Rachel: Hi! Oh, how was your date last night?
Joey: Pretty good.
Rachel: Oh good. Ah! My God, Sorry about that!
Joey: Okay, really good. Anyway I gotta go. I'm late for work.
Rachel: What? ! You're gonna leave this person with me? !
Joey: Yeah Hey, don't worry, she's a terrific girl. And hey listen, could you do me a favor? When she comes out could you just mention that I'm not looking for a serious relationship; that'd be great.
Rachel: Why? ! What? ! Are you kidding? !
Joey: Just casually slip it in, you know lay the groundwork. Tell her, I'm a loner No! An outlaw! Tell her she doesn't want to get mixed up with the likes of me.
Rachel: You know what? That's a lot to remember, can't I just tell her you're a pig?
Joey: Hey, I'm gonna call her later! Honest!
Joey: Oh come on, Chandler used to do it! He'd even make the girl pancakes! Plus, he'd make extras and leave them for me.
Rachel: Well forget it, I'm not telling that girl anything. That is not my responsibility.
Joey: Fine! Now, where'd we land on those pancakes?
Joey's Date: Hi!
Joey's Date: Sorry about that, but I couldn't get that lock to work on the door.
Rachel: Yeah, Joey kinda disabled it when I moved in.
Joey's Date: You must be Rachel, I'm Erin.
Erin: Hi. I don't mean this to sound like high school, but did he say anything about me?
Rachel: Would you like some pancakes?
Chandler: Come on! Why are we here? !
Ross: Okay, okay take a guess.
Chandler: The hot chicks?
Ross: Okay, okay, I was typing names into the library computer earlier, you know for fun, and I typed mine in and guess what came up? My doctoral dissertation! It's here! Yeah, it's right it's right down here! In the biggest library in the university!
Chandler: Wow that's actually pretty cool.
Ross: Oh, there's also a book here by a woman named Wendy Bagina. What is that?
Chandler: Sounds like two people are really enjoying the Dewey decimal system.
Female Student: I'm so sorry!
Chandler: You didn't bring me here to do that, did you?
Monica: She sent the chicken back again? !
The Waitress: She says it's to dry now and she wants to come back here and explain to you exactly how she wants it.
Monica: Well fine! I want to meet this chicken expert! Send the Colonel in!
The Colonel: Oh, my God!
Monica: Lucky bastard! Janice.
Janice: How are you Ms. Hot Shot chef with the big fancy restaurant with the best chicken ever!
Monica: I'm fine.
Janice: Oh! What is that on your finger? ! I'm blind!
Janice: So, who's the lucky guy?
Chandler: Oh, my God. I am so sorry sweetie, are you okay? You didn't tell her we were getting married, did you?
Monica: Well, she saw the ring.
Chandler: Did she freak out?
Monica: Well, she was shocked when I told her, but then again so were most people.
Monica: Well, she actually has a boyfriend you know herself, named Clark, she also kinda invited herself to our wedding. Clark too.
Chandler: You said no right?
Chandler: You said no right? !
Monica: Well, she corned me! She asked if the wedding was in town! I mean, what was I supposed to do? !
Chandler: Lie! How hard is that? ! The check's in the mail! Oh your baby is so cute! I can't wait to read your book Ross!
Monica: Come on! So she comes to the wedding! I mean it won't be so bad.
Chandler: What do you think she's just gonna sit there quietly? You don't think she's gonna want to make a toast? You don't think she's gonna want to grab the microphone and sing Part-time Lover? !
Monica: Oh my God, she's not gonna like the chicken that night either is she? !
Chandler: You know what? It's gonna be okay. You know what? She's probably not gonna even want to come.
Chandler: No! That was a lie! See how easy that was!
Monica: So you would've just lied?
Monica: Would it really have been that easy?
Monica: Good, so do it Saturday night because we're going to dinner with her and Clark.
Joey: Hey! What's up?
Phoebe and Rachel: Hey!
Joey: Hey, who's your friend? Hey!
Erin: Hey Joey!
Joey: Erin! Still here!
Rachel: Yeah, we ended up spending the day together and had such a great time!
Joey: Why wouldn't you? Erin is great! Then there's you guys.
Erin: Oh, listen. I've got to get going. Today was great, thanks!
Rachel: I know! Okay!
Erin: Bye Joey. Last night was fun.
Joey: Yeah. I'll call you.
Rachel: Oh and I'll call you too!
Erin: All right. I'll call you.
Phoebe: And call me!
Joey: Okay, good to see you again.
Joey: So, system kinda broke down huh? !
Rachel: Oh Joey, I'm sorry I just couldn't tell her all those things you wanted me to tell her. And you know we got to talking and I…
Phoebe: We want you to marry her!
Joey: What? !
Phoebe: She is so amazing! You have no idea.
Joey: No idea? Who do you think brought her here?
Phoebe: Joey, she's so cool. She speaks four languages.
Joey: Man, do you know what guys want!
Rachel: Look Joey, come on she's so perfect for you! I mean she's sweet, she likes baseball, and she had two beers at lunch.
Joey: My beers? ! Look you guys, she's a very nice girl. Okay? We had a good time, but I just I don't see it going anywhere.
Phoebe: But you always say that.
Rachel: Yeah, maybe if you gave this girl a chance it would go somewhere.
Joey: Look I'm sorry you guys, I just don't think so.
Joey: Hey, don't start judging me! Huh? You're the one who's in love with her assistant! Huh? And you, you're the one having the affair with the guy who keeps the pigeons on the roof!
Phoebe: Secret affair!
Ross: People are doing it in front of my book!
Rachel: I'm sorry?
Ross: My doctoral dissertation is in the library at school, I went to see it, and there were students making babies right in the middle of the Paleontology section!
Rachel: Oh my God! Did you get to see anything good?
Ross: Let me ask you something, at your school was there a like uh a place on campus where students went to uh, fool around.
Rachel: Yeah, there was. It was there the corner of the library where all these dusty books that nobody ever read Yes, there was.
Ross: Great! Because people kept showing up, I think it's like a thing!
Joey: Now hold on a second, fifth floor against that back wall?
Ross: Oh for crying out loud!
Joey: All right, so we should go catch our movie.
Rachel: Well now what's the rush?
Joey: I like to see the previews. The candy.
Phoebe: Oh. Hey!
Rachel: Well look who's here!
Erin: Hey, Joey.
Joey: Hey, Erin.
Erin: :Hey, Rachel.
Rachel: Hi! Well, we were just about to take off and see a movie. Oh no!
Erin: What's wrong?
Rachel: Oh Phoebe, we forgot that party we have to go to.
Phoebe: Oh no.
Joey: What party?
Phoebe and Rachel: A birthday party.
Joey: Who's birthday party?
Phoebe and Rachel: Allison's birthday party.
Joey: Oh, and how is Allison?
Phoebe and Rachel: 32.
Rachel: Wait a minute! Why don't you guys do something? !
Joey: Yeah, look how that worked out.
Ross: Excuse me. Hi, I'm a professor here. Do you know the Paleontology section, fifth floor, stack 437?
The Librarian: Well, yes! Just give me five minutes, I just have to find someone to cover my shift.
Ross: No! No! No! Can I speak to someone in charge please? !
The Head Librarian: How can I help you?
Ross: Hi, I was wondering if it is possible to increase security in the Paleontology section? See I wrote a book up there and instead of reading it people are well, rolling around in front of it.
The Head Librarian: We are aware of the problem you are referring too. But as far as increasing security, I'm afraid the library is very understaffed. I can't help you.
Ross: Well, fine. Fine! If I'm the only person with any appreciation of the sanctity of the written word, I'll go up there and defend it myself! And don't you follow me!
Rachel: How did it go with Erin?
Joey: Oh, unbelievable! We had the best time!
Phoebe: Yay! Oh so, you're not, you're not mad at us anymore?
Joey: No! No! No! You guys were totally right! This is so much better than the first time we went out. You know? That was so awkward, we were really nervous.
Phoebe: Didn't you sleep together?
Joey: Yeah that really calms me down.
Joey: And! We have so much in common! She loves sandwiches, sports, although she is a Met fan, not much of an issue now but if were ever to have kids, well that's a…
Rachel: Oh my God! Listen to you talking about having kids. Oh my Joey. Oh, please don't get married before I do.
Janice: I just cannot believe Clark stood me up!
Monica: He might still show up.
Janice: Oh, what are you, stupid? It's been three hours.
Monica: Is that all?
Janice: I should just go on to happier things, okay? why don't you tell about your lovely wedding?
Chandler: Well actually, there was something we wanted to tell you about the wedding. It's going to be a small ceremony. Tiny! We're not even sure why we're having it.
Monica: It's actually going to be just family.
Janice: Oh, wait, you two think of me as family? ! Oh, I have to ask you something now and be honest; do you want me to sing Careless Whisper or Lady In Red?
Joey: How can you say that? ! The Mets have no closer!
Erin: What about Benitez?
Joey: What about Game 1 of the Series?
Erin: What about shut up?
Joey: You shut up! I love arguing with her. I'll be right back.
Rachel: So how's it going with Joey?
Erin: Oh, okay.
Rachel: Okay? Wait okay, tell me that you like him, please? I mean tell me that you like him.
Erin: Look, he's a really great guy and I know that you really want this to work out, but I just don't see this having a future.
Rachel: But you said that you liked him! I mean what happened?! Did you just change your mind? !
Phoebe: Then change it back!
Erin: I'm sorry I… It's just there's no real spark.
Phoebe: No spark? Didn't you sleep together?
Rachel: Ugh, tramp!
Phoebe: Does Joey have any idea?
Erin: I really don't think he does. And you know what? Maybe you guys could help clue him in. You know, tell him I'm not interested in a serious relationship or something.
Phoebe: Yeah, you mean like that you're kind of a loner.
Erin: Yeah! That would be great!
Phoebe: Yeah, and maybe that you're a real stronzo.
Erin: I'm sorry?
Phoebe: Oh well, I guess Italian isn't one of the four languages you speak.
Joey: Hey! You wanna go?
Erin: Yeah, let's go.
Joey: Okay. See you guys later.
Erin: Bye guys.
Rachel: Yeah, see ya.
Joey: Hey, thank you so much.
Rachel: I guess it was Cupid who brought her here.
Phoebe: No, just a regular old flying dwarf.
Ross: Yes? Yes? ! How can I help you?
Guy: Yeah, we were just looking around.
Ross: Oh, you're fellow scholars. What exactly were you looking for? Perhaps, perhaps Dr. Chester Stock's musings on the smiledon Californicus?
Ross: Get out of here! Meeting someone? Or are you just here to brush up on Marion's views on evolution?
Woman: Actually I find Marion's views far to progressionist.
Ross: I find Marion's views far to progressionist.
Woman: I'm sorry, who are you?
Ross: I'm a professor here, Ross Geller.
Woman: Ross Geller, why do I know that name? It's Wait! Did you write this?
Ross: Yes! You're the person who checked out my book? !
Woman: You know, you look nothing like I would've thought. you're so young.
Ross: Well, I skipped forth grade.
Ross: I am very very sorry.
Phoebe: So how was your date?
Joey: Oh, it was great! I mean we walked all around the village. We went to this ice cream place, split a milkshake, 70/30 but still… And guess what, I'm thinking about taking her upstate to one of those bed and breakfasts.
Phoebe: Oh really? She said she wants to go away with you?
Joey: No no no no no! It's a surprise, but it's gonna be tricky thought because she said she was gonna be pretty busy at work for a while.
Phoebe and Rachel: Oh no, yeah.
Rachel: Joey, look honey we need to talk okay? I kinda got the feeling from her today that uh, she's not looking for a serious relationship.
Joey: Where are you getting this?
Rachel: Well, she told me. She said she's kinda a loner.
Joey: It's cool. You know I'm a loner too! Right?
Phoebe: Hey Joey, you know what? You are way to good for her.
Rachel: Yeah and honey I promise next time that I will just say good-bye and tell them you're not looking for a relationship.
Joey: No! No. Don't do that, just next time make sure she really likes me.
Rachel: Well that too.
Rachel: Do you want some pancakes?
Monica: What are we gonna do?
Chandler: I say we go with Careless Whisper.
Chandler: Did she see us yet? Did she see us?
Monica: Janice, what are you doing here?
Janice: Well, I thought I was going to go back to my apartment but then I just felt I couldn't really be alone tonight.
Janice: I was wondering if I could maybe stay here with you, just I really feel that I need to be with family.
Monica: Our kids are gonna call her Aunt Janice aren't they?
Janice: Please, it's because otherwise I really don't know what I might do.
Chandler: Aren't you just a tinsy bit curious?
Janice: Do you have any tissues?
Monica: Yeah, in the bathroom.
Monica: we'll just let her stay.
Chandler: No no no no, if we let her stay, she will stay forever!
Monica: Kinda like your Barca lounger.
Chandler: Is that what you're thinking about right now?
Monica: I never stop thinking about it.
Janice: Hey you guys, Do either one of you want to get in there before I take my bath.
Chandler: Janice, I'm sorry but you can't stay here tonight.
Janice: Why not?
Chandler: Honestly? Our apartment is a hotbed for electromagnetic activity. Now Monica and I have been immunized, but sadly you have not.
Janice: Okay, I'm going to need a comforter, but did you have a hypoallergenic one because otherwise I get very nasal. Do you have a cat? Because it's already happening. Do you hear that?
Monica: Oh my God! Oh my God! You have to go!
Monica: Because Chandler still has feelings for you!
Janice: He does?
Chandler: Say again?
Monica: That's right. That's right. And that is why you can't stay here tonight. And probably why you shouldn't come to the wedding.
Chandler: Feelings, such strong feelings.
Monica: I mean, I realize that his feelings may never completely go away, but you can.
Janice: Oh my God, I understand. I am so sorry, I'll go. Good-bye Monica, I wish you a lifetime of happiness with him. Chandler, you call me when this goes in the pooper.
Ross: Don't sweat it, I've got this section covered. Yeah, in fact I've got this little baby to shine in people's eye. Okay, see you later.
Chandler: I just wanted to show Monica your book.