Ross: Hey! I just got my uh, teacher evaluations! Check out what this one student wrote. ‘I loved Dr. Geller's class. Mind blowing lectures! Dr. Geller, you are definitely the hottie of the paleontology department!’
Chandler: Ahh, Hotties of the Paleontology Department, there's a big selling calendar, eh?
Rachel: Who wrote it?
Ross: Oh, I wish I knew, but the evaluations are all anonymous.
Joey: Oh hey, do you still have their final exams?
Joey: Oh, 'cause you could just match the evaluation to the exam with the same handwriting and boom, there's your admirer.
Chandler: A hot girl's at stake and all of a sudden he's Rain Man.
Rachel: Ok, wait a minute, wait a minute, why are we so sure that this is a girl?
Ross: It's a girl! Anyway, it wou it wouldn't matter. Ok? Because I'm I'm a teacher, she is, a student.
Chandler: Oh, is that against the rules?
Ross: No, but it is frowned upon.
Chandler: I see.
Ross: Besides, there's a big age difference.
Joey: Oh, well think of it like this, when you're 90...
Ross: I know when I'm 90 she'll be like 80 and it won't seem like such a big difference.
Joey: No, that's not what I was gonna say at all. No, what I was gonna say is when you're 90 you'll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20 year old.
Monica: I don't know.
Joey: Hey, Chandler! You know that girl you went to college with who who became a movie director?
Chandler: Oh yeah, Dana Keystone. She was in my Movement class.
Phoebe: What's a Movement class?
Monica: It's Chandler's way of pretending he didn't take mime.
Joey: Oh well listen, anyway she's directing the new Al Pacino movie. You gotta get me an audition!
Chandler: Oh, I don't know man. I haven't talked to her in like ten years.
Joey: Oh no no, please please Chandler I I I would owe you so much!
Chandler: You do owe me so much. You owe me three thousand, four hundred...
Joey: Hey hey dude, why are you changing the subject? Why? Will you make the call or what?
Chandler: Oh, ok, I'll I'll try.
Joey: All right! Thanks! You're the best! Now listen, the last day of auditions is Thursday. Ok? So I gotta get in there by Thursday. Ok? Just remember Thursday. Thursday. Can you remember Thursday?
Chandler: Yeah so, Tuesday?
Joey: Thursday! Look, if you need help remembering, just think of it like this, the third day. All right? Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when? Huh? What day? Thursday! The third day! Ok? !
Chandler: Thank you.
Joey: Hey, Monica...?Chandler: She doesn't know.
Rachel: Hey Mon? I'm gonna check my messages.
Chandler: You just thought of that in there?
Monica: Sure, you know, nature called, she wanted to see who else did.
Rachel: Hello? Uh, Rachel. Great, someone is in our apartment. CALL, the cops!
Monica: You're ON the phone!
Rachel: Oh my God! Oh my God! Thank you! That was the fire department, there was a fire at our place!
Phoebe: Oh my God! How bad was it?
Rachel: Well, he didn't say, but it was a fire. I'm guessing not very good. Come on, we gotta go!
Monica: Phoebe, come on!
Chandler: What are you smiling about? What is so funny?
Joey: The part I wanna audition for is a fireman, this is so meant to be!
Burt: Wow! It looks like you were very generous with your grades this semester!
Elizabeth: Professor Geller?
Ross: Yeah, well?
Elizabeth: I wanted to say how much I enjoyed your class.
Ross: Oh, thank you. Thanks very much. Ow!
Elizabeth: Uh, I'm a little embarrassed about calling you a hottie on my evaluation...
Ross: That was you?
Elizabeth: Yeah. I felt a little weird about it. You're a teacher. I'm a student. But would you maybe wanna go out with me sometime?
Ross: Oh I, I don't I don't think that would be the best idea.
Elizabeth: Oh, 'cause I was thinking, uh, the semester is over; you're not my teacher anymore.
Ross: What time?
Elizabeth: Oh, you know what? Forget it, as you already gave me an A.
Elizabeth: I'm kidding!
Ross: Oh! So, so seriously, what time?
Phoebe: Coming through! Oh! Coming through! Oh! Hello! Hi! No! Right! Coming through!
Monica: Oh, ok, well, it's not so bad.
Fireman #1: Yeah, most of the damage is pretty much contained in the bedrooms.
Rachel: My God!
Joey: Hey buddy, do you think I can borrow your uniform this Thursday?
Fireman #1: Excuse me?
Monica: Joey! He's working! You would look good in that.
Joey: Oh, how bad is it?
Phoebe: Oh, it's bad. It's really bad. The only thing in there that isn't burned is an ax, which I do not remember buying!
Chandler: How's your room Rach?
Rachel: Everything's ruined. My bed. My clothes. Look at my favorite blue sweater.
Monica: Isn't that mine?
Rachel: Fine! I'm sorry for your loss!
Fireman #1: So uh, you're not gonna be able to live here for a while, you ladies have a place to stay?
Rachel: Wow! Oh ok, look pal, I am not in the mood to be hit on right now! But if you give me your number I will call you some other time.
Monica: Yes, they can stay with us.
Chandler: Have you figured out what started the fire Mr. Fireman?
Fireman #1: Well uh, do either of you smoke?
Phoebe: No, not usually. But yeah, I could use one right now.
Fireman #1: No no no, do you uh light candles? Burn incense?
Phoebe: Yes! I do! All the time! I love them! Ohh! Oh my God! I did it! It's me! It's me! I burned down the house! I burned down the house!
Rachel: Ok Phoebe calm down, there's no need to place blame. Ok? I warned her about those candles.
Chandler: God, it's great to catch up! I can't believe how long it's been!
Joey: Hey, Chandler! Is that...
Chandler: Oh that's great! Good for you.
Joey: Heyhey listen...
Chandler: Ok! So yeah, maybe we can get together umm...Can you hold on for one second please? What? !
Joey: When you're off the phone, you wanna get a pizza?
Chandler: Hi! I'm back. Yeah, that sounds great. Ok. Well, we'll do it then. Ok, bye.
Joey: Hey, listen, so when's when's my audition? I mean I know it's Thursday, but what time?
Chandler: We didn't get to the audition. I'm gonna take her to coffee and then we'll do it then.
Monica: Wow! So, now you're going on a date with this girl?
Chandler: Honey, it is not a date! I haven't talked to her in ten years! You can't just call up somebody you haven't talked to in ten years and ask them for a favor.
Chandler: There are rules, you know? You gotta, you put in some time.
Monica: You're right, I'm sorry. It's not like you're you know, going out with an exgirlfriend.
Chandler: No, we only went out once.
Monica: You dated her!
Chandler: Not once!
Monica: All right, well why don't I go out with an exboyfriend you know, and you know, do Joey a favor? !
Joey: Hey, you wanna do Joey a favor, maybe you go out with Joey.
Chandler: Oh that's great, my friend Joey's in the movie business.
Dana: You know who I ran into from school? Howie.
Chandler: My friend's name is Joey.
Dana: Apparently Howie's editing now. Yeah, he he he calls me up and asks me if he can edit my new movie. Can you believe that? !
Dana: You know I I I haven't spoken to him in, in what, ten years and he asks me for a favor? !
Chandler: Yeah, I've always hated that Howie.
Dana: No, no ‘How you doing?’ Man, I mean not even a cup of coffee first!
Chandler: The nerve huh?
Monica: Now, this is last minute so I want to apologize for the mess. Ok?
Rachel: Oh, my God! Sure didn't look this way when I lived here.
Monica: I know!
Monica: Now, look, there's only one problem though. There's only room for one, so I guess one of you will have to stay at Joey's.
Phoebe: Well, since the fire was kinda my fault I guess you should get to stay here.
Rachel: Hey! Heyhey, now, this was no one's fault, Pheebs. Ok? It was an accident.
Phoebe: Well no, it was my fault so you should get the nice room.
Monica: So Rach! You're the first guest at Hotel Monica! Umm, you said to tell me how you like your eggs in the morning.
Monica: And I thought I would bring them to you, you know, in bed. Oh, you've been through so much.
Rachel: I have.
Joey: This right here is where I keep the pizza. And uh that's where the napkin is.
Phoebe: What's that smell?
Joey: I know! How do I
Elizabeth: Oh please! It was such a big class! You never even noticed me!
Ross: What? Of course I did! You uh, you sat next to Sleepy Sleeperson.
Ross: Oh uh, I had trouble remembering everyone's name, so I I kinda came up with nicknames. Like the guy on the other side of you was smelly von Brownshirt.
Elizabeth: Oh, yeah. So, umm, did you have a nickname for me?
Ross: Uh, no. No.
Elizabeth: Yes you did! What was it?
Ross: Umm, it's Cutie McPretty.
Elizabeth: Ohhh, that's so sweet!
Ross: Listen, I gotta tell you, I'm, I'm having a great time!
Ross: You know how before you said it might be weird, the whole student teacher thing, and I, to be frank, I thought it would be too, but it's not.
Ross: I mean it's not at all.
Burt: Dr. Geller!
Phoebe: So, did you sleep well last night?
Rachel: I did.
Rachel: I did, Monica was so sweet, she left a little mint on my pillow.
Phoebe: You know what Joey left on my pillow?
Fireman #2: Well, we determined the cause of the fire.
Phoebe: Yeah I know I know, it was my candle. My candle!
Fireman #2: No, there was an appliance left on in the bathroom. It's looks like a curling iron.
Phoebe: I don't use a curling iron.
Fireman #2: Well someone does.
Rachel: Well, don't look at me! My hair's straight! Straight! Straight! Straight!
Fireman #2: Could've been a hair straightener.
Joey: This is where I keep the pizza. And Hey! Where did the napkin go? !
Rachel: What is that? Is that old shrimp?
Joey: I think it is!
Monica: Now there you go! I wouldn't want my best guest to strain her eyes!
Phoebe: Thanks Monica!
Monica: Does that smell bother you?
Phoebe: What the smell from Joey's? No, I can hardly smell it over here.
Monica: Well you let me know if you can, 'cause you know I can bake a pie to cover it.
Phoebe: I can smell it a little, bake the pie.
Monica: Hello? Oh yes, one minute please. It's for you. It's the fire inspector.
Phoebe: Oh! Hello? Yeah this is Phoebe. Really? !
Joey: Yeah, so it turns out that it wasn't the hair straightener that started the fire. No no, it was the candles. Yeah. It's very not good leaving candles unattended. In fact, one of the first things they teach you in fire school, is...Uhh...Uhh...Ok. Well, I have to go now.
Ross: We had such a great time! I mean she's she's incredible! I thought the the age difference might be a problem, but it wasn't. It wasn't at all. Elizabeth is is very mature for her age. A concept lost on some people!
Monica: So it's ok to date a student?
Ross: Well, not really. I mean technically it's it's not against the rules or anything, but it is frowned upon.
Ross: Especially by that professor we ran into last night, Judgey von Holierthanthou.
Monica: Well Ross, you just be careful ok? You don't wanna get a reputation as, you know, Professor McNails His Students.
Ross: Yeah. What what should I do?
Joey: Well Ross, it seems pretty clear. I mean what's more important? What people think or how you feel, huh? Ross, you gotta follow your heart.
Monica: Joey, that is so sweet.
Joey: Hey hey! So, how did it go with Dana? Any reason I should leave a block of time open say Thursday?
Chandler: I couldn't do it.
Joey: You couldn't do it? !
Chandler: Hey, relax, I just need more time. We're going to dinner tonight.
Monica: What? ! You're going out with her again? !
Ross: Going out with who?
Chandler: Uh, Dana Keystone from college.
Ross: Oh yeah! Wasn't she uh...
Chandler: No, that was Dana Caplin.
The Guys: Ohh! Oh good.
Monica: Joey! You didn't even know her!
Joey: Ah whatever!
Chandler: Great story again! The yarns that you weave! Woohoohoo!
Dana: You know, uh, actually I, I should get going.
Chandler: Oh no no! Stay! Stay! Because you you should you you should stay!
Dana: Wow. Oh, I am really flattered, but I just, I don't feel that way about you.
Chandler: Oh no no no, that's not No no no!
Dana: I'm sorry, Chandler, you know you are such a sweet guy and I, I don't wanna hurt you.
Dana: Oh, I wish there was something I can do to make you feel better.
Chandler: No no Really? !
Dana: Of course!
Chandler: Well, it just hurts so bad. I uh...
Dana: Ohh, I'm sorry.
Chandler: Well maybe there is one thing you can do.
Dana: What? ! Anything! Anything!
Chandler: Well, I umm, I mean this is just off the top of my head now, umm, but I have this friend.
Chandler: Uh, this actor friend and he would kill me if he thought I was doing this, umm, but, umm, would it be possible for him to get an audition for your movie, say on Thursday?
Dana: Absolutely! But youyou would really feel better about me rejecting you if your actor friend can audition for my movie?
Chandler: Well, the heart wants what it wants. I'll see you later.
Monica: Hey! How's it going?
Phoebe: Well, not much has changed in the last five minutes.
Monica: Yes it has! I made cookies!
Phoebe: Oh, well, that's all right. I'm still full from your homemade potato chips.
Monica: Oh. But you should eat them now, because they're hot from the oven.
Monica: No, but not in here! Can't eat 'em in bed, remember? No crumbies!
Phoebe: Ok, I'll be out in a second.
Monica: What're you doing?
Phoebe: That doesn't lock does it?
Rachel: Oh, Joey! Sorry!
Joey: No, that's all right. Don't worry about it.
Rachel: Ohhh. No, but look! Aw, that's gonna leave a stain!
Joey: Rach! Hey! It's fine! You're at Joey's!
Joey: Yeah! Look!
Rachel: Huh! I've never lived like this before.
Joey: I know.
Joey: All right well, don't waste it, I mean it's still food. Geez.
Ross: What do you wanna do now? Huh? You you wanna go get a drink?
Elizabeth: Uhh, I can't.
Ross: Oh, you you have some studying to do?
Elizabeth: No, I have some turning 21 to do.
Ross: You know I remember when uh, when I was in college, we used to…
Elizabeth: What're you doing?
Ross: Nothing, I'm I'm just, I'm so comfortable with you!
Elizabeth: Do you not wanna be seen with me?
Ross: What? No! Of cour of course I do! Are are they gone?
Elizabeth: Uh no, they're still here but I think I'm about to leave.
Ross: What? ! No! No! Wait!
Ross: You're right, this is stupid. Who cares what people think? I mean, we we like each other, right?
Ross: There's nothing wrong with that. Come on. Burt? Lydia? Mel? This is Elizabeth.
Lydia: Aren't you in my Popular Culture class?
Ross: That's right Lydia, Elizabeth here is a student and uh, we're dating. And you may frown upon that, but we're not gonna hide it anymore.
Mel: You are so fired.
Burt: They're gonna fire you! You can't date a student! It's against the rules.
Ross: Really? Its not just frowned upon?
Rachel: I love it at Joey's! I love it at Joey's!
Chandler: So, you busy Thursday?
Joey: Oh, very funny. I don't know if you remember, but my audition was supposed to be Thursday. You got me the audition? ! Let's hug it up!
Chandler: Ok. Ok. What're you gonna do to me if you get the part?
Phoebe: Hey! Hi!
Phoebe: Listen, umm, yeah ok, I need to talk to you!
Phoebe: Now, I know that they said that the umm, the hair straightener started the fire but I think I'm partly at fault.
Phoebe: You see, I didn't, I didn't tell you but umm, but I I had recently refilled the tissues and so you know let's just face it, that's just kindling! So I think it's better that I stay at Joey's.
Rachel: No, no no no no. Phoebe, this was my fault and besides you know what? I'm fine here.
Phoebe: Ok. Oh umm, Chandler, Monica is looking for you.
Phoebe: Yeah she said something about crumbies.
Chandler: No! No! No! I was so careful!
Phoebe: Ok, you have to switch with me! Monica is driving me crazy!
Joey: That's right, all the ladies wanna stay at Joey's.
Rachel: No! No! Phoebe, uh come on! I don't wanna switch place! Come on! I get to throw wet paper towels here!
Phoebe: No, but at Monica's you can eat cookies over the sink!
Rachel: I know. I'm sorry.
Phoebe: All right, fine!
Phoebe: This looks like so much fun.
Phoebe: God, what a mess.
Ross: Wow! It actually is in the handbook. I can't date you or have a hot plate in my office. I can't believe we have to stop seeing each other.
Elizabeth: For what it's worth I did appreciate you standing up for me. It felt really nice. Kinda made me like you even more.
Ross: I know, I know I really like you too. But we we can't date. It's against the rules. It's forbidden.
Elizabeth: Just hearing you describe it as forbidden, it's really hot.
Ross: Well I I I don't care how hot it is it's it's uh, it's wrong.
Elizabeth: Stop it!
Ross: No! No! It's wrong! It's it's it's naughty. It's taboo.
Elizabeth: Shut the book!
Ross: Let's also get a hot plate!
Chandler: So? !
Chandler: It's Thursday! How was the audition? !
Joey: It's Th Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when huh what? Thurs Oh!