Ben: I'm ready!
Ross: You sure?
Chandler: Okay, let me just straighten out your helmet there.
Ben: Thanks daddy.
Ross: No, no, one daddy, two mommies. All right, it's all yours.
Phoebe: Wow, Ben's first big-kid's bike. This is so exciting!
Monica: Oh yeah, I remember mine! Ohh, it was my sixth birthday, my dad took me to the park, I got it, and it bent.
Phoebe: I never had a bike of my own.
Ross: What? !
Phoebe: Well, we didn't have a lot of money. But the girl across the street had the best bike! It was pink and it had rainbow colored tassels hanging off the handle grips, and a bell and this big white wicker basket with those plastic daisies stuck on.
Chandler: That sounds like my first bike. My dad gave me his old one.
Monica: Did the girl ever let you ride it?
Phoebe: No! But she gave me the box that it came in. It had a picture of the bike on the front. So I would sit on it and my step-dad would drag me around the backyard.
Ross: That is so unfair!
Phoebe: Not really, I got to drag him around too!
Chandler: Hey! What are you guys doing?
Monica: Making holiday candy for the neighbors.
Chandler: I'm sorry, who?
Monica: I'm gonna hang this basket on the door and when the neighbors walk by they can all take a piece.
Chandler: But we don't know the neighbors.
Joey: I do. There's uh, let's see, Guy With a Mustache, smokes-A-Lot Lady, Some Kids I've Seen, and A Red-haired Guy Who Does Not Like To Be Called Rusty.
Monica: See? This is exactly why I'm making this candy. We can learn their names and get to know our neighbors.
Chandler: Wouldn't it be easier if we just moved?
Rachel: Good morning! !
Chandler: Eh, somebody's in a good mood!
Rachel: Well, why shouldn't I be? I have great friends! I have a wonderful job!
Monica: Where you can make out with your assistant.
Rachel: Fine, it's not a big deal! We stayed up all night coming up with a plan so thatus dating will not be a problem.
Monica: Oh yeah, what's the plan?
Rachel: We… We are not… …going to let it… be a problem.
Monica: Wow! It took you all night to come up with that plan? !
Rachel: Well you know, we did other stuff too.
Monica: Did you two…
Rachel: Oh Monica come on, you know I don't sleep with guys on the first date!
Monica: Matt Guire, Mark Lynn, Ben Wire…
Rachel: Hi. Tag, I have a conference call today is that correct?
Tag: Yes, at 4:00.
Rachel: Okay, thank you. That'll be all. Wait! Wait! Did you see that? That mail guy had no idea there was something going on between us.
Tag: I'd better get back to my desk.
Rachel: Okay, you hard worker! I'll remember to put that in your evaluation.
Tag: My what?
Rachel: Well, you've been here for two months now and your boss is required to hand in aperformance evaluation. But you know, there is one thing that I have yet to evaluate.
Tag: Are you serious?
Rachel: No, I've just always wanted to do that. Can you help me clean this up?
Monica: The basket is totally empty! My God, the neighbors ate all the candy!
Chandler: Well, either that or uh…
Monica: Did you eat all the neighbor candy? !
Joey: Well yeah, that was the plan, but by the time I got to it there was only a coupleof pieces left!
Phoebe: They've been coming by all day. They love it!
Monica: They love my candy? Oh man! I've gotta go make more!
Joey: You might wanna make some more lasagna too, because something might've happened to a huge chunk of it.
Monica: Ross! The neighbors ate all my candy!
Ross: Mine stole my newspaper! It's like a crime wave! ! Pheebs, you got a second?
Ross: Yeah, ever since you told me that story about that bike I couldn't stop thinking about it. I mean, everyone should have a first bike, so…
Phoebe: Oh my God Ross!
Ross: You like it?
Phoebe: I love it!
Phoebe: Oh! Oh! !And I love you!
Phoebe: Not that way! But the bike brought you a lot closer!
Ross: Ah! Well, take it downstairs, you know give it a test ride.
Phoebe: Okay! Oh my God! My first bike! Thank you for the best present I've ever gotten.
Ross: You're welcome.
Phoebe: Oh, and Chandler's about to cry.
Chandler: Am not.
Monica: Who is that?
Chandler: Don't worry, I'm brave! I am brave! I…I am brave! No, no, no, no! Can you tell me who is there please?
The Knocker: My name is Gary, I live upstairs.
Monica: Hi. Do you know what time it is?
Gary: It's candy time! My roommate says that they taste like little drops of heaven.
Monica: Oh please! Did you hear that? Little drops of heaven.
Chandler: 4:00 A.M.
Gary: So, can I get some candy?
Chandler: I am sorry, but some of us have to get up early and go to work! He does not know that I am not some of us.
Monica: Um, listen I am sorry, but I'll put some out first thing in the morning.
Gary: Well okay, I'll swing by later. You live in this building?
Gary: Mm! Seems like I would've remembered you!
Chandler: Mm! Night Gar!
Rachel: So did you read your evaluation yet?
Tag: No! It was marked confidential I just sent it down to Human Resources.
Rachel: Okay please, you're kidding right? ! I wrote that one as a joke for you!
Tag: A joke they would appreciate?
Rachel: I'm thinking, no.
Tag: What did you say? !
Rachel: Um, I said I thought you were a good kisser, and uh, and that I like your tiney-tiny touchie.
Tag: No, not my touchie.
Rachel: Well, it gets worse. When asked if you take initiative I wrote, "Yes, he was able to unhook my bra with minimal supervision," and under Problems with Performance I wrote, "Dear God, I hope not," and then uh, then I drew a little smiley face, and then a small pornographic sketch.
Monica: Ross! That is so sweet of you to get Phoebe that bike! When I heard the story, I almost cried.
Joey: Almost cried huh? Hear that, Chandler? Almost cried!
Chandler: Hey, you cry every time somebody talks about Titanic!
Joey: Those two only had each other!
Ross: Phoebe really likes the bike huh?
Monica: Oh yeah! I saw her walking it down the street the other day. She had uh, these flowers in the basket. It was so cute.
Joey: Yeah, I saw her this morning walking it by the park.
Ross: Wait a minute, she was walking the bike? Both times?
Joey: Hey Pheebs!
Phoebe: Oh hi!
Chandler: Hey! So are you enjoying the bike?
Phoebe: Oh, uh-huh so much!
Ross: Pheebs, you do know how to ride a bike don't you?
Phoebe: Of course!
Monica: Can we see you ride it?
Monica: See, this is why I told you never get involved with your assistant! And here is no such thing as keeping secrets when it comes to affairs.
Monica: Did you hear that, Chandler? No such thing!
Chandler: What happened? I'm just eating candy.
Rachel: Maybe it's not as bad as I think. You know, maybe they didn't take it the way I meant it.
Chandler: Absolutely! You know, because touchie can mean both ass and good worker.
Rachel: Ugh, I just gotta get the thing back!
Joey: Hey Rach?
Joey: That sketch you mentioned? Might it have looked a little something like this?
Rachel: Oh my God! Joey!
Chandler: What is the matter with you?
Joey: Boy I tell ya, this little talent came in handy before I could afford porn.
The Woman: Hi, I'm sorry. I know it's after-hours, but I really need candy.
Monica: I'm sorry, I can't help you. See? Rules are rules.
The Woman: Please! I have people coming from out of town today! And, I told them all about your candy!
Monica: No kidding, out of towners huh? What did you tell them?
The Woman: I told them your candy is absolutely indescribable!
Monica: Some people have been saying its you know little drops of heaven, but whatever.
The Woman: Please, can't you help me out?
Joey: Hey Chandler, do we know that lady?
Chandler: Maybe, isn't she the woman who lives below you and has sex really loud?
Monica: All right, I'll do it just this once! But you can't tell anybody!
The Woman: Yes! Yes! Please, just give it to me!
Joey and Chandler: Yeah, that's her.
The Woman: Thank you.
Monica: It's unbelievable! I can't believe that sign didn't work!
Chandler: You know what would work? Stop making candy.
Monica: But they like it!
Chandler: You mean they like you.
Chandler: Is that why you became a chef? So that people would like you?
Monica: Oh, you really want to talk about getting people to like you huh, funny man?
Ross: Okay, now just remember everything I taught you and you'll be fine. Okay? Here we go.Ready…Set…
Phoebe: Wait! This seat is really uncomfortable! Yeah, maybe before we start we should just get another one. Perhaps, like an airplane seat, or a beanbag chair!
Ross: Phoebe, you can't get out of this! Okay? You have to learn how to ride a bike!
Phoebe: Why? Why do I have to learn?
Ross: Well, in case of an emergency.
Phoebe: What kind of emergency?
Ross: Well let there, what if a man comes along and puts a gun to your head and says: "You ride this bike or I'll shoot you."
Phoebe: Okay, I would ring the bell to distract him and then I would knock the gun out of his hand with a Chinese throwing star.
Ross: Okay, Phoebe, just get on the bike and I'll hold you up and push you. Okay?
Phoebe: You won't let go?
Phoebe: You swear? !
Ross: I swear!
Ross: Come on. All right, here we go. All right?
Phoebe: All right.
Ross: All right. Feel good? All right, try pedaling.
Ross: That's it, you're doing great. Yes, yes, yes, take control. Yes, yes, yes!
Phoebe: Oh, no!
Phoebe: You swore!
Ross: I just thought you were doing so well. I…
Phoebe: I am shocked! Shocked!
Ross: It's a legitimate learning technique. Wow!
Ross: Hey, there's some people outside, asking about candy.
Monica: Well, they're just gonna have to wait aren't they? I've only got two hands!
Ross: Need some help?
Monica: No! You don't know the system! There'll be nobody messing with the system!
Ross: By the way, the week before your wedding you may not see a lot of me.
Phoebe: Oh, hello, liar.
Ross: Look, I'm really sorry, I let go of the bike.
Phoebe: I could've been killed I hope you know!
Ross: I know. I know. But, can we please try it again? I mean, you were so close Phoebe!
Phoebe: Well, I would love to but the bike got stolen and the police have no suspects.
Phoebe: What? ! What the hell? !
Ross: All right, you know what? If you are not going to learn how to ride this bike then I'm sorry, I'm just gonna have to take it back.
Phoebe: What? ! Why? !
Ross: Because it's...It'd be like you having this guitar and never playing it. Okay, this guitar wants to be played! And this bike wants to be ridden and if you don't ride it you're killing its spirit! The bike is dying.
Phoebe: All right. If you care enough to make up that load of crap, okay.
Ross: Great! Great! You're making the bike very happy.
Phoebe: Okay Ross! Please don't die!
Rachel: Okay, I think we can get the evaluation back before they see it, but we're gonna have to get into Mr. Zelner's office. Now, he doesn't get in until 10, so he's no problem, but his assistant, Betty, she comes in early to eat her breakfast at her desk.
Tag: That's kinda sad.
Rachel: Yeah, well Betty's kinda sad. Which is why I believe I can lure her away with these chocolates. Now, while I distract her, you get in the office.
Tag: Got it!
Rachel: Let's roll!
Mr.Zelner: Hello Rachel, you got a minute?
Rachel: Yeah, sure Mr. Zelner, for you anything minute. Okay. great. Abort the plan, abort the plan.
Mr.Zelner: Actually, I'd like to speak with both of you.
Rachel: Okay. Well can we, can we get you anything Mr. Zelner? Maybe some chocolates?
Mr.Zelner: No. Thanks, but I'll give these to Betty.
Mr.Zelner: So I read your evaluation of Tag, or to use his full name, Tag Sweetcheeks Jones. Is something going on with you two?
Rachel: Oh my God. Can you imagine if there was? ! I mean, what would happen exactly.
Mr.Zelner: Well, I'd be forced to file a report. I'd have to consult with the legal department, and your future at the company would be in jeopardy.
Tag: Mr. Zelner, I'm the one who filled in that evaluation.
Rachel: Oh no-no-no…
Tag: Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah, I thought it would be funny.
Mr.Zelner: You wrote that you have a cute touchie?
Tag: Yes. I have a weird sense of humor, and I'm kinda strangely proud of my butt.
Mr.Zelner: It's kind of a risky joke Tag, and what is this drawing I can't figure out what this is?
Rachel: You're looking at it upside down. you know what? It doesn't matter.
Mr.Zelner: Yeah, it's not like I don't have a sense of humor, huh? Hell, I even enjoy a naughty limerick now and then. But there's a time and a place, huh? ! Unless you have a limerick right now? No? Okay, well you've got my fax number.
Rachel: I can't believe you did that. That was really sweet.
Tag: Don't worry about it.
Rachel: No, you could've lost your job.
Tag: Are you kidding me? ! With a cute butt like this, I'd find work.
Rachel: Thank you! You're great!
Tag: You know what?
Tag: I feel great. In fact! What?
Rachel: I… It just…it took me so long to get that desk organized.
Tag: Oh, I'm sorry.
Rachel: There it is.
Chandler: What is going on?
The Man: We're waiting for the candy. Bring out the candy!
Joey: Yeah lady! Give us candy!
Joey: What's up buddy?
Chandler: What are you doing?
Joey: Waiting for candy.
Chandler: Get in here! Hey, and you can not smoke in here! Merry Christmas.
Monica: Okay, guys! The candy is coming; I just need another 15 minutes for the chocolate to cool!
All: We want candy! We want candy now!
Chandler: All right everybody! Just be quiet! Be quiet! Be quiet! Pipe-pipe-pipe down!
Chandler: What is the matter with you people? ! This woman was trying to do a nice thingfor you. She was making candy so she could try to get to know all of you, and I'll bet that not one of you can tell me her name! Am I right?
The Man: Candy Lady?
Chandler: No not “Candy Lady”.
Joey: Hey, if we know it can we have candy? !
Chandler: All right, you know what? Forget it, all of you forget it! You've ruined it! Go home! You've ruined it! You've ruined it!
Joey: That's right, it's all ruined! You guys ruined everything! You ruined it!
Monica: Thank you.
Chandler: You're welcome.
Monica: Did you smoke?
Chandler: No! smokes-A-Lot Lady blew smoke directly into my mouth. Are you okay?
Monica: I'm fine now, but it was really scary there for a while. I mean, someone slipped a threatening note under the door.
Joey: Oh yeah, sorry about that. Mob mentality or whatever, I don't know…
Phoebe: I can't believe it! I did it! I rode a bike! I never thought I'd be able to dothat! Thank you Ross.
Ross: Oh hey, don't thank me, thank yourself. You're the one who faced her fears and ultimately overcame them.
Phoebe: Don't be so corny Ross, it's not an after-school special.