Monica: So the wedding caterer sent me this list of twelve appetizers and I have to narrow it down to six.
Joey: Food? Uh-huh give me!
Chandler: So did Monica tell you about this great band called the Swing Kings that we're trying to get to play at the wedding?
Phoebe: Since when are you into swing music?
Chandler: Oh since forever! I used to go all over town listening to bands!
Chandler: Gap commercial. So did you book them? Did you call?
Monica: I will.
Chandler: Do you want me to call?
Monica: No, I'll do it. You just stick to your job.
Phoebe: What is your job?
Chandler: Staying out of the way.
Joey: This is impossible Monica, why don't you just pick all 15?
Monica: There were only twelve.
Joey: Oh yeah, I added three.
Monica: What are peanut butter fingers? !
Ross: Well hello! She's cute! Should we uh, go try to talk to her?
Chandler: Sure! That's one of the great things about being engaged. I'm not nervous talking to pretty girls anymore.
The Woman: Could you guys help me?
Ross: Uh yeah! Let me, let me get that for you.
The Woman: it's really heavy.
Ross: I got it. So hi, I'm Ross and this is my friend Chandler.
The Woman: I am Kristen.
Ross: Kristen, hi. Are you uh, new to the area, 'cause if you are…I'd love to show you around sometime.
Kristen: I actually just moved from four blocks over.
Kristen: But this block is like a whole other world.
Ross: You know actually it does have a very interesting history. Uh, this street is the first street in the city to have an underground sewer system. Before that sewage and waste would just flow right down the street. Yeah, sometimes ankle deep!
Kristen: Excuse me?
Ross: Umm, say you're gonna be starving after all this moving. What do you say I take you to dinner tonight?
Kristen: Oh, I'd like that.
Ross: Great! Uh, let me take this up for you.
Kristen: After you.
Ross: Oh no no, after you. Oh my God!
Phoebe: Am I crazy or does this totally go? !
Rachel: Oh my God! You look so beautiful!
Phoebe: Thank you Rachel but, look at Monica!
Monica: This is it. Yeah, this is the one. I can't believe I found it!
The Woman: Wow you look so beautiful! If I knew you, I'd cry.
Monica: Well I'm Monica Geller, ball like a baby.
The Woman: I'm Megan Bailey.
Monica: Have you found your dress yet?
Megan: Oh no, these dresses are all so amazing but there is no way I could afford one.
Monica: No, I can't afford this either. No. I'm just to figure out which one I want then I'm gonna get it at Kleinman's, this discount place in Brooklyn, day after tomorrow they are having a huge sale.
Megan: Oh, thanks for the tip.
Monica: Yeah! So when are you getting married?
Megan: Oh I'm not, I just like to try these on.
Rachel: I do the same thing.
Megan: I'm just kidding. I'm getting married July 25th.
Rachel: I'm just kidding too. I'm getting married in December.
Megan: So when are you getting married?
Monica: Oh, May 15th.
Megan: Oh, it's getting close!
Megan: So who's your photographer?
Megan: We met with him. Did he show you the photos of the nude wedding he did?
Monica: The best man? Wow!
Megan: I know! I almost called off my wedding. Oh, who's your band? !
Monica: Oh, my fiancee wants the Swing Kings.
Megan: Oh, you're so lucky. My fiancee wants the heavy metal band Carcass.
Phoebe: Oh, is that spelled with a ‘C' or a ‘K'? Oh my God! It doesn't matter; they're both great!
Rachel: Oh you know what? You know what? Don't buy them here. Now that you know what you want you should go to Kleinman's and get it half off. This place is so overpriced.
The Woman: I own this store.
Rachel: So, does this come in another color or…
Joey: Hi. You moving in or moving out?
Kristen: Moving in.
Joey: Oh, can I give you a hand?
Kristen: Oh okay. But you know, Be careful. Because a guy was helping me before had to leave because he hurt his back.
Joey: I'm Joey.
Joey: Oh wow, what a beautiful name! What is it again?
Kristen: you are live around here?
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Right down there. Hey listen; let me give you a little tip. Do not take a nap on this stoop or you can wake up with your shoes gone.
Kristen: I'll remember that.
Joey: Okay. Yeah. Listen would you uh, would you like to have dinner with me tonight?
Kristen: I have plans tonight. How about tomorrow?
Joey: Sounds great! Okay all right, well where does this go?
Kristen: You look strong, why don't I take that and you grab one of the boxes.
Joey: Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I'll grab this one.
Rachel: So this is Brooklyn.
Monica: All right, listen up. There is usually only one dress in each size so when they open those doors, fan out.
Monica: Now, this is what you're looking for! Memorize it! When you locate the dress, blow on these. All right? Three short blasts, when you hear it. Come running.
A Woman: Here he comes! Hurry!
Rachel: They're pushing! They're pushing!
Monica: Don't be a baby!
A Woman: Out of the way! Let's go!
Phoebe: Rachel? ! Come on!
Monica: No. No. Not it. Not it. Not it.
Monica: Don't crowd me!
Monica: This is it! This is the dress! Oh my God, it's perfect! I'm sorry, this one's taken! Whoa!
Monica: You came? !
Monica: This is my dress!
Monica: Yes it is! You saw me wearing it!
Megan: And now you'll see me buying it.
Monica: What? You freak! You wouldn't even have known about this place if it wasn't for me!
Megan: Look, you don't want to fight me.
Monica: Maybe I do! I'm pretty feisty!
Phoebe: I'm coming! I'm coming!
Phoebe: Okay! Hey! What do I do? ! What are you doing? Did you find the dress?
Phoebe: Did you find the dress?
Rachel: No! You gotta get me out of here, Phoebe! These bargain shoppers are crazy!
Phoebe: We've gotta get Monica.
Rachel: You gotta hold my hand!
Phoebe: Oh my God! ! Excuse me! Excuse me!
Monica: Go! Go! Go!
Chandler: So Ross, how was your date the other night? Did you tell her about the magical ride that starts with the flush of every toilet?
Ross: Laugh all you want but uh, she actually left me a message saying she'd like to go out again.
Ross: Yeah in fact, I'm gonna go call her right now. And I'll make sure to tell her my friend Chandler says…
Joey: Hey Chandler! Listen, sorry I didn't stop by last night but I had a date.
Chandler: Uh Joe, when it's one o' clock in the morning and you don't come by? That's okay!
Joey: Well check it out, I was with this really hot girl who just moved in right across the street!
Chandler: Really? Right across the street?
Chandler: When'd you meet her?
Joey: Two days ago.
Chandler: Excellent! You know Ross met somebody too!
Chandler: Hi! How'd it go?
Ross: Oh great! We're going out again Saturday. But I just found she's also seeing some other guy.
Chandler: Really? ! Joe? What would you do if you were in Ross's situation?
Joey: Well, I sorta am. I mean yeah, I'm dating this girl who's also seeing another guy. But, I don't know, I'm not to worried about it.
Ross: Well you shouldn't be. Believe me I wouldn't want to be the guy who's up against you. I mean that doofus is going to lose!
Chandler: So this is nice! I wish I didn't have to go, believe me! But unfortunately I have to. Oh uh, by the way, what's the name the girl you're dating?
Joey and Ross: Kristen Lang.
Ross: Well obviously only one of us can keep dating her.
Joey: Obviously! So, how do we decide?
Ross: Well now let's look at this objectively, I think I should date her…
Joey: Or I'm the one who dates her.
Ross: That's interesting, but check this out. I date her.
Joey: Yeah yeah I like that but just to go in another direction…
Ross: Okay, okay. This can go on for a while.
Joey: Well we should order some food then.
Ross: No Joey! Look why don't, why don't we just let her decide? Okay? Hey, we'll each go out with her one more time. And we'll see who she likes best.
Joey: That sounds fair.
Ross: Maybe I'll take her to that new French restaurant down the street…
Joey: Ah yeah, wait a second now! Look we're gonna have to set a spending limit on the date. I don't have the money to take her to a fancy place like that.
Ross: Well sorry, that's what I do on dates.
Joey: All right, well I guess I'll just have to do what I do on dates.
Ross: So let's decide on the spending limit…
Joey: And a slice $6?
Ross: I was thinking more like a hundred.
Joey: Okay. Can I borrow 94 dollars?
Phoebe: I know. Hand me a tissue.
Rachel: You're out of Diet Coke.
Monica: Hello? What? ! You what? ! Hey you listen here missy!
Phoebe: What? !
Monica: That was that girl Megan! She booked the Swing Kings on the day of our wedding and said that I couldn't have them back unless I gave her the dress!
Phoebe: Does that mean Carcass is available?
Monica: What am I gonna do? ! That is the dress! That is the dress! Chandler wants the band. What do I do?
Phoebe: Well just figure out a way to talk him out of it.
Rachel: You're out of toilet paper!
Ross: Hey! What's up?
Joey: I just wanted to come by and you know, wish you good luck on your date.
Ross: Oh thanks!
Joey: Yeah. What time are you meeting her?
Ross: We have 8:00 reservations at Grammercy Bistero.
Joey: Wow, that's in like 20 minutes. You'd better get dressed.
Ross: I am dressed.
Joey: Oh. Well good! For me. What is this? Did you give yourself a facial?
Ross: I have an oily T-zone!
Joey: Okay dude! Hey, you sent Kristen flowers.
Ross: That's right.
Joey: You spent a hundred dollars. That's the limit. You're screwed!
Ross: Actually, I sent the flowers before the actual date. So techincally, technically I didn't break any rules. Thanks for stopping by though.
Joey: Oh oh! So that's the way it's gonna be huh? Yeah I can break the rules too you know!
Ross: Oh yeah? What are you gonna do?
Joey: I don't know.
Ross: Why am I not surprised?
Joey: You know what Ross? I'm not gonna let you get away with this!
Ross: I don't think you have much choice.
Joey: Well, we'll see!
Ross: Bye bye!
Joey: Yeah, bye bye!
Joey: Hey! So just a light layer?
Ross: Yes. Just here and there.
Chandler: Joey got meat sauce on the banister again!
Phoebe: Yeah, swing music is so out.
Monica: Phoebe, he's gotta be in the room for that to work.
Chandler: What are you guys talking about?
Monica: Well umm, we were just talking about the you know, the Swing Kings and just wondering whether you know, they were the right way to go.
Rachel: Yeah, I went to a wedding once where they had swing music and two months later the couple got divorced.
Rachel: And now I'm not saying that there's any connection here you know, but they did tell me that's why they got divorced.
Chandler: But I love swing music!
Phoebe: Yeah but the Swing Kings? You know they suck so much that people actually die at their concerts. They just stop living.
Chandler: Look all I know is when Monica and I went to see them, we had fun! And there's another reason too.
Rachel: Well, what is the other reason?
Chandler: I don't want to say.
Rachel: Well you have to because maybe it's stupid.
Chandler: Well it's just while Monica and I were dancing to them it was…the first time I knew that…you were the woman I wanted to dance all my dances with.
Monica: Oh crap!
Ross: So our table will be ready in just a few minutes.
Kristen: Oh great!
Kristen: Is your back feeling better?
Ross: Oh yeah it's fine. I guess the more muscles you have the more they can spasim out of control.
Kristen: What are you doing here?
Joey: Oh I like this place. And technically, technically I'm not breaking any rules so I…
Kristen: Ross, This is Joey. Joey, Ross.
Ross: Hi. It's nice to meet you. I used to have a friend named Joey. I don't anymore.
Kristen: Our table will be ready in a couple minutes.
Joey: Sure! I would love to wait with you guys! Thanks!
Ross: So Joey, you look familiar. Are uh, are you on TV or something?
Kristen: Well, Joey doesn't like to talk about it but, he's one of the stars of Days Of Our Lives.
Ross: That's right! That's right, don't you play a woman?
Joey: A woman in a man's body.
Ross: Much better.
Joey: So you know Ross it's funny ‘cause, you look familiar to me too. Have you ever been married?
Ross: Well yes, yes I have. In fact, just the other day Kristen and I were talking about how I've been married and how I have a son.
Kristen: Yeah, little Eric.
Ross: That's right! Wait no, Ben.
Joey: So you've just married the one time then?
Ross: Well umm…
Kristen: You've been married twice?
Ross: Yes. And another time after that. Boy I'm getting hungry! Hey Joey, have you ever been so hungry on a date that when a girl goes to the bathroom you eat some of her food?
Kristen: You said the waiter ate my crab cake.
Joey: Yeah. So Ross, well now, why did that first marriage breakup? Was it because the woman was straight or she was a lesbian?
Kristen: Do you two know each other?
Joey and Ross: No. No.
Joey: No. It just seems like Ross is the kind of a guy that would marry a woman on the verge of being a lesbian and then push her over the edge.
Ross: Wait a minute! Were you on a poster for gonorrhea?
Joey: Have you ever slept in the same bed as a monkey? !
Ross: Hey, you leave Marcel out of this!
Joey: Fine! Have you ever got stuck in a pair of your own leather pants? !
Ross: Hey, have you ever locked yourself in a TV cabinet VD boy? !
Joey: Monkey lover!
Joey: When do you think we lost her?
Ross: Probably around gonorrhea.
Chandler: Hi, honey! I'm home!
Monica: Don't come in here!
Chandler: Why? Do you another boyfriend in there or something?
Monica: No! We only mess around at his place!
Chandler: You know it's funny I started it but, now it's scary me. So could you come out here please?
Monica: No, I'm wearing a wedding dress.
Chandler: Oh you got a wedding dress? That's great!
Monica: Yeah but I'm not keeping it.
Chandler: Well then why can't I see it?
Monica: Oh. I guess you can. Okay but I have to return it, so you can't like it.
Chandler: Okay I promise. I'll hate it. Wow! you look hideous.
Chandler: Yeah, that's like the most ugliest dress I've ever seen. why do you to return it?
Monica: Oh because it doesn't really fit. Oh by the way, I booked the Swing Kings.
Chandler: Oh that's great! Great! Thanks! But that dress I mean it's like yuck! It's terrible! It makes me wanna just rip it right off of you!
Monica: Okay! But you can't rip it. Well, maybe a little.
Chandler: Oh yeah!
Monica: Hey guys! Do you wanna look at the song list for the wedding? Guys?
Chandler: I thought you were gonna be gone all day.
Monica: All right? What's going on?
Monica: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I should probably leave you girls alone.
Ross: Yeah, laugh all you want but in ten minutes we're gonna have younger looking skin!
Joey: Yeah! You know, she could use a little. Oh nice shot!