Joey: Ok Rach, that's muffin and espresso, $4.50. Ross, double latte, $2.75. Chandler, coffee and a scone, $4.25. And Pheebs, herbal tea, $1.25.
Joey: So, all together that's $12.75.
Chandler: This coming from the man that couldn't split our 80 dollar phone bill in half.
Woman: How much do I owe for the muffin and latte?
Joey: Oh that's on the house, courtesy of Joey Tribbiani.
Woman: Ohhh. . Great! Well, tell him thanks. And since uh, Joey seems like such a nice guy, maybe we could go on a date sometime?
Joey: Well, he's not used to women being so forward; but uh, I can check with him He says it's ok.
Joey: Great! Thanks! Byebye!
Ross: Hey Joey, how come our stuff isn't free?
Joey: It will be when you look like that in a tight skirt! This is great! I'm getting more dates than ever!
Rachel: Wait a minute, you're only giving away free stuff to the pretty girls?
Phoebe: Yeah Joey, that is so gross!
Joey: How about a scone on the house baby?
Phoebe: I'm pretty.
Ross: Hey does anyone have any gum?
Phoebe: Oh I do!
Phoebe: Here, sorry.
Phoebe: Oh, you know what?
Phoebe: No. Wait a second.
Phoebe: I know it's in here somewhere.
Ross: You know what? I'm good! I'm good!
Phoebe: All right. Sorry, I guess it's in my big bag.
Chandler: Say, does anybody have a goldfish?
Chandler: Hey, what're you doing here? Shouldn't you be at work?
Monica: Ugh, they sent me home. They said I can't work if I'm sick.
Chandler: So sorry that you're sick.
Monica: I'm not sick!
Monica: I don't get sick! Getting sick is for weaklings and for pansies!
Rachel: Honey, no one thinks you're a pansy, but we do think that you need a tissue.
Monica: I have not been sick in over three years!
Chandler: Now I think you're sick 'cause that used to be in your nose. I'm gonna grab you some tissue.
Monica: I don't need a tissue! I'm fined!
Ross: When you put a'D' at the end of 'Fine' you're not fine.
Monica: I'm fined. I'm fined! You know, it's a really hard word to say.
Woman: Hi, is Rachel here? I'm her sister.
Rachel: Oh my God, Jill!
Jill: Oh, my God, Rachel!
Chandler: Oh my God, introduce us!
Rachel: Well this is Chandler.
Rachel: And you know Monica and Ross!
Ross: Hi Jill.
Rachel: And that's Phoebe. And that's Joey.
Joey: Hey, how you doing?
Rachel: Honey, what're you doing here? !
Phoebe: Which, which sister is this? Is this the spoiled one or the one that bitter?
Jill: Daddy cut me off.
Phoebe: Never mind, I got it.
Jill: You know what I said to him? I said, ‘I'm gonna hire a lawyer and I'm gonna sue you and take all your money and then I'm gonna cut you off!’
Rachel: Wow! What did he say?
Jill: He said he wouldn't pay for my lawyer.
Jill: Then he told me to come here and learn about the value of money from the one daughter he's actually proud of.
Rachel: Oh! Did you hear that? ! My dad's proud of me! My dad's proud of me.
Rachel: Oh yes, sorry.
Rachel: Ok, honey, so, what did you do that made dad cut you off?
Jill: Ok, I bought a boat.
Monica: You bought a boat?
Jill: Yeah but it wasn't for me, it was for a friend.
Chandler: Boy did we make friends with the wrong sister!
Jill: I knew it was stupid and I know I shouldn't've gone it, but she bought me all the CDs and she said I had a really cute haircut.
Chandler: And your daddy didn't understand?
Jill: I know, and usually I just cry and say I'm sorry and then he forgives me.
Ross: Oh yes, good criers, the Green girls. I mean I mean the uh, you know, the the Green sisters.
Ross: Man, no matter how you say it, it still sounds like you're talking about green people. I'm at rock bottom.
Rachel: Jill, honey, I think this is the best thing that could've ever happened to you. I mean you've needed to get on your own anyway!
Rachel: And you know when I did it, I I I first I was scared, but then look at me now! I'm the only daughter that dad is proud of!
Jill: I just can't believe him. I mean, how's he expect me to buy stuff?
Rachel: Well, maybe, you just uh…you know, you won't buy stuff for a while.
Jill: I don't understand.
Rachel: Ok, well this is, this is what you're gonna do. You're gonna get a job, you're gonna get an apartment, and then you will live off the money that you earn.
Jill: Ok…I know this is what you did, but uh, that just doesn't sound like me.
Rachel: Ok, but it can be. It can be you, and then I'll help you and you can stay with us. Right Pheebs, she can stay with us?
Phoebe: Of course, yeah!
Jill: Oh, that's so great!
Jill: Ok, I'm really gonna do this! I don't know how to thank you guys.
Phoebe: Ooh, I like cars.
Joey: Uh, you all finished here?
Gunther: Ok, here are the tips for this morning. Jen gets 50,50 for me, and Joey owes eight dollars.
Joey: What? !
Gunther: For all the free food you gave away.
Joey: Well if it's free food, how come you're charging me for it?
Gunther: We don't give anything away unless it's someone's birthday.
Joey: Well, what if they came in third in a modeling contest?
Joey: Sorry, I
Jill: I just had the hardest day. Some of these are so heavy.
Ross: Jill, how did you pay for all this? I thought your dad took away your credit card.
Jill: Oh please, I memorized those numbers when I was 15. But look at all the cool make it on my own stuff I got!
Jill: This is my ‘Please, hire me’ sweater. And these are my, ‘Don't you want to rent me this apartment?’ pants.
Ross: I don't think charging new clothes to your dad qualifies as making it on your own.
Jill: Oh, Mr. Scientist has to get all technical!
Phoebe: Seriously, I don't think Rachel's gonna think it's such a good idea.
Jill: So who made her queen of the world?
Phoebe: I would love that job!
Rachel: Hey! What's going on?
Rachel: Jill! Did you shop? !
Jill: No! They did!
Phoebe and Ross: Yeah, we went shopping!
Rachel: You went shopping? !
Rachel: What, and then you just came in here and paraded it right under Jill's nose when you know she's trying to quit. Wow, you guys, it's terrible!
Ross: Sorry, sorry Jill.
Rachel: So what'd you get?
Phoebe: Oh, well, all right, I got thank you, I got uh, this you know ‘I want a job sweater.’
Phoebe: And, and then I got uh, these are apartment pants.
Rachel: Apartment pants?
Phoebe: Yeah, you never heard of 'em?
Rachel: No, of course, of course I've heard of them! Ross, what did you get?
Ross: Huh? I got this this!
Rachel: A pashmina?
Ross: Yeah! Oh, I I love this babies!
Ross, what's a pashmina?
Ross: It's a rug.
Jill: I'm sorry Rachel, I'm…
Rachel: Oh, come on! You really think that's gonna work on me? ! I invented that!
Jill: Aww. Right! But I am sorry.
Rachel: All right, it's ok. One little setback is ok, but just don't let it happen again, all right?
Rachel: Now since daddy paid for all this stuff, I should take it all away. But I'm just gonna take the the pashmina.
Rachel: And the and the uh pants. You know what, I'm just gonna take it all away, 'cause that way you'll just really learn the lesson.
Rachel: Ok? All righty, well, I'm gonna run a couple of errands and I will see you at dinner.
Jill: Oh, she took all my stuff.
Ross: Yeah. Everything but, the little blue one.
Jill: That's the best one! Oh my God, thank you so much!
Ross: Well. Hey…
Jill: Oh my gosh, that was so lame. Like a pashmina could be a rug!
Ross: Oh yeah, well how about you and the, ‘I'm sorry!’
Jill: Shut up! I did not like that at all!
Phoebe: What about, what about when I said you know about the apartment pants, how dumb was I?
Jill: Were you this cute in high school?
Ross: Oh, stop.
Jill: No you stop!
Ross: No, you stop!
Jill: You stop!
Phoebe: Ok ok, why don't I sit here and you'll both stop it!
Monica: Ok, so what do you, what do you wanna do? Let's do something crazy!
Chandler: I know, let's rest and drink lots of fluids.
Monica: Ok, I'll rest. But you know, if I'm going to bed, then you're coming with me.
Chandler: See, that would be impossible to resist if you weren't all drippy here.
Monica: Are you saying that you don't wanna get with this?
Chandler: Yeah, I don't think you should say that even when you're healthy.
Monica: Come on.
Chandler: Don't take this personally ok? It's just that I just can't have sex with a sick person.
Monica: I'm with you Chandler! I mean I can't have sex with a sick person either, that's disgusting!
Monica: But I'm not sick! Let me prove it to you. We are two healthy people in the prime of lime.
Chandler: See that's the thing, I would like to stay in the prime of mwha ah libe. Oh, ok, now I'll do it.
Rachel: Hey! What's up?
Phoebe: Umm, I think there's something you should maybe know.
Rachel: Well, it'd better not be about the apartment pants, because I just pitched the idea to my boss at Ralph Lauren and she loved it.
Phoebe: No. No. It's just I was umm, I was with Ross and Jill after you left and umm, I'm pretty sure I saw a little spark between them.
Rachel: What? !
Phoebe: Yeah I mean it's probably nothing, but I just wanted to warn you, that there might be something there.
Rachel: With Ross and Jill?
Rachel: With Ross and my sister?
Rachel: With my sister Jill and my exboyfriend Ross?
Rachel: Oh there is no way.
Phoebe: Ok, then.
Rachel: Oh my God! I can not believe that! I mean I don't really like it when Ross goes out with anyone, but my sister, isn't that like incest or something? ! Oh my God, and they're gonna have sex! Oh no what if he marries her too? ! Oh this is just terrible, this is just terrible. And I can't stop it! I can't I don't own Ross! You know? And Jill, she should be able to do whatever it is she wants to do! And, oh my God, I can't believe Ross is marrying my little sister, this is just, oh my God, this is just the worst thing that could've ever happened to me.
Phoebe: But great news about the apartment pants, huh?
Joey: That'll be $3.85.
Woman: Uh, what do you mean? Yesterday you said I was too pretty to pay for stuff!
Joey: It's just I can't because my manager said I…'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Annie…'
Joey: '! Happy birthday to you!'
A Male Customer: Hey, that's weird, today's my birthday too!
Joey: Yeah, not in here, it isn't.
Jill: Sorry I'm late, what's up?
Rachel: Oh hi! Y' know, I just wanted to see if there were any leads on the old job front.
Jill: Oh no! But I just walked past three sales and I didn't go in. How strong am I?
Rachel: That is great. Hey, y' know who doesn't have to job hunt? Ross. He works at the university.
Rachel: Oh so you know that, you guys talked about that, so you get along, so you think you're gonna go out?
Jill: Me go out with Ross? ! No! God no! What would make you think that?
Rachel: I just, Phoebe, said y' know thought she saw something between you guys.
Jill: No! I mean he's nice.
Jill: He's the kind of guy you're friends with, y' know? But he's not the kind of guy you date.
Jill: He's the kind of guy you'd date because you did. Me, not so much.
Rachel: Oh not not so much. Umm, what what do you, what do you mean is there something wrong with Ross?
Jill: Oh nonono, he's just I don't know, he's just a little bookish.
Rachel: Are are you saying he's a geek?
Jill: You think so too?
Rachel: No! No I, no Ross is not a geek!
Jill: Fine, then let's just say he's not my type.
Rachel: What handsome is not your type? smart? Kind? Good kisser? What those things aren't on your list? Ross is a great guy! You would be lucky to be with him!
Jill: Well okay, if it means that much to you, then I'll ask him out.
Rachel: Oh no no no, no no no, that's not what I meant.
Jill: No! Y' know what Rachel? You're right, y' know he has been really nice to me.
Rachel: Yeah but, he's not your type.
Jill: Yeah but maybe that's a good thing. Y' know I'm doing all these different sorts of things, and maybe I should try dating a geek too!
Rachel: Yeah but, you don't, you don't, you don't want to try to much too fast.
Rachel: Y' know? I mean, you do remember what happened to the little girl that tried to much too fast don't you?
Rachel: She she died Jill.
Chandler: Oh what is it honey, you need some tea? Some soup? Ohohhhh!
Monica: Calling Dr. Big, Dr. Big to the bed.
Chandler: Oh Jeez honey, I thought, I thought you were asleep.
Monica: How could I be asleep knowing that you were in the next room.
Chandler: I was asleep. Oh no! No no honey! Y' know what's sexy? Layers. Layers are sexy. And blankets are sexy. And oh! Hot water bottles are sexy.
Monica: Come on, get into bed! I want to prove to you that I'm not sick! I wanna make you feel, as good as I feel.
Chandler: Would you please get some rest!
Monica: I'm fine.
Chandler: You're coughing.
Monica: No, I'm not. No, I'm not, I'm laughing.
Chandler: At what?
Monica: Just something I heard before.
Chandler: Tell me.
Monica: No, I don't want it to spoil…the mood.
Joey: ‘Happy birthday to you!'
Gunther: You're paying for that.
Joey: What? No, no, it's her birthday!
Gunther: You've sung Happy Birthday to 20 different women today!
Joey: But it really...
Joey: But it really...
Gunther: You are no longer authorized to distribute birthday muffins.
Joey: Damn it!
Ross: Rach? Hi!
Ross: Did you tell your sister to ask me out?
Rachel: Well yeah…
Ross: Oh wow! I mean, wow! I mean, I I I think she's cute but I I never would've thought of going out with her, never!
Rachel: Really? !
Ross: Yeah, but after you said it was ok, I figured, "Why not? !"
Rachel: Oh so, so not really never.
Ross: I have to say you are a much bigger person than I am. I mean after all we've been through, I just you know I wish I had a brother to reciprocate.
Ross: Hey, if you ever wanna go out with Monica, you have my blessing.
Joey: Oh ho, and mine!
Monica: Chandler, I think I'm sick.
Chandler: Really? Struck down in the pribe of libe!
Monica: Ok, fine, I admit it! I feel terrible! Would you please rub this on my chest?
Chandler: No no no no no no no, you are not getting me this way.
Monica: Fine, I'll just rub it on myself.
Chandler: So you're just, kinda rubbing it on yourself?
Chandler: It's nice.
Monica: Are you kidding me? ! Is this; is this turning you on?
Monica: Oh I can't believe it! What is it? Is it the rubbing or the smell?
Chandler: It's all very, very good. So you wanna go uh, mix it up?
Monica: Not now, I'm sick!
Chandler: Oh come on you big faker!
Monica: What happened to your rule about never sleeping with sick people?
Chandler: Well that was before all the Worked like a charm.
Monica: Okay, if you really wanna have sex…
Monica: Worked like a charm.
Rachel: Hi! Wh what're you doing here?
Jill: This is where Ross and I are meeting for our date. So, what do you think?
Rachel: Well, I I don't like it.
Jill: Really? !
Rachel: It's kinda slutty.
Jill: It's yours!
Rachel: Yeah well, I'm I'm a slut.
Jill: Me too.
Ross: Hi Jill!
Ross: Rachel! Well, you you're not at home, you're you're you're right here.
Rachel: Yeah I know, and I bet you thought it would be weird. But it's not!
Ross: Ok. So, well I'll umm, I'll have her home by midnight.
Rachel: Why aren't you home yet? !
Monica: Someone there?
Rachel: Oh yes, it's me! Sorry!
Chandler: What're you doing here?
Rachel: Uh, I'm, I'm just looking out your window. At at the view. What're you guys doing?
Chandler: We got some Vap O Rub in some places.
Rachel: Oh, he brought her back to his apartment.
Monica: Who? Is that your sister?
Rachel: Ugh, she is a slut!
Monica: God, Ross is on a date with your sister! How weird is that? !
Rachel: Oh my God, look look he's taking off her clothes!
Chandler: He's taking off her coat!
Rachel: Oh, this is just terrible.
Monica: Oh no, it's not, no it's not. It's a first date. I'm sure that nothing is gonna...
Chandler: Hooh, he's gonna get some! Off the glare from the streetlight out of his apartment.
Chandler: You know, so, umm, he's closed the drapes there so he can have a nice, pleasant conversation with your little sister. Well, I'm off to bed!
Chandler: I don't feel good.
Monica: You better not get me sick.
Chandler: Uhh. I need some fruit or some juice or some.... Or, or some nothing. There's nothing in here. Who took our food?
Joey: Can I interest you in a slice of lasagna or a drumstick?
Customer: No thanks.
Joey: Are you sure? It's on the house.
Customer: No thanks.
Joey: How about going out with me Friday night?
Customer: No thanks.
Joey: Ehh, what are you gonna do.