Hey guys, guess what? What?
I know it's last minute, but we decided to have a Halloween party.
And everybody has to wear costumes.
Come on, it'll be fun.
Well, I’ll-I’ll be there. I mean I have to wear a costume to all my classes that day anyway so…
Please tell me you’re not gonna dress up like a dinosaur.
Not two years in a row.
I'll come to the party, but I'm not dressing up.
You have to.
No way! Look, Halloween is so stupid! Dressing up, pretending to be someone you’re not…
You're an actor.
Ross, are you gonna bring Mona?
Yeah. Yeah, I think I will.
The hot girl from their wedding? Yeah.
Well hey-hey if she needs any idea for costumes, she could be a bikini model, or a slutty nurse, or a sexy cheerleader huh—Ooh-ooh, Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre—No-no-no! Slutty Leatherface.
Now, wasn't Joey hitting on her at the wedding too?
That's right, he was hitting on her. And I got her. I guess the better man won.
Please don't take her from me.
Ursula! Wait! Err-err, it’s me! Phoebe!
Oh, I thought there was a mirror there. Okay, bye-bye.
Wait a second! So, what's new with you?
Nothing. I mean I'm getting married next week.
Yeah! Yeah, it’s gonna be a small ceremony. Just family. His.
Huh. Okay. Well, I’m really happy for you.
Wait! If umm, if you want to come, I guess that’d be okay.
Sure. Why not? You could be my sister for the day.
Yeah. Okay. Umm, y’ know, my friends are having a Halloween party tonight at my old apartment so, you could come. Maybe I could meet the guy you’re marrying.
Huh. Well, I’m supposed to be working at the restaurant tonight. I’m supposed to be working right now, so who cares.
By the way, it's a costume party.
Oh! Okay, so that's why you're...
No. But thanks.
Hi! Wait! You're supposed to wear a costume.
I am! I am a woman who spent a lot of money on a dress and she wants to wear it, because soon she won’t be able to fit into it.
I'm Catwoman, who wants to borrow the dress when you're too big for it. Okay.
Trick or treat!
Oh! Oh! Can I give out the candy? I really want to be with the kids right now. You know, ever since I got pregnant I-I have the strongest maternal instincts.
Trick or treat! Just a minute!
Look at you guys! Wow! You are a very scary witch. Thank you.
And you are a very funny clown.Thank you.
And you are so in style right now.
You know, I work at Ralph Lauren. And the whole fall line has got this equestrian theme going on.
I don't suppose you saw the cover of British Vogue, but...Could I just have the candy?
Oh Catwoman. So we meet again.
So we do, Supergirl.
No, it’s me. Phoebe!
Monica, can I talk to you for a second? Listen, I appreciate you getting me the costume...
Oh, you did this to him?
What? I thought he'd love it. His favorite kid's book was the Velveteen Rabbit!
The Velveteen Rabbit was brown and white!
Well, it was either a pink bunny or no bunny at all.
No bunny at all. Always no bunny at all!
You didn't dress up either?
Yes, I did. I'm Chandler.
Dude, what happened?
How is that me? Okay. I'm Chandler.
That is so you!
When have I ever done that?
When have I ever done that?
Trick or treat.
Oh! Well you're just the prettiest ballerina I've ever seen. Thank you.
Oh wow! That deserves another piece of candy. Thank you.
I have to say, that earns "two-two" pieces of candy. I love you!
Ohh… Oh, honey here. Take it all.
Monica? We need more candy.
What? There's only been four kids.
Yeah I know, but one of them just said that she loved me so I just gave her everything.
No wonder your pregnant.
What are you supposed to be?
Remember the Russian satellite, Sputnik?
Well, I'm a potato. Or a "spud" and these are my antenna.
So Sputnik becomes...? Spud-nik! Spud-nik!
Wow! I don't have the worst costume anymore.
Hey all right, Ross came as doody.
No, I-I’m not doody.
Aren't you gonna give me a kiss?
Okay, I will. But right after you tell me who the hell you are.
Ursula? Ursula's fiance?
Oh, my god. You're the sister. Yeah.
Okay, I just slapped my future sister-in-law's ass. Yeah.
I'm an idiot. Uh, is your mother here? Maybe I can give her a little slap on the butt.
My mother killed herself. See, and I knew that and...
Now I'm sweating. Look at me, I'm really sweating. Now I'm saying, "Look at me," I'm getting even sweatier. I think I probably should go.
No-no! That’s okay, we’ll just start over. Okay? Hi! I’m Phoebe.
Why are you looking at me like that?
'Cause the sweat's getting in my eyes and its burning.
So, what are you?
I don't think they have a name for it. I get nervous, and I sweat like crazy.
No, I-I meant your costume.
Oh umm, I’m the solar system. Yeah, my students helped me make it—I teach the second grade.
I love the second grade. Really?
Yeah! It’s so much better than first grade when you don’t know what’s going on and definitely better than third grade. You know, with all the politics and the mind games.
So, what do you do? I'm a masseuse, by day.
You know you don't have to stand here with me, believe me… No I'm having fun.
I’m really—And I’m really-really excited for you and Ursula.
I feel very lucky. She's great. I think she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.
Hey, Joey? Yeah?
You read comic books, right? Exclusively.
Who do you think would win in a fight, Catwoman or Supergirl?
Catwoman, hands down. Yeah.
But between you and Phoebe? I'd have to give the edge to Phoebe.
Are you kidding? Phoebe lived on the street, okay? Plus, she's got this crazy temper. She—She’s not standing right behind me is she?
No, you're fine. All right well, do you think I could take Rachel?
I'm not sure.
What? Come on, I am tough! Punch me right here, as hard as you can!
Will you relax? ! What are you taking this so seriously for? It doesn't matter.
Oh really? Okay? Well what would you say if I told you that, y’ know, Ross or Chandler could beat you up?
I would say, "Woman, please."
Ursula's fiance is really sweet. He's a teacher, he does all this volunteer work. You know normally, you know, I don't like sweaty guys. But this one I could just mop him up.
Oh, my God, Phoebe! What?
You're getting a crush on your sister's fiance.
No, I'm not, you are!
Here comes the temper.
Trick or treat.
Hi! Y’ know what honey, we’re actually out of candy right now. But someone just went out to get some and I have been giving out money but I’m out of that too. Hey, can I write you a check?
Okay. What's your name?
Okay, I'm just gonna write this out to "cash."
Hi! Hi, Mona.
Joey's gonna be thrilled. He was hoping you'd be a slutty nurse.
Actually, I'm just a nurse.
You'd think that would embarrass me, but you see, I'm maxed out.
You made it. Wait-wait! You’re umm, you’re a potato…
Well, I'm a spud...
And the antennae…Oh my God you’re Spudnik! Yes!
Okay. Here's a good one for you. Who do think would win in a fight between Ross and Chandler?
I can't answer that. Chandler's my husband.
So Ross? Yeah.
Hey, beautiful. Hello, handsome.
Oh, God. Look at you two. So when did you guys meet?
Two weeks ago. Two weeks? That's it?
Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, and it’s not like me to do something so impulsive, but she’s just so perfect, and we have so much in common.
We're both teachers.
And we were both in the Peace Corps.
Peace Corps, really?
In fact when we were building houses in Uruguay, we were, we were just two towns apart and we never met.
Yeah. It wasn't a town when I got there, but it was a town when I left.
Shall we get me really drunk? Sure.
That’s funny. Yeah. Y’ know you’re the funniest man here in a pink bunny costume his wife made him wear.
Relax, man. Relax. You're looking a little flushed.
Hey-hey-hey, I think we might find out the answer to our question.
Monica and I were talking about who could kick whose ass in a fight, you or Ross?
There's no question.
So you think Ross too?
You picked Ross?
Ross is really strong. He's the strongest out of all three of you. Except for Joey.
I can't believe you didn't pick me.
In her defense, she's right. I am stronger. I would destroy you.
Oh really? You think you're stronger? Why don't you prove it?
I'll prove it. I'll prove it like a theorem!
Wait-wait! ! Okay, stop it! Stop it! Stop! Now listen, no one’s gonna fight in this apartment.
Hey Monica! People came to see a fight, let's give them one what they came for!
You guys could arm-wrestle.
Yeah, listen to the slutty nurse.
You're going down.
Oh, yeah? You're going further down, downtown!
Seriously, guys, the trash talk is embarrassing.
Gunther, you brought candy. Thank you so much for picking this up. You are so sweet.
Honey, someday you are gonna make some man the luckiest guy in the world.
Trick or treat.
Hi! Wow! There you go.
My friend Lewis told me you were giving out money.
Oh yeah, we were but umm, now we’ve got candy.
I’d rather have the money.
Well, that-that’s not your choice. Happy Halloween!
This isn't fair.
Well is it fair that all you did was put on a cape and I gotta give you free stuff?
You shut up!
You can't tell me to shut up.
Uh, I think I just did. And uh-oh, here it comes again. Shut up!
Rach. Yeah I know—I’m good—I got it!
Now wait a minute, I’ve got one more thing I have to say to you…oh right! Shut up!
You're a mean old woman.
No! Wait no! Shut up—I mean don’t cry! Let me get my checkbook!
Look honey, you don’t have to do this, okay? It’s the strength you have inside that means the most to me.
You’re loyal, you’re honest, and you have integrity! That’s the kind of strength that I want in the man that I love!
That means nothing to me. Come on!
Hi, liar. Hey!
You know, the only reason he's marrying you is because he thinks all the things you were saying about yourself were true.
Well they could be true. But they're not.
Yeah. It's a fine line.
Why are you lying to him? I don't know.
He said he did all this stuff and then I said I did it too and he got so excited, it was really fun.
It's a filthy, disgusting habit, and I want you to quit now!
She's helped so many people to quit smoking.
Y’ know, we’d really better get going.
Oh right, you’ve got a church group meeting tonight. Right.
It was nice meeting you. You too.
And, Ursula, it was really nice meeting you tonight!
Pheebs, come on! Bunny versus doodie. We're waiting!
Okay. Okay, guys. One match, winner take all.
Oh wait-wait! What does the winner get?
Okay, if you say so. All right, ready, set, go!
Wow, they're both really strong.
Or equally weak.
Oh, God. Chandler's making his sex face.
So you getting tired?
No. I could do this all day.
Yeah. Me too.
Getting a little tired, though. God, I'm exhausted.
Look this is starting to look really bad for me. Okay? Mona, Mona’s standing right over there. Oh God, she’s talking to Joey! You gotta let me win!
No way! If anything you've gotta let me win! My wife thinks I'm a wimp!
Hey, at least you have a wife! I-I keep getting divorces and knocking people up! And I’m dressed as doody.
Come on, who are we kidding? I'm doodie. Please? She's watching.
Oh, no. Oh, yeah!
Yay! My hero!
You're a weird lady.
Hey. Ursula said she left her purse.
What a relief. It has all the numbers of the people in her prayer chain.
Sure it does. Yeah, yeah.
Well, I guess I’ll see you at the wedding.
Umm listen, I don’t think…I don’t think I’m gonna make it to the wedding. So I just want to wish you all the luck in the world.
I think we'll be okay. Besides it’s so perfect, and she's been saving herself for me.
Okay, I can't let you do this. She's lying to you.
She is lying. And I bet I could prove it. Excuse me.
Okay. Okay. Yeah—Not a prayer chain, but what looks like a detailed drawing of a bank floor plan.
Okay, here’s the name tag from the restaurant where she works as a waitress! Not a teacher, a waitress.
All right, here’s her driver license, this oughta be good, she always lies about this.
How old did she say she was? She told me she was 25.
Oh, I almost don’t want to show this. Just remember I’m a minute younger.
I am so stupid. Of course she was lying! She’s not a teacher. There’s not such a thing as the top secret elementary school for the children of spies.
No. You’re not, you’re not stupid.
I'm not smart. I just wanted so much to be impulsive once. To be romantic.
That's good. You should be impulsive and you should be romantic. Just...you did it with the wrong person.
It’s just so weird, two people look so much alike. And so different.
Eric! Let's go!
Better go deal with it. Yeah, you should.
Hurry up! I gotta pray!
Well, I had to give the kid 50 bucks to stop crying.
That's not so bad.
No, I also had to go to a couple houses with him as his girlfriend. Oh, I am just awful with children!
Come on! You’re good with kids. They’re just crazy on Halloween. Y’ know, they’re all greedy and hopped up on sugar!
Really? You think that’s all it is? Absolutely.
Halloween is the worst. Except for Christmas. And their birthdays.
Kinda get a little crazy during the summer too. And any time they're hungry or sleepy.
Y’ know, kids are tough. Good luck with that.
Look, I wanted to tell I'm-I'm sorry you lost.
Listen, I've got a secret for ya. I let him win.
Is that a secret or a lie.
No, I let him...Ross? Yeah?
Would you tell her I let you win, please?
Oh. Yeah. Uh Chandler let me win. No, Chandler’s really strong. Oh my arm is so sore. Oh nurse!
I am strong. I'll show you.
Oh what’s the matter? Are you scared?
Let's go, big bunny!
Okay. One, two, three. Go!
I'm gonna kill myself!