Great. Great! Just give me a sec to change film. Okay.
Okay, I know I'm not supposed to know, but I do. And I'm so excited for you!
What? What's going on?
Oh my God! Is that why you guys had to get married? !
Guys! I'm not pregnant.
Ah. Slow swimmers?
What? ! What do you mean? You-you-you're not pregnant?
You didn't tell anybody I was, did you? !
No! I'll be right back.
Now why don't we get a shot of just Monica and the bloody soldier.
Oh, about that. Joey, you have to change before the party.
I can't! I-I don't have any other clothes here.
Find some! Please! Anything that doesn't say I-I died tragically in France.
Well then why don't we see the bride and the groom and the bridesmaids.
Okay. Hey Mon, why did you tell the guys you weren't pregnant?
Because I'm not.
We found your test in the trash, if you're not pregnant...
It's because I am.
What? ! What are you talking about? What are you talking about?
Yes, I…I am with child. And I didn't want to say anything because it's your day; I didn't want to steal your thunder.
Wait a minute! So you told people I was pregnant? ! Does this look like a conversation that I want to remember? !
Who's the father? Yeah!
I can't say.
Why? ! Why not?
I can't say because he's famous.
Oh my God, who is it? !
Phoebe, come on, you have to tell us.
Okay, okay. It's James Brolin. James Brolin is the father of my baby.
As in Barbara Streisand's husband James Brolin?
What? ! Well he never said that to me!
Ah, Monica, if you step away, and we'll get Chandler and the bridesmaids.
How about just the bridesmaids?
Y' know I am the groom right? I was told it was kinda big deal.
Oh my God!
Oh, thank you for doing that. I just can't deal with this just quite yet.
So instead you told me Monica was pregnant.
You said that she was, I just didn't disagree with you.
Sneaky. Oh yeah.
Oh by the way? Uh-hmm.
Oh, I know. I could only think of two names, him and Ed Begley Jr. and then I remembered he's gay. So...
Ed Begley Jr. is not gay.
Thank you very much! Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you for the very first time, Mr. and Mrs. Chandler Bing!
Before we go out there I've got a present for you.
Honey, I'm not gonna put my hand in your pocket!
I've been taking dancing lessons. What? !
Yeah, the last six weeks. I wanted this to be a moment you will never forget.
Oh that is so sweet!
So? Would you care to join me in our first dance as husband and wife?
What's the matter?
I don't know, it's these new shoes, they're all slippery.
Well, are you going to be able to do this?Not well.
Well, the good news is, I don't think anyone's looking at us.
So, are you ready to talk about it?
Okay, we'll talk about something else then.Thank you.
Who's the father?
Ugh! Look honey y' know what? I haven't told him yet, so until I do I don't think I should tell anybody else.
Yeah. That's fine. That's fair.
Is it Tag? Phoebe!
Okay, I'm sorry. I'll stop.
Is it Ross? It's Ross, isn't it?
Oh, my God, it's Joey! Honey, Stop it. Okay?
I am not gonna tell you until I tell him.
Ah-hah! At least we know it's a him.
Oh, sweet Lord.
I'm sorry! Okay? I went down to the gift shop and it's either this or a bathrobe!
Look. What's more important, the way I'm dressed or me being with you on your special day?
Honey, I'm not even going to pretend I was listening. Hey! Hey!
Hi. I'm uh, I'm Ross. I don't, I don't believe we've met. I'm Monica's older brother.
Oh hi, I'm, I'm Mona from her restaurant.
Oh! Hello uh, Mona from her restaurant. Mona, wow what a, what a beautiful name.
You think so? I've always kinda hated it.
Aw come on, Mona Lisa? Uh-huh.
Mona umm…Clickclocken. The famous botanist? Huh? Oh no she's uh—well she's dead now. No, supposedly she was once quite the hottie of the plant world.
Really? Well See, I never knew about her.
Linda Clickclocken. So what uh, what-what table are you at? Oh, uh me too.
Oh good. Now there'll be someone there who likes my name.
Yes there will.
Oh guess what, Molly Gilbert, you've just been bumped up to table one.
And if it's all right with you I'm gonna take your place at table six, Martin Clickclocken.
That's better, now just bend your arms a little more. There you go. Okay, look straight ahead.
Now this time I want you to really put your ass into it.
Chandler darling! Look, my date has finally arrived. I'd like you to meet Dennis Phillips.
Yes, Dennis is a dear old friend and a fantastic lover.
Bravo, Dennis. Thanks for pleasing my mother so.
Oh, I'm so sorry I missed the ceremony, I was stuck at auditions.
Oh yes, Dennis is directing a new Broadway show.
I don't believe we've met, Joey Tribbiani.
Wow, I've admired your work for years. You-you've done some really amazing stuff.
Oh, thank you. Well if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go get myself a drink. Be back in a moment.
Wow Dennis Phillips! That's great! How did you guys meet?
Well, it's a funny story.
Funny, "ha-ha"? Or funny?
Thank you, thank you very much. If everyone will please take your seats, dinner will be served.
Hey! Uh, I thought, I thought you were at table six. No. Nine.
Oh see, before you uh, when you showed it to me you-you held it that way which uh, which was misleading.
Well I'm… Hello.
Chandler. Will you see if your mom can give my resume to Dennis Phillips?
'Cause if I can get in a Broadway show then I would've done it all, film, television, and theater.
The only think left would be radio, and that's just for ugly people.
What size shoes do you wear? Uh, eleven, eleven and a half.
Great. My shoes give me a problem on the dance floor. Can I borrow your boots from your costume?
Uh, I don't even really know where I left those. Sorry.
Those aren't eleven and a half.
Okay fine! I'm a seven! All right, I have surprisingly small feet. But the rest of me is good, I'll show you!
Can you believe Phoebe got pregnant? !
Oh you know what honey? Let's not talk about that right now?
This is so huge.
Sure, but come on, as big as your wedding?
Of course not, nothing is.
Between me and you, in this day and age how dumb do you have to be to get pregnant?
Hey! You know? Sometimes you can do everything right.
Everyone can wear what they're supposed to wear and one of those little guys just gets through.
I don't know. Maybe they have tools.
Well I-I talked to her and uh, she's definitely going to have this baby.
You know, she said she was gonna raise it on her own.
Well, maybe that's, maybe that's really brave.
Maybe. I just hope she realizes how hard it's gonna be.
Maybe she hasn't really thought it through that well.
Well, there's a lot to think about.
I mean, how is she, how is she going to handle this financially?
How is she going to juggle work?
Does she realize she's not going to have a date again for the next like eighteen years?
I don't know.
Are you okay?
Uh-hmm. I'm just thinking about Phoebe; poor knocked up Phoebe.
Oh, yes! Thank you very much.
Oh that's that's actually how the French drink it.
Well, I just got off the phone with my lover, James Brolin.
Yes, and apparently he is married to some singer, but he said he would leave her for me.
And I said, "James, James Brolin, are you sure?" James Brolin said...
Rachel's really the one who's pregnant?
What? ! Why bother?
How do you feel?
I don't know. I don't know how I feel.
This is all happening so fast. I have to make all these decisions that I don't want to make.
Somebody just take this away from me! !
Calm down. Maybe you're not pregnant. What? !
When I got pregnant with the triplets, I took that test like three times just to make sure.
Yes! Maybe it's a false positive. Are you sure you peed on the stick right?
How many ways are there to do that?
I'm-I'm just saying, don't freak out until you're a hundred percent sure.
All right, I'll-I'll take it again when I get home.
You-you gotta take it now. Come on, do it as a present to me.
Okay, thank you. Okay.
I'll run out and get you one.
Oh, you guys are so great.
Oh, wait a minute! Who is the father? !
Oh no, she won't tell us.
Oh, come on it's my wedding! That can be my present.
Wh—Hey, I just gave you peeing on a stick.
See? This is why you register.
It was the chair again! Okay? I'm not doing it!
It what—look, I don't—y' know what—eheh...
Umm, would you like to dance? Sure.
I wasn't farting! A little game from our table. Yes?
Dr. Geller, will you dance with me?
Oh umm, well uh, maybemaybe later. Right now, I'm about to dance with this lady.
Uh, unless! Unless, uh this lady wouldn't mind letting you go first.
I'd be happy to. You are very sweet.
Yes, I am. In fact, why don't we try my special way? You can dance on my feet.
Sure. Yeah? Hop on.
Is the pretty lady looking? Uhhuh.
And the world will never know.
Hey! Did you talk to Dennis about me yet?
Yes. I told him how talented you were and I told him all about Days of our Lives.
No, no, no! You don't tell a Broadway guy that! Now he thinks I'm just a soap actor.
But you're not just a soap actor. You are a soap actor with freakishly tiny feet. Hey!
Thank you.No, thank you, Miranda.
Melinda. All right.
How cute was that?
Ohoh, were you, were you watching?
Can I go next?
What? Of course you can! Hop on!
Okay, but I get to hop on after her.
I am so gonna score. What?
I like your bow.
I'd like to propose a toast to Monica and Chandler the greatest couple in the world, and my best friends.
Now, when I first found out they were getting married, I was...I was a little angry.
I was like, "Why, God? Why? How can you take them away from me!"
But then I thought back over all our memories together, some happy memories.
And there were some sad memories. I'm sorry.
And, and some scared memories.
And then I realized I'll always be their friend, their friend who can speak in many dialects and has training in stage combat and is willing to do partial nudity.
To the happy couple.
Thank you. That was very nice, Ashley.
Can we do it again? No, no.
So, is it my turn now? I'm next.
That's okay, you can dance with her first.
Are you sure? Okay. Okay, so, what's your name? Gert.
That's, that's pretty. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What are you doing there, Gert?
Dancing on your feet like the other girls did it.
Okay. Hop on, Gert.
Why aren't you moving your feet?
Faster. You're not going fast enough.
Maybe I should stand on your feet!
So did you happen to catch my toast up there?
Oh, my God. That was for my benefit?
Well, I'd like to think there was something for everyone. I know you're casting for this new show.
Look umm Joey, II don't think you're quite right for this project.
Oh, see that's where you're wrong. Whatever it is I can do it. And if didn't see it up there, justjust try me.
It's an all Chinese cast. Can you be Chinese?
Well, I'm not proud of this, but...
Oh my God! Nonono! Please! Please! Don'tdon'tdon't!
Hey, are you ready to get back on the dance floor?
Did it turn into sand?
Ohh come on, I love this song! Come on, you'll be fine.
No. No, I won't. Do you know why I took all those lessons?
For the first time, I didn't want you to be embarrassed to be seen on the dance floor with some clumsy idiot.
Oh, sweetie, you could never embarrass me. Okay, you could easily embarrass me.
But it doesn't matter, all right? I married you. So I'm gonna dance on my wedding night with my husband. Come on.
Just try not to move your feet at all.
There you go.
Chandler, I'm gonna have you arrested. Why?
You stole my moves!
How much longer?
Thirty seconds, okay...
Did I miss it? Rachel. I want you to know that if it's positive, we're gonna...
I know. I know. You do. Okay.
Go ahead, Rachel.
Wait. You know what? I can't look at it. I can't look at it. Somebody else tell me. Somebody else tell me.
Umm, it's negative.
What? It's negative.
Well, there you go. That is...That's great. That is really great, great news.
You know, because the whole not being ready and, kind of, the financial aspects, all that...
This is so just the way that this was supposed to be.
Well… Well, great.
It's, God, this is so stupid. How can I be upset over something I never had? It's negative?
No, it's positive.
What? It's not negative, it's positive.
Are you sure? Yeah, I lied before.
Now you know how you really feel about it.
Ohoh, that's a risky little game!
Are you really gonna do this?
Yeah. I'm gonna have a baby. I'm gonna have a baby. I'm gonna have a baby!
With who? Ah, it's still not the time.
I just didn't see the fast song coming.
Don't try to talk, we'll get you up to your room, soak your feet. You'll be okay.
Oh, thank you. That is so sweet!
No, I mean it. There are so few genuinely nice guys out there.
Tell me about it. I feel like I'm holding down the fort by myself.
It's Joey, right? Yeah.
Wait a minute! No! I'm the nice one!
I'm the one that danced with the kids all night. I...How small are your feet? !