Rachel: Oh my God!
Phoebe: I know! Monica's gonna have a baby! Hey, can this count as her something new?
Rachel: Oh my God!
Phoebe: Hey, do you think this is why Chandler took off?
Rachel: No, she had to have just taken that test because I took out the trash last night.
Phoebe: Oh God, this is turning into the worst wedding day ever!
Phoebe: The bride is pregnant. The groom is missing. And I'm still holding this.
Rachel: Okay Phoebe, we can not tell anyone about this.
Phoebe: Yeah, okay. Hey, wait. Do you know what kind of birth control she was using?
Rachel: No. Why?
Phoebe: Just for the future, this is hardly a commercial for it.
Ross: No! I talked to Joey on the set, he hasn't heard from him.
Ross: I talked to Chandlers parents again.
Phoebe: You told them he was missing?
Ross: No! I made it seem like I was just calling to chat.
Ross: Pretty sure, they both think I'm interested in them.
Rachel: All right, we've got to tell her he's gone.
Ross: No! Hey! Hey! We can't!
Rachel: Ross, she's gonna start getting ready soon!
Ross: Well, can't you at least stall her a little? I'll go back to some of the places I went last night.
Rachel: All right, well how much time do you need?
Ross: Well how much time before she absolutely has to start getting ready?
Rachel: One hour.
Ross: Give me two.
Rachel: Then why do you ask? !
Ross: Okay, wish me luck.
Phoebe: Okay. I'm going with you.
Ross: Why? !
Phoebe: Ross, you're tired. You've been looking all night. And clearly you suck at this.
Rachel: All right, I'll see you guys later.
Phoebe: Okay. Wait, do you know how you're going to stall her?
Rachel: I'll figure something out.
Phoebe: All right. Good luck.
Monica: Hey! Okay, so I thought we'd start with my make up and then do my hair.
Rachel: Okay, but before you do that. I need you to talk to me.
Monica: About what?
Rachel: Umm… I'm never gonna getting married!
Monica: Yeah you will! The right guy is just around the corner!
Monica: Okay, are we done with that?
Rachel: No Monica! I'm serious!
Rachel: Oh, maybe I should just forget about it. Become a lesbian or something.
Monica: Any woman would be lucky to have ya.
Rachel: Well maybe it would make me feel better if I slept with Joey.
Monica: Rachel! You okay?
Joey: Excuse me, Aaron?
Joey: Hi! Umm, I have a little problem with the schedules.
Joey: Originally, I wasn't supposed to work today, and I have this wedding that I really have to be at.
Joey: It's my best friend's, and I'm officiating so I really can't work past four.
The Director: Joey, you gotta stay until the end. We can't stop filming just for you.
The Director: It's not like it's your wedding.
Joey: I'm having surgery!
The Director: What? !
Joey: Yeah, I just made up the stuff about the wedding because I didn't want you to worry about me. But, I'm having surgery today.
The Director: What kind of surgery? !
The Director: But you're supposed to work on Monday.
Joey: Hair transplant.
The Director: But you're not bald.
Joey: It's not on my head.
The Director: Look Joey, there's nothing I can do.
The Director: Besides, you're probably gonna be out by four anyway. We've just got one short scene. It's just you and Richard, and God knows he's a pro.
The Director: Youll be fine.
The Director: Morning, Richard.
Joey: Hey! You're here! Great! Great! Great! Let's get going buddy, we've got a scene to shoot!
Richard: I'm wearing two belts.
Joey: Are you drunk?
Joey: Yes you are!
Richard: All right.
Ross: So this is your office?
Chandler: How did you guys find me? I knew I should've hid at the gym!
Phoebe: What the hell are you doing? !
Chandler: Panicking! And using the Internet to try to prove that I'm related to Monica.
Chandler: How is she?
Ross: She's fine. She doesn't know you're gone.
Ross: And she doesn't have to know, okay? Now come on, we're going home.
Chandler: No! No! No! I can't do that!
Phoebe: Why not? !
Chandler: Because if I go home, we're gonna become the Bings!
Chandler: I can't be the Bings!
Ross: What's wrong with being the Bings?
Chandler: The Bings have horrible marriages!
Chandler: They yell. They fight. And they use the pool boy as a pawn in their sexual games!
Ross: Chandler, have you ever put on a black cocktail dress and asked me up to your hotel room?
Ross: Then you are neither of your parents!
Chandler: It's not just their marriage! I mean, look at yours. Look at everybody's!
Chandler: The only person that can make marriage work is Paul Newman!
Chandler: And I've met me. I am not Paul Newman.
Chandler: I don't race cars! I don't make popcorn! None of my proceeds go to charity.
Phoebe: But look Chandler, right now, no one has a lower opinion of you than I do.
Phoebe: But I totally believe you can do this.
Chandler: I want to. I love her so much, but I'm afraid.
Chandler: This is too huge.
Ross: You know, okay. You're right. It is huge.
Ross: So why don't we take it just a little bit at a time?
Ross: Okay? Umm, forget getting married for a sec; just forget about it.
Ross: Can you just come home and take a shower? Thats not scary, right?
Chandler: Depends on what you mean by we.
Rachel: The nights are the hardest.
Rachel: But then the day comes! And that's every bit as hard as the night. And then the night comes again…
Monica: The days and nights are hard! I get it! Okay? !
Monica: Look, Rachel I'm sorry! I have to start getting ready! I'm getting married today!
Rachel: I know. At dusk. That's such a hard time for me.
Monica: I'm gonna go put my make up on, we have to be at the hotel in an hour!
Rachel: Okay. But wait!
Monica: What? !
Rachel: Let's go to lunch.
Monica: I can't go to lunch!
Rachel: Oh good God! I've fallen down!
Monica: What's going on?
Rachel: Okay. All right. Honey listen.
Rachel: When I tell you what I'm about to tell you, I need you to remember that we are all here for you and that we love you.
Monica: Okay, you're really freaking me out.
Rachel: We can't find Chandler…'s vest.
Rachel: We can't find Chandler's vest.
Monica: How can that be? ! Oh wait! Wait! Are you, are you serious? !
Phoebe: Found the vest!
Phoebe: Well, I mean we're gonna have to keep an eye on it, you know make sure we don't lose it again.
Monica: Oh wow! Okay. Don't scare me like that okay?
Monica: I mean for a minute there I was like, "Oh my God! The worst has happened!"
Phoebe: So you two were married huh?
Phoebe: What happened? You just drift apart?
Mrs.Geller: Here comes the bride.
Phoebe: Oh my God Monica!
Monica: I wanna wear this everyday.
Rachel: You look so beautiful.
Monica: I'm so happy for me.
Joey: Hey! Did Chandler show up yet?
Rachel: Yeah, we got him back. Everything's fine.
Joey: Damn it!
Rachel: What? Why? Where are you?
Joey: I'm still on the set!
Rachel: Joey! The wedding is in less than an hour!
Joey: I know! I'm sorry! The guy's drunk, they won't let me go until we get this.
Rachel: Oh my God! I'm gonna have to find another minister.
Joey: No! No, I'm the minister!
Joey: All right, look-look, put them both on the phone, I'll marry them right now.
Rachel: Ugh! Joey, I have to go.
Joey: Hey! Don't you hang up on me! I'll marry you and me right now! I have the power!
Ross: There you go. You put on a tuxedo! Now that wasn't so scary, was it? !
Ross: I'm telling you, just a little bit at a time.
Chandler: Yeah okay. Well, what's the next little bit?
Ross: Getting married.
Ross: Okay. Okay. You can do that too! Just like you've done everything else!
Chandler: Yeah. You're right. I can do that.
Chandler: Okay, excuse me for a minute.
Ross: Wh—Hey—Whoa-whoa, where, where you going? !
Chandler: Ross, I am not gonna run away again! I just want to get a little fresh air.
Chandler: Oh fresh air!
Rachel: Cover for me.
Phoebe: Wait! Maybe, maybe you're overreacting! You do that you know.
Rachel: Well Phoebe, we gotta do something!
Rachel: Well, you know. I mean there's no way Joey's gonna make it in time. So I'm gonna through the hotel and see if there's any other weddings going on.
Phoebe: Okay. Oh but don't tell them Monica's pregnant because, they frown on that.
Rachel: Anastassakis/Papasifakis wedding, excellent!
Rachel: Congratulations. Mazel Tov!
Rachel: Hi! Oh, great hat.
Rachel: Listen, I need you to perform another wedding. Can you do that?
The Rabbi: I don't know. Are they Greek Orthodox?
Rachel: Yeah! Yeah. They're my friends, Monica Stephanopolus and Chandler Acidofolus.
Ross: Hi! Hi!
Ross: Has anyone seen Chandler?
Mr.Geller: I thought he was with you.
Ross: He was with me.
Ross: We're playing a little game, you know? Hide and seek.
Mr.Geller: You can't ask us son, that's cheating.
Ross: You're right, thanks for keeping me honest dad.
Mrs.Geller: Well, he better not come by here. He can't see the bride in the wedding dress.
Mrs.Bing: As I recall when we got married, I saw the groom in the wedding dress.
Mr.Bing: But that was after the wedding, it's not bad luck then.
Mrs.Bing: Honey, it isn't good luck.
Ross: Oh my God! Monica!
Monica: I know! Hey, how's Chandler doing?
Ross: Great. He's doing great. Don't you worry about Chandler.
Ross: Phoebe, can I see you for a second?
Phoebe: What's going on?
Ross: Chandler's gone again!
Phoebe: Oh my God! Why would you play hide and seek with someone you know is a flight risk? !
Joey: Aaron! You gotta let me go. The guy's hammered!
The Director: I'm sorry Joey, as long as he's here and he's conscious we're still shooting.
Richard: You wouldn't happen to have a very big fork?
Joey: So I just talked to the director. That's it, we're done for the day.
Richard: Well have we finished the scene?
Joey: Yeah! You were wonderful.
Richard: As were you.
Joey: So I got your car, it's right outside.
Richard: Thank you. Youre welcome.
Joey: No-no-no! We gotta go! Come on! Here we go.
Richard: Is that my ass?
Ross: There he is!
Ross: You're not getting away this time mister! Unless you want that ass kicking we talked about!
Ross: I'm serious! You're not walking out on my sister!
Chandler: That's right! I'm not!
Ross: Then where the hell have you been? !
Chandler: I know about Monica.
Phoebe: You know? !
Chandler: Yeah, I heard you and Rachel talking.
Ross: What? ! What? ! Talking about what? !
Chandler: You don't know?
Ross: Know what? If somebody doesn't tell me what's going on right now…
Phoebe: What? You'll hi-ya?
Chandler: Monica's pregnant.
Ross: Oh my God.
Ross: Oh my God! And you're not freaking out?
Chandler: Well I was! Then I went down to the gift shop because I was out of cigarettes.
Phoebe and Ross: Cigarettes? !
Chandler: Big picture please!
Chandler: So when I was in the gift shop, thats when I saw this.
Chandler: Yeah, you know what? I thought anything that can fit into this, can't be scary.
Phoebe: You obviously didn't see Chucky 3.
Chandler: But come on, look at how cute and small this is!
Chandler: So I got it to give Monica so she'd know I was okay.
Mr.Geller: Way to go son! I knew you'd find him!
Mr.Bing: Our little boy is getting married.
Mrs.Bing: Oh look at you! So handsome!
Chandler: You look beautiful mom.
Chandler: You look beautiful too, Dad.
Chandler: I love you both.
Chandler: I'm so glad youre here.
The Rabbi: Are you Chandler?
Chandler: Are you Joey?
Ross: This is nice.
Ross: I've never walked down the aisle knowing it can't end in divorce.
Mrs.Geller: Oh I wish you're grandmother had lived to see this.
Monica: She's right there.
Mrs.Geller: Not that old crow, my mother.
Mrs.Geller: Congratulations, darling.
Mr.Geller: We love you, sweetheart.
Chandler: You look beautiful. Is this new?
Monica: Not now.
Monica: Who is this?
The Rabbi: I am Father Kalebasous.
Chandler: He's Greek Orthodox.
Rachel: As are you…
The Rabbi: Let us begin.
The Rabbi: Dearly beloved…
Joey: That's my line!
Joey: I can take it from here, thanks.
Joey: Dearly beloved, I'm sorry I'm a little late.
Joey: You may be confused by this now, but you won't be Memorial Day weekend 2002.
Joey: Well, let's get started before the groom takes off again. Huh?
Joey: We are gathered here today, to join this man and this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony.
Joey: I've known Monica and Chandler for a long time, and I can not imagine two people more perfect for each other.
Joey: And now, as I've left my notes in my dressing room. We shall proceed to the vows. Monica?
Monica: He took off?
Rachel: Go on! Go on!
Monica: Chandler, for so long I wondered if I would ever find my prince.
Monica: My soul mate.
Monica: Then three years ago, at another wedding I turned to a friend for comfort.
Monica: And instead I found everything that I'd ever been looking for my whole life.
Monica: And now here we are with our future before us.
Monica: And I only want to spend it with you.
Monica: My prince. My soul mate. My friend.
Monica: Unless you don't want to.
Monica: You go.
Chandler: No, thats okay.
Chandler: Monica I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever gonna had to do.
Chandler: But when I saw you walking down that aisle, I realized how simple it was.
Chandler: I love you.
Chandler: Any surprises that come our way, it's okay.
Chandler: Because I will always love you.
Chandler: You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with.
Chandler: You want to know if I'm sure?
Joey: You may now kiss the bride.
Joey: So I guess by the powers vested in me by the state of New York and the Internet guys I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Joey: Oh, wait. Do you take each other?
Chandler: I do.
Monica: I do.
Joey: Yeah you do!
Joey: Oh, crap. Okay.
Joey: Lets do the rings.
Joey: We good? Yeah? Good?
Joey: Once again, I pronounce you husband and wife. Now kiss her again.
Chandler: I love you.
Chandler: And I know about the baby.
Monica: What baby?
Chandler: Our baby.
Monica: We have a baby?
Chandler: Phoebe found your pregnancy test in the trash.
Monica: I didn't take a pregnancy test.
Chandler: Then who did?
Phoebe: Look at them.
Phoebe: And theyre gonna have a baby.