Monica: What's the matter?
Chandler: Someone on the subway licked my neck! Licked my neck! !
Phoebe: Oh Willie's still alive!
Chandler: What are you guys doing?
Monica: Oh, my mom called, they're gonna run our engagement announcement in the local paper, so we're looking for a good picture of us.
Chandler: Oh, I'm afraid that does not exist.
Monica: That's not true, there are great pictures of us!
Chandler: No, there are great pictures of you standing next to a guy who's going like this…
Phoebe: Oh my God! That's the creep that you're with at the Statue of Liberty.
Chandler: I don't know what it is, I just can't take a good picture.
Monica: Oh, here's a great one.
Chandler: Yeah, I'm not in that.
Monica: I know, but look at me all tan.
Phoebe: Hey, why don't you guys go, get portraits done by a professional photographer.
Monica: That's a good idea! I bet they have one of those wind machines! You know…
Phoebe: Yeah that's great! Next to that, Chandler won't look so stupid.
Monica: Chandler what do you say?
Chandler: All right, but I should warn you, I'm not going. “I'm” going.
Ross: Dude, that reverse lay-up! Oh…
Chandler: How about those three pointers?
Chandler: And those guys were this close to letting us play this time too.
Rachel: Hey, look. Phoebe's talking to Cute Coffeehouse Guy.
Ross: Oh, you guys call him Cute Coffeehouse Guy, we call him Hums While He Pees.
Chandler: Yes, and we call Ross Lingers In The Bathroom.
Phoebe: Hey you guys, Hums While He Pees just asked me out!
Rachel: Hey, I thought that guy was married.
Phoebe: He is! But he's getting divorced, Ross! Maybe you know him.
Ross: It's not a club.
Rachel: Phoebe, if this guy's going through a divorce, is it such a good idea to start going out with him?
Ross: Hey, divorced men are not bad men!
Chandler: They have that on the napkins at the club.
Rachel: Oh, I gotta get back to work.
Phoebe: You don't have to be back for a half-hour!
Rachel: Yeah but, my assistant Tag does sit-ups in the office during lunch. Oh! I could just spread him on a cracker.
Chandler: Rach, if you have a crush on this guy, why would you hire him? I mean you know you can't date him right?
Rachel: Oh no, I know that. I know that. Although, we made a joke that we spend so much time together he should call me his “work wife”.
Ross: Soon he'll be able to call you, "That lady he knew that got fired.".
Rachel: I am not gonna get fired, because I'm not gonna act on it.
Phoebe: So you wouldn't mind if he was dating someone else?
Rachel: Why? Is he? He is! Isn't he? He's dating that slut in marketing!
Ross: Maybe I should open a divorced men's club.
Chandler: Dude that is so sad.
Ross: I could put a basketball court in the back.
Chandler: Could I play?
Rachel: Oh, no sit-ups today Tag?
Tag: I just did them.
Rachel: Oh, well drop and give me ten more!
Rachel: Uh, I had a drink with lunch. Did those cost reports come in?
Tag: Yeah, I filled them out last night?
Rachel: Oh, great could you make me four copies of those?
Rachel: Great, thank you.
Melissa: Hey Rachel!
Rachel: Ah, hi! Hi! Melissa, what's up? I'm just…about to… go out to the store to get some stuff to put in my backpack. You know, like dried fruit and granola and stuff. What's up?
Melissa: Um, is Tag here?
Rachel: No. Why?
Melissa: Oh, I was gonna talk to him about doing something tonight.
Rachel: Really? ! Got a little crush on Tag there do you?
Melissa: Well, we've been flirting back and forth, but I was hoping that tonight it would turn into something a little more than that.
Rachel: Okay, whoa-whoa easy there Melissa! This ain't a locker room, okay? But, you know I remember him saying that he had plans tonight.
Melissa: Oh no!
Rachel: Oh yeah. All right, back to work.
Melissa: Hey! Isn't that Tag's backpack.
Rachel: Yeah Melissa, I don't want to be known as the office bitch, but I will call your supervisor.
The Photographer: Great! That's great Monica! Great! Now, Chandler, you want to give us a smile?
The Photographer: I'm sorry, is the seat uncomfortable?
Chandler: No, I am.
Monica: Chandler, listen to me sweetie, I know you can do this. Okay? You have a beautiful smile.
Chandler: I do?
Monica: Yeah! All right, maybe you don't have to smile. Let's try something else. Let's try looking sexy.
Monica: Or not.
Rachel: Hi Joey! What are you doing here?
Joey: Uh, well I've got an audition down the street and I spilled sauce all over the front of my shirt. You got an extra one?
Rachel: Yeah, sure. here.
Joey: Great. You got anything that's not Ralph Lauren?
Rachel: Yeah, I don't think so Joe.
Joey: All right, I guess this will be fine.
Rachel: Hey, listen, what are you doing tonight?
Joey: Nothing, why?
Rachel: How would you feel about taking out my assistant Tag? I'll pay.
Joey: Huh, Rach I got to say it's gonna take a lot of money for me to go out on a date with a dude.
Rachel: I'm not asking you to go on a date with him!
Joey: Really? because I could kinda use the money.
Rachel: Joey, just he's new in town and I know he doesn't have any guy friends. Just take him to like a ball game or something. I'll really appreciate it.
Joey: Yeah, okay, no problem.
Rachel: Thank you.
Joey: Oh Hey, donuts!
Monica: I know. Let's try a look…of far off…wonderment.Okay, we'll gaze into our future and we'll think about our marriage and the days to come.
Monica: Chandler! What is the matter with your face? ! I mean this picture is supposed to say "Geller and Bing to be married," not "Local woman saves drowning moron!"
Monica: Hey! Don't laugh at him! He's my drowning moron!
Monica: That's it! Take it! Take it! Take it!
Ross: I like this one. It seems to say, "I love you and that's why I have to kill you."
Monica: They can't all be bad. Find the one where you make your bedroom eyes. Oh, there it is.
Chandler: Oh my God! Those are my bedroom eyes?! Why did you ever sleep with me?
Monica: Do you really want to pull at that thread?
Phoebe: I'm having a really good time!
Hums While He Pees: Me too! I'm sorry that guy in the subway licked your neck.
Phoebe: Oh. No that's okay, he's a friend.
Hums While He Pees: Hey, I don't mean to be presumptuous but I have these two tickets to the ballroom dancing finals tomorrow night if you want to go?
Phoebe: Yeah, Well you know I mean I missed the semi-finals, so I'd just be lost.
Hums While He Pees: I know it's really lame, but I got these tickets from my boss and… Oh no! No! No! My God!
Phoebe: Okay, don't freak out. I'll go.
Hums While He Pees: No it's… Uh, my ex-wife Whitney is out there. I cannot deal with her right now. That woman is crazy!
Phoebe: Okay, I know. Hold on. Hey Ross?
Phoebe: Yeah, that's Whitney, Kyle's ex-wife out there, now do you think that you can y' know divert her so that we can slip out?
Ross: What? ! No!
Phoebe: Well okay but I have two tickets to the ballroom dance finals.
Ross: Look, I don't think so Pheebs. All right, I'll do it. But just because you're a friend.
Phoebe: Hi Ginger.
Ross: All right! I want my key back!
Phoebe: I don't have it!
Ross: It's right there!
Phoebe: Okay Sherlock!
Ross: I'm sorry but you better go Pheebs.
Phoebe: All right, well I just wanted to say thank you though for diverting Kyle's ex.
Ross: Oh yeah, No, You're welcome. We'll talk about it later.
Ross: Hi Whitney.
Whitney: Hi Ross! You ready for breakfast?
Ross: Yep. Okay.
Phoebe: Kyle's ex-wife? You were supposed to divert her not date her!
Ross: Hi! I'm sorry, but can you give me a second while I talk to this woman, who by the way did not spend the night.
Ross: Okay. I did divert her and we ended up having a great time! Okay?
Phoebe: Watching ballroom dancing?
Ross: Yes! That's where we realized we were both super cool people!
Phoebe: Well look-look, okay Ross, Kyle just told me some really bad stuff about her.
Ross: Like what?
Phoebe: Like she's really mean, and she's over critical, and No! She will paint a room a really bright color without even checking with you!
Phoebe: And! She uses sex as a weapon!
Ross: Fine! Thank you for warning me. At breakfast I'll be on full alert for room painting and sex weapons.
Phoebe: You're still gonna go out with her? !
Phoebe: Well, didn't you just hear what I said? !
Ross: Pheebs come on! I mean, consider the source! Of course her ex-husband's gonna say that stuff. Now, if you'll excuse me.
Phoebe: No, listen to me! She is crazy!
Whitney: Uh, your door isn't sound proof.
Phoebe: You see? Nothing is good enough for her!
Joey: We're now in the ceremony, Monica is about to say, "I do" when her drunk uncle starts yelling. What do you do? Go!
Ross: When Monica was a little girl, I remember that…Oh! ! Ow! Very good!
Joey: Yes! Excellent! Perfect score!
Rachel: Wait a minute! She just made a scene in the middle of the ceremony!
Phoebe: Hey, you want a little taste of Pheebs?
Ross: It is time for you to give your maid of honor speech.
Rachel: Oh, wait a minute, we haven't pre…
Rachel: That's OK! Okay! Okay!
Rachel: Webster's Dictionary defines marriage as… Okay! Forget that! That sucks! Okay, never mind! Forget it! okay, I met...I met Monica when we were just a couple of six year olds and I became friends with Chandler when he was 25, although he seemed like a six year old.
Rachel: Thank you. Thank you very much.
Rachel: I've known them separately and I've known them together and to know them as a couple is to know that you are truly in the presence of love. So I would like to raise my glass to Monica and Chandler and the beautiful adventure they are about to embark upon together. I can think of no two people better prepared for the journey.
Joey: Good speech.
Ross: Yeah, it really was!
Rachel: Oh, thanks.
Ross: Okay Phoebe, I guess you're next although I really don't see the point.
Phoebe: Okay, I can't believe that Monica and Chandler are getting married. I remember talking about this day with Rachel while we were showering together, naked.
Joey: And she's back in the game.
Chandler: Julie hi! Chandler Bing, I guess you remember me.
Julie: Hello Skidmark.
Chandler: It's a nickname, I'll explain later.
Monica: It's pretty clear.
Chandler: I owe you a long overdue apology. I never should have broken up with you because you were overweight.
Julie: That's why you broke up with me?
Chandler: You didn't know that? Well, I guess my work here is done.
Joey: But first of all, I would like to say you both performed very well, okay? You should be proud of yourselves. And I would also like to say that in this competition there are no losers. Well, except for Rachel Damnit!
Phoebe: Really? ! I won!
Rachel: What? !
Ross: I'm sorry Rach, it was, it was really close.
Rachel: Well then I demand a recount!
Ross: Actually, it wasn't that close.
Rachel: No! You know what? No! No! You thing was so stupid anyway, this was ridiculous.We're gonna flip a coin! All right? ! Heads!
Phoebe: What? The coins have finally forgiven me!
Rachel: Well you know what? I hope Monica forgives you after you throw her, her vegetarian, voodoo, goddess circley shower!
Phoebe: Rach, it's gonna be okay! You guys are the best!
Joey: Boy I tell ya, that judging stuff took a lot out of me.
Joey: Yeah! Thinking about maybe going upstairs and taking a little nap on my couch.
Ross: Why would I care about that?
Joey: No reason, I'm just saying that uh… That's where I'll be.
Chandler: As bad as that went I actually enjoyed myself. I think that I'm going to apologize for all of the stupid things I do.
Monica: Why don't you just stop doing stupid things? Then you wouldn't have to apologize.
Chandler: I would really love it if could do both.
Monica: All right, I have to ask.
Monica: Are you gonna break up with me if I get fat again?
Chandler: What? !
Monica: You broke up with Julie Grath! How much weight could she have gained?
Chandler: A hundred and forty-five pounds.
Monica: In one year? ! My God what did she eat? Her family! That's not the point.
Chandler: Look I know it was a stupid reason to break up with somebody, but I was 15!
Monica: Well… That's not the only time this was an issue. You remember when, you spent Thanksgiving with us? You called me fat.
Chandler: Okay. Okay, now wait a minute that was totally different.
Chandler: You were not supposed to hear that! I said that behind you back!
Monica: What if I have babies, okay? I mean I'm gonna look different. I'm okay with that, but I'm not sure that you are!
Chandler: Look you have to realize I don't think of you as a thin, beautiful woman.
Chandler: See this is one of things that I can apologize for later! Look, what I mean is you're Monica! Okay? And I am in love with Monica.
Monica: Keep going.
Chandler: So you can balloon up or you can shrink down and I will still love you.
Monica: Even if I shrink down to two inches tall?
Chandler: I'd carry you around in my pocket.
Monica: I love you.
Chandler: Skidmark's still got a way with the ladies.
Rachel: Hi Pheebs.
Rachel: Hi! I just want to apologize. I'm really sorry I was a baby.
Phoebe: That's ridiculous Rachel, we were all babies once. Oh, you mean today.
Rachel: Yeah, and you know you deserve to win. And you know I was thinking about it, if you're Monica's maid of honor that means I get to be yours.
Phoebe: Oh yeah!
Rachel: Yeah! Oh, when Monica and Chandler got engaged I started putting some stuff together, you know just in case.
Phoebe: Oh that's so sweet thanks.
Rachel: Here is a book of poetry that I know Monica loves. And oh God this is funny, look, this is a picture of one Halloween where she dressed up as a bride.And look, she made me carry her train, which was weird because I was Wonder Woman.
Rachel: Oh and here's a little purse that I found. You know I just thought that maybe they could hold the rings in there.
Rachel: And vintage hand kerchiefs you know cause, people cry at weddings. I'm just gonna grab a couple of these.
Phoebe: This stuff is great!
Rachel: Oh, I forgot this was in here. This was the garter that I was saving for my wedding and I wanted it to be Monica's "something borrowed" and it's blue.
Phoebe: You know Rach, I think that, I think you should be Monica's made of honor.
Rachel: You do? Why?
Phoebe: Because I think it means more to you.
Rachel: But Pheebs, you know you earned it.
Phoebe: It's fine. I mean, this is something that you've been thinking about since you were what, 14?
Rachel: No, I was ten. I just developed early.
Phoebe: Man alive!
Monica: Hey, what's going on?
Phoebe: Well, we just decided that Rachel is gonna be your maid of honor.
Monica: Oh! That's great! Oh wow! Ok! We really have to start planning! I have a lot of really specific ideas! We should probably get together like four times per week. You can come over to my place. we'll get together before work!
Monica: What do you say, 6:30, my place? I'm so excited!
Rachel: Yeah okay, you laugh now, She's gonna be yours.
Joey: Great nap.Ross: It really was.
Joey: Dude! What the hell are you doing? ! God!
Ross: Excuse me.
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