Friends Season 6 Episode 8: The one With Ross’s Teeth.
Chandler: Hi, my name's Chandler. I just moved in next door.
Chandler: And I was wondering if you'd be interested in battling me in a post apocalyptic world for control of the galaxy's last remaining energy source?
Joey: Sure, neighbor, come on in.
Chandler: So, is Janine around?
Joey: Uh, no, she's at dance class.
Chandler: Can I check what she did with my room?
Joey: Yeah, but, hey look, don't go through her stuff. She gets really mad.
Chandler: Oh my God. What is th...it's like a guy never lived in here. Look, you gotta be careful, this girl thing is dangerous. It's spreading already.
Joey: It is?
Chandler: Yeah, is this your pretty pink pillow on the couch?
Chandler: Is that your tiny little box, that's too small to put anything in?
Chandler: No! Ok, this is not good.
Chandler: You are a guy. Ok? This is a guys place. If you let this go, you’re going to be sitting around with your fingers soaking in stuff.
Chandler: And your head's gonna be under a big, brown, drying, big drying…… It's not good!
Joey: All right, you're right. I'll I'll talk to her.
Chandler: Yes, talk to her! Be a man!
Joey: I'm a man.
Chandler: Defend yourself!
Monica: Chandler, come on. We have to hem the new dust ruffle.
Chandler: Be right there sweetums. A totally different situation.
Monica: Hey guys.
Chandler: How was your breakfast with Hillary?
Monica: Yeah it was ok.
Monica: She's still kind of depressed because, you know she broke up with her boyfriend.
Chandler: Ohh, yeah.
Ross: Well, is this Hillary your hot assistant chef Hillary?
Ross: The one that always stares at me when I come in?
Monica: No, the one who looked at you once because you got in her way.
Ross: Still I could tell. She was into me. Wo won't you set us up?
Rachel: Ohh, are you setting Ross up with someone? Does she have a wedding dress?
Ross: Come on, Monica. I'm serious.
Monica: Ok, I'll do it, but as long as you promise you won't marry her.
Ross: Fine, I But what if she's the one?
Joey: Man, you have a problem!
Phoebe: Listen, I'm, uhh, making up flyers trying to get new massage clients. So, can I come to Bloomingdale's and use the copy machine?
Rachel: Well, sure, but they might think it's kinda weird considering I don't work there anymore.
Phoebe: Oh my God. What happened?
Rachel: I I, got a job at Ralph Lauren.
Phoebe: Well that's great! Congratulations! !
Rachel: A year ago.
Phoebe: You've lasted a whole year. Good for you.
Rachel: But, Pheebs, you you can still use the copy machine where I actually work.
Rachel: But, just come by at lunch so that my boss doesn't see you. 'Cause Kim will just freak out and she already doesn't like me very much.
Chandler: That's weird. I don't think my boss likes me either.
Monica: I don't think mine likes me either.
Ross: Maybe it's a universal thing?
Joey: Yeah or maybe, it's because you're hanging around here at 11:30 on a Wednesday.
Chandler: Yeah let's head off to work.
Phoebe: Thank you.
Phoebe: Now you, will not believe this. But, I was in the copy room, making copies, and Ralph Lauren came in.
Rachel: Oh my God. Did you talk to him?
Phoebe: Yeah, a little. He seems really nice. Good kisser.
Rachel: What? What? ! You kissed him?
Rachel: Phoebe, are you serious?
Phoebe: Yeah. I was just in there. He came in and introduced himself and the next thing I know, we were making out. You know.
Rachel: Phoebe, I mean, you do know he's married?
Phoebe: What am I supposed to do? Ask every guy I make out with if he's married?
Phoebe: No, yeah, I should, I should.
Janine: Hey Joey.
Joey: Hey. Uh, can I talk to you for a second? This, uh, kid in this picture. Do you uh, you know this kid? Is that like a relative or something?
Janine: No, I just thought it was cute.
Joey: Yeah, that's what I was afraid of. . Ok, uhh...Look, Janine, I really want you to feel at home here, but, some of this new stuff. It's it's too girly.
Janine: Ohh. Like what?
Joey: Like this. Pictures of cute babies we don't know. We. . we can't have that.
Janine: Joey, it's Anne Geddes. She's a famous artist.
Joey: Look I don't know this baby. I don't know if she's a famous artist or not. Ok? I don't wanna be a jerk but you, you're changing too much around here.
Janine: I'm sorry, I just thought I'd try to make the place a little nicer.
Joey: Yeah! But it's it's too much stuff.
Joey: Like, you got the candles and the the foofy schmoofer thing here, and over here, you got a picture of a watering can.
Janine: Well I just thought...
Joey: I'm sure it's a famous watering can, ok? But, come on...and what is with the really hot stick in the bathroom?
Janine: It's a curling iron.
Joey: Ohh, well. Well that's ok then.
Joey: But, ok my towels, for instance ok? I come in to the bathroom here, and my towel is not on the floor where I keep it.
Joey: It's up here, on some hook…and…smells different.
Janine: It's clean.
Joey: Yeah, well, it, it feels different.
Janine: It's dry.
Joey: Alright, I can make my peace with the clean dry towels. And ok also, what is with these chips you bought?
Janine: No no no no, it's potpourri. You're supposed to smell it.
Joey: Well that's like summer in a bowl.
Rachel: Oh, Kim, Hi.
Kim: Uhh huh.
Rachel: So, you know, I...I handed in that marketing report and I, and I never got to hear what you thought.
Kim: I didn't read it.
Rachel: Ahh. Ahh.... So...Wow...The spring line, it's really gonna be great this year, huh?
Rachel: Huhh. So, I hear uh, Ralph Lauren fooled around with someone in the copy room.
Kim: Tell me everything.
Ross: Hey guys.
Chandler and Monica: Hey.
Ross: What's up?
Chandler: You know…Oh My God.
Monica: What happened to your teeth?
Ross: I whitened them.
Ross: Yeah. What what do you think?
Monica: Well, I think I shouldn't look directly at them.
Ross: Come on, seriously.
Monica: Ross they're really, really, really white.
Chandler: Yeah, what was wrong with your old...human teeth.
Ross: Aw yeah, I I did leave the gel on a little longer then it said to.
Monica: How much longer?
Ross: A a a day.
Monica: Ross you know that tonight is your date with Hillary?
Ross: I know. That's why I did it. Come on, are they really that bad?
Chandler: No, no no no. You'll you'll be fine. Hillary's blind, right?
Monica: She will be after tonight.
Chandler: Huh huh.
Ross: Oh hey, hey Rach, do you notice anything uh...
Rachel: Yeah. Your teeth? Yes, I saw them from outside.
Rachel: You guys, are never gonna believe this. But Phoebe, made out with Ralph Lauren.
Chandler: What? !Monica: Oh my God!
Rachel: Yeah. I know. She ran into him at at my office and they just…made out.
Rachel: And the craziest thing is, now my boss likes me because I told her about it, she said it was the best gossip she'd heard all year.
Chandler: I am proud of all my friends today.
Monica: God, Rachel, I cannot believe Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren. Uh, I'm so jealous.
Chandler: Hi, I'm Chandler. Your live in boyfriend.
Monica: Chandler, please, come on. Look at him.
Chandler: Oh, I am no women, but that is one tasty dish.
Phoebe: Hey. Here. Ohh, who's the silver fox?
Rachel: That that is your make out buddy. Don't you recognize him? Oh wait. Ohh, Phoebe I love you. Kiss me please.
Phoebe: That's not Ralph Lauren. Sounds like him though.
Phoebe: Yeah, no, Ralph doesn't look anything like that guy.
Phoebe: He's he's young and he's got long hair and a beard and a Hacky Sack.
Rachel: Oh My God, Phoebe, that's not Ralph Lauren. That's Kenny the copy guy.
Rachel: Oh. .Go. .Oh. .and I told my boss that someone made out with Ralph Lauren. If she finds out that I lied to her, she is gonna hate me even more. Phoebe!
Phoebe: Why would the copy guy say that he's Ralph Lauren?
Rachel: To get you to make out with him!
Monica: Ok, maybe this will make your teeth look less white. Nope.
Monica: No. Ok, so, colors that don't work are: blue, yellow, green, red, black, white, orange, and purple.
Monica: Do you wanna try this highlighter again?
Ross: No, I think it poisoned me a little.
Ross: That date starts in like an hour. What am I gonna do? !
Monica: Hey, maybe if your skin was a little lighter, your teeth wouldn't stand out so much.
Ross: Oh great. So all I need to do is get some new skin. Thank you.
Monica: I'm just saying, if we put just a little bit of makeup on you.
Ross: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. We're not 13 anymore.
Monica: Ross, this is the only thing left that has a shot at working.
Ross: But, won't she notice I have makeup on?
Monica: Please. Half the guys out there have makeup on.
Ross: What? !
Monica: All right half the people. I mean, would you just try it and see?
Ross: No. I am not putting on makeup.
Phoebe: Hello. Oh good. Ross, could you put up some of these flyers for me? No! Damon! Damon!
Monica: Now are drawers will smell nice and we didn't waste these pantyhose.
Chandler: Yes, God forbid we throw out old underwear. You you know what? I'm going to go over to Joey's.
Monica: Wait, we're supposed to organize the wrapping paper drawer.
Chandler: Yes, but I've really gotten in touch with my feminine side enough today.
Chandler: You know. In fact I think we're two sachets away from becoming a lesbian couple.
Monica: You know what? This has been kind of a girlie day. You're right, I'm sorry.
Chandler: Nah, Nah, it's okay. I feel like I need to be in guy place. You know, do kind of like a man thing.
Monica: Yeah. Go over to Joey's. Go over to Joey's and drink some beer and hammer up some drywall.
Chandler: You know when guys hang out they don't just drink some beer and hammer up drywall?
Monica: When girls hang out, we don't have pillow fights in our underwear.
Monica: I'm sorry. We do. We do. I don't know why I said that.
Joey: Hey Chandler. Come on in. We're knitting pot holders.
Chandler: No thanks, Josephine. Hey Ross, I was wondering if…Oh my God! ! Where are all the men? ??
Rachel: Ohh, hi, Kim.
Kim: Hi Rachel.
Rachel: Yeah, remember that thing I told you that happened yesterday? Well it didn't happen.
Kim: You didn't cancel the fabric order from taiwan?
Rachel: Okay, two things didn't happen.
Rachel: Remember I told you that someone made out with Ralph Lauren in the copy room? Well, it turns out that's not true.
Kim: That's not true?
Kim: Oh that's interesting?
Kim: Because I checked and only one keycard was used to access the copy machine yesterday during lunch and that keycard belonged to you, Rachel.
Rachel: Oh no, no, no. Oh God, you think I made out with him.
Kim: Listen to me. If you think sleeping with Ralph is going to get you my job. You are sadly mistaken.
Rachel: I I don't want your job. II don't. Ohh this is such a mistake. I did not make out with him. Nobody made out with him.
Rachel: I did not use my key card yesterday. I don't even know how to use a key card.
Kim: Hi Ralph.
Ralph Lauren: Hi Kim.
Kim: Yeah, nothing happen. You could cut the sexual tension in here with a knife.
Hillary: And after that, what could I do except become a chef.
Ross: Mmm Hmm.
Hillary: And someday soon, I hope to open my own restaurant.
Hillary: You know, you're a really great listener. Most guys I go out with, they just talk and talk.
Ross: Mm Hmm.
Hillary: After a while it's like, shut your mouth, you know?
Ross: (Chuckling) Hmm Hmm.
Hillary: I've probably been talking too much. Why don't we talk about you a little bit?
Ross: Mmm Unmm.
Hillary: Come on. I want to know.
Ross: Hmm Hmm Hmm.
Ross: Okay. I, uh, am from Long Island. I I came to the city for college.
Ross: Um, I, um, have a 5 year old son and in my spare time I like to read spy novels. But, but, let's talk more about you. Hmm.
Joey: So what's really neat. If you sear the stems of the flowers first in a frying pan, your arrangement will look fresh much longer.
Monica: Oh my God, Joey, that is such a great tip.
Chandler: Monica, could you excuse us for a second? I need to talk to the girl with the flowers.
Monica: Okay. Oh but Joey, come over later because I'm going to teach you to make a bird feeder out of just a pine cone and some peanut butter.
Joey: Ohh, I love birds.
Chandler: What is the matter with you? !?
Chandler: You're arranging flowers!
Chandler: You got dead flowers! You got a picture, a picture, of a baby dressed like flowers! This is not Joey! !
Joey: Hey. Hey look I am still Joey, okay. Flowers they're just, you know, they're nice to look at. And that happens to be a picture by a famous artist. Of a famous baby.
Chandler: You're turning into a women.
Joey: No I'm not. Why would you say that? That's just mean.
Chandler: Now I've upset you? What did I say?
Joey: It's not what you said. It's the way you said it…Oh My God, I'm a women! !!
Rachel: Now, she thinks that I made out with him and I did it to get her job.
Phoebe: But why didn't you just tell her the truth.
Rachel: I did but she doesn't think anyone would be stupid enough to confuse Kenny the copy guy with Ralph Lauren.
Phoebe: Well, hey, what if Kenny were the real brains behind the whole company?
Phoebe: You know. What if Kenny hired that Ralph Lauren guy to be the pretty front man? Huh, did she ever think of that?
Rachel: You were with Kenny today, weren't you?
Phoebe: Just for a second.
Rachel: Ohh, Phoebe, what am I going to do?
Phoebe: Well, the only thing you can do. Sleep with Ralph Lauren.
Rachel: I'm not going to sleep with Ralph Lauren. I mean, I could, but I wouldn't.
Phoebe: Ohh, sleep with Kenny.
Rachel: That wouldn't help me.
Phoebe: Ohh, yes it would.
Hillary: I've had a really good time tonight.
Hillary: You know, I rarely connect with someone this much on the first date.
Ross: HmmHmmHmm. Me, neither. I've had a really good time too, you know.
Hillary: Are you going to eat that bread?
Ross: Ohh, I just like the smell. Mmmm.
Hillary: You make me laugh.
Ross: Hmm Hmm.
Hillary: Would you like to move over to the couch? Maybe I'll just turn the lights down a little.
Ross: How about all the way.
Ross: Wow, cool poster. Or should I say groovy poster?
Ross: So, ahh, where were we?
Hillary: Are those your teeth? ?
Ross: Ohh, you can see them, huh?
Hillary: Yes. They're insanely white.
Ross: I I, did that for you.
Hillary: What's a matter with you?
Ross: What's a matter with me? You've got a black light. It's 1999!
Rachel: Kim, hi.
Kim: Hi Rachel. Ohh, I've been meaning to ask you. Have you seen the new Ralph Lauren sheets? Ohh, what am I thinking. Of course you have.
Rachel: Okay…Okay…Look. I'm sorry that I lied to you before. You were right. Ralph and I were an item but were not anymore.
Kim: Oh, really?
Rachel: Yeah, he dumped me.
Rachel: He said, ‘Rachel, I can't do this. Even though you are a very, very, very beautiful women. I can't do this. I'm married and I'm sorry.' And then I don't know why but he said, ‘and you will never get promoted. Especially not above Kim, who is an integral cog in the Ralph Lauren machine.'
Kim: You expect me to believe. Hi, Ralph.
Ralph Lauren: Hi Kim.
Kim: Oh my God. He just gave you the coldest look I have ever seen. It's like he hates you. Then it is true.
Rachel: Of course it's true and it hurts so bad.
Kim: Ohh honey come here. Ohh it will be ok. We've all been there.
Rachel: You and Ralph?
Kim: Kenny the copyboy.
Joey: Hey, uhh, I need to talk to you.
Janine: What's the matter? Are you upset?
Janine: Would you like me to get a pint of ice cream and two spoons?
Joey: No, no, no ice cream.
Joey: I'm sorry but we've got to get rid of all this girlie stuff in here. I, uh, I got to be a man! Okay. The living room has to remain a guy place, okay? That's just the way it has to be.
Janine: Well, if that's what you want. I'll just put it all in my room.
Joey: Great…Great…and thanks for being so understanding. I mean, I didn't want to make a big deal out of this, you know. You could, uh, put the picture of the famous baby in my room. I mean, if you want to.
Joey: And, uhh, maybe the watering can there.
Joey: And a couple of these little tiny boxes.
Janine: Joey? Do you want me to put it all in your room?