Ross: Hey, remember when I had a monkey?
还记得我之前养过猴子吗？
Chandler: Yeah.
是啊。
Ross: Yeah, what, what was I thinking?
我在想什么？
Joey: Hey! So, what's with the 20 percent tip? Did I do something wrong?
小费怎么才百分之二十？我做错事了吗？
Chandler: Twenty percent is a pretty generous tip Joe.
百分之二十很大方了。
Joey: You know what's more generous than that? ! Fifty percent! You know what's even more generous than that? !
你知道几分更大方？百分之五十！你知道怎样更大方？！
Chandler: I see where you're going!
我知道你想说什么了！
Ross: What's up with the greed Joe?
你干嘛这么贪？
Joey: All right, look, I'm sorry you guys, but it's just that I gotta get these new head shots made. And they're really expensive, you know? I'm down to like three! Well, actually two 'cause one of 'em I kind of blackened in some teeth Why did I do that? !
好吧，对不起，只是……我得照新的大头照，但是好贵！我只剩三张了，其实是两张，有一张的牙齿，被我涂黑……我为什么那么做啊？！
Ross: Well, is isn't there something you can do to earn a little extra money? I mean, can't can't you pick up, I don't know, an extra shift here?
你不能设法多赚一点吗？例如在这里多轮一班？
Phoebe: Or, you know, I used to beg for money. Of course it helps if you've got, you know, a little of this going on. Wow! I still have it!
或是我以前当过乞丐，如果能这样更有用，我现在还会！
Ross: Oh, wait! Wait! Don't you have an audition today? Yeah! Maybe you'll get that job!
等等，你今天不是有试镜？也许你会入选！
Joey: Oh, hahaha! Ooh! Wait a minute, I used to get medical experiments down on me all the time!
等等，我以前常参加医学实验！
Chandler: Ah, finally an explanation.
难怪变成这样。
Joey: Oh no! I used to get paid for all kinds of medical stuff, remember? Let's see uh, well I don't wanna donate sperm again.
不是，我以前常靠这个赚♥钱，记得吗？
Joey: I really prefer doing that at the home office you know? Ooh ooh, maybe they want like some of my blood or or spit or something, huh?
我想想，我不想再捐精了，那种事在家做比较好，也许医院会要我的血或口水？
Gunther: Joey!
乔伊？
Joey: Yeah?
怎样？
Gunther: What did I tell you about talking to your friends while you're working?
我说工作时聊天会怎样？
Joey: Uhh, do it?
干得好？
Gunther: That guy's been waiting for his coffee for ten minutes! He's complained about you three times!
那个人等咖啡等了10分钟，他抱怨了你三次！
Joey: Well, where was I?
我讲到哪里？
Ross: Hi!
嘿！
Phoebe: Hey!
嘿！
Ross: Hey, what've you guys been up to?
你们在忙什么？
Phoebe: Ohh! We went to a self defense class today!
我们今天去学防身术！
Ross: Wow!
哇噢！
Rachel: Yeah, kicking a guy in the crotch all morning really takes it out of ya!
对，整个早上都在踢男人的胯部，感觉像在报复你！
Joey: Takes it out of you?
报复你？
Phoebe: No, now, we can kick anybody's ass!
现在我们谁都能修理！
Rachel: Yeah!
没错！
Ross: After one class? I don't think so.
才一堂课？不会吧。
Rachel: What? You wanna see me self defend myself? ! Go over there and pretend you're a sexual predator! Go on! I dare ya!
你想试试我的防身术吗？现在就假装你是性侵犯者，有种就去！
Ross: Of course you could defend yourself from an attack you know is coming, that's not enough. Look, I study karatay for a long time, and there's a concept you should really be familiar with. It's what the Japanese call unagi.
你当然可以抵挡已知的攻击，但那样还不够。我学了很久的空手道，有个概念你们一定要了解，日文叫做unagi。
Rachel: Isn't that a kind of sushi?
那不是一种寿司吗？
Ross: No, it's a concept!
那是一种概念！
Phoebe: Yeah it is! It is! It's freshwater eel!
是寿司没错，那是鳗鱼！
Ross: All right, maybe it means that too...
或许是同一个字……
Rachel: Ohh! I would kill for a salmon skin roll right now!
我现在好想吃鲑鱼寿司！
Ross: Y’ know what? Fine! Get attacked! I don’t even care!
好，被攻击活该，我不在乎！
Phoebe: Come on Ross. We’re sorry. Please tell us what it is.
罗斯，对不起，快告诉我们。
Ross: Unagi is a state of total awareness. Okay? Only by achieving true unagi can you be prepared for any danger that may befall you!
Unagi是一种全知的境界，只有达到真正的unagi，才能应付任何可能的危险。
Phoebe: You mean in case someone is trying to steal your bamboo sleeping mat or your kettle of fish?
你是说有人要偷你的竹席，或鱼壶的时候吗？
Ross: All I’m saying is, it’s one thing being prepared for an attack against like each other; whole another story being prepared for an attack, I don’t know, like a surprise! !
我是说应付彼此攻击是一回事，应付偷袭又是另一回事，我不知道，比如……意外！！
Ross: All right, you know that was coming, but that doesn't mean you have unagi.
好，这次你们料到了，但不表示你们有unagi。
Rachel: Ooh! You know what? If we made reservations, we could have unagi in about a half hour.
你知道吗？现在订位，半小时后就能吃到鳗鱼。
Chandler: Hey, hey, is Monica here?
莫妮卡在吗？
Phoebe: No.
不在。
Ross: No.
不在。
Chandler: Ok, look, I need your help, I don't know what to get her for Valentine's Day.
帮个忙，我不知道该送什么情人节礼物。
Rachel: Well, Valentine's Day was two weeks ago, so I wouldn't get her a calendar!
情人节已经过两星期了，所以我不会送她日历！
Chandler: She was working on Valentine's Day so we're celebrating it tonight.
她那天要上班，所以我们今天庆祝。
Joey: Ohh, hey! Why don't you book a date for both of you at one of those romantic spas?
何不去给你们一起订个浪漫的SPA？
Phoebe: Ooh, Joey, that's actually a really good idea!
乔伊，这个主意很棒！
Joey: Yeah, and of course, crotchless panties.
还有胯下开洞的内♥裤。
Chandler: Well, as appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend and her brother, I can't do that, we promised we'd make each other gifts this year.
虽然她的男朋友觉得很诱人……她哥哥也是，但我们说好今年要自己做礼物。
Rachel: Aw, I love that.
我喜欢。
Phoebe: You guys!
真好！
Joey: You can't make crotchless panties? You take, you take a pair of scissors and you just cut...
你不会做开洞的内♥裤？拿一把剪刀给它剪……
Rachel: Ok ok ok! So, making things. That sounds like so much fun.
好！好！好！做礼物，听起来好好玩。
Chandler: Yeah, I thought so too until I paper mached one of my eyes shut.
我本来也这么认为，直到我的眼睛糊到纸黏土。
Phoebe: Oh, I love paper mache! What did you make?
我喜欢纸黏土，你做了什么？
Chandler: I made a…!
我做了！
Phoebe: What is that?
那是什么？
Chandler: Nothing!
什么也不是！
Ross: So what are you gonna do?
你要怎么办？
Chandler: Well, have you guys made anything that maybe I can take credit for?
你们有没有做什么能借给我用？
Phoebe: Ohh! I have! I have! I started making these little sock bunnies! Oh for crying out loud!
我有！我有！我做了袜子兔！了不起吧！
Rachel: Hey, wait a minute! That is my sock!
等等，那是我的袜子！
Phoebe: Now, it's you little bunny friend.
现在它是你的兔兔朋友。
Chandler: Okay...This, this actually is a...
好这是一个！
Monica: Hey!
嘿！
Chandler: Hey! Honey, can I ask you a question about the Valentine's Day gifts?
嘿！我能不能问你情人节礼物的事？
Monica: Oh, yeah.
可以啊。
Chandler: Do we have to make the entire thing?
全都要自己做吗？
Monica: Yes! Why, did you you forget to make yours?
当然，你忘了做吗？
Chandler: Of course, of course not. I just have to uh, go over to the place where I I made it and then pick pick it up.
当然没有。我只是得去做的地方拿回来。
Monica: Ok. Ok, I can't wait! This is gonna be the best Valentine's Day ever! I can't believe it! Make the presents! Make the presents!
好。我好期待，这会是最棒的情人节！我居然忘了，要做礼物！
Chandler: What?
什么？
Monica: I'm just so excited to make the presents! Shoot!
要做礼物好兴奋喔！见鬼！
Joey: Hi uh, I'm Joey Tribbiani and with all due respect I'd like to donate some fluids.
你好，我是乔伊崔比亚尼，我想捐赠一些体液。
Receptionist: We're actually at the end of one of our research cycles, so we're not looking for applicants right now.
我们的研究刚告一段落，目前没有在找♥人。
Joey: Oh that's too bad. Kinda been saving up. Uh, you sure there's no studies I coulds participate in?
真可惜，我存了一阵子了，真的没有我能参加的研究？
Receptionist: Well, here's a schedule of what's coming up.
这是接下来的一览表。
Joey: Thanks. Well but this one starts now.
谢谢。这个已经开始了。
Receptionist: Oh that one is available now, but only identical twins are eligible. It's a twins study.
没错，但只限双胞胎，那是双胞胎研究。
Joey: But it's $2,000.
但是有2千块钱。
Receptionist: Sorry.
抱歉。
Joey: Well how about this one? Testing the effects of Joey Tribbiani on an attractive nurse receptionist.
那，乔伊崔比亚尼对美女接待的影响力实验呢？
Receptionist: We already got the results back on that one, and they're not good.
结果已经出来了，不太理想。
Ross: DANGER! DANGER!
危险！危险！
Rachel: What the hell was that? !
你搞什么啊？！
Ross: A lesson, in the importance of unagi.
让你们认识unagi的重要。
Phoebe: Ohh, you're a freak!
你变态！
Ross: Perhaps. Now I'm curious, at what point during those girlish screams would you have begun to kick my ass?
或许吧，我很好奇，你们那样哀哀叫，什么时候才要修理我？
Rachel: All right, so we weren't prepared!
好吧，我们没有准备！
Ross: I'm sorry I'd to take such drastic measures to make my point, but I look, I just want you guys to be safe. DANGER! Ahhh, huh? Unagi.
抱歉，用这种方法传达我的重点，我是为你们的安全着想危险！Unagi。
Joey: 2,000 bucks is a lot of money. Well, I wish I had a twin. Where could I find someone who looks exactly like me?
2千块好多，真想有个双胞胎兄弟，哪里才有跟我长得一样的人？
Chandler: Hey.
嘿。
Ross: Chandler. I sensed it was you.
钱德，我感觉到是你。
Chandler: What? !
什么？！
Ross: Unagi. I'm always aware.
Unagi，我明察秋毫。
Chandler: Ok, are you aware that, unagi is an eel?
你知道unagi是鳗鱼吗？
Ross: What's up?
什么事？
Chandler: I can't figure out what to make Monica.
我不知道该为莫妮卡做什么礼物。
Ross: Oh, why don't you make her one of your little jokes.
你可以讲个笑话。
Chandler: I'm going crazy! Ok? Do you have any thing around here that looks homemade?
我快急死了，好吗？你有没有看起来像自制的东西？
Ross: Oh, you know what? She'd she'd love this. Uh, it's an exact replica of Apollo 8. I made it in the sixth grade.
这个她一定会喜欢！这是阿波罗八号的模型。我六年级做的。
Chandler: Yeah, I guess I could use that. I could say uh, your love sends me to the moon.
这个可以。我可以说你的爱让我飞上月亮。
Ross: Yeah yeah, except Apollo 8 didn't actually land on the moon. But you you you could write umm, your love lets me orbit the moon twice and return safely.
可是阿波罗八号没有登陆月球，不过你可以写，你的爱让我绕行月球两圈后顺利返航。
Chandler: Wait a minute, I can't give this to her.
我不能送这个。
Ross: Why not?
为什么？
Chandler: Because it says ‘Captain Ross’ on the side and it says ‘I hate Monica’ on the bottom.
因为旁边写着“罗斯队长”，底下写着“我讨厌莫妮卡”.
Ross: Oh.
噢。
Phoebe and Rachel: DANGER!
危险！
Rachel: Ahhh, salmon skin roll.
鲑鱼寿司。
Chandler: Ok. Ok. Yes honey, I've made it myself. I can't do it. I can't do it. Oh! Oh! A mixtape! A mixtape! !
好……没错，这是我自己做的，我剪不下去，我剪不下去，自己录的合辑！
Chandler: Ok! Hi! Uh, you ready to exchange gifts?
可以交换礼物了吗？
Monica: Sure! Ok, you go first.
当然，你先。
Chandler: Ok, come here! Come here, come here.
好，过来！
Monica: Ok!
好！
Chandler: Ok, now, it's not wrapped because I just, just finished it.
我没有包装，因为我刚完成。
Monica: Ok.
好。
Chandler: But I made you a tape of what I think are all romantic songs.
我录了一卷浪漫情歌给你。
Monica: Oh, what a great gift! Is The Way You Look Tonight on it? !
好棒的礼物！有“你今晚的模样”吗？！（爵士名曲）
Chandler: Maybe we'll have to listen and see!
听了就知道！
Monica: Oh, I love it! Thank you so much!
我好喜欢喔，谢谢你！
Chandler: Ok!
不客气！
Monica: Ok, you ready to open yours?
你要拆了吗？
Chandler: Yeah!
要！
Monica: Ok.
好。
Chandler: It's a sock bunny.
是袜子兔。
Monica: Yeah yeah, you remember how I call you bunny?
对，我不是有叫你小兔兔？
Chandler: Not really.
有吗？
Monica: Well, I did one time, and and I wanna start doing it more. See that's what this is about.
我叫过一次，以后我想多叫，所以做了袜子兔。
Chandler: I see. You know umm, Phoebe makes sock bunnies.
我懂了，菲比也有做袜子兔。
Monica: No! No, she doesn't. Uh Phoebe, what she makes that's uh they're sock rabbits. They are completely different Ok! Ok!
不，没有。菲比做的是袜子兔子，完全不一样……好吧！
Monica: Ok! I didn't make it! I'm sorry! I totally forgot about tonight and the fact that we're supposed to make the presents!
这不是我做的，对不起，我完全忘了今晚和做礼物的事！
Chandler: Oh, it's ok. I don't...
没关系，我……
Monica: No no, it's not ok! It's not! I mean you were just...You're so incredible! You went through all this time and effort to make this tape for me!
不，当然有关系。你那么…你那么用心，花那么多心血录情歌给我。
Monica: You know I'm just gonna I, I'm gonna've to make this up to you! I will! I I am going to cook you anything you want in here, and I am going to do anything you want in there!
我要补偿你，我一定会的。我会下厨房煮你想吃的菜，进卧室玩你想玩的花样！
Chandler: Well, I did put a lot of thought into the tape.
我的确花了很多心血。
Chandler: Wow! You are way too young to've seen that!
你还小，不该看的！
Monica: Oops! You know, your birthday is in a month and a half, what do you say I forget to get you a present for that too?
再1个半月就是你的生日，要是我又忘记准备礼物呢？
Chandler: You are totally and completely 100% forgiven.
我百分之百完全原谅你。
Monica: We have got to wash that!
那个得拿去洗！
Chandler: Yeah!
没错！
Monica: Do you remember that jacket that you love so much, that you thought was too expensive?
你不是看上一件外套，又嫌它太贵？
Chandler: You have done enough!
你对我已经够好了！
Monica: I wanna wake up early and go get it for you!
我要一早跑去买来送你！
Chandler: No you don't get it in black, not brown.
你不必…买黑色款，别买咖啡色的。
Monica: Oop, your cake is ready!
你的蛋糕好了！
Chandler: Oop!
哦！
Chandler: Well, it's like that old saying, have sex, eat some cake.
俗话说得好，做做♥爱，吃吃蛋糕。
Joey's Lookalike: Hey Mon! Hey Chan! Just getting a soda!
嘿莫！嘿钱！拿瓶汽水！
Monica: Who the hell are you? !
你是谁？
Joey's Lookalike: I'm Joey! How are you doing? !
乔伊啊！你好？！
Joey: No! No! No! No! No! How you doing? ! How you doing Damn it Carl! Go wait in the hall!
错错错错错！是你好吗！你好吗……真是的！去走廊等我！
Joey: Look, I gotta apologize on behalf of Carl.
我代替卡尔道歉。
Chandler: Who the hell is Carl? !
卡尔是谁？
Joey: Oh, did I not mention? Carl is a guy I hired to be my identical twin for a medical research project.
我没说吗？我找卡尔来演我的双胞胎兄弟，好参加医学研究。
Chandler: You know sometimes the good ideas are just right in front of you, aren't they?
有时妙计就在眼前，是吧？
Joey: I know. look, I, I know it sounds crazy, but I think it might work. You know? The only problem is, Carl's acting is...
我知道很疯狂，但搞不好会成功，唯一的问题是卡尔的演技……
Monica: The only problem? !
唯一的问题？！
Joey: Yeah, he's the reason I didn't get that big Minute Maid commercial a couple of years ago remember? We were supposed to be brothers, but he messed it up.
对，他害我两年前痛失那支大广告，记得吗？我们演兄弟，他却搞砸了。
Carl: Hey, uh can I get a little piece of that cake?
我可以吃一小块蛋糕吗？
Joey: Pizza! We like Pizza! Get out!
披萨，我们爱吃披萨！滚出去！
Phoebe: Pat Sajak?
帕特·萨杰克？（《命运之轮》主持人）
Rachel: Yep!
可以！
Phoebe: Alex Trebek?
阿历克斯·特雷贝克？（《冒险》主持人）
Rachel: Oh, of course!
当然！
Phoebe: Chuck Woolery?
恰克·沃拉利？（《行话》主持人）
Rachel: Ph Definitely! Phoebe, you will not find a single game show host, whose ass I cannot kick.
绝对行所有的游戏节目主持人，我都能修理！
Rachel: Say it!
说！
Phoebe: Say we are unagi!
说我们是unagi！
Ross: It's not something you are! It's something you have!
不是！是不是，是有没有！
Rachel: Say it!
快说！
Ross: You know what? I can easily get out of this, but there is a chance you can get very, very hurt!
我可以轻易挣脱，但你们可能会死得很惨！
Joey: All right Carl, we're next. Now remember, what is this not gonna be?
接着就是我们。记住，这次不能怎样？
Carl: Another Minute Maid fiasco.
重蹈“小妇人苏打水”（可口可乐旗下产品）广告的覆辙。
Joey: That’s right! And what are you not gonna do?
没错你不能怎样？
Carl: Well, I’m not gonna talk because…
我不能讲话，因为……
Joey: Damnit Carl!
你还讲！
The Doctor: Can I have the next one please? Thank you. Joey and Tony Tribbiani.
下一组的资料……谢谢乔伊和汤尼崔比亚尼。
Joey: That's us.
我们就是。
The Doctor: But uh, this is a study for identical twins.
这是双胞胎的研究。
Joey: That's right, $2,000.
没错，2千美元。
The Doctor: But, you're not identical twins.
但你们不是双胞胎。
Joey: Damn it Carl!
都是你啦！
Chandler: Oh my good God.
我的天哪。
Monica: Hey! Continuing the countdown of your favorite meals. Tonight, No. 3, macaroni and cheese with cut up hot dogs.
你最爱吃的食物，倒数。今晚，第三名，起司通心粉加切丁的热狗。
Chandler: Look, you have done enough! Ok? You have to stop this now.
你对我够好了，别再费心了。
Monica: I will! But not tonight. For dinner music, I thought we could listen to that tape you made me.
我会的，但不是今晚，晚餐音乐就来听你录的带子。
Chandler: Oh, the mixtape.
那卷合辑。
Monica: The Way You Look Tonight is on here! Dance with me?
刚好就是“你今晚的模样”！陪我跳舞。
Monica: You are just the sweetest.
你最好最好了。
Janice: I love the way you look every night Chandler! That's why I made you this tape! Happy Birthday! Love, Janice!
你每晚的模样我都爱！钱德所以我录这卷带子给你！生日快乐，爱你的珍妮丝！
Chandler: No! You're the sweetest!
不，你最好最好了！
The Instructor: Ok ladies, that ends today's class, and let's remember, let's be safe out there.
好，今天的课到此为止，记住，一定要平安。
Ross: It's a great class.
你教得真好。
The Instructor: Thanks, man.
谢谢。
Ross: Yeah, yeah, I was watching. Umm, hey, a couple of questions though.
我看得很仔细，不过我有一些问题。
Ross: Umm, you know, about that that last move where that woman tripped you and then pinned you to the floor, what what what what would you do next?
刚才最后那个女人把你绊倒，压在地上你接下来会怎么做？
The Instructor: Well, then she'd take her keys and try to jam me...
她会拿钥匙来刺……
Ross: No. No no. No. What would you do next?
不是，是你会怎么做？
The Instructor: Who? Me the attacker?
你是说攻击者？
Ross: Yes that's right.
是的。
The Instructor: Why?
干嘛？
Ross: I tired attacking two women, did not work.
我想偷袭两个女人，却没成功。
The Instructor: What? !
什么？！
Ross: No, I mean it's ok, I mean, they're they're my friends. In fact, I I I was married to one of them.
没关系，她们是我的朋友，我还跟其中一个结过婚。
The Instructor: Let me get this straight man, you attacked your exwife? !
你偷袭你的前妻？
Ross: Oh, no! No no! No, I tried! But I couldn't. That's why I'm here. Maybe we could attack them together? That that's a no.
不是……我想偷袭她却打不过她，所以才来找你，或许我们可以一起对付她们？不要。
Chandler: I am so, so, so, so sorry!
非常非常非常对不起！
Monica: Uhhuh.
嗯哼。
Chandler: Oh! And I will cook anything you want in here, and do anything you want in there!
我会下厨房煮你想吃的菜，进卧室玩你想玩的花样。
Monica: Yeah you will! And, are you kidding me? !
你当然得煮，你想得美喔？！
Chandler: Come on, Monica, it's our Valentine's Day. Please? Please please, please?
别这样，这是我们的情人节，拜托啦？
Monica: Ok.
好吧。
Chandler: Ok.
好的。
Janice's Voice: My funny valentine, sweet comic valentine! You make me high over my heart!
我有趣的情人，甜蜜逗趣的情人，你让我心潮澎湃。
Chandler: So, are we going in there?
要进房间了吗？
Monica: I am! !
是我自己！！
Janice’s Voice: You’re look for laughable…
你的表情如此有趣……
Ross: Ahha, nowhere to run!
你们逃不掉了！
Rachel: I don’t like sitting up here! I’m just gonna over…
我不喜欢坐这里，我要过去……
Phoebe: No Rachel! They got here first!
是他们先来的！
Phoebe: Why is Ross doing that?
罗斯在干嘛？
Ross: DANGER! !! !
危险！！！
Rachel: Oh my God! Why is he jumping on those women!
天哪！他干嘛扑向那两个女人？
Phoebe: We should help them!
我们应该去帮她们！
Rachel: I…Well, I don’t think they need any help.
我……我不认为她们需要帮助。