Ross: Hey everybody! Happy Thanksgiving!
Joey, Rachel and Phoebe: Shhhh!
Chandler: No, no, no. No no no.
Ross: What are we keeping Thanksgiving a secret this year?
Chandler: No, we're playing this game I learned at work. You have to name all the states in six minutes.
Ross: What? That's like insanely easy!
Chandler: No, that's a lot harder than it sounds. You always forget at least one, or in some cases, fourteen.
Monica: It's a stupid game and I wasn't playing against other people, so technically I didn't lose.
Ross: What? You forgot fourteen states?
Monica: Nobody cares about the Dakotas.
Chandler: Oh, okay, time's up!
Rachel: All right, I got 48.
Chandler: Oh, that's not bad, Pheebs.
Phoebe: Oh, I got tired of naming states. So I decided to list the types of celery, and I have one: regular celery.
Chandler: Okay, so Rachel's got 48 and Phoebe has the lead in vegetables, Joey?
Joey: Say hello to the new champ of Chandler's dumb states game.
Ross: Wow, how many have you got?
Joey: Hey! How is New England not a state? Huh? They have a sports-team!
Chandler: Does South Oregon have a sports-team? There you go.
Rachel: How come we have one extra place setting?
Monica: Because you invited your assistant.
Rachel: Oh, right. Sorry. But Tag's not coming; his girlfriend came into town, so he's spending Thanksgiving with her.
Monica: Oh! Why didn't you tell me? I made him his own individual sweet potato stuffed pumpkin.
Rachel: Well, I was going to, but then I figured, you know...you're food is so delicious and perfect, you can never have too many of those pumpkin things.
Monica: Now you think I wouldn't enjoy that, because it is so fake, but I still do.
Phoebe: Regular Celery! Oh, I already have that.
Ross: Done! With time a-to-spare.
Chandler: Oh that may be a New World's record.
Ross: You know, I hate to lecture you guys, but it's kinda disgraceful, that a group of well-educated adults and Joey can't name all the states. Did you ever see a map, or one of those round, colorful things called a "globe?" Hmm?
Chandler: Uh, Magellan? You got 46 states.
Ross: What? That's impossible.
Joey: 46. Wow! Who's well educated now, Mr. I-forgot-ten-states?
Monica: I'm out of oven space. I'm gonna turn on Joey's. Please, watch him! Do not let Joey eat any of the food!
Chandler: I am only one man! Okay Ross, time is up!
Ross: No, just give me another minute.
Chandler: Look Ross, if you don't know them by now, you will never know them, okay? That is the beauty of this game. It makes you want to kill yourself.
Ross: This is crazy! I can do this! All right, I bet I can get all 50 before dinner.
Chandler: Okay, but if you can't. no dinner!
Ross: You're on!
Joey: All right. Don't look at my list, Ross, because there's a lot on there that you don't have.
Monica: Hey, did you guys know, that your oven doesn't work?
Joey: But the drawer full of take-out menus is okay, right?
Monica: Ross, I'm gonna use yours, okay?
Monica: Chandler, give me a hand.
Chandler: Sure, and Joey do not let Ross look at any of the maps or the globe in your apartment.
Joey: Don't worry, Chandler, it's not a globe of the United States.
Phoebe: Hey you guys I'm gonna go out and take a walk.
Ross: Phoebe, why is your bag moving?
Phoebe: Oh, it's not!
Rachel: Seriously, it's moving!
Joey: What the hell is in there?
Phoebe: It's just my knitting that's all! Yes! I knit this. I'm very good.
Monica: Ross’s apartment is nice! How come we don't hang out here more often?
Chandler: I don't know. Maybe it's because it smells a little weird. It's like old pumpkins or something.
Monica: That's my pie!
Chandler: Which smells delicious!
Monica: Uh-oh! Uh-oh!
Monica: We left Joey alone with the food! Yep! Yep, I knew it! There he is feeding stuffing to a dog!
Phoebe: Hi, Geller Bing residence. How can I help?
Monica: Phoebe, why is there a dog in our apartment?
Phoebe: I'm sorry, who's this?
Monica: Phoebe, there's a dog sitting on my couch!
Chandler: Tell her, I'm allergic, and I will sue!
Phoebe: No, there's no dog here.
Monica: Yes there is! He's black and white and shaggy and he's sitting next to Rachel and licking Rachel's hand.
Phoebe: Oh my god! Where are you?
Monica: I'll be right there!
Phoebe: They're here already? How are they doing this?
Rachel: Hi Tag! What are you doing here?
Tag: I wanted to see if your offer to spend Thanksgiving with you is still good.
Rachel: Well, sure! Come in! Well, what happened to your girlfriend?
Tag: We kinda broke up this morning.
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry.
Tag: Yeah, so she went back to Ohio.
Ross: Ohio! Thank you!
Chandler: Huh! Where is the dog? !
Ross: What dog? There's no dog here.
Joey: Yeah that dog left!
Monica: Phoebe! Phoebe, open up!
Phoebe: There's no dog in here.
Chandler: Phoebe, we can hear the dog barking!
Phoebe: No that's just me coughing! Oh, good, there you are! Listen, I have a dog in my room.
Chandler: What is it doing here?
Phoebe: Well, I'm watching it for some friends who went out of town. Wait. Hello, my name is Clunkers. May I please stay with you nice people?
Monica: Oh, I wish she could stay here, but Chandler is allergic!
Chandler: Extremely allergic, okay? If I'm anywhere near a dog for more than 5 minutes, my throat will just close up!
Phoebe: That's odd. This dog's been living here for the past three days.
Monica: Chandler, if that dog's been here that long, and you haven't had a reaction, maybe you're not allergic to this dog?
Chandler: Well, it still has to go, right?
Monica and Phoebe: Why?
Chandler: Okay, it's um…
Joey: Don't do it!
Monica: Don't do what?
Chandler: I have to! Okay? It's time! Okay, I hate dogs.
Monica: What? !
Phoebe: That's crazy!
Ross: Are you out of your mind?
Joey: Told you.
Chandler: They are needy, they are jumpy, and you can't tell what they are thinking, and that scares me a little bit.
Ross: Right, they are scary. She just ate a treat out of my hand! !!
Rachel: Wait a minute. Do you not like all dogs? I mean, not even puppies?
Chandler: Is there a puppy here?
Tag: You don't like puppies?
Chandler: Okay, you are new!
Joey: Look, Chandler, I told you, never tell anyone about this dog thing. It's like Ross not liking ice cream.
Phoebe: You don't like ice cream?
Ross: It's too cold.
Chandler: Okay, it's just that dogs make me a little uncomfortable.
Ross: It hurts my teeth.
Chandler: And I don't wanna say this, I don't you guys to hate me, but I don't think, I can be around that dog anymore. Okay, so either the dog goes, or I go. Oh my god!
Ross: How can I not get this? I'm a college professor; I got 1450 on my S.A.T. s.
Ross: Damn, I forgot you were here.
Phoebe: All right. We're gonna take Clunkers to Ross’s. We'll be back in a minute.
Rachel: Oh, wait before you guys go, can I just ask you a question?
Rachel: When a guy breaks up with his girlfriend, what is an appropriate amount of time to wait before you make a move?
Phoebe: Oh, I'd say about a month.
Monica: Really? I'd say 3 to 4.
Joey: Half hour.
Monica: When it's your assistant, I would say never.
Joey: All right, Rach, the big question is, does he like you? All right? Because if he doesn't like you, this is all a moo-point.
Rachel: Huh. A moo-point?
Joey: Yeah, it's like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter. It's moo.
Rachel: Have I been living with him for too long, or did that all just make sense?
Monica: Please, don't listen to Joey, okay. Would you look at him? He’s obviously depressed. He's away from his family, he's spending Thanksgiving with strangers. What he needs right now is for you to be his friend.
Rachel: You're right, I'm sorry. Thank you. Okay, that's what I'm gonna do.
Joey: Fine! Take their advice. No one ever listens to me. When the package is this pretty, no one cares what's inside.
Rachel: How are you holding up?
Tag: Not bad.
Rachel: Yeah? I'm sorry about your girlfriend.
Rachel: So were you guys together a long time?
Tag: A year. On and off. I kinda thought we'd end up together. I don't anymore.
Rachel: Now that she broke up with you?
Tag: Yeah. Rachel: Yeah.
Tag: It's weird. I always used to assume, that I would meet someone and fall in love and be happy and all that was just a given. But lately it's like what if it's not. Do you ever have that feeling?
Rachel: No…Yeah, all the time, constantly. It's terrifying. But you know that I figure it has to work out.
Rachel: Because it has to.
Tag: You have all the answers, don't you?
Rachel: Yeah, I know, I do. I really do.
Tag: Hey, thanks for talking to me.
Rachel: Come on, what are bosses for? Hug it out.
Joey: All right, he likes you back! Huh? Told ya, you should go for it!
Joey: Street noise drowned any of that out? No, all right, I see you later, okay.
Tag: What did Joey say? I like you back?
Rachel: Uh, yeah, well, see, he… Joey knows, that I'm very insecure about my back and, and you're hugging me, so obviously you are not repulsed by it, yeah!
Tag: Wait a minute; that doesn't make any sense.
Rachel: All right, here's the truth, Joey said what he said, because I'm attracted to you.
Rachel: Yeah, I admit it.
Rachel: I have a crush on you, and I know that's crazy because we work together, and nothing could ever happen, and the last thing I want to do is to freak you out or make you feel uncomfortable. Which is why it would be really great if you said something right about now.
Tag: Oh my god! Those guys are stealing my car!
Tag: Right there! That's my car! Hey!
Rachel: Okay, that's gonna take them a minute. Do you have anything else you wanna get off your chest?
Tag: I can't believe this!
Rachel: Wait, we still have time to talk and they’re not even in the car yet! Oh look, there they go, okay.
Monica: Okay Phoebe, we should probably go back now.
Phoebe: Please don't leave me, I'll be lonely.
Monica: Stop it. Stop! Okay let's go. We can be strong.
Phoebe: Yeah, okay.
Monica: Oh my god! Did you hear that? She said Monica! Oh, I can't leave her!
Phoebe: You know if you want, we can sneak the dog back in and Chandler wouldn't even know.
Monica: That's not gonna work.
Phoebe: I've had that dog there for three days and Chandler had no idea. He's not so smart.
Monica: Hey! I didn't know either.
Phoebe: Yeah, but you kinda knew that something was going on, didn't you?
Monica: Yeah, I knew.
Phoebe: Where's Chandler? ?
Chandler: Here I am.
Phoebe: Wash your hands!
Chandler: How did you know?
Ross: Hey! What's she doing back here?
Monica: Relax, Ross. She's not made of ice cream!
Ross: Hey look, Phoebe. I laid out the states geographically.
Phoebe: No, no, we don't really have time for this right now. Okay, we have to keep Chandler away from my bedroom.
Ross: Yeah, but, but look what I'm...
Phoebe: See, this is exactly what we do not have time for.
Chandler: Where's Monica?
Ross: Phoebe's room. You can't go in there.
Chandler: Why not?
Ross: Monica's crying. She's very upset about this whole Clunkers thing.
Chandler: Well, I should go in there.
Ross: No. No, No. She doesn't want to see you right now.
Chandler: Why not?
Ross: Because you sent away the dog!
Chandler: This is ridiculous.
Ross: Oh, is it? Is it?
Ross: Look, when Monica and I were kids, we had a dog named Rover. And, uh, one day, my dad decides, he doesn't like dogs. So Monica and her friend Phyllis take away the dog. And that was the last time we ever saw him. Don't you see? This is just like that. Only with a few details changed.
Joey: Okay, I'm in my sweat pants. Bring on the food! What's the matter?
Chandler: Monica's all upset, because I sent Clunkers away.
Joey: So? Bring the dog back, you're a hero.
Chandler: Yeah, I can be a hero, I could do that. I could, I could do...I, what if it attacks me?
Joey: Chandler, it's like a big gerbil.
Chandler: And that doesn't scare you?
Joey: Ross, you need some help?
Ross: From you? Yes, please!
Joey: First of all, Utah? Dude, you can't just make stuff up!
Ross: I hate America! When I finish this game, I swear I am moving.
Joey: Hey! Tag's still talking to the police.
Rachel: Yeah, oh! Why, damn it, why did I open my mouth? " I have a crush on you; I am attracted to you. " Gee, I know that I freaked him out.
Joey: If you said it like that, you probably did, yeah.
Phoebe: Hey, is Chandler here?
Chandler: No, no he went for a walk.
Phoebe: Okay, but you cannot tell him, but look whose back!
Joey: Oh! No no no no no no no! He went over to Ross' to bring the dog back here!
Phoebe: Oh, no, the dog's not going to be there!
Joey: You think?
Monica: Hi, honey.
Chandler: Please, please, please, don't be mad at me.
Monica: What? Why, why would...
Phoebe: Shh, wait and see. Maybe we will, maybe we won't.
Chandler: Okay, I went over to Ross' apartment to bring back Clunkers. You know, for you, and I left the door open and she must have gotten out and I looked everywhere, all over the apartment, including the roof, which FYI Ross, one of your neighbors, growing weed.
Chandler: I couldn't find him, and I am so, so, so, sorry. But I do know where we could all go ease the pain.
Phoebe: We have good news, look whose back!
Chandler: Clunkers? ! Oh my god!
Monica: That's right, she came back all by herself.
Phoebe: It's a Thanksgiving miracle!
Chandler: It is so good to see you!
Phoebe: Yeah, she came all the way back from Ross' building. Oh, the things she must have seen!
Phoebe: And then she climbed up the fire escape and she tapped on the window with her teeny little paw and then we ran to let her in.
Phoebe: I went to far, didn't I? When should I have stopped?
Ross: Okay, maybe this is so hard, because there aren't 50 states.
Ross: Let me tell you something, I have 49 states, and there are no more! I think, I should be able to eat something.
Chandler: It's up to you.
Rachel: Oh, hi! How are you doing?
Tag: I'm okay. I gotta go down to the police station and look at mug shots.
Tag: Thanks for having me over, you guys.
Ross: Tag? You're going? Uh we didn't, uh we didn't get the chance to talk. Uh, so, where did you say you're from again?
Ross: Ah, what good are you.
Rachel: Look, I think we should talk about what happened on the terrace.
Rachel: Ah, I never should have said what I said. It you know what? It just doesn't matter how I feel. I mean we work together, so nothing could really ever happen between us, and what I would love is just to go to work on Monday, and never talk about this again, okay? Big day Monday lots to do. So, we're okay?
Tag: Um, I'm not.
Rachel: Oh, god, I know it, that I freaked you out.
Tag: No, you didn't. The only thing that freaked me out was you saying that nothing could ever happen between us.
Tag: Yeah, so, please don't fire me for doing this.
Rachel: Okay, well, that's one less thing we have to do on Monday.
Ross: Delaware! Delaware!
Chandler: All right.
Ross: I want my turkey now!
Chandler: You got it. You got Nevada twice.
Ross: I know.