Oh, my God, you cleaned!
Look at these floors! You did the windows! Oh, I have been begging you for months and you did! You cleaned! And nagging works!
Y' know uh, I didn't actually do this.
Oh, no. Was I cleaning in my sleep again?
No, it wasn't you.
Well, then, who? I got a maid. Yay!
I hope by maid you mean mistress, because if some other woman was here cleaning then…
Uh honey, I know you don't like to relinquish control…
"Relinquish" is just a fancy word for "lose."
Look, she's really nice. Okay? And she mentioned that she adored the way that you arranged the sponges.
Did she really say that?
Yes, I distinctly remember because I thought it was a joke. Now, just give her a chance, okay?
Fine, I can do it.
What's the matter?
Usually when I'm this anxious, I clean.
Whose cell phone is that? It's just so annoying. Everywhere you go.
I think it's coming from your bag.
I never get calls! Hello?
Hi, it's Eric, from the Halloween party. Ursula's fiance.
Oh, my God, Eric, hi! Wait, how'd you get this number?
I have a friend who's a cop, and he got it for me.
Wow. What an incredible violation and wonderful surprise!
Listen, I just...I thought you should know I broke up with Ursula.
Oh, you did? He did it, he did it!
Wow! What did he do? Shhh! I'm talking!
Anyway, I was wondering if you were the sort of person who eats lunch?
Are you asking me out? Because it'd be kind of weird since you just broke up with my sister.
Yeah uh…okay. I'm I'm sorry. Bye. No, no. Wait!
I was just saying that so you'd think I was a good person. Fight for me.
I won't take "no" for an answer.
Not great, but we can work on it at lunch. Okay, I can be at your apartment in two hours.
Great. But wh wh-How do you know where I live?
I've got friends too.
Okay, bye. Bye.
Oh, my God, I'm going out with Eric!
Ooh, this day is really gonna be so much better than I thought it was gonna be. Oh Ross, I can't make lunch.
So apparently I'm available for lunch.
I can't. I'm busy. I'm apartment hunting.
Yeah, I can't live with Joey once the baby comes. I don't want my child's first words to be, "How you doing?"
So does does Joey know you're moving?
Well, I haven't discussed it with him yet, but I know he's gonna be relieved.
Last week, he brought this girl over and I started talking to her about morning sickness and then I showed her pictures from my pregnancy book.
That's not really porn? Not so much.
Hey you know what? And if you're looking for a place. I just heard in the elevator this morning that a woman in my building died.
Oh, my God. Was she old? Does she have a view?
Well I don't know, but how how great would that be huh? You living in my building. I could help take care of the baby. I can come over whenever I want. With your permission.
Yeah that would really be great. Well, can we see it?
Oh maybe we shouldn't. I mean if she just died this morning out of respect.
Yeah. No. No, you're right.
Shall we? Yeah.
Hi. I'm Ross Geller. I live in the building.
And I'm Rachel, an admirer of the building.
I I heard about Mrs. Verhoeven passing away and I'm so sorry for your loss.
She didn't pass. What?
My mother's still alive.
Oh, thank God!
It looked like we were gonna lose her this morning, but she's a tough old bird.
Are you close with her?
Of course. Uh yeah, she and I would talk all the time in in the laundry room.
You speak Dutch? I'm very honored to meet a friend of my mother.
You know, I would, but it's just too painful.
So she's really not dead.
No. She's hanging in there.
Hmm. Do you think-Could you tell me, is she hanging in in a one bedroom or a two?
Mrs. Bing, this tile cleaner is incredible. Where did you get it?
Oh well umm, I make it myself! It's two parts ammonia and one part lemon juice. And now the secret ingredient is…y' know what? We just met.
Okay. Uhh, I'm gonna go get the clothes from the laundry room now. And, when I come back I'll clean behind the refrigerator.
I love her.
I'll be back in a minute.
See? I told you.
She stole my jeans!
I've been looking for them all week, and she is wearing them.
So she stole your pants and then she came back and wore them in front of you?
Don't you see? It's the perfect crime!
She must have been planning this for years!
I'll prove it to you, okay. About a week ago I was wearing those jeans and I dropped a pen in my lap, and it left an ink stain on the crotch.
Now when she comes back I will find it and show you that stain!
Honey, isn't it possible that the company that sold the jeans made more than just the one pair?
I guess. So should't we give her the benefit of the doubt before we go snooping around her crotch?
Fine. I'm just glad I didn't give her my secret ingredient.
Out of curiosity, what is your secret ingredient?
Come in. I'm so glad you're here.
Yeah. Me too. Not in the shaky, angry way that you are, though.
Sorry. I just saw Ursula. I had to get the engagement ring back.
Just seeing her brought it all back. All the lies, the way she used me. I just...I get so angry, just looking at her...Face.
I'm sorry. It's just, when I look at you I see her. And when I see her, I get a little bit angry.
Maybe this is too weird. No wait!
There's only a problem when I look at you. I got it. I got it.
No, don't tear out your eyes!
I was just, I was just gonna take out my lenses.
Oh, yeah. Try that. So is that better?
You…you're blurry, but you still look like Ursula. You're Blursula.
Okay wait. Maybe…If I if I just don't look at you for a while.
See? It…it works. I'm not, I'm not angry at all anymore! This is a great date!
Look, Eric, turn around.
Look, I like you, but it shouldn't be this hard. Y' know? This is our first date.
You know, first dates are supposed to be about excitement and electricity and "He just touched my hand, did he mean to touch my hand"
And you know first kisses...Second kisses.
Thanks for the coffee, or, bedankt voor de koffie, Gunter.
You speak Dutch? That's cool. Do you have relatives there?
Yeah, we're done.
Ezel? Ezel? Ezel?
Hey Ross! Listen, do you want to go see that new Imax movie on tide pools?
But I got Knicks tickets for you, me and Chandler.
All right, well finish your coffee, let's go.
Okay I I just have to stop by my place first.
To tape the game? You do this every time, Ross. You're not gonna be on TV!
No no, I I have to see if this apartment became available.
You're switching apartments?
It's not for me, it's for Rachel.
Rachel has an apartment.
Yeah, but when the baby comes, she's gonna wanna move.
She is? Yeah.
You didn't expect her to live there with the baby, did you?
I guess I didn't really think about it.
Ezel. Hey, Gunther, you're an ezel.
You have sex with donkeys.
Nice jeans. Oh, thanks.
I like your top. Oh. You're not getting it.
What happened? Oh. I fell asleep!
I was thinking about taking my lunch break.
Will you do the top of the cabinets? That'll work up your appetite for lunch.
What's going on?
I'm sorry. I've never had a maid before. Is this not okay?
How was the game?
Oh, okay. I…I ate way too much.
So umm, I was talking to Ross, and he said you were looking for a new place.
Oh yeah! Hopefully across the street if certain Dutch people would just let go.
I was kind of hoping you'd stay.
Oh but Joey, I have to go. There's no room for a baby here.
No room? It's a baby. It's, like, this big.
You know, I mean you you could you could put it over here. Or or or we could put it right here. Aw, it's cute, right?
Or or we could put it over here. You wouldn't even notice it. "Where's the baby?" "Oh, it's right over..."
Honey, it's not just a matter of where you put it. I mean a baby changes everything.
They cry all the time. I mean imagine bringing home some girl and trying to score when there's a screaming baby around.
I could use a challenge. It's getting pretty easy.
Honey, it's so sweet that you want me to stay, but I I can't do that to you. I mean it would disrupt your entire life.
It's just...I love living with you so much. I just wish things didn't have to change.
You know, I blame Ross for this.
I do too, a little bit.
I'm gonna miss you. You're the hottest roommate I ever had.
Oh, no, I have to go. I have a massage appointment.
Oh no, stay here. We'll keep doing this. I'll pay you.
No, I've gotten in trouble for that before. I'll see you later.
I love the way you kiss.
Really? That's the thing I'm worst at! You'll see.
Hey. I think Brenda needs a raise.
Because I put my head between her legs.
To see her pants? They're my pants!
Are you sure? Did you see the stain?
No. I was getting into position, and then everything went dark.
God! She is not stealing from us, okay? Will you let this go?
Fine. She's wearing my bra! Oh, dear God!
My pink, flowered bra! I recognize the strap!
And yet you don't recognize that you're crazy.
Here's the plan! Okay? I'm going to leave, and you get a look at Brenda's bra!
Here's another plan…No!
I would do it, but she thinks I'm attracted to her.
Did you not hear where my head was?
Come on, come on. We're a team. We're in this together.
I fear a jury will see it the same way.
Do this for me. Come on, I catch you looking at woman's breasts all the time!
You see that?
Do you see this?
All right, yes. Okay. I get your point. But if it's not your bra, will you just let the woman clean the apartment? Yes. Absolutely. Okay?
Look, you'll know it's mine because on the right cup, the lacey part, there's a very noticeable rip.
You need new clothes.
Hi. How is she?
It's not looking good.
Well, I brought her some bloemen.
That's so sweet. Would you like to come in and say goodbye? I'm sure it would mean a lot to her.
Oh, I don't know that it would.
Well, her memory is pretty much gone. All right, then.
Shall we pick up from where we left off?
I don't know. I'm still pretty tired out from this afternoon.
Why? The sex.
What sex? Our sex.
We didn't have sex.
Well if I didn't have sex with you, I had sex with somebody that looked an awful lot like...
Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Oh, no. Oh, no. No, no, no.
You you…you had sex with Ursula? ! A little bit.
She she she walked in and I thought she was you and I kissed her and…
You didn't notice she was wearing different clothes? !
Well I was just so excited to see you.
You know what? This is too weird.
No no it's not! I don't want to lose you! It's it's like I was saying to Ursula when I was making love to her and I thought she was you-Yeah it is too weird.
So I guess this is it.
Yeah. Maybe it's for the best.
You smell just like her. Yeah, so do you.
What are you doing?
I'm leaning. This is where I lean.
Brenda, a bee! What?
Yes! It's flown into your blouse, and you better undo your buttons lest it sting you.
I think I know what's going on here. You do?
Look, I know it must be hard that your wife is a lesbian but it's wrong. You're married.
I totally understand. Can I just see your bra?
Where'd you get those jeans? You gave them to me.
No, I didn't! All right, I took them.
But I figured it'd be okay because you've got a big ink stain on the crotch.
Oh, no! Did you take my bra too?
The pink one with the flowers.
You mean the one that you're wearing?
Sounds about right.
What is this?
Hey! Uh, this is just to give you an idea.
Okay well, we can put screens here, so that the baby has privacy, and and and maybe a mobile over the crib. And uh-Oh look! Here's a baby monitor, which until the baby comes we can use as walkie talkies. Huh?
You're so sweet! Oh, my God! And you gave the baby Hugsy!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh…. That that that's really just to show where the baby would go. Y' know why don't I hold on to him so that there's no confusion?
But Joey the baby is going to be crying, it's going to be loud. I'm loud.
It's gonna be up all night. I'm up all night.
It's gonna poop. Hello!
What about all the women you wanna bring home?
Look, if I'm bringing home a woman who can't stand being around a baby, then maybe I don't want to be with that woman! Or maybe we'll just do it in the bathroom of the club!
Joey, are you sure?
Yeah! All right-Look, I know sometimes it'll be hard, okay? But, it'll also be really…really great. Please Rachel! I I I really want you to stay.
I want me to stay too. Thank you.
Joey, look at this crib. It's so cute.
I know. I found it on the street.
Are you serious-Really? ! It's in such good condition. Yeah.
Wow! Whoa whoa what's under the covers? I don't know.
It's moving. It's still-It's got a tail! Get it out of here! Get it out of here! !
Well, the old lady died. And how do I know? Because her dying wish was for one last kiss.
But I don't care, because you got the apartment. Yes!
Yeah. Umm. I think I'm gonna stay here.
Isn't that great?