Monica: Do you realize this is probably the last time we'll all be here in the coffee house as six single people?
Phoebe: Why? ! What's happening to the coffee house? ! Oh!
Chandler: Yep! From now on its gonna be the four of you guys and me and the misses. The little woman. The wife. The old ball and chain.
Chandler: The young hot ball and chain.
Monica: That's much better.
Rachel: Op! We gotta go!
Ross: Oh, where are you guys going?
Monica: We're gonna pick up the wedding dress then we're gonna have lunch with mom.
Ross: Joey, you're having lunch with my mom?
Joey: No, I just heard lunch. But yeah, I can go. Sure!
Ross: You know what? Actually I'm kinda glad they're leaving. Cause I need to talk to you about something.
Chandler: What's up?
Ross: Well this may be a little awkward.
Chandler: Listen, if you want to borrow money, it's kind of a bad time. I'm buying dinner for 128 people tomorrow night.
Ross: No, it's not that, now what I'm going to say to you, I'm not saying as your friend. Okay? I'm saying as it as Monica's older brother.
Chandler: But you're still my friend?
Ross: Not for the next few minutes.
Chandler: During this time, are you still my best man?
Chandler: Do I still call you Ross?
Ross: You guys are getting married tomorrow and I couldn't be more thrilled for both of you, but as Monica's older brother I have to tell you this.
Ross: If you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down, and kick your ass!
Ross: What? I'm serious!
Ross: Come! Hey! Dude! Stop it! Okay? I'm not kidding here!
Chandler: Hey, I hear what your saying, okay? And, thanks for the warning.
Ross: No problem.
Chandler: So are we friends again?
Chandler: Okay. You won't believe what Monica's older brother just said to me!
Rachel: What you doing, Mon?
Monica: I'm making a list of all the things that are most likely to go wrong at the wedding. Now, that way I can be prepared.
Phoebe: What are they?
Monica: Well, so far I have, my bride's maids dresses won't get picked up, my veil gets lost, or I don't have my something blue.
Rachel: Hey! Those are all the things I'm responsible for!
Monica: I had to go with the odds Rach.
Joey: Hey! You guys! Remember that audition I had a while ago and didn't get the part?
Rachel: The commercial?
Phoebe: That play?
Monica: That other play?
Phoebe: The movie?
Phoebe: Oh! The one with the pilot and his dog who flies planes?
Joey: No. But, man, that one hurt.
Joey: Yes that's the one about the soldiers who fight in World War I!
Phoebe: Oh, yeah! Back then you know, we called the Great War. It really was!
Joey: Well anyway, the guy they wanted backed out and now they want me! I start shooting today!
Rachel: Oh that's great!
Monica: Wait! Wait! Wait! You can't start today! Today's the rehearsal dinner!
Joey: Oh no, I'll be done by then.
Monica: Oh. Well then way to go you big movie star!
Joey: I know! All right, I'll see you guys over there! I'm off to fight the Nazis.
Rachel: Oh, wait Joey! We fought the Nazis in World War II, not World War I.
Joey: Whoa! Okay. Yeah well, who was in World War I?
Phoebe: Go ahead.
Rachel: You're gonna be late! Go! Go!
Monica: Who did we fight in World War I?
Phoebe: Yes! Very good.
The Assistant Director: Hey Joey! We're ready.
Joey: Yeah! Me too.
The Assistant Director: Richard, We're ready for you. Joey Tribbiani, This is Richard Crosby he's playing Vincent.
Joey: I'm doing my scenes with you?
Richard: Nice to meet you Joey.
Joey: Wow! I can't believe this! This is incredible. I mean you just won an Oscar!
Richard: No I didn't.
Joey: I think you did.
Richard: I think I lost. Three times.
Joey: Cookie? Would you? Richard: No.
The Director: Okay! We're about an hour away from getting the scene lit. So if you guys don't mind, can we run it a couple of times?
Richard: Yeah, sure.
The Director: Okay, all right. Let's do it. And Action!
Joey: We have to find the rest of the platoon!
Richard: Forget the platoon! The platoon is gone!
Joey: What? !
Richard: The platoon is dead! Face facts Tony!
Joey: So what are we gonna do? ! We have no reinforcements! No food!
Richard: No, we still have food in the basement! I saw potatoes and some dry pasta!
The Director: Hang on a minute! Joey, you keep touching your face. Is something wrong?
Joey: No. Nope, I thought it might be kind of a cool character thing. You know? He's uh, he's a face toucher.
The Director: I don't think so. Let's take it back to Richard's last line. Action!
Richard: We may not have any weapons, but we still have food. In the basement I saw potatoes and some dry pasta, and a few tins of tuna!
Monica: Honey, we gotta go!
Chandler: Okay. Here's a question you never have to ask. My dad just called and wanted to know if he could borrow one of your pearl necklaces.
Monica: Did he say what kind of neckline he's wearing?
Monica: Well, I only met him once, but I'm guessing plunging?
Chandler: Yeah, He is more of a if-you've-got-it-flaunt-it kind of father.
Monica: I don't have anything like that, but let me go see if Rachel does.
Chandler: Yes, include more people in this.
Monica: Hey, do you realize that at this time tomorrow we'll be getting married?
Chandler: Wait a minute! I have a date tomorrow night.
Monica: I just, I can't believe that we made it!
Chandler: Well you don't have to sound so surprised.
Monica: I'm sorry but…nothing.
Monica: Well, honestly? Ever since we got engaged I've been waiting for something to flip you out.
Chandler: Honestly? Me too.
Chandler: Yeah. You know I keep thinking that something stupid is gonna come up and I'll go all Chandler. But nothing has.
Monica: Oh, I'm so glad. Thank you so much for staying so calm during this. I mean it's really, it's made me stay calm. I could've been worse!
Chandler: I'll be right there.
Monica: Hi! If you're calling before Saturday, you've reached Monica and Chandler. But if you're calling after Saturday, you've reached Mr. and Mrs. Bing! Please leave a message for the Bings!
Monica: Hey Maureen! Gosh! Hey, Chandler? This is my cousin Maureen.
Chandler: We're the Bings.
Rachel: Hi! Oh you guys look so beautiful!
Chandler: Mr.and Mrs.Bing!
Ross: Wow Monica! Hey, just so you know I had my older brother talk with Chandler.
Monica: What is that?
Ross: Well, I told him that if he ever hurt you I would hunt him down and kick his ass!
Ross: What? ! What is the matter with everybody? ! I am serious! I would kick his ass!
Phoebe: Ross, please! My make-up!
Chandler: Mom. Thanks for wearing something.
Mrs.Bing: Oh honey! This is so exciting! I thought we screwed you up so bad this day would never come. Oh and just think. Soon there'll be lots of little Bings.
Joey: I can't believe I have to go back to work after this and get spit on again.
Phoebe: You're lucky. At least the people that spit on you are famous.
Joey: Who spits on you?
Phoebe: I don't want to talk about work.
Monica: Mrs.Bing. Here, these are my parents, Judy and Jack Geller.
Mrs.Geller: It's lovely to meet you.
Mr.Geller: So are you his mother or his father?
Mr.Geller: What? ! I've never seen one before!
Monica: Dad! There's Ross, why don't you go talk to him?
Mr.Geller: I didn't even have a chance to act as though I'm okay with it!
Mr.Bing: Hello all!
Chandler: Hi dad.
Monica: Hi Mr.Bing.
Monica: It's so great to see you both here.
Mr.Bing: Yes! Although, I think we may be seeing a little too much of some people. Aren't you a little old to be wearing a dress like that?
Mrs.Bing: Don't you have a little too much penis to be wearing a dress like that?
Chandler: Oh my God!
Mr.Geller: Of course you can kick his ass son.
Mrs.Geller: You could kick anyone's ass you want too.
Ross: Thanks you guys.
Monica: Rach! Rach! Hey, could you do me a favor and would talk to Chandler's dad and try to keep him away from Chandler's mom?
Rachel: Yeah! But I don't know what he looks like!
Monica: He is the man in the black dress.
Rachel: Hi! I'm Rachel, a friend of Monica and Chandler's.
Woman: I'm Amanda.
Rachel: Oh I get it! "A man, duh!"
Ross: Can I have everyone's attention please? I'm Ross Geller.
Mr.Geller: Doctor Ross Geller.
Ross: Dad, please! As I was saying, I'm Dr.Ross Geller. And I'm the best man.
Ross: And this marriage is doubly special for me, because not only is the groom my best friend but uh, the bride is my little sister.
Ross: And, she's the greatest sister a guy could ask for. So if you'd all please join me in raising a glass to the, the couple we're here to celebrate.
Ross: To the Bings.
All: To the Bings!
Monica: All right, I'm gonna go steam my wedding dress okay? Who wants the responsibility of making sure nothing happens to it?
Rachel: I'll do it.
Monica: Who wants it? Anybody?
Rachel: I said I'll do it!
Monica: Nobody wants to do it? All right, I'll do it myself.
Rachel: Monica! I'm not gonna screw it up!
Monica: You know what? You're right, I'm sorry. Actually you were a big help tonight. Yeah, and thanks for putting my grandmother in the cab and making sure she got to the hotel safely.
Rachel: Of course! That's what I'm here for.
Monica: Okay. Sorry.
Rachel: What grandmother?
Joey: Hey! Where have you been?
Ross: Oh, taking my parents back to the hotel.
Ross: What? Are you going back to work?
Ross: Nice shades.
Joey: Thanks. Yeah, I figure if I wear these in my scenes, I won't get spit in the eyes, you know?
Ross: And if I remember correctly, Ray Ban was the official sponsor of World War I!
Joey: Great! All right. I'll see you later.
Ross: All right.
Ross: Where's Chandler?
Joey: I think he's in Rachel's room. See ya.
Ross: Chandler? Chandler?
Ross: Is Monica here?
Rachel: She's steaming her dress, why? What's up?
Ross: I think Chandler's gone.
Rachel: What? !
Ross: He left that.
Rachel: Tell Monica I'm sorry.
Rachel: Oh, my God.
Phoebe: What's up? "Tell Monica I'm sorry."
Phoebe: Tell her yourself.
Phoebe: Oh, my God. Chandler just left, though?
Rachel: Yeah but, maybe it's not what we think. Maybe it's "Tell Monica I'm sorry I drank the last of the milk."
Phoebe: Or maybe he was writing to tell her that he's changed his name: "Tell Monica I'm Sorry."
Ross: I think it means he freaked out and left!
Phoebe: Don't be so negative! Good God! Isn't it possible that Sorry is sitting in there right now? !
Rachel: Okay. Phoebe, I think Ross is right. What are we gonna do?
Ross: Look, Okay, I'm just gonna have to go find him and bring him back! Okay? You make sure Monica does not find out, okay?
Phoebe: Okay but if you don't find him and bring him back, I am gonna hunt you down and kick your ass!
Ross: I will, I will find him.
Richard: Hey Joey, could you uh, go through these lines with me?
Joey: Oh man! They just redid my make-up!
Richard: Just the last two pages.
Joey: All right.
Richard: I found the picture! !
Joey: Picture? What picture?
Richard: The picture of my wife I found in your pack.
Richard: Could you lower your script?
Joey: I don't want to.
Richard: I need to see your face so I can play off your reaction.
Joey: Okay, Look, I know you're this great actor and play all those Shakespeare guys and stuff, but you're spitting all over me, man.
Richard: Of course I am!
Joey: You know you've been spitting on me? !
Richard: That's what real actors do! Annunciation is the mark of a good actor! And when you enunciate, you spit!
Joey: Wow! Didn't know that.
Joey: Thanks! Okayokay check it out!
Joey: Picture? What picture? Eh?
Ross: Gunther, have you seen Chandler?
Gunther: No. No, I haven't seen him.
Ross: Oh damn!
Gunther: He's getting married tomorrow right?
Ross: Yes. Yes. Don't worry. Everything's fine. We'll see you tomorrow at the wedding.
Gunther: I wasn't invited.
Ross: Then we'll see you the day after tomorrow.
Ross: Mom? Dad? What are you guys doing here?
Mr.Geller: You kids talk about this place so much, we thought we'd see what all the fuss is about.
Mrs.Geller: I certainly see what the girls like coming here.
Ross: Why? !
Mrs.Geller: The sexy blonde behind the counter.
Ross: Gunther? !
Mr.Geller: Your mother just added him to her list.
Ross: What? Your list?
Mrs.Geller: Yeah, the list that of people we're allowed to sleep.
Ross: No, no. I know. I know what the list is.
Mr.Geller: Come on, sit down. Have a cup of joe.
Ross: Look, Dad, I can't. I'm sorry. If you see Chandler, could you just tell him I'm looking for him?
Mr.Geller: And if you see Rita Moreno, let her know I'm looking for her.
The Director: Action!
Richard: I found the picture!
Joey: What picture? !
Richard: The picture of my wife, in your pack!
Joey: You went through my personal property?
Richard: Why do have a picture of Paulette in your pack? !
Joey: Because, Vincent, we were lovers for two years!
The Director: Cut! Wonderful!
Joey: Great scene yeah?
Richard: Oh you're awesome! And, in that last speech? You soaked me.
Joey: Thanks a lot.
The Assistant Director: Here's your call sheet for tomorrow.
Joey: Oh, I'm not working tomorrow.
The Assistant Director: You are now.
Joey: No! No! I can't! You gotta get me out of it! I've got plans! Important plans!
Rachel: Ross said there's still no word from Chandler.
Phoebe: Oh man.
Rachel: Oh but he did say that they found the grandmother wandering down fifth avenue.
Phoebe: Okay. Well there's one down.
Monica: I'm getting married today!
Monica: I think I just cracked a rib.But I don't care because today's my wedding day! My day is finally here!
Phoebe: You know she might not even notice he's gone.
Monica: I'm gonna start getting ready!
Rachel: God! Don't…We can't let her start getting ready! This is too awful!
Rachel: Oh God, but wait she'll be in the gown and then he won't show up and then she's gonna have to take off the gown…
Phoebe: Shhh! Stop it! Stop it Rachel! You can't do this here!
Rachel: I'm sorry.I'm sorry.It's just so sad!
Phoebe: You got to pull yourself together.Monica can't see you like this.Then she'll know something's wrong.
Rachel: I know.I know.Oh God.There's no tissue! Can you grab me some toilet paper?
Phoebe: Yeah.Oh, that's gone too.This is Monica's bathroom right? !
Phoebe: No no! I found one.
Phoebe: Here you go.
Rachel: Thank you.
Rachel: Oh God! Oh God! Can I have another one?
Phoebe: Do you need some floss?
Rachel: I just can't imagine what is gonna happen if Chandler doesn't show up.
Phoebe: Oh here's a whole bunch.
Rachel: Oh, I mean she's gonna be at the wedding waiting for him and people will be whispering, "Oh that poor girl."
Rachel: You know? Then she'll have to come back here and live all alone.
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Phoebe: There was a pregnancy test in the garbage, and it's positive.
Phoebe: Monica's pregnant. So I guess she won't be totally alone.