Phoebe. Look at that guy by the window, wow!
He's awfully short. And I think he's talking to himself. And to be completely honest, he's not that good in bed.
What is wrong with me lately?
I mean it's like every guy I see-I mean look here. Look at that guy, for example. I mean normally that's not someone I would would be attracted too
But right now, with the way I'm feeling, all I want to do is rip off his sweatpants and fanny pack.
Wait a second! This is about the fourth month of your pregnancy, right? Yeah.
This is completely normal. Around the fourth month, your hormones start going crazy.
Really? So this has happened to you? Oh absolutely yeah!
Oh and keep in mind now, I was carrying triplets. So in medical terms, I was I was thrice as randy.
Wow, this explains so much! Last weekend, I went from store to store, sitting on Santas' laps.
Yeah, Yeah, I remember trying to steal a cardboard cutout of Evander Holyfield from a Foot Locker.
Well, you know what? I go see my doctor tomorrow. I'll ask her about this. Maybe she can give me a pill or something.
Yeah, Yeah, that's what you need. A good pill.
Hey! Hey! Hi!
Hi! Look! I got our pictures developed from Rockefeller Center.
Oh great! Hey hey Joey, do you want to check out pictures of me and Mona ice skating?
Oh uh, ordinarily I would love too, but I am just swamped right now.
Where are the pictures that that creepy pretzel vendor took of us together?
Oh, yeah. Probably at the end. Oh, my God! All he took were pictures of my breasts.
I'm missing picture time!
You know, she has a face, Ross.
Okay, here's a good one of us.
Wow! That is a good one! Wow, it looks like a, like a holiday card you know, with the tree in the middle and the skaters and the snow.
You know every year, I say I'm gonna send out holiday cards and I never do it. Do you wanna, do you wanna send this one out together?
Together? Like like to people?
Yeah. You know, "Happy holidays, from Mona and Ross." It'll be cute, okay?
Oh, I gotta get to work. So call me later? Sure, sure.
Bye, guys. Bye.
Congratulations! You just got married!
I know. Can you believe that?
Wait, I'm I'm sorry. What's the big deal about a holiday card?
Married couples send out cards. Families send out cards. People who have been dating for a couple of months don't send out cards. What what is she, crazy?
Hey hey hey, hey that's your wife you're talking about!
Bing! Ho! And the Bing ette!
Oh, honey, you remember my boss, Doug. Yes. Hi.
Hi. So, good news! The divorce is final. I signed the papers this A.M.
I didn't know you and Carol were getting divorced, I'm sorry.
Sorry? I finally chewed my leg out of that bear trap. Hey, congratulations to you guys, though.
No leg chewing for us, sir.
Well, give it time.
So the divorce, the marriage, we got a lot to celebrate. How about we all go out to dinner tomorrow night.
I can't think of anything we're doing. Why can't I think of anything we're doing?
Tomorrow night it is then. I should be out of court by 6. They keep throwing sexual harassment cases at me and I keep knocking them out of the park!
Okay, I'll see you tomorrow!
Just so you know, we're not seeing him tomorrow.
I I cannot spend another evening with that man. Do you remember how he behaved at our wedding?
That's because he wasn't invited. Because of the way he behaved at our engagement party.
Oh, yeah! Urine cuts right through an ice sculpture, doesn't it?
Hey! I went by the photo shop. Take a look. Here is a mockup of our card. What do you think?
Wow, that's great.
Now, do you think it should say, "Love, Ross and Mona"?
Well, we we haven't said that to each other yet but I guess it's okay to say it to other people.
How many did you want? I'm getting a hundred.
A hundred? ! Well, I I guess I'll take a-Mona, uh…I I'm not sure about the whole uh, card thing.
Really? Why not?
Sending out a holiday card, together, I mean I just don't know if we're really quite there yet.
You know, I didn't think of it that way. You're right. You're right.
So can I ask you a question? Yeah.
Where are we? Huh.
You know, like where are we? Where is this relationship going?
I mean, I love spending time with you. You know I just I hope we're moving forward. I mean We should talk about that, don't you think?
Let's do the card!
What? The card! I think we're there!
Okay. I-But I still think we should have this conversation.
Really? I mean...Even with the card?
Just so you know, Dr. Long can't be here today, she was called to the hospital, so Dr. Schiff will be seeing you.
Oh, okay. Hey, can I ask you a question?
Was it me, or or was the guy who took my blood sample really cute? You know who I'm talking about? bald haircut, hairy fingers...
Hi, Rachel? I'm Dr. Schiff. Yes, you are.
So, how's it going?
Oh, really, really good. But enough about me, come on! Where where are you from? What do you do?
I'm a doctor.
Right! Right! I I actually meant in your spare time, do you cook? Do you ski? Or do you just hang out with your wife or girlfriend?
Uh, I don't have a wife or a girlfriend, but I do like to ski.
Oh, I love to ski! How amazing is this?
So, are you experiencing any discomfort?
No, I'm very comfortable.
Any painful gas? No!
Shoot, Dr. Schiff! What kind of question is that?
Okay, then. Would you like to lie down on the table?
Well would you like me to lie down on the table?
I'm sorry. Is there something going on here?
Do you feel it too?
Hi. Oh hey! So, how did your doctor's appointment go?
Well, let's see. Uh, they gave me cute doctor today and in the middle of the exam I put my pinky in his chin dimple.
Oh, my God!
Why did you do that?
Okay, remember that little problem I was having during my forth month of pregnancy?
Oh, yeah! The Evander Holyfield phase. Oh, man! You were so hard up, you practically came on to me.
Hey, I could have had you if I wanted you.
Oh, yeah? Come and get it.
Okay, even this is turning me on!
Hey! Oh hey! Hey Ross!
Hey how's it, how's it going with you and Mona? Are you guys still together?
Oh yeah, yeah we're moving forward. You'll be getting our card!
You and Mona are doing a holiday card together?
Yeah, we're not just doing a card! Y' know, she she also wants to have the conversation about where the relationship is going.
I know! I know! Why do you guys need to have this conversation? ! Huh? I mean no self respecting man would ask a woman, "So, where is this going?"
Uh Ross, you asked me that.
Hey! You were a closed book! Okay? I'm not a mind reader!
Besides, I hate those conversations. I'm horrible at them. Really.
Maybe maybe I need some kind of a gesture. You know, something that says we're moving forward without having to talk about it.
Like asking her to move in with you?
像是请她搬去跟你一起住？smaller than that.
Making her a mix tape? Uh, bigger than that.
Give her a key to your apartment.
Whoa hello! We were closer with the mixed tape.
Have you said, "I love you"? You could say, "I love you."
Yeah I I don't I don't think I'm quite there yet, but I could say I looove spending time with you.
No, we hate that.
That is a slap in the face.
Forget it. I I-Y' know what? I'll just have the conversation
I'll just say I like things the way they are, and hope for the best. What do you think, Rach?
I think if it was a little colder in here I could see your nipples through that sweater.
Bing? We're all set for tonight, 8:00.
Oh uh, as it turns out, we can't do it. Monica has to work.
Oh, my ex wife didn't work, unless you call turning into her mother work. Fine. Tomorrow night then.
Oh uh well tomorrow's no good for her either. Oh? Why not?
It's the semifinals of her botchy ball tournament.
What's going on, Bing? Does uh, your wife have a problem with me or something?
Well now now you're just talking crazy.
Then why can't the three of us go out together?
Because uh…we we…we split up. Monica and I split up. Hold me.
Good God, Bing. I…well I can't say I'm altogether surprised, I saw the way she looked at you, and there was no love there. And the way she looked at me, pure lust.
You know what would really help me through this tough time is choking someone. Can I choke you?
Bing my boy, we're gonna get you over this. Now here's the plan, grab your coat, we're going to a strip club.
Oh no no no, Monica would freak. But to hell with that bitch.
Here we go. Mona umm, I think it's time we we had a conversation about about where things are with us.
Yeah, I I think I suggested that.
Aw, we we are so…So umm, well I I I really like you and I I love umm, y' know hanging out with you. And I mean I'm having a lot of fun.
I mean, there's no point in spending time with someone if if it's just fun. It's gotta be, it's gotta be going somewhere, right? So where is it going?
Ah! That's that's the real question. And and the answer is…is it's going somewhere…fun.
Now I I know what you're thinking, fun was fine for you like ten years ago y' know, but you're you're not getting any younger.
No I mean-No not you, not you, you-you are getting younger. I mean-you you look like you're getting younger by the second-What's your secret?
I'm sorry, so umm, so where are we?
Well, well to sum up, we're having fun, you look young.
Okay... But that's not enough.
So… So…here's a key to my apartment.
You don't think this is too fast?
You gave her a key to your apartment?
Not just a key. I gave her the only key! I am now a homeless person in a very serious relationship!
Hey. Ooh Ross! How'd the conversation go?
Oh great, I live on the street.
Hey! Hi! Okay, Monica, Rachel this is my friend Roger. Hey everybody.
嗨。 好吧。莫妮卡，瑞秋，他是我朋友罗杰。 大家好。
So umm, I'm gonna get us some drinks. Would you help me out?
He's here to have sex with you.
What? You're welcome.
Phoebe, no! It's okay. He's a virgin.
Rachel umm, I was just talking to this guy and I think he'll have sex with you.
Yeah, okay let's leave these two alone.
No! I do not care what my hormones are doing, I am not going to just do it with some random guy!
Fine! Then you tell Roger, because he was really looking forward to this!
Oh Bing, look at those twin sisters dancing together. Let me buy you a lap dance with those girls. Huh?
Oh that's all right sir, and that's just one girl.
Bing, what's this?
It's a hand. It's a thing you use as a Jack and Coke holder.
No. It's a wedding ring. You gotta get rid of it. We're gonna go to the East River right now and throw it in there!
Oh no no no! Oh yeah yeah yeah, y' know I did it and I felt a hell of a lot better and if you whip it just right you might hit a seagull in the head.
Okay, and oh I'm gonna need a bunch of extra keys. Apparently I give them away for no reason at all.
Hey Ross, what's going on? You're changing the lock?
No. That guy is.
I don't understand. You give me a key to your apartment, and then you change the lock?
Good luck, buddy.
Umm, I I thought we were moving forward and now you're you're sending me all these mixed signals. What are you trying to tell me?
I'm trying to tell you I made you a mix tape.
What? I love you.
And I love spending time with you.
Hi, honey, I'm home.
From the tequila factory?
It was awful. To get out of going to dinner with Doug, I told him you and I split up.
So then he took me to these strip clubs and sleazy bars, and then when I wouldn't give him my wedding ring, he threw a soda can at a bird.
Come here. I can breathe through my mouth.
You know what the worst part was?
I got to see what my life would be like without you. It was like It's a Wonderful Life with lap dances.
Please promise me that you'll never leave me that we'll grow old together, and be with each other for the rest of our lives.
I promise. Hey, speaking of together, how about we send out a holiday card this year?
Ooh, I don't know if we're there yet.
Yes. Hi, I'd like to order a pizza. Okay, can I ask you a question?
Is is the cute blond guy delivering tonight? Very "Abercrombie & Fitch." I'll call you back.
Who was that?
It's just the pizza place.
You hung up on the pizza place? I don't hang up on your friends.
Sorry, honey, I'm just having a, having a rough day.
Oh, what's wrong?
Oh you really, you really just don't want to hear about it.
Then why did I ask?
Okay, it's just-and this is really embarrassing-but lately with this whole pregnancy thing I'm just finding myself…how do I put this umm, erotically charged.
Is that college talk for "horny"?
Yeah. So y' know, I have all of these feelings and I don't know what to do about them, because I can't date like a normal person, which is fine because I don't need a relationship, I mean all I really want is one great night.
Just sex, y' know? No strings attached, no relationship, just with someone that I feel comfortable with and who knows what he's doing.
For just one great night. I mean, is that really so hard to find? So how was your day?
Good, I uh, I saw a pretty big pigeon.
Well, I gotta get up early, and it's almost 7:00.
Yeah, I gotta, I gotta go to my room to. Okay, good night!
I can't do it! I didn't ask you to do it!
You're Rachel! You're Joey!
You're my friend! Right back at you.
Yeah but plus it would be wrong and weird and and and bad.
And so bad. I don't even know what you're talking about because I didn't ask you to do anything! I know!
Do you wanna do it? No!
All right, me neither. I'm just testing you!
Well, that's the end of this conversation!
This conversation never happened! Never happened!
Good night! Good night!
Get back in there!
Hi. Listen, I'm sorry about that whole thing with Roger. It really wasn't right, and I, and I want to make it up to you, so umm, I brought you something that I think you'll really enjoy.
Now this is just a loan, okay? I'm gonna, I'm gonna want him back. So…
I'm gonna go now. I'm sorry, I thought I could do it and I can't!