Chandler: Pheebs, can you help me pick out an engagement ring for Monica? I can't figure this out! It's so hard! Should I get her a Tiffany cut, or a Princess cut or a ahah! Paper cut!
Phoebe: Now, have you told anyone else?
Chandler: No, I don't wanna tell anybody else because I don't want Monica to find out.
Phoebe: You told me.
Chandler: Well, it's because I trust you, and you're one of my best friends, and you walked in on me while I was looking at ring brochures.
Phoebe: Yeah well, once again not knocking pays off. I only wish you hadn't been on the toilet.
Chandler: Me too.
Phoebe: Now, let me see. Is there such a thing as a Monica cut? 'Cause that would be your best bet.
Phoebe: Hey! So Chandler, wanna go to the coffee house?
Chandler: Oh all right.
Phoebe: Yeah, coffee house.
Ross: Oh perfect, we were just gonna see if you wanted to go.
Chandler: Oh well, we don't, 'cause we got…the…other pl place.
Ross: How rude.
Joey: Oh, I'm sorry. You wanna bite?
Phoebe: So how are things going with Paul?
Rachel: Good. Although you know, he he's a private guy. You know, I wish I could get him to open up a little bit, share some feelings.
Phoebe: That's easy! You just have to think of him as a as a jar of pickles that won't open.
Rachel: So what are you saying; I should run him under hot water and bang his head against a table?
Phoebe: No, that's what you do when you wanna get the truth out of someone.
Paul: Hi honey.
Phoebe: Watch this.
Phoebe: Hi Paul!
Paul: Hi, Phoebe.
Phoebe: So how are things going with you?
Paul: Can't complain.
Paul: Let's go.
Ross: Great to see you!
Paul: Good to see you too!
Ross: How you doing?
Paul: Good. Bye!
Ross: Ok! You take care!
Ross: Hey Pheebs, what what was the deal with you and Chandler blowing us off before?
Phoebe: Yeah! That was so weird, huh?
Ross: Phoebe, why'd you do it?
Phoebe: I didn't do it! It was Chandler! He's...He's mad at you!
Ross: What? ! Why? !
Phoebe: Please, I think you know why.
Ross: I can't think of anything.
Phoebe: Come on Ross, you're a paleontologist, dig a little deeper.
Ross: Wait a minute, is it 'cause Joey and I didn't invite him to that Knicks game a couple of weeks ago?
Phoebe: Do you think that's something that he'd be mad at you for?
Ross: I guess it could.
Phoebe: Well then I think that's it.
Ross: Well, if he's angry, he really shouldn't just cover it up. I I wish he would just tell me the truth.
Phoebe: Oh, if that's what you want you, then you really should run his head under hot water and bang his head against a table.
Paul: Honey I made a reservation at China Garden, is that ok?
Rachel: Yeah, well that's great. But first, wait, talk to me, talk to me. Tell me about your day.
Paul: It was fine.
Rachel: Ok. Hey, what're you thinking? What're you thinking right now?
Paul: I'm thinking that you are looking really fine in that dress.
Rachel: Yeah that's great Paul, but you know, I wanna know what Wow, those are really great! I just wanna know what, what is behind this this strong, silent exterior. You know they say that still waters run deep and I wanna swim in yours.
Paul: Are you talking about having sex?
Rachel: No, Paul, I don't know anything about you! You know, like your, your child! Tell me about your childhood!
Rachel: Ok, well then how about puberty! Come on, that's always a painful time!
Rachel: You know your friends invite you to a slumber party and then they stick your hand in warm water while you're sleeping so that you pee in your sleeping bag.
Paul: No! That never happened to me!
Rachel: Well, you're lucky you never met that bitch Sharon Majesky. Anyway, umm...The rest of you life, you know? Any regrets?
Rachel: All right Paul, you know I'm not asking for a lot here. Ok? Just give me something. Anything!
Rachel: All right.
Paul: When I was six years old. I wanted a big wheel. And instead, my parents got me this little plastic chicken that you hop around on. It was embarrassing, kids made fun of me. That was a pretty tough year.
Rachel: That's that's great! See? I already feel like I know you a little better! Thank you. Ok, come on. Now we can go eat. Let's go.
Paul: It was horrible. They called me chicken boy.
Paul: And in fifth grade I got into a fight. Well, it wasn't really a fight. Richard Darinbel bit me on the nose, I fell down.
Paul: Still have a little scar right here you can see it.
Rachel: Yeah. Yeah, I I I see the scar.
Rachel: Listen, Paul, I think this is really great that that you know, you've shared your feelings.
Rachel: It's really, it's beautiful, but umm, what do you say we go share some food?
Paul: Oh, I couldn't eat now.
Rachel: What? ! Wait! What're you talking about? ! You love their Kung Pao Chicken!
Paul: Chicken? Chicken boy!
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do that! I wouldn't do that!
Chandler: Nothing! This is the nine millionth ring store we've been to and I can't find the perfect ring! Ugly ring! Ugly ring! Ugly ring! It's a beautiful selection.
Phoebe: Ok, so maybe you don't get her a ring. Maybe you maybe you do something different. You know? Maybe you get her an engagement bracelet, you know? Or an engagement tiara? Oh, an engagement Revolutionary War musket!
Chandler: You know. I'm so glad i picked you to help me with this.
Phoebe: Huh? Can you still imagine getting down on one knee, and handing her this gorgeous piece
Chandler: Yeah, I'm gonna stick with the ring. Oh, this one's nice! I like this one! Sir? Uh, kind sir? Can I, see this one?
Phoebe: Wait a minute, no, this is, this is the reason you brought me. Ok? I know how to haggle. So let me handle this from here on out.
Male Jeweler: Can I help you?
Chandler: Uh, yeah, yes. I would like to see that ring please.
Phoebe: Or not, whatever.
Male Jeweler: This ring is from the 1920s, it's a one and a half carat diamond with sapphires on either side.
Chandler: Sir, can I ask you to umm, could you...hold out that ring and ask me to marry you?
Male Jeweler: Ok.
Male Jeweler: Will you marry me?
Chandler: Oh my God that's it, that's the ring! How much is it?
Phoebe: Chandler, I I will handle this! How much is it?
Male Jeweler: 8,600.
Phoebe: We will give you $10.
Male Jeweler: Are you interested in this ring? !
Chandler: Yes! Yes, but I can only pay $8,000.
Male Jeweler: Ok, I can let it go for eight.
Phoebe: We stand firm at $10.
Male Jeweler: How would you like to pay?
Chandler: Uh, credit card. Oh no! No no, but I left my credit card to Joey. Ok, I'll go get it. You guard the ring.
Phoebe: Ok. Why did you give your credit card to Jey?
Chandler: Oh, I gave it to him to buy some Knicks tickets. Then the jerk didn't even invite me to the game! But I'm over it! Whatever!
Phoebe: Listen, I'm sorry about before. Do you have anything here for $10?
Male Jeweler: Uh yes, I have these two rather beautiful $5 bills.
Phoebe: I'll give you $1 for them.
Ross: Hey, remember how Chandler and Phoebe blew us off yesterday?
Ross: Remember you you were eating pizza.
Ross: Ok. Well, apparently Chandler's angry at us for not getting him a ticket to that Knicks game a couple of weeks ago.
Joey: Oh, we're supposed to just get him a ticket? ! That guy is always mooching off of us!
Ross: Anyway, I I still think we should try to patch things up, you know? Like uh, maybe we can get him tickets to another Knicks game and then invite him.
Joey: Oh wow, that's a great idea! And I, still have his credit card.
Gunther: Here you go.
Joey: Hey hey hey ho ho, I got this one. Here you go. You know I gotta tell ya, sometimes I just I don't get Chandler. You know, me and him do stuff all the time without you, you don't get all upset.
Ross: All the time?
Joey: All the time!
Gunther: I'm sorry. It was rejected.
Joey: That's impossible! Let me see it. Oh, this one's mine. Here you go.
Rachel: Oh my God! Oh my God!
Monica: Still crying?
Rachel: Like a little girl.
Rachel: I know. I know. I know. This is all my fault; I wanted him to open up. But God, I didn't know that I was gonna unleash this this weepy, clingy, moist monster!
Monica: You know, I only know of two surefire ways to shut a man up. And one of them is sex.
Rachel: What's the other one?
Monica: I don't know, I've never had to use the other one. I'm just saying, you know, if we're having sex, he's not gonna be talking.
Rachel: Uh, that's right. You're the talker. Anyway, uh, great idea! Umm, I gotta go to the store; I told him that I would buy him some more tissues.
Monica: Oh, we have some...
Rachel: No, you don't!
Phoebe: Ok. Umm, I'd also like to try on the tiara. Oh yeah. Ok. Wow, what do you think, too much?
Male Jeweler: A tad.
Phoebe: Then, take the tiara back and. . let me hold the musket again. Something's missing. It's not...Ok oh, let me see the ring that my friend picked out.
Male Jeweler: Where's the 1920's princess cut ring.
Female Jeweler: I just sold it to that gentleman.
Phoebe: Oh my God! No! What? ! Help me! Let me out! Now!
Chandler: No. How are ya Paul?
Paul: Chandler, did your dad ever hug you?
Chandler: No, did he hug you? !
Paul: No! No! It's just that, my dad never did. I miss my dad.
Chandler: Well, you can see my dad in Vegas kissing other dads.
Paul: Hey, Chandler?
Paul: Would you Would you hug me?
Chandler: I'm a little busy here Paul.
Paul: That's exactly what my dad used to say!
Chandler: Ok, a quick one. Come on hug it out. Oh hey! There you go. Ok.
Paul: Five more seconds.
Joey: Whoa whoa hey hey! Hi, Paul is it?
Chandler: Do you have my credit card?
Joey: Yeah, it's in my...In...in my pocket. My back pocket! My back pocket!
Chandler: Thank God!
Joey: Oh hey listen I got us tickets to a Knicks game tonight.
Chandler: Oh, I can't go.
Joey: Uh come on! It'll be fun! Me, you, and Ross, and...Paul probably...
Chandler: Look, I don't have time for this, ok? I gotta go.
Paul: Wow. That was mean.
Joey: Yeah, I know.
Paul: Get in here.
Phoebe: Chandler, I found the perfect ring.
Chandler: Oh, that's uh, that's pretty nice but I'm gonna go with the one I picked first.
Phoebe: Oh wait, God, Chandler, the one you picked is gone. It's over!
Phoebe: Some guy bought it. I'm sorry. I tried to stop it but they put me in jail!
Chandler: They put you in jail?
Phoebe: The little jail between the doors!
Chandler: Phoebe, I asked you to guard the ring!
Phoebe: I know, I'm sorry!
Phoebe: But you know, this ring is better! And Monica never even saw the other ring.
Chandler: Yeah but when he proposed to me with the ring I got goose bumps.
Phoebe: Maybe it was the guy.
Chandler: It was the ring!
Ross: Hey! So uh, was he excited about the tickets?
Joey: No! He blew us off!
Ross: What? !
Joey: I know!
Ross: I can't believe it. Can I tell you something? I'm a little mad at him now.
Joey: Can I tell you something? Me too.
Ross: You know what? He didn't wanna talk to us about being angry, well maybe we don't talk to him, at all!
Joey: Ooooh! Freeze him out.
Ross: That's right!
Joey: I like it!
Ross: Eh? We'll show him!
Joey: From now on, it's gonna be Joey and Ross, best friends. Ok! We're gonna be the new Joey and Chandler.
Ross: What? ! Ohh ohh ohh ohh, you think uh you and Chandler were closer than me and Chandler?
Joey: Oh oh hey hey hey hey, don't get angry. We turn on each other, he wins.
Rachel: Hi. I'm back.
Paul: Hey! I have so much more to tell ya, I've written it all down!
Rachel: Ahhh, that's great. No actually that's...That's great! That's really great! You know, I gotta tell ya writing, I mean writing, gets me uh, gets me kinda hot.
Paul: Wait! Wait! Listen! Listen to this! You know what I wanted to be when I was that age?
Rachel: A lover?
Rachel: Oh yeah surfer?
Paul: I wanted to be one with the waves, you know?
Rachel: Ok, hold on real quick, hold on a second let me just uh, get a little more comfortable here. Wait, now wait a second, this isn't too revealing is it?
Paul: No. What ever happened to that little dude. So full of dreams…
Rachel: I don't care about the little dude! I can't! I cannot listen to anymore of this! You know, the only person who would wanna listen to this is a mental health professional! And then it's only because they get paid $100 an hour! Do you know how much money I could've made listening to you? $2,000! And you know when I figured that out? While you were talking!
Paul: What? ! I can't believe you're trying to stifle me! When just 14 hours ago we figured out that that is exactly what my mother was trying to do to me!
Rachel: Oh…I'm sorry. I… I I don't mean I didn't mean to stifle you. I… This is all just a little overwhelming.
Paul: Oh, Rachel, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to overwhelm you. It's just that, when those gates open, it's. . hard...hard to close them. But they are closed now. Believe me.
Rachel: I'm so glad, I'm so glad you shared. And I'm glad that you're done. So what do you say we umm…
Paul: I really like that.
Paul: That was...so good.
Chandler: I can't believe I let you talk me into buying this stupid gumball machine looking ring!
Phoebe: It's not a stupid gumball machine looking ring! It's a beautiful ring!
Chandler: No, it's not! When I looked at the other ring I could see Monica's face when I gave it to her, you know? And I could see her saying yes. When I look at this ring, all I see is a ring! Unless I look at it really closely and then I can see my own eye. Look, this is the most important thing I'm gonna do in my life. I wanna make sure it's perfect.
Phoebe: Ok. There may be a way that we can get the other ring back. 'Cause I heard the guy tell the jeweler where he was gonna propose. So maybe we can get him to trade rings or something.
Chandler: I can't do that.
Phoebe: Well you certainly can't give her that stupid gumball ring.
Chandler: All right, where was he going?
Phoebe: Yeah, it's a restaurant......it's...The Rainbow something.
Chandler: Rainbow Room?
Chandler: Rainbow Grill?
Chandler: Somewhere Over the…?
Chandler: Rainbow L'Espace!
Phoebe: No no, just L'Espace.
Chandler:...I'd love to know how you got from rainbow to L'Espace.
Phoebe: No you wouldn't. You don't wanna get in here.
Phoebe: There he is!
Chandler: Ok and he hasn't proposed yet because she has no ring on her finger.
Phoebe: Wow! You're good! After this, we should solve crimes.
Chandler: Ok, go, go, go get him.
Phoebe: Oh, ok.
Phoebe: Excuse me sir? Could you come with me please? You have a phone call.
Customer: Who is it?
Phoebe: It is your office.
Customer: Do you know who at my office?
Customer: Oh John! Great!
Phoebe: Here he is.
Chandler: Hi! Hi. Ok, there was a slight mix up at the jewelry store, the ring you're about to propose with was supposed to be held for me. So, I'm gonna need to have that back. But, in exchange I'm willing to trade you this beautiful, more expensive ring. Ew.
Phoebe: Wow! I would trade.
Customer: It is beautiful, but I'm gonna use this one. Now, if you'll excuse me.
Chandler: No no! This is my fiancée and her heart was set on that ring. You don't wanna break her heart now do you?
Phoebe: Yeah, do you wanna break a dying woman's heart?
Customer: You're dying? !
Chandler: Yeah, she's dying…Of a cough apparently.
Phoebe: Yes, and it is my dying wish to have that ring. See, if I'm not buried with that ring then my spirit is going to wander the nether world for all eternity…
Chandler: Ok, that's enough honey!
Customer: Uh…I don't know. All right, let me see the ring.
Chandler: Great! Ok, here.
Customer: All right, I'll do it.
Chandler: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! And you are about to marry a wonderful man! Hey! I'm marrying a dead woman!
Chandler: Guys? I've got something important to tell ya. Guys? Guys? ! I'm gonna ask Monica to marry me.
Joey: I think we gotta end the freeze out.
Ross: Wait a minute, is this, is this for real?
Chandler: Yeah, check out the ring.
Joey: Oh my God!
Ross: So you two are really serious? !
Chandler: Yep, pretty much.
Ross: You you're gonna get married? ! I mean…We're gonna be brothers in law! Come here!
Joey: And and and and and and, and we're gonna be friends again!
Chandler: Heyyyy What?
Joey: Oh the water under the bridge, forget it!
Chandler: I was gonna wait til uh, it was official you know? But I got so excited I just had to tell you guys 'cause you're my best friends.
Joey: I can't believe this!
Ross: Me too! And I was planning on having a conversation with you about your intentions.
Rachel: Ugh! No more crying! Please! I just dumped one cry baby, I'll dump you too!
Chandler: I'm gonna ask Monica to marry me.
Rachel: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh Chandler! You guys are gonna be so happy!
Chandler: I know.
Joey: Where's all the tissues? !
Chandler: Check out the ring.
Rachel: Nice! One and a half carat easy.
Ross: Hey hey Pheebs! Chandler's gonna ask Monica to marry him!
Phoebe: Oh I know, I helped pick out the ring.
Ross: You told her before you told us?
Chandler: Well, she walked in when I was looking at the ring brochures. You can understand that, right? Guys? Guys? Guys?
Ross: God, that ring Chandler picked out was so beautiful.
Phoebe: Yeah, you should know. You've bought like a billion of them.
Ross: Ahh, humor based on my pain.
Rachel: Ha! Hey you know what's funny? Of all of your wives, I'm the only one who never got a ring.
Ross: This, uh, a big issue for you? Or?
Rachel: No, but, you know, it would've been nice to have a little memento of our married time together. Something other than the divorce papers and the hangover.
Phoebe: Ross is obviously not gonna get you a ring. But ask for a musket. Ask for a musket!
Ross: Hey, when we were married you know what I never got? Umm…sex.
Rachel: Well, yeah. No ring, no sex. Big surprise.
Phoebe: Get me a musket and we'll talk.