do. DON'T DO IT!
Monica: You still wanna move in together right?
Chandler: Of course!
Monica: Ross didn't scare you?
Chandler: Scared me out of ever wanting to live with him.
Monica: Come here, I'm gonna show you something!
Chandler: Ok! Oh my God! Someone's killed Square Man!
Monica: This is where I thought the Barcalounger could go! You see you could see the TV and still it's walking distance to the kitchen.
Chandler: Oh that's so sweet! I wanna show you something too!
Chandler: Y’ know those bigbig uh, road signs that say "Merge?" Y’ know? So I was thinking that we could get one of those signs and hang it over our bed.
Chandler: Because, that’s you and I together! Merge!
Monica: Oh my God! I love that!
Chandler: Really? !
Monica: Uh, no! !
Phoebe: I found you in my bed! How’d you whined up there? You are a mystery! Little black curly hair! Little black curly hair! Little black, little black, little black, little black, little black curly hair… Now if you want to receive emails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.
Ross: So umm, where are the other guys?
Rachel: Umm, well let’s see Monica and Chandler are occupied.
Ross: Fighting? !
Rachel: No, the other thing.
Rachel: I really think it’s great they work things out.
Ross: Yeah. There’s no breaking them up, is there?
Rachel: Hey, can I borrow the key to your house so I can run across the street and make a copy?
Ross: Sure! Here.
Rachel: Thank you.
Rachel: Now are you sure? Because once I make a copy, there’s no turning back.
Ross: Yeah, I’m I’m sure. Yeah, get out of here before I change my mind.
Joey: Umm, listen, Ross do you really think this moving in with Rachel is a good idea?
Ross: I’ve been back and forth.
Joey: Yeah well, maybe you should go back!
Joey: Okay? Rachel moves in, and before you know it you’re right where you don’t want to be! Back together!
Ross: Ehh, I don’t, I don’t think so. She’s already talked about y’ know, dating other guys.
Joey: That’s not gonna work out! Then she’s gonna come home all weepy and you’ll be tellin’ her, ‘Oh that’s okay. You’ll find someone.’ And then, bam! She finds you!
Ross: Yeah, well, m maybe you’re right.
Joey: I am telling you Ross, she is definitely gonna fall in love with you again! Now, is that what you want?
Ross: Is that what I want?
Joey: Here she comes. Hold on, I’m gonna make your life much easier.
Rachel: All right, well the place was closed. I’ll just copy it later.
Joey: Or not. Uh, Rach, why don’t you just move in with me?
Ross: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, Joey!
Joey: No no no no no no no no… It’s okay, I mean I—look Rach, I know I scared you off with that whole Naked Thursday’s thing, but… we don’t have to do that!
Rachel: Well, it would be easier to move just right across the hall. Wait a minute, unless you’re thinking about Naked Wednesday’s.
Joey: Thursday’s clearly not good for ya, pick a day!
Joey: Come on in. Thanks for comin’ back. umm, okay there have been a lot of people interested in the room. But I have narrowed it down and you are one of the finalists!
The Potential Roommate: Great!
Joey: Okay now, before I make my final decision I uh, I just want to make sure our personalities match. Okay, so I made up a little test.
Joey: Now, I’m gonna say a word and then you say the first thing that comes to mind.
The Potential Roommate: I can do that.
Joey: Okay! Here we go. Pillow.
The Potential Roommate: Fight.
Joey: Very good! Okay. G.
The Potential Roommate: String?
Joey: Excellent! Okay umm, doggy.
The Potential Roommate: Kitten?
Joey: Ooh, sorry! No no no, so close though, but bye bye!