Chandler: I just got us reservations at Michelle's and tickets to the Musicman to celebrateour first holiday season as a betroughed couple.
Chandler: …betrothed couple.
Rachel and Monica: Hi!
Chandler: Pheebs? Skull?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, it's my mom's.
Rachel: Oh my god! !
Phoebe: No, no, no. It's not! It's not my mom. It belonged to mom. Yeah, no, she used to put it out every Christmas to remind us, that even though it's Christmas, people still die. And, you can put candy in it.
Ross: Sure! Hey, I just found out, I get Ben for the holidays this year.
All: Oh! That's great!
Monica: Are you gonna dress up as Santa?
Ross: Nope. I mean, I know Susan does every year, but I think I wanna take this year to teach him all about Hanukkah.
Phoebe: And maybe I could teach Ben about the Christmas skull and how people die.
Rachel: You may need to use this year to teach Ben about Phoebe.
Rachel: Did you know he was in there?
Chandler: How long have we been home?
Monica: About a half an hour.
Chandler: Hey, you know what I was thinking? When we get married, are you gonna change your last name to Bing?
Chandler: Why not?
Monica: Bing's weird.
Phoebe: Oh, hey, you guys!
Chandler and Monica: Hey! Hey!
Phoebe: Guess what! My landlord just called and my apartment is gonna get ready soon, so I guess I'll be moving out.
Monica: Ah, Phoebe, I'm gonna miss you!
Phoebe: Yes, you will be very sad. All right, well I gotta go tell Rachel the good news.
Chandler: Oh! You guys gonna be living together again?
Phoebe: Yeah, why not?
Chandler: Well, she's just so much fun with Joey, I just assumed, she'd still be living with him.
Phoebe: Why do you think, she's having so much fun living with Joey?
Chandler: No reason, except she told me.
Phoebe: Really? So she said, she didn't wanna live with me anymore?
Chandler: No! No, she didn't say that. I think you should talk to Monica now.
Monica: Phoebe, don't worry about it. I'm sure she wants to live with you.
Phoebe: You're sure? You're absolutely sure?
Monica: Well, no. But, I bet she probably does.
Phoebe: Probably? Yeah, I don't like that word.
Phoebe: Kind of what 'probably' really means. Yeah, Yeah, oh, "Your mom probably won't killherself," you know?
Phoebe: I'm sorry, but I'm not hanging all my hopes of Rachel and I living together on-on"Probably!" You know? You gotta take care of yourselves! In this world history teaches us nothing!
Chandler: Bing doesn't seem so weird now, does it?
Joey: Hey! Great, you're home! Guess what Phoebe got me for Christmas!
Rachel: Drums? Joey: No! Drums!
Chandler: Hi, could we get two burritos to go, please?
Monica: I'm sorry. But not that sorry, because you don't have to live with it. Um, we have a reservation under the name Chandler Bing.
Maitre d': Oh-kay, we'll have a table for you in about 45 minutes.
Chandler: Forty-five minutes? We have tickets to the Musicman at 8:00.
Maitre d': I'm sorry. Christmas is a very busy time, sir.
Chandler: Is this because of the burrito thing?
Monica: You need to give him money.
Chandler: Give him money? It was a joke!
Monica: No, to get a table! Places like are always shaking you down. Everybody wants to be paid off.
Chandler: Right, calm down, O'Mally. I'll slip him some money.
Monica: You've got to be smooth about it.
Chandler: Hey, I can be smooth. Listen, we're a little bit in a hurry, so, if you can get us a table a little quicker, I'd appreciate it.
Maitre d': Of course, sir.
Monica: How did it go?
Chandler: Had the money in the wrong hand.
Ross: Hey, ah, you don't feel like you're gonna throw up, do you?
Ross: Well, I do, so let's...
Ross: So, Ben, you uh, you know what holiday is coming up, don't ya?
Ross: Yep, and you know what other holiday is coming up?
Ben: Christmas eve.
Ross: Yes, but also Hanukkah! See, you're part Jewish, and Hanukkah is a Jewish holiday.
Ben: Santa has reindeers that can fly!
Ross: Right, but, on Hanukkah, Hanukkah is a celebration of a miracle. See, years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees.
Ben: Jingle bells, jingle bells...
Ross: Okay, that's right, yes, but on Hanukkah, uh, we sing, Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made you out of clay.
Ben: Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
Ross: Okay, it's not a contest.
Ben: When is Santa coming?
Ross: Well, how about this year, instead of Santa, we have fun celebrating Hanukkah?
Ben: No Santa? Was I bad?
Ross: No! Oh, no-no-no. Hey, you weren't bad, you've been very good, Ben.
Ben: Santa's mad at me.
Ross: No, hey, come on, Ben, Santa is not mad at you, okay? Hey, you're his favorite little guy!
Ben: So Santa's coming?
Ross: Yes! Santa's coming!
Monica: It's easy! Just keep it casual! Give him a kind word, shake his hand and give him the money!
Chandler: How do you know so much about this?
Monica: I don't know.
Chandler: Richard used to do it, didn't he?
Monica: We'd be eating our soup right now.
Chandler: Mustached bastard.
Monica: Okay, those people just left, come on! Quick! Give him the money and get their table!
Chandler: Excuse me.
Guest: We're in a bit of a hurry. Can we...?
Phoebe: So you like the drums!
Phoebe: That's…That's great! You know, I was worried, that, you know, they would maybe an unbearable living situation. All right, okay, well, apparently not! So, yay!
Joey: Hey, Pheebs, check it out, we already learned a song. Ready? One, two, three, four
Rachel and Joey: Tequila! !
Phoebe: That's fun.
Gunther: Here you go.
Chandler: Thank you Gunther, put it there. Definitely not easier with coins. Thank you.
Gunther: Thank you.
Joey: Hey Pheebs!
Joey: Here. Now I only owe you $49.50.
Chandler: Hey Pheebs!
Chandler: If you wanna give Joey a Christmas present that disrupts the entire building, whynot get him something a little bit more subtle, like a wrecking ball, or a vile of small pox to release in the hallway?
Monica: It's not just the drum noise. Every five minutes, Joey throws his sticks in the air, and I have to hear, "Oh my eye! Oh god, my eye!" I mean, it is so annoying.
Phoebe: Yes, thank you. You see, this is how normal people are supposed to react to drums.
Monica: Phoebe, you got Joey drums to annoy Rachel, so she wouldn't wanna live there anymore?
Phoebe: Maybe on some level.
Rachel: Joey, you know that you could just not throw the sticks up in the air.
Joey: What is Rock 'n' Roll about that?
Phoebe: Hey, Joey, I got you another present.
Joey: Hold it! Before you tell me what it is...Okay, what is it?
Phoebe: It's a tarantula!
Phoebe: Oh! God! Rachel, look, I'm sorry. What was I thinking giving Joey this big, gross, scary spider in such a poorly constructed cage?
Rachel: What are you talking about? I love them! Yeah, I had a tarantula when I was a kid. But it died, because my cat ate it. And then, then my cat died. But Joey, isn't thiscool?
Joey: Is it on me? I feel, I feel like it's on me! I got, hey!
Rachel: Oh, isn't that adorable? Joey is afraid of the tarantula.
Phoebe: Ah, yeah, he's so adorable, God, he's just so much fun, Joey is the best, I'm glad you're having so much fun here.
他真可爱。天啊 他太有意思了。乔伊最好了， 我很高兴你在这住得开心。
Rachel: What? Wait a minute, what? Phoebe, what's the matter?
Phoebe: Our apartment is ready.
Rachel: And that makes you angry because…?
Phoebe: Because you would rather live here with Joey.
Rachel: Where did you get that?
Phoebe: Monica and Chandler said that you were having so much fun here. And apparently no amount of drums or tarantulas is gonna change that.
Rachel: Phoebe? Did you get all this stuff for Joey to try and drive me out of the apartment? Honey, if you wanted to do that, you might as well just gotten him a fish, you know how fish freaked me out!
Rachel: It wouldn't have mattered anyway, Phoebe, you and I are, are gonna live together, we're roommates; that's the deal.
Phoebe: Yes, but I wanted you to want to live with me, but okay, if you're having so much fun over here…
Rachel: Oh, it's so much more fun with you.
Phoebe: We did have fun, didn't we?
Rachel: We did!
Phoebe: Oh, anyway, they say, if we want, we can see it tonight.
Rachel: Oh, I would love to!
Phoebe: Yay, okay!
Rachel: Good, good, good, good, good.
Phoebe: Great, all right, okay, and Monica ask me to make the drumming stop.
Salesman: Hello, Sir. You're here to return those pants?
Ross: No, these are my pants.
Salesman: Oh. Okay! How can I help you?
Ross: Well, uh, do you have a Santa-outfit left?
Salesman: Two days before Christmas? Sorry, man.
Ross: Okay look, do you have anything Christmassy? I promised my son, and I really don't want to disappoint him, come on, I…uh, you gotta have something.
Ross: I'm the holiday armadillo! I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me here to wish you a Merry Christmas!
Monica: What happened to Santa, Holiday Armadillo?
Ross: Santa was unavailable so close to Christmas.
Monica: Wow, come in, have a seat. You must be exhausted coming all the way from Texas.
Ross: That's right, Ben. I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states.
Ross: And Mexico! But, Santa sent me here to give you these presents, Ben. (He tries to bend down to pick up the bag with the presents, but can't because of the costume) Maybe the Lady will help me with these presents.
Ben: Wow! Thanks!
Ross: You're welcome, Ben. Merry Christmas, oh, and Happy Hanukkah!
Ben: Are you for Hanukkah, too? Because I'm part-Jewish.
Ross: You are? Me, too!
Monica: Because Armadillos also wandered in the desert?
Ross: You wanna wander in the hall? Oh, hey Ben, what if the Holiday Armadillo told you all about the festival of lights?
Monica: Come on Ben.
Ross: Years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees...
Chandler: Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
Ross: What are you doing here, Santa?
Chandler: Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing here, weird turtle-man?
Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember?
Ben: Did you bring me any presents, Santa?
Chandler: You bet I did, Ben, put it there! Well, it would have worked this time, if his hands weren't so damn small! Ho, ho, ho!
Monica: Okay Ben, why don't you come open some more presents, and Santa, the Armadillo, and I have a little talk in the kitchen? There's a sentence, I never thought I'd say.
Ross: What are you doing?
Chandler: You called everyone and said you were having trouble finding a Santa costume, so I borrowed one from a guy at work!
Ross: Thank you, but, but you gotta leave.
Ross: Because, I'm finally getting him excited about Hanukkah, and you're wrecking it.
Chandler: But I didn't get to shape my belly like a bowl full of jelly.
Ross: I'm sorry, Chandler, but this is really important to me.
Chandler: Fine, I'll give the suit back.
Monica: Hey, you think, you can keep it another night?
Chandler: Santa? Really?
Monica: Yes, is that okay?
Chandler: Did your Dad ever dress up like Santa?
Chandler: Then it's okay!
Ross: Okay Ben, Santa has to go. Say good-bye!
Ben: No! Why does he have to go?
Chandler: Because, if Santa and the Holiday Armadillo? Are ever in the same room for too long the universe will implode. Merry Christmas!
Ben: No, why can't the armadillo leave? I want Santa.
Ross: I give up. Santa, Santa can stay.
Chandler: Well, I'll stay, but only because I wanna hear about Hanukkah. Ben, will you sit here with Santa and learn about Hanukkah?
Ben: Okay, Santa!
Ross: Thank you.
Chandler: You're welcome.
Ross: All right, it's time for the story of Hanukkah. Years and years ago, there were these people called the Maccabees.
Joey: Merry Christmas!
Phoebe: Oh, this is terrible. Oh, they've made so many changes I can't even feel my grandmother's presence anymore. Oh! New sconces!
Rachel: Oh my God!
Rachel: Okay, remember uh, remember how you told me that your grandmother put up that wall to make that into two bedrooms?
Rachel: And remember how you always said you were afraid the landlord would find out and then tear it down?
Rachel: Do you really not know where I'm going with this? It left! It's one huge room!
Phoebe: Oh no! Oh! Wow!
Phoebe: Well, I guess we'll just have to put the wall back up.
Rachel: You can't, because of the new skylight!
Phoebe: There's a skylight? !Wow!
Rachel: So what should we do? Should we start looking for a new place?
Phoebe: You know I'm sensing that my grandmother would not be comfortable with that.
Rachel: Oh yeah? Starting to feel her again there are we?
Phoebe: A little bit, yeah.
Rachel: Pheebs is your grandmother maybe saying that you should live here alone?
Phoebe: You heard her too? ! You have the gift!
Rachel: Phoebe, it's okay. I like living with Joey.
Phoebe: Are you sure?
Rachel: Oh please, I hate packing, it's closer to work, and we do have fun. Although, I'm really gonna miss living with you.
Phoebe: Oh me too.
Rachel: I know.
Rachel: Oh, wait did you hear that? Listen, I'm getting something from your grandmother, she said that since you get to keep the one bedroom apartment you should give Rachel the purple chair?
Phoebe: No, I do not hear that.
Ross: And the miracle was that that little bit of oil that should've just lasted just one day, burned for…
Ben: Eight whole days.
Ross: That's right, and that's why we celebrate Hanukkah today. The end.
Chandler: My favorite part was when Superman flew all the Jews out of Egypt.
Ross: The Armadillo was actually not so thrilled about that part! Okay Ben, it's time to light the Hanukkah candles!
Rachel: Hey! Wow! It looks like the Easter Bunny's funeral in here.
Ross: Come on, come on, we're lighting the candles!
Phoebe: I understand why Superman is here, but why is there a porcupine at the Easter Bunny's funeral?
Joey: Did you get it?
Rachel: I got it!
Joey: Is it back in the cage?
Rachel: It is back in cage!
Joey: The cage closed?
Rachel: Joey, would you just come out here and stop being such a baby!