Hey! Hey! So, what do you think?
New haircut? Necklace? Dress? Boots? Boots!
Now, they're a little more than I usually spend on boots...or rent.
Oh, my God.
I'm gonna miss being able to afford food.
I'm sorry, they just, they just look so good! And the saleswoman was looking at me like, "Oh, these are way too expensive for you."
She had a point.
Oh my God! Oh, Monica, those boots are amazing.
Yeah well, too bad we're gonna have to return them.
Return them? ! Shh! They're gonna hear you!
Honey, I'm not returning them. Okay? I mean I I know they cost a lot, but I'm gonna wear them all the time.
You'll see. Besides, I love the compliments. I mean, have you ever had something that was so beautiful that everyone wanted it?
I have you.
Nice try. I'm keeping the boots.
That's right, I love you! And and I'm gonna play with you all the time.
How can you let him talk to your crotch like that?
He's talking to the baby. Oh! Okay.
Okay, because when when he said,"I can't wait to hear your first words," I thought, "There's a trick."
Okay. Well, I gotta go you guys. I'll see you later.
Okay. Bye. Bye.
好吧。 拜拜。 拜。
Oh hey Rach, listen Hi! Hi.
Umm, can you do me a favor? I was talking to my sister and she knows you work at Ralph Lauren...
Well, forget it! No way! I am not sending anymore Ralph Lauren clothes to prison. It is a waste.
No no no no no no, not her, not her. My youngest sister, Dina, she is interested in fashion.
And she wants to talk to someone successful, you know, to give her some advice.
I guess I can talk to one of my supervisors… Oh no no no no, she wants to talk to you!
Really? Oh, my God. I'm successful.
Ok, so will you meet with her?
Yes, I'd love to. Have her come by the office.
Great! Thanks! You're gonna love her so much. And-Oh, she's the smartest of all the Tribbiani children.
Hey, you know the SATs? Yeah.
She took them.
Hey Ross! Doesn't Ben go to the smithfield Day School?
Sting has a son that goes there too.
Yeah I know. He's in Ben's class.
You knew this and you never said anything? ! With all the stupid dinosaur stuff you tell us? !
Fine, no more dinosaur stuff. Can I talk about fossils?
"Sting's son, 7 years old." And there's a picture.
What are you reading, "The Kidnapper's Guide to Manattan Private Schools"?
No, it's New York Magazine. It's an article about the best schools in the city. So how well do you know Sting?
Uh, I actually haven't even met him.
Uh huh, yeah that's too bad. I really wanna go to his concert Friday night, but it's totally sold out.
I know! Why don't you meet him and get tickets. If you get two, I'll take you.
Well actually, I'm picking Ben up tomorrow. Maybe he'll be there.
There you go! Oh, you are so lucky! You might actually get to meet Sting tomorrow! That's why you have kids!
Hey, guys. Hey.
Hi, Monica. Hi, boots.
See, Chandler? I'm getting a lot of use out of them already. They're very practical. See, you can wear them with dresses, with skirts, with pants…
You can wear them with shorts on a street corner and earn the money to pay for them.
Wow, they're beautiful.
They hurt so much.
The guy who made these hates feet and wants to see them die.
Well well you can give them to me! I haven't felt my feet in years!
I can't. I spent so much money on them and I told Chandler that I'd wear them all the time. I can't just give them away.
Well then get your money back and return them!
I can't do that either! The soles are already a little scuffed up and the insides are filled with my blood.
Hey, I just picked up Ben from school...
I don't think you did a very thorough job.
I dropped him off at Carol's. Anyway, it turns out that I'm not gonna get those tickets, though.
Oh, no. Why not?
Well it turns out Ben and Sting's son do not get along.
Apparently, Sting's son made fun of the fact that Ben's moms are "lesbenisms."
Wait! But Ross, if they don't get along then you should smooth things over. Make them be friends.
Phoebe, you can't force kids to be friends.
Sure you can. Give them some blocks. Put them in a playpen.
Playpen? Ben's 7.
Your kid is 7? He's really small. Please! Please get the tickets!
Look I'm sorry Pheebs, I I just can't do it.
Yes, you can. Sting says so himself.
What? Ross can.
Look Phoebe, I'm sorry it's just... Ross can.
Phoebe, I… Ross can get me the tickets.
Ross can get me the tickets.
Here she is: Future fashion superstar.
Oh, Joey, I'm hardly... My little sister Dina.
Right! Hi, Dina. Nice to meet you. Hi.
Thanks so much for meeting with me. Joey's told me so much about you.
This is so exciting for her. Well, I'll let you two "fashists" get down to business.
Okay. All right, Dina. Well, let's talk about the different areas of fashion that you could get involved in.
Let's see, there's design. But you may need a whole other degree for that. There's there's sales which is great, because you get to travel...
I don't care about fashion. I'm pregnant. And I know you are too, so you gotta help me.
And there's marketing...
What's wrong? Oh nothing I'm just-just was yawning.
Don't forget, my office holiday party's tonight.
Honey, we don't really have to go to this thing tonight, do we?
Now sweetie, I know that you don't like my office parties, but you can wear your new boots.
See? Every cloud has a supple leather lining.
I I don't I don't think that I'm gonna wear the boots tonight.
Well, you know, just I'm just worried your bosses will see them and think they pay you too much money.
Or your assistant will see them and and want a raise.
Do you think I work at some kind of boot pricing company?
Anyway, I picked up this outfit that I wanna wear and the, and the boots don't really go with it.
You said that you paid all that money because those boots go with skirts, dresses, and pants!
Fine! If you want me to wear the boots, I'll wear the boots. In fact, I'll go into my room right now and you know try the outfit on.
Okay. Okay? Ooo wee! Christmas party in my boots!
I I can't go in there. I can't tell him.
Honey, it's gonna be ok. He has been incredibly supportive of me, and if he gets a little upset; that's what the meatball sub is for.
Thank you. Okay.
Hey! It's my fashion girls.
Honey, why don't you sit down? Dina has something that she wants to tell you.
What, what's going on? Is it mom? Is she sick? Is it dad's heart? Is that a sandwich?
Joe, Mom and Dad are fine. Is that a sandwich? !
Joey, there's something that you should know. Dina?
Now. Give him the sandwich! Give him the sandwich!
Well obviously this is a mistake! You you can't be pregnant. Because you have to have sex to get pregnant.
Joe, I tried to wait until I was 25, like you did.
I can't believe this. You're the good one. You went to college! Both years! Who did this to you?
Bobby Corso. But he's a real nice guy. I like him a lot. He's real funny.
You got pregnant for "funny"? Dina, if he's funny, laugh!
I'll be back in a little while. You stay here!
Why? Where you going? I can't look at you right now.
Oh, there you are, Ben.
Aunt Phoebe, what are you doing here?
Well, I heard you're having a problem with one of the boys in your class.
And so I thought I would just come down here and sit you both down, have a little talk and make it all ok.
Now, the boy's name is Sting's son.
Jack? I hate him. He's a jerk.
Now, Ben. Sometimes people may seem like jerks on the outside but they have famous fathers.
I have to go. My friend Doug is waiting for me over there.
Him, you're friends with.
Excuse me, can I help you with something?
Yes. Yes you can, I'm looking for Jack's parents.
Are you with one of the students? Uh huh, I'm with Ben.
Are you one of Ben's mothers?
I am one of Ben's mothers. I'm a lesbian. It was, it was difficult coming out to my parents.
Well, hi. I'm Jenny Boon. I'm a new teacher here. I've only met your partner, Carol.
Ah! Ok so, that would make me Susan.
Right. Are you looking for Jack's parents to discuss the problems he's having with Ben?
Yeah, because I really do think the parents sit down together and have a conversation.
Yeah! Let's do that! That that sounds good. We should sit down and talk, just me, my lover Carol, and the Stings. Umm, now, how how will I get in touch with them?
Oh, their number's on the contact sheet.
Uh huh. Uh huh. Umm, could could I get a copy of that? 'Cause Carol threw it out, she lost ours. She's such a scatterbrain, but man what a hot piece of ass.
You know, that party wasn't bad.
Yeah. I didn't know there'd be dancing. That was a fun surprise.
I don't see any uh, cabs. Maybe we should just walk?
Oh no, we can't walk.
It's like 15 blocks to the subway. Let's go.
Hey do you think we can get to the subway right there if we climb down that manhole cover?
What's going on?
I can't walk, okay? Okay? These boots were a huge mistake.
Ok you were right! All right, I never should've bought them! They're killing me! One toe at a time!
So I was right. This is what it feels like to be right.
It's oddly unsettling.
How are we gonna we get home? Maybe a piggyback ride?
Okay, wait, just give me a second. Let me just get my boots off first. Ah...Ooh...Oohh...Ohh...Oh God...Ohh...Oh...Ohh...Ohhhh...
Honey, I I know you're in pain right now, but I'm a little turned on.
Do you ever worry that you'll be walking and your baby will just like slip out?
What college was that, Dina?
Oh, my God. Bobby?
Hi, Dina. Good to see you.
Joey, what are you doing?
Just what needs to be done.
Dearly beloved, we're gathered here... Oh Joey, this is crazy.
Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to God! Now where were we? All right, ok. Do you Dina, take this man... No!
Oh you'll take him! No, I won't!
Hey! You don't get a say in this. Yes, I do.
Ahhh! I heard "I do", we're halfway there! Ok! You!
All right, Joey, that is enough! Listen. As beautiful and moving as this ceremony is, it's not legal.
Okay. They they don't have a marriage license, they don't have any witnesses, and the groom only has on one shoe!
Yeah, he took the other one off and hit me with it.
Well what am I supposed to do?
You're supposed to realize that they are adults! And that they can make their own decisions.
No they can't! They were stupid enough to get knocked up!
Heyyyyy! Contraceptives are not always effective. Right?
Yeah. We kind of didn't use any...
Oh, come on kids! A little help here!
Wow! This place is incredible!
Sting's pen...that he gave to Phoebe.
Come on, secret passageway.
I'm Trudie. You must be Ben's mum.
Why else would I be here?
Do sit down.
I gather Jack and Ben haven't been getting along lately. Yeah.
I'm sure there are two sides to this story. But all I've heard is that Ben's a bit of a "poo poo head."
Umm, I'm sorry. Won't won't Jack's father be joining us?
Well, I'm sorry. Jack's father's not available.
Uh hmm. Ok. Well then, could we reschedule? For say, Friday night perhaps at 8 o'clock?
Oh no, I know that wouldn't work. My husband's in concert.
Concert. Yeah. That does put us in...quite a pickle. Because you see I'm very busy before and after the concert, and he's obviously busy during.
So I guess you and I should talk about Jack and Ben right now.
Unless! Unless umm, ok I I would be willing to go to the concert, umm, all the while thinking about the children of course.
Are you here for tickets?
Oh, thank you. Four would be great.
I'm not giving concert tickets to someone who uses their son like this.
Oh there then you're in luck! Ben's not my son!
Look, I've just pressed a button triggering a silent alarm. Any minute now, the police will be here.
The Police? Here? A reunion?
Okay, 10 blocks down. Five to go.
Oh, wait! Stop! Stop! Stop!
Oh, I'm sorry. Do you need a break?
My boots in tan! Can you get a little closer so I can see the price?
I can see it from right here. It'll cost you one husband.
Okay, I'm sorry. I think I can walk the rest of the way now. Just just give me my boots.
I don't have your boots.
Well I don't have them either. Where are they?
Well, why don't you check in one of my saddlebags while I chew on a bale of hay?
Ok. God well, we gotta go back and get them!
Honey, are you seriously ever gonna wear the boots again?
Okay, I'll never wear them again. I just didn't get a chance to say goodbye.
You know what? You can say goodbye to the tan ones.
Okay. All right. Okay.
Bye, boots. Wait! Half off!
Joey, just because they're not getting married doesn't mean this is gonna be a disaster. Maybe they have a plan.
Oh? Oh! Okay! Okay! Let's hear their plan! Now, what's the future look like for Dina and Bobby?
Well I really have high hopes for my band.
You were right. He is funny.
Hey, now wait a minute! I bet when you told people at first that you wanted to be an actor they laughed at you! Now come on Bobby, why don't you tell us a little bit about your band?
Well, it's just me and my pal Rooster. The band's name is Numb Nuts.
Dina, if you're having a baby, you should be married. Even if it is to Bobby. Dude, that's not a compliment.
No Joey! I knew you wouldn't be supportive!
So whoa whoa whoa whoa! What're you gonna do? You're gonna have the baby and and raise it by yourself...without a husband? !
You can't be a single mother alone! You're gonna ruin your life!
Oh excuse me! Am I ruining my life?
No! No! No! It's different for you. You're so strong and together. You're not some dumb kid who doesn't know what she's doing.
One pregnant woman at a time, please!
I just want you to be okay.
So forcing her to marry Bobby is gonna make that happen?
Maybe! Yeah! Yeah...so so uh, what kind of music does Numb Nuts Oh forget it! I can't!
Joey, I am scared to death about this. But I really think I can do it, I'm just gonna need some help. And Bobby's gonna be here the whole time.
You bet I am. And answer your earlier question, we're straight up gangster rap.
Look, Rachel's told me how much easier you've made all this on her. Why can't you do that for me?
Because! 'Cause… 'Cause you're my baby sister!
And you're my big brother! I mean, you're my favorite guy in the whole world. I'm not even scared to tell mom and dad. I was scared of telling you.
Well I'd be scared of them, but all right.
Joey, I can't stand the thought of having this baby with you mad at me. I want him to have his uncle. Is my baby gonna have his Uncle Joey?
Of course he's gonna have his Uncle Joey.
We're gonna be all right. I mean, even if we're not married this baby is gonna be so loved. And not just by us.
That's right. By his uncle too.
And by you.
Okay, Bobby, why don't we just come over here and let them have a little moment, okay?
No, seriously, what's wrong with you?
You're gonna love me so much. I got Sting tickets!
Oh, my God, I do love you! How did you do it?
Well, let's just say: Rose can!
Where are the seats? Middle balcony.
Okay. Would you say that's more than 50 yards away from Sting, his wife or a member of his family?
Yeah. Then that's not breaking the law. I'm there!