Wait. Before we go in, I just want you to know that I love you.
I had a great time on our honeymoon, and I can’t wait to go in there and spend the rest of our life together.
You’re really sticking with the shell necklace huh?
Hey! You're back! Hi sweetie!
Come on in!
So how was the honeymoon?
Oh, so much fun. But the best part is, we met this incredible couple on the way back.
That was the best part? Good honeymooning, tiger.
No, they were really cool. They were on their honeymoon too!
They're terrific. They live right here in the city.
Yeah, can we go call them? Is it too soon to call? I wanna call.
I'm sorry. We're just kind of excited because we finally have a couple to hang out with. I know.
A couple? Like two people? Like one, two people?
This is different. Greg and Jenny are in a relationship.
Oh, Greg and Jenny yuck! "Hi, Greg. I'm Chandler. This is Monica"
"Hi, Monica. This is Jenny." "Hi, Jenny. Hi, Greg."
Listen, they are really great. If you just got a chance… You know what?
Why don't you just give us our souvenirs and get the hell out of here?
We really…didn’t get a chance to…
You have got to be kidding me!
We didn't get anything for anyone.
Hmmm! Yeah nice necklace!
That you can have.
Welcome home. So, how was the honeymoon?
It was great! It was great! How about you? ! I mean you’re having a baby!
Look, I have a sonogram picture. Oh great!
Ross, it's got your wavy, black lines.
All right, so now that Ross knows can you tell us y’ know how it happened? I mean, when did it happen? How many times did it happen?
Monica, that's not right. Start with where.
Well, it happened about six weeks ago.
And uh I had just got home from work and Ross was already there ‘cause I guess he had been hanging out with Joey.
You're welcome, buddy.
And so I had a lot of work to do so Ross, nice guy that he is, offered to help me out. And then we had a little wine, we got to talking, and the next thing you know out of nowhere Ross comes on to me.
Umm that’s…that’s a little misleading.
What is? The lie you just told.
Thatthat you came on to me? There's the one!
But you did! I mean, let’s be honest.
Yes let’s. Y’ know what? Uh, it’sit’s not important. What is important is that, is that we’re having a baby. And it’s not—Doesn’t matter who came on to who.
"Whom." That's right.
You know you kissed me first.
What? What? ! You were begging me to kiss you! Youyouyou were sending me signals all over the place!
I was sending you signals? Yeah.
Oh please. Okay, anyone in this room think that I would send Ross begging symbols. Please, show of hands.
Y’ know what? ! It doesn’t matter! It doesn’t matter what you believe! What matters is what happened!
Okay. So these signals Ross, explain this to me, ‘cause maybe I need to be more careful. I mean, am I sending you these signals right now?
You know what? You know what? Rachel, justjust drop it.
No, please. Show me how I begged you.
I can show you! I have it on videotape. It's an expression.
I can't believe he taped the two of them having sex.
Yeah. You gotta tell a girl before you tape her. Such a rookie mistake.
You know who has a great video camera?
Greg and Jenny?
Do you still wanna call them? I wanna to call them.
Let's call. Yeah! Ask them if they brought their friends any souvenirs.
Hello. 8th Street Deli?
Hey, hang up! You get food poisoning just talking to that place.
Sorry, wrong number. Here you go, babe.
Hello? It's the deli again!
All right, I'll have a sandwich.
I don't think this number's right.
What? You got fakenumbered.
What? People don't do that. Oh, I think we do.
They gave us a fake number? Why? Why would they do that?
I don't know. You were a delight to talk to. You asked all those insightful, great questions.
And you've never been funnier. I mean, joke, joke, joke! You were a hoot!
You know what? Don't worry about it. You still got me and Phoebe.
Excuse me, I don't want Greg and Jenny's rejects.
Rachel won't talk to me. She won't open the door.
I wonder why, pervert.
Okay, listen, I am not a pervert.
That’s like the pervert motto! Yeah! Yeah! They have you raise your right hand, put your left hand down your pants, and repeat that!
Filming Rachel was not something I planned.
Okay, look. Here's what happened. And Joey youyou can back me up on this.
All right, aboutabout a month and a half ago I came to you with a problem? Umm, a personal thing.
Personal thing? What personal thing? I don’t know.
About…about sex? That I hadn’t had sex in months?
Yeah, I knew what you were talking about.
Do you have a minute? I’d like to talk to you about something I’m, I’m really uncomfortable talking about.
Sure. What? About uh, you showering with your mom?
I actually had a topic in mind. I'm kind of going through a dry spell, sexwise.
Whoa, for like months? Five, to be lying. Six.
Six months? Whoa that’s rough.
Well, I mean it’s not all bad. I’m learning to appreciate the uh, smaller things in life. Like the sound of a bird and the color of the sky.
The sky's blue, Ross. And I had sex yesterday.
Please help me. I have a date tonight.
It has to go well okay—I'm scared for my health.Okay, okay.
Ooh! Ohoh, I got something. It’s this story I came up with, very romantic. I swear any woman that hears it; they’re like putty.
Really? Well then tell it to me.
Okay. Now you’re gonna want to have sex with me when you hear it, but you have to remember it is just the story.
I'll try to control myself.
Okay. Years ago, when I was backpacking across Western Europe…
You were backpacking across Western Europe?
Have a nice six more months, Ross.
Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Please, please. You were in Western Europe, and...?
I was just outside Barcelona, hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo.
I was at the end of this path, and I came to a clearing and there was a lake. Very secluded. There were tall trees all around. It was dead silent. Gorgeous.
And across the lake I saw a beautiful woman bathing herself. But she was crying.
Umm, this is great wine.
It’s from France…In Europe…Western Europe. Y’ know umm, a few years ago I actually was backpacking across Western Europe.
Really? Uhhmm—Wait, it gets better.
Um, yeah, I was in Barcelona.
I studied for a year in Barcelona.
Anyway, umm so I was um, I was hiking…I love hiking!
That's great! I was hiking along the foothills of Mount Tibidaybo...
I think it's "Tibidabo." Okay, do you wanna tell the story?
Whoa! What are you doing here? How did your date go?
Great! I’m across the street having sex with her right now. Your story sucks!
Hey, look, if it didn't work, it's because you didn't tell it right.
Show me how you did it. No! No, I don’t…don’t want to.
How long since you seen a girl naked?
I was backpacking across Western Europe.
I'm not feeling it.
I was just outside Barcelona, hiking...
No! No! No Ross! I’m not hot! Are you hot?
It's been six months. I'm always hot.
Well you’re not selling the story! It’s like; it’s like you don’t believe it!
Look, I gotta go, I got a date. But try this. Do what I do when I'm preparing for an audition. Okay?
I’ll set you up with my video camera and you can record yourself andand see what you’re doing wrong.
I'll try that.
All right now… All right, you’re all set up. You’re good to go. Just hit record. All right? Good luck. Thanks.
Andand hey Joe? Listen, if you ever have any problem with the ladies you know I’ll help you out.
That means a lot to me, man.
Hello. Can I get you anything? Lens cleaner? Your battery okay? Rachel!
Oh Ross! Hi! Thank God you're here. You have to help me.
Were you just talking to yourself?
That's less embarrassing. Yes. Yes, I was.
So when she came in, I got distracted and totally forgot about the camera. It kept rolling and recorded everything.
Yeah, we're gonna need to see that tape. Yeah, definitely.
What a great idea! That'll get Rachel to forgive me.
You know what? This is not fair to her. Let's just forget the tape.
No. You're right.
Joey, no. Loud and clear.
I still don't get why Greg and Jenny would give us a fake number.
You know, if they knew what they were doing, they probably didn't give you real names, either.
Okay, maybe people give out fake numbers, but they don’t give out fake names.
Oh, yeah? Hi. Ken Adams. Nice to meet you.
I just don't get it. We didn't do anything wrong.
I know! Although, you did tell an awful lot of jokes.
I thought you said those jokes were funny. Joke! Joke! Joke!
Joke. Joke. Blah! Blah!
Well maybe it was all of your questions.
What about my questions?
The sheer volume. It was like flying with the Riddler.
I'm soory. Was that another joke? Was that another question?
Hey! Is Ross still here?
Uh no Rach, he’s gone. But listen, he told us what happened and it does, it sounds like an honest mistake.
Oh really? Well how would you like it if I had sex with you and I taped it?
Oh forget it! Oh there he is now, the father of my child, the porn king of the west village.
Look, it was accident! Okay? II feel bad that it happened, but I swear, I didn’t even watch it!
Anyway, here. I thought you might be more comfortable destroying it yourself.
You don't want to see this, do you?Hell, yeah!
I am not gonna show you this.
No! Not the sex part, just the stuff leading up to it.
Forget it. She's destroying it.
Okay fine! Fine! We’ll just have to think of some other way to put the whole ‘Who came onto who,’ thing to rest! Come on now, think! !
Look, forget it Phoebe. Okay? It’s Rachel’s tape and she can do whatever she wants with it. And she wants to destroy it. So, end of story.
I wanna see it.
Clearly you don’t want people to see this tape. Now I don’t want people to see this tape either, but you so badly don’t want people to see it makes me want to see it. You see?
Are we watching the tape or not?
I don't want people to see it for your sake.
Ahh, I don’t believe you. I think you don’t want them to see you begging me.
Rachel, please? Oh, a little preview.
Fine. Fine, but I want the record to show that I tried to take the high road, because in about five minutes I’m gonna be saying…
Okay, here we go.
Hello. Can I get you anything?
I'm so happy.
Thank God you're here, Ross. Help me. Were you just talking to yourself?
There I am. You're gonna get pregnant.
I screwed up so bad, I told Monica that I would stuff and send all these wedding invitations like weeks ago and II…
You didn't do it?
II know—I had put them in…inin my desk at work and I completely forgot about them until today.
Sweetie okay. It’s okay. Everybody made it to the wedding. I’m fine.
Kind of hurting my hand though.
I cannot believe that I did this. Especially after Monica just went on and on and on about it!
"Okay, Rachel. Here are the invitations, Rachel. Be very careful, Rachel. Please, drinking no liquids around the invitations, Rachel."Whoa oh! Ohohoh! Oh…ohohoh…
Did you do it on our invitations?
Not on the ones we sent out.
So just the ones you gave back to us and we had framed?
Can you believe this is already happening? I mean it seems like yesterday they just got engaged.
I know. Hey remember…remember the night they got engaged? How uh, you and I almost…
Oh, I remember how we almost. Do you think we would’ve gone through with it? Y’ know, if we hadn’t gotten caught. Do you think we would’ve done it?
I mean I…I know I wanted to. I just, I just wasn’t sure if you wanted to.
Oh, I wanted to.
So we…we both wanted to.
Anyway, it probably worked out for the best.
Okay, in about ten seconds you’re gonna see him kiss me.
And in about five seconds you’re gonna see why.
Ross, did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through Western Europe?
Okay. Get ready to see some begging.
Oh, you came on to Ross!
Now I'm so happy.
What are you talking about? You used the Europe story!
That's the magic story you use when you wanna have sex!
How do you know about that story?
How do you know about that story?
I heard it from my friend Irene who heard it from some guy!
No. No, she told me his name was Ken Adams.
Hi. So, people are familiar with the Europe story?
Yeah. Listen about that, the whole uh, who came on to who thing really doesn’t matter. I mean, I think it would’ve happened either way. I mean if you hadn’t initiated it III know I would’ve.
It was an amazing night.
It was. It was an amazing night.
You think it looked amazing?
I uh… I don’t know. I mean I…I honestly didn’t watch it.
Yeah, me neither. Yet.
Uhhhhhh…thatthat may be weird.
Yeah, it would be really weird.
Good luck. Good luck to you.
Mind if I mute? Oh, please.
There go the clothes.
You are undressing awfully quickly.
Six months, Rachel. Six months.
Hey. Wewe look…we look pretty good. That’s what I was gonna say.
Oh nice tan!
Thank you. I'd just gone to the beach that weekend.
Have you been working out?
I have been working out.
Wow, this is so much better than I ever…
Oh, that's not pretty.
Oh! Oh! Oh God! No! Oh no!
Make it stop. Make it stop. Oh, no!
Hello, Greg? Hi, this is Monica from the plane.
Listen, the number that you gave me, 853...That is their old number. Jenny's been giving it out since they moved!
Jenny! That is so Jenny!
Hey listen umm, how would you like to get together? Say next Saturday?
Okay, how about Sunday?
Okay, the week after that?
The week after that?
Y’ know what Greg? Y’ know what? We are good, interesting, funny people with good questions and if you and your precious Jenny can’t see that then…
January 15th? We'll see you then! Okay.