Chandler: You have got to try this cheesecake.
Rachel: Oh, you know I'm not that much of a sweet tooth. Wow. My God, so creamy.
Rachel: Oh my God, this is the best cheesecake I have ever had. Where did you get this?
Chandler: It was at the front door. When I got home. Somebody sent it to us.
Rachel: Chandler, this is not addressed to you. This is addressed to Mrs. Braverman downstairs. Thief.
Chandler: No! I didn't read the box before I opened it.And you can't return a box after you've opened the box.
Rachel: Why, why not?
Chandler: Because it's too delicious.
Rachel: Chandler, you stole this cheesecake. That is wrong.
Chandler: No no no! It is going to be okay, because Mrs. Braverman is gonna send away for a free one and that way we all win! The only losers are the big cheesecake conglomerate, Momma's Little Bakery.
Chandler: I feel terrible, I'm a horrible, horrible, horrible person.
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry what?
Joey: All right, I should get going, big day a work. You know I'm in a coma?
Joey: Today, they do this test on me and it turns out I'm not brain dead.
Chandler: So...Joey: Ah ah ah, Mr. smartie Pants, it's just not my character that's not brain dead. Hey, so Pheebs, we still on for tonight?
Joey: I'll see you at 8:00.
Chandler: Oh, what's at 8:00?
Phoebe: Oh, I have dinner plans with Joey. We get together about once a month to discuss the rest of you guys.
Ross: Wow, did not know that! May I say how lovely you look today?
Phoebe: Duly noted.
Ross: Oh! So for tomorrow, do you want to rent a car and drive down together or what?
Monica: What are you talking about?
Ross: Cousin Frannie's wedding, its tomorrow night.
Monica: You were invited? !
Monica: My God, I can't believe this! I mean I knew that mom and dad were invited, but I thought that was it!
Monica: I mean from the ages 7 to 9 Frannie and I were inseparable!
Chandler: Well, maybe since the age of 9, Frannie's made some new friends.
Ross: Well l look okay, it's probably just a mistake. Let me call Aunt Sheryl okay? Maybe you are invited and the invitation just got lost in the mail.
Monica: Yeah, well you call her and tell her that you know when we were kids her precious little Frannie tried to undress me several times, okay? And if I hadn't have stopped her, there probably wouldn't even be a wedding to go too.
Ross: She tried to undress me too.
Chandler: I used to undress my cousin Glenn.
Phoebe: Joseph Francis Tribbiani are you home yet? !
Rachel: Um, I think he's still out. What's wrong?
Phoebe: Well, I'll tell you Rachel Karen Green, I had plans with Joey tonight and he left me this note.
Rachel: "Pheebs, can't make it, got a date. Talk to you later. Big Daddy." Big Daddy?
Phoebe: Oh, that's a nickname we were trying out.
Ross: Hey, you know what nickname never caught on? The Ross-A-Tron!
Phoebe: Oh! Here's Joseph Francis!
Joey: Oh-Wha-Ho! What are you middle naming me for? ! I left you a note!
Phoebe: So what? ! That doesn't give you the right to ditch me!
Joey: Hey, you can cancel plans with friends if there is the possibility for sex!
Ross: Phoebe he's right, that is the rule.
Phoebe: I don't accept this rule. When me make plans, I expect you to show up. Okay, I can't just be a way to kill time util you meet someone better! You know boyfriends and girlfriends come and go, but this is for life!
Joey: Wow! I'm so sorry; I had no idea it would bother you this much.
Phoebe: Well, it does.
Joey: Okay, can I make it up to you? Huh? I'm sorry. How about uh, dinner tomorrow night? ! I'll pay for myself!
Phoebe: Okay, you wore me down.
Ross: Hey Joe, while you're over there how about another beer for the Ross-A-Tron?
Joey: The Ross, Is that back? !
Chandler: Another cheesecake came! They delivered it to the wrong address again!
Rachel: So just bring it back downstairs, what's the problem?
Chandler: I can't seem to say goodbye.
Rachel: Are you serious? ! Chandler, we ate an entire cheesecake two days ago and you want more?
Chandler: Well I've forgotten what it tastes like okay? !
Rachel: It was cheesecake. It was fine. It had a buttery, crumbly, graham cracker crust, with a very rich yet light, cream cheese filling.
Rachel: Wow! My whole mouth just filled with saliva!
Chandler: You know what? Forget it! We are just hungry! We have not had lunch! We are just light-headed!
Chandler: So let us go out and have lunch and forget about the cheesecake.
Rachel: Yeah and we'll drop it off downstairs so that we're not tempted.
Chandler: Good idea. Where do you want to go to lunch?
Rachel: Momma's Little Bakery, Chicago, Illinois.
Joey: Aw! Mel Torme died.
Monica: Joey, that paper's like a year old!
Joey: Aw! Does that mean the Sam Goody's sale is over? !
Ross: So I finally heard back from Aunt Sheryl and apparently it wasn't a mistake. Ah, there's limited seating in the hall.
Monica: Limited seating? ! I am just one tiny person!
Ross: Well yeah, but she doesn't know that. I mean, the last time she saw you would've turned one of those little wedding chairs into kindling.
Monica: Limited seating! Oh, that is such a lame excuse! That's not the reason she's not inviting me!
Ross: What's the big deal? ! I wasn't even invited to the ceremony, just the reception. And You know what? If it makes you feel any better, Joan and I will just make an appearance and then, and then we'll leave early as a sign of protest.
Ross: Joan Tedeski my date. She's an assistant professor in the Linguistics department. Tall, very beautiful, and despite what some people say, not broad backed!
Monica: OK, you got Ross Gellar and guest? ! I wasn't invited and you got "and guest? !"
Joey: Uh-uh, excuse me, I do have to interrupt on Ross's behalf. I think the rule applies here You know, since she has a chance to get on broad back…
Ross: Not broad backed!
Monica: Wait a minute, You know, you're bringing me!
Ross: I can't cancel on Joan!
Monica: Why not? !
Ross: Bec…Did you not hear me? ! She's an assistant professor in the Linguistics department, okay? They're wild! Why do you want to come anyway?
Monica: Because! She's my cousin.
Monica: I mean, we grew up together! We're family You know? Well that's important to me.
Ross: Okay, all right, I'll take you. I'll go call Joan.
Joey: Aw that's nice. Family should be there, huh? This is her wedding, happiest day of her life.
Monica: We'll see.Chandler: Well, thank you for lunch.
Rachel: What? Wait a minute, I didn't pay, I thought you paid!
Chandler: So apparently we just don't pay for food anymore. Do you see what I see?
Rachel: Its still there!
Chandler: Mrs.Braverman must be out.
Rachel: She could be out of town. Maybe she'll be gone for months.
Chandler: By then, the cheesecake may have gone bad. We don't want her to come back to bad cheesecake.
Rachel: No that could kill her.
Chandler: Well, we don't want that.
Rachel: No so we're protecting her.
Chandler: But we should take it. Rachel: But we should move quick.
Rachel: Because I think I just heard her moving around in there.
Chandler: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Phoebe: Oh my God! That's David!
Monica: David who?
Phoebe: David the scientist guy, David that I was in love with, David who went to Russia and broke my heart David!
David: Oh my God!
Phoebe: Oh, you say someone's name enough, they turn around.
Phoebe: David! What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in Russia?
David: Yeah, I'm just, I'm just in town for a conference. Um, God you look phenomenal!
Phoebe: Well… Yeah. You look great too. Did you get a haircut?
David: Yeah. Well I got like thirty of them. Um, look I got a confession to make…
David: Uh, I was hoping to run into you here. I didn't know whether I should call or not, You know I was only in town for a few days. And You know, I didn't want to intrude on your life or anything like that, but I really wanted to see you and but I didn't know if you wanted to see me.
Phoebe: Of course I would want to see you. I think about you all the time.
David: Really? Because I think about you all the time. Phoebe: Really?
David: There's a statue in Minsk that reminds me of you so much. it's actually of Lenin. But, You know at certain angles…
David: Anyway, Do you want to have dinner tonight?
Phoebe: Yes! Oh no!
David: Oh. Uh, what?
Phoebe: I can't. I can't believe I have plans, I can't. Can you do it tomorrow night though?
David: Uh no, I have to go in a few hours. I have to be on the red-eye. Well listen, You know, next time you're in Minsk…
Monica: Phoebe, can I talk to you for a second? Phoebe: Uh-huh.
Monica: What are you doing?
Phoebe: Well, I have plans with Joey tonight.
Monica: So! He'll understand!
Phoebe: No he won't. And that's not even the point!
Monica, I made a whole speech about you do not cancel plans with friends!
Phoebe: And now You know what? Just because, potentially, the love of my life comes back from Russia just for one night, I should change my beliefs? ! I should change beliefs!
Phoebe: No! No! No, if I don't have my principles, I don't have anything!
Monica: God, you are so strong.
Phoebe: Or! I should rush through dinner with Joey and I can meet David at 9:00!
Rachel: Oh my God! That is so good!
Chandler: I'm full, and yet I know if I stop eating this, I'll regret it.
Joey: What do you got there?
Rachel: Oh it's um, it's tofu cake. Do you want some?
Chandler: What are you doing tonight?
Chandler: Dude! Dude!
Joey: Sorry. Uh, I've got those plans with Phoebe, why?
Chandler: Oh really? Uh, Monica said she had a date at 9:00.
Joey: What? ! Tonight? !
Chandler: That's what Monica said.
Joey: After she gave me that big speech? ! She goes and makes a date with a guy on the same night she has plans with me?
Joey: I think she's trying to pull a fast one on Big Daddy!
Ross: Oh here, I think this is us. Yeah.
Monica: Limited seating my ass. Let's see who made the cut. Hi!
Monica: Hi! I'm Monica Gellar. Who do you know the bride and groom?
The Wedding Guest: Oh, I used to work with Frannie.
Monica: Used to work with her. Used to! I'm a relative and I didn't get invited! A blood relative! Blood! !
Ross: Stop saying, "Blood" to strangers.
Monica: So, how about you huh? How do you know the happy couple?
The Second Guest: We went to college with both of them and now we live next door.
Monica: Okay, you're fine.
The Waiter: Are you guys ready?
Phoebe: Yes! I will have the green salad, um the house salad, and water's fine.
The Waiter: And for you sir?
Joey: Yeah, this slow roasted salmon, just how slow are we talking here?
The Waiter: It's uh, it's already been roasted.
Joey: Oh, then no. Maybe I should hear those specials again.
Phoebe: Oh Joey, we've heard the specials three times! Okay? There's prime rib, mahi-mahi, and a very special lobster ravioli.
The Waiter: Actually we're out of the lobster ravioli.
Joey: Oh well, that changes everything! You know what Pheebs?
Joey: You were right before. I mean, friends are so important.
Phoebe: Yeah, I'm very wise. I know.
Joey: You know what I really want?
Joey: Is to have a long, long talk. You know? Get Joey out on the open road and really open him up.
The Waiter: Any progress?
Joey: Yes! I will have the lobster ravioli.
Phoebe: God Joey, this is taking forever!
Joey: What's the rush? What?
Phoebe: W-w—I just—it's that I have You know I have an appointment. And it's very important.
Joey: Whoa-whoa, what is it?
Phoebe: Well… It's a date.
Joey: A date? ! No, no Pheebs, you must be mistaken, because I know you wouldn't schedule a date on the same night you have plans with a friend!
Phoebe: Come on Joey, don't make me feel badly about this.
Joey: No, I'm gonna! ! That's right! Yeah, you made me feel really guilty about going out with that girl! Like I did something terrible to you! And now Phoebe, you're doing the same thing!
Phoebe: That It's not the same thing! This is totally different! This is with David! Remember David, the scientist guy? Okay, he's very special to me.
Joey: Okay, well my girl from the other night was special. She was a scientist too!
Phoebe: She was?
Joey: Well, she graduated high school!
Phoebe: Okay, whatever. You know what? I don't have time have time to convince you because he's only here for four hours, and I'm gonna go see him!
Joey: What are you still doing here? ! I told you, lobster ravioli!
David: Hey! Oh, I was just about to leave. I didn't think you were coming.
Phoebe: Oh, I wouldn't miss this.
David: Well, I'm very glad you're here.
Phoebe: Oh, you're such a gentleman. Come on! We're going to my place!
Chandler: Are you eating the cheesecake without me? !
Chandler: I will give you a hundred dollars to whistle right now.How can you eat the cheesecake without me? !
Rachel: Oh, what are you going to do? ! Are you gonna go run tell Monica? ! Are you gonna tell Joey? ! No! Because then you will have to tell them what we did! We are desert stealers! We are living outside the law!
Chandler: You know what? I don't trust you with this cake anymore! And I got it first, and I'm taking it back!
Rachel: What? ! What? !No! You don't.
Chandler: Oh yes!
Rachel: You think I trust you with it? ! No! We're gonna split it! You take half and I take half!
Chandler: Well that's not fair, you've already had some!
Rachel: What? Oh, well then You know what? I think Monica would be very interested to know that you called her cheesecake dry and mealy.
Chandler: What do we use to split it?
Rachel: Okay! All right, pick a half.
Chandler: Okay well, this side looks bigger. Uh… There's more crust on this side. You know? So, maybe if I measured…
Rachel: Oh for God sake just pick a piece!
Chandler: All right, I'll pick that one.
Rachel: That's also the smaller piece. Okay, there you go. Enjoy your half my friend, but that is it. No sharing. No switching, and don't come crying to me if you eat your piece to fast. Oh!
Rachel: Okay, you gotta give me some of your piece.
Chandler: Oh-ho-ho-ho-no! No! No switching! No sharing, and don't come crying to me! Ha-ha-ha! I may just sit here and have my cake all day! Just sit here in the hallway and eat my…
The Woman: Ross, sweetheart!
Ross: Oh, hey Aunt Millie.
Aunt Millie: Isn't it a beautiful wedding? !
Ross: Yes, yes it is. It's uh…Every time on the lips! Why? ! Why on lips? !
Monica: Here's Frannie. Hmm, won't she be happy to see me?
Ross: Now wait a minute, you be nice! All right? I didn't bring you here so you can ambush her.
Monica: Frannie was the one who found your Playboys and showed them to mom.
Ross: That bitch!
Frannie: Monica! Why…
Monica: Am I doing here? Why? Surprised to see me? Ross brought me. How do you like that? !
Ross: Hi Frannie, congratulations.
Monica: You invite my brother, you invite my whole family, and not me? ! Why? ! What—Why wouldn't you want me at your wedding? What could I have possibly done? !Stuart!
Frannie: I believe you know my husband.
Ross: So it's really a question of who could you have possibly done.
David: Oh, I hate this but I have to go. I can't miss my flight.
Phoebe: Are you sure? I'll bet there's another flight to Minsk in like…
David: July. Umm, %#^&&
Phoebe: That's really beautiful. What does it mean?
David: Please, clean my beakers. I don't get out of the lab much.
Phoebe: I got to admit, I thought it was something else.
David: Yeah, I… Well I really actually wanted to say umm, that, but um, I figured I probably shouldn't because You know, I…have to leave.
Phoebe: You're right! You're right. Don't say it.
David: I do though.Phoebe: I do too.
David: Bye Phoebe.
Phoebe: Okay, now's not the time Joey. All right? You can yell at me tomorrow.
Joey: No! No! No Pheebs, I'm not gonna yell at you. I just You know, started thinking about you and David and I…remember how bummed you were the first time he left. And I just… Oh Pheebs, come here. Are you okay?
Phoebe: No I'm not okay. The only guy I've ever been crazy about has gone to Minsk and I may never…I may never see him again.
Joey: Hey, You know you could always visit him.
Phoebe: Oh right, like they're gonna let me have a passport.
Joey: Anything I can do? Whatever you need.
Phoebe: Well—But—Now, if you can achieve positronic distillation of sub-atomic particles You know before he does, then he can come back.
Joey: I can give it a shot.
Rachel: Oh! Look! There's a piece that doesn't have floor on it!
Chandler: Stick to your side!
Rachel: Hey, come on now!
Joey: All right, what are we having?
Monica: Oh wait I forgot my wrap.
Ross: What? Oh, okay. Wait here.
Aunt Millie: Hi sweetie! Are you leaving?
Aunt Millie: Give us a kiss. Come on! Come on!
Ross: Why? ! Why on the lips? !