Oh! Hey, Rach!
嗨，瑞秋！
Hi! Hey, Happy Valentine's Day! Oh, you too.
嗨。情人节快乐！ 你也是！
Hey, so, uh, how's it going living over at Ross'?
跟罗斯住的感觉如何？
It's good, except he makes us watch the Discovery Channel all day long.
很不错，只不过他逼我们整天看探索频道。
Did you know that something really boring happened to someone really ugly in the Middle Ages.
你知道一个中世纪的丑八怪经历过一件很无聊的事吗。
Oh, thank you. I'll see you guys later.
谢谢，待会见。
Okay, bye. Bye.
好，再见。 再见。
That is one lucky to go cup of coffee.
那杯外带咖啡真是幸运。
Honey, I wish you would get over her. I hate seeing you like this. Is there anything I can do for you? Do you wanna look down my top?
亲爱的，我希望你能忘了她。我讨厌看到你这个样子。有什么我能帮上忙的吗？你想看看我的胸部吗？
Thanks. Maybe later.
谢谢，以后再说吧。
Oh, Gunther, can I get a scone? You want anything?
甘瑟，给我来块烤饼干吧。 你要什么？
You know what I want? I want a lot of things. I wanna be with the woman I love on Valentine's Day. I want her to love me back.
我想要的东西多了去了。我希望跟我心爱的女人共度情人节。我希望她也同样爱我。
And I want just one moment of relief from the gut wrenching pain of knowing that that's never going to happen!
知道我们永不可能在一起，令我痛彻心扉。我希望能从这种痛苦中有片刻解脱！
We have red bagels.
我们有红色百吉饼。
Okay.
好吧。
So, how does Mona feel about you and Rachel living together?
蒙娜对瑞秋搬过去有什么看法？
Oh, I'm actually on my way to tell her right now.
我正要告诉她。
Yeah, she's been away all week visiting her parents, but she'll be cool. I mean, she's been so supportive.
她一整个星期都在父母家待着，但她会接受的，她一直都很支持我。
She she even got the baby a tiny T shirt that says, 'Fossils are my friends.'
她甚至帮宝宝买了件小T恤，上面写着"化石是我朋友。"
Come on, Mona. Don't kiss ass.
少来了，蒙娜，别拍马屁。
So I'm gonna take off.
我得走了。
Oh! Shoot! Oh shoot! Uh, Rachel wanted to see this tape!
糟糕！瑞秋想看这卷录影带。
What is it? It's a video of my friend giving birth.
那是什么？ 我朋友生孩子的录影带。
Could you just bring it back to your apartment?
你能带回家给她吗？
All right. 'Candy and Cookie?'
"糖果与饼干"？
Yeah. Candy's the mom, Cookie's the daughter. The father's name is also Cookie.
糖果是妈妈，饼干是女儿。她爸爸也叫饼干。
Why am I friends with these people?
为什么我会跟这种人做朋友？
Phoebe, come here. I wanna show you something in the bathroom.
菲比，过来。你到卫生间来，我有样东西给你看。
Oh, Monica, grow up!
莫妮卡，成熟点吧。
Hey, what you got behind your back?
你背后藏了什么东西？
Nothing. Just...Just something I want Phoebe's opinion on for Valentine's Day.
没什么，跟情人节有关，希望菲比能给点意见。
You don't want my opinion? Not really.
你不想听我的意见吗？ 不要。
Come on, I'm your older brother. Ask me.
少来了，我是你哥哥，问我吧。
Oh, ok, big brother. Uhm
好吧，哥哥。
Which of these do you think would make your little sister look hotter, so your best friend would want to do her?
你觉得你妹妹穿哪一件会更惹火，让你的铁哥们更想干她？
The red one.
红色那件。
Hey. Look, I know you've been really depressed lately, so I brought someone over to cheer you up. Right outside this door is a real, live, furry playmate.
我知道你最近很沮丧，所以我带了样东西来帮你打气。现在门外就有一位活生生、毛茸茸的玩物。
No, I'm not sleeping with your friend Jane again.
我不要再跟你朋友珍上床了。
Hey! A dog! Hi! Who, you gotta admit, looks a lot like Jane.
是狗狗！你得承认，它长得有点象珍。
This is the happiest dog in the world. I borrowed him from my friend Wendy.
这是世上最开心乐观的狗狗。我问朋友温蒂借来的。
So you can keep him till he cheers you up. And he will cheer you up!
你可以一直养着它，直到心情好转。它绝对会让你心情好转！
Thanks so much, Pheebs. We are gonna have so much fun! Yes, we are. Oh, not that kind of fun.
谢谢你，菲比，我们一定会玩得很开心！没错。不是那种"开心"。
Happy Valentine's!
情人节快乐！
I'll be right out. I'm slipping into something a little less comfortable and a little more slutty.
我马上出去。我在穿一件不是很舒服但却很放荡的衣服。
"Candy and Cookie"?
"糖果与饼干"？
"Candy and Cookie"? !
"糖果与饼干"？！
Monica got me porn? Girl on girl porn? !
莫妮卡帮我租了黄♥片？女同志的片子？
She really must love me!
她一定很爱我！
Yeah, just relax.
好吧，放轻松。
I love you, St. Valentine.
我爱你，圣瓦伦丁。
Whoa, whoa, that's not pretty.
这画面可不太雅观。
Now push!
用力！
Ow! Ow! Ooh! That hurts!
天啊，好痛！
Worst porn ever! Worst porn ever!
这是我看过最难看的黄♥片！
Oh, make it stop! I am trying!
快停下来！ 我在试呢！
Get the ball, ready? Get the ball, get the ball!
接球。准备好了吗？去接球。
Well, you're cute, but you're not too smart!
你很可爱，但脑袋可不怎么灵光。
Did I just throw this?
这是我刚刚扔的吗？
Hi. Hi.
嗨。 嗨。
I accidentally packed these with my stuff.
我不小心把这些跟我的东西混在一起带走了。
Who is this? Oh, that's, uh, that's Phoebe's friend's dog.
这是谁啊？ 菲比朋友的狗。
Yeah. I don't know what his real name is, but I call him Mozzarella.
我不知道它叫什么名字，我叫它马苏里拉。
Oh, well, you are so cute! I wish I could play with you more, but I've gotta go to work!
你好可爱，我希望能留下来陪你玩，但我得去上班了。
I hope I stop talking like this before my market meeting. Yes, I do. Yes, I do.
我希望开会的时候不会这样说话。对，没错。
Bye bye, Joey. Seriously, I can't stop it.
再见，乔伊。说真的，我改不过来了。
Come here! Hey! Hey. That's Rachel. She's the one who used to live here.
过来！她是瑞秋，以前她住在这里。
Might as well be honest with you. We love her. But we can't have her. I really miss her.
老实跟你说，我们爱她。但我们不能拥有她。我真的很想她。
Well, hey, you understand, right? You're a guy. Well, you used to be.
你应该了解吧？你是男生。你曾经是。
So, what do you think?
你觉得怎样？
I've still got it.
我还是很惹火。
Why did you get me this? What is it?
你为什么要给我租这个？ 那是什么？
It's yelling, bleeding, dilating. Oh, the dilating!
里面充斥着尖叫、鲜血跟阴♥道扩张。阴♥道扩张！
Is this the video of the baby being born? Sweetie, It's Phoebe's. Why were you even watching it?
这是纪录生产的录影带？亲爱的，这是菲比的，你为什么要看？
I thought maybe you got me porn for Valentine's Day.
我还以为你在情人节帮我租了黄♥片。
Chandler, If you thought I was gonna get you porn for Valentine's Day you were right.
如果你以为我会在情人节帮你租黄♥片……那么你说对了。
Apparently, it's it's about a young girl who moves to the big city, you know, in search of stardom, but ends up having sex with a lot of guys!
片中的女主角跑到大都市来追寻星梦，最后跟很多男人上了床。
Yeah, it got four stars! Oh, wait a minute. Those aren't stars. Anyway, you wanna take a look?
它有四星级的评价。等一下，那些不是星星。你要看一下吗？
I'm not really in a sexy mood right now.
我现在非常没有性致。
Hey, what's going on?
发生了什么事？
Well, remember the first time we saw Jaws? How long it took to go back in the water?
还记得你第一次看大白鲨？你花了多长时间才敢再下水游泳？
We can't let this tape wreck Valentine's Day.
我们不能让这卷录影带毁了情人节。
You don't know. You didn't see it.
你不了解情况，你又没看过。
Childbirth is a natural thing. It's beautiful.
生孩子是很自然的一件事，过程很美。
Oh, beau beautiful? Really? Hmm? Really? You think this is beautiful?
很美？真的吗？你觉得这叫美吗？
Oh, my God! No wonder my mother hates me!
天啊！难怪我妈恨我！
See, honey, there's... Don't touch me!
瞧，亲爱的…… 别碰我！
Hi! Hey!
嗨。 嗨。
So, how was Atlantic City? Good. Yeah?
大西洋城好玩吗？ 很好玩。 是吗？
I brought you back a present.
我帮你买了礼物。
Oh, come on. You didn't have to saltwater taffy? !
你用不着这么客气……盐水太纪糖？！
Thanks. You know, it's interesting, most people think this is made with seawater. But it's actually made with salted fresh water. That's not interesting.
谢谢。有意思的是多数人以为里面添加了海水。但事实上它是用加盐淡水做的。这一点意思都没有。
I think it's interesting. I do too. I missed you!
我觉得很有意思啊。 我也是。我想你！
Oh, me too!
我也是。
So how was your week? Oh, it was good!
这星期你过得如何？ 非常好。
Actually, the baby started kicking. How exciting!
宝宝开始会动了。 太棒了！
Yeah! I know! Aw, it was amazing. Oh...the only sad thing is I wasn't around when it happened for the first time.
太神奇了。只可惜第一次我并不在场。
Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah no, I I was missing out on all this other stuff, too. So, Joey suggested Rachel move in with me.
不是吧。 我还错过了不少别的事情。所以乔伊建议瑞秋搬过来跟我住。
Yeah, right.
想得美。
What? Joey cracks me up.
怎么了？ 乔伊害我笑得肚子痛。
It's like, "Yeah, why don't you have your ex wife move in with you? That wouldn't be awkward at all."
"让你前妻搬去跟你住吧，那一点也不别扭"
Hey, could you imagine. I go away for a few days, I come back, and my boyfriend is living with some woman he got pregnant!
想像一下，我才离开了几天，回来时却发现男友跟怀了他孩子的女人同居了。
So, what'd you tell him?
你怎么跟他说的？
How could you not tell Mona that Rachel is living with you?
你怎么会没告诉蒙娜瑞秋搬过去了？
I don't know. She seemed to think it was such a crazy idea. You know, plus, she, uh, she got me taffy!
她似乎觉得这个想法很不可思议。而且她送了我太纪糖。
Taffy? Really? I've never had any. Ever?
真的吗？我从没吃过。 从没吃过？
Well, I think my mother was too busy planning her suicide to provide saltwater treats.
我妈忙着计划自杀，没空买盐水零食给我。
Thank you. So what, you're just never gonna to tell her?
谢谢。所以呢，你打算一直瞒着她吗？
Oh, no, no, no, I will! I just wanna butter her up first.
不，我会说的，但得先哄哄她。
You know, I'm going to take her to an amazing Valentine's dinner, do all this romantic stuff.
我要带她去吃一顿丰盛的情人节晚餐，做一些浪漫的事。
And then just when she thinks I'm the best boyfriend in the world, then I'm gonna tell her my pregnant ex girlfriend is living with me.
当她觉得我是有史以来最棒的男朋友时我会告诉她，我怀孕的前女友跟我同居了。
If I haven't said it before, she's a lucky, lucky lady.
或许我之前没提过，她是个非常幸运的女人。
So, where are you gonna-what the mother of crap is up with this stuff?
所以你准备……这个玩意是怎么回事？
Oh, God. Is it gum, is it food? What what's the deal?
到底是口香糖还是食物，能不能咽下去？
Oh, it's nice. May I try a pink one?
好好吃。我能尝尝粉红色的吗？
So between her and me being friends, and her history with Ross, it just isn't gonna happen. It'd be like you falling in love with a cat.
她跟我是朋友，还跟罗斯交往过……这种事绝不能发生。那就像是你爱上了一只猫。
Hey! Hey.
嗨。 嗨。
Hey, buddy. How's my favorite dog, huh? How's my favorite dog?
哥们，我最喜欢的狗怎么样了？我最喜欢的狗怎么样了？
You're subdued.
你好压抑。
Did you give him a beer?
你给它喝啤酒了吗？
No.
没有。
Will you excuse us? We need to talk for a moment.
请回避一下，我们需要谈谈。
Yeah, sure. Oh, me, right.
没问题。是我，好吧。
He's miserable. What happened to him? Nothing.
它很难过，怎么回事？ 没事。
We just talked about stuff. What stuff?
我们不过是聊了些事情。 什么事？
Rachel stuff.
关于瑞秋的事。
Oh, Joey, you bummed him out!
乔伊，你害得它都抑郁了
This is the happiest dog in the world. And he spends half a day with you, and look at him!
这可是世上最开心乐观的狗。它才陪了你半天，瞧它现在！
He's breathing.
它还在喘气。
Okay, I'm gonna take him back to Wendy's.
我要把它送回温蒂家。
No, no, no, no! He's fine! Now hey look, look, look!
别啊。它好着呢，你看。
Here's your ball! Get the ball! Get your ball! Get your ball! Get your ball!
快接球！去接球！去接球！
Get...God, what have I done to you? I broke the dog, Pheebs! I broke the dog!
去……天啊，我对你做了什么？我害了这只狗，菲比！我把它整崩溃了！
Well, I'm, uh, going to pick up Mona. What've you got going tonight?
我要去接蒙娜。今晚你要做什么？
Oh, I got big Valentine's plans.
我有个很棒的情人节计划。
I got my Chinese food on the way, and the rest of your saltwater taffy.
我订了中国菜，还有盐水太纪糖可以吃。
You know, it's interesting. Most people think that's made with seawater, when in fact...
有意思的是，多数人以为里面添加了海水 但事实上……
Ross, we actually watched the documentary together.
罗斯，我们是一起看的那部纪录片。
Oh, my Chinese food. I'll get my cash.
我的外卖来了。我去拿钱。
Mona? What are...? Hi!
蒙娜？你怎么…… 嗨！
What are you doing here? I'm supposed to pick you up.
你怎么自己来了？我应该去接你的。
Change of plans. I made you a special Valentine's dinner. Surprise!
计划有变。我帮你做了特制情人节晚餐。大惊喜！
Oh! Hey, Mona! Hi! Hi. Hi, Rachel!
嗨，蒙娜！ 嗨，瑞秋。
What's she doing here?
她在这里做什么？
I have no idea.
我不知道啊。
I'll be watching TV if anybody needs me.
如果你们要找我，我在房里看电视。
Seriously, what is she doing?
她到底在这里做什么？
Uh...you know lately, she just likes hanging out here.
最近，她喜欢待在这里。
Why? I think she's lonely.
为什么？ 我觉得她很寂寞。
Okay, but it's Valentine's Day.
但今天是情人节。
I know. Can't we ask her to go?
我知道。 我们能请她离开吗？
Well, no, she's way too emotional. And by emotional, I mean crazy!
不行，她情绪波动太大了。其实我是说，她神经失常了。
I'm not here. That's just my Chinese food.
别管我，我的外卖来了。
Oh, my god. She has food delivered here?
天啊！她还把外卖叫到这里来了？
Mm hmm. Yes, she's she's emotional, but, but ballsy.
对，虽说她情绪起伏，但却精力充沛。
You know what I'm going to do? I'm gonna get in my sweats and eat this in bed.
知道我怎么打算的吗？我要去换上运动服，躺在床上吃饭。
And you thought she was gonna be in our way!
你还以为她会妨碍到我们呢！
So, okay. Why don't you open the champagne, and I will be right back. I've got a surprise for you.
你把香槟打开，我马上回来。我有个大惊喜给你。
You got another ex wife back there?
你还有别的前妻也藏在里面吗？
Please start drinking.
请开始喝香槟吧。
I'm just gonna grab the phone. Oh, Rachel! Wait!
我只是来拿电话。 瑞秋，等一下。
Hey, um I I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but, but, um...what're you doing?
我希望你不要误会。可你这是在干嘛？
Oh, sorry, do you need the phone?
抱歉，你要用电话吗？
No, no. Listen, Ross is too nice to say anything, but this is his apartment, and, and, we we gotta have some boundaries,so,
不。听着，罗斯太好心，没办法说出口，但这是他的公寓。我们需要隐私，
so why don't you just go back to your place and and give us some privacy?
你为什么不回你家，给我们留点隐私呢？
But, Mona, I live here.
但是蒙娜，我住在这里。
Happy Valentine's Day!
情人节快乐！
Or, something to remember me by.
这也可以作为分手礼物。
How long has it been this time? 90 seconds.
这次是多久？ 九十秒。
That's better.
有进步。
Ninety seconds is a long time not to think about it. Except all I did was think about it.
九十秒没去想那个场景，已经很久了。但其实我满脑子全是那些画面。
You know. It haunts me.
知道吗，我也忘不了。
Up till now, the worst thing I ever saw, was my father doing tequila shots off the naked houseboy.
我之前见识过最不堪入目的事是我爸跟脱♥光的男仆把酒言欢。
After this, I would gladly make that my screen saver.
看完这个，我甚至乐意把他们的照片做成屏保。
Ok, well, we have to get past this! Why don't we just get rid of the tape and pretend it never existed?
我们得忘了这件事。我们把录像带扔掉，假装不存在怎么样？
I could do that. Okay.
这点我能做到。 好。
Okay. Now all we gotta do is get rid of this chair.
现在我们只要丢掉这张椅子就行。
Oh, thank God! I know.
谢天谢地！ 可不是嘛。
Come in!
请进！
Hi. I'm so sorry to barge in on your Valentine, but...I had to get away from the yelling.
抱歉，破坏了你们的情人节。但我实在受不了，他们吵来吵去。
Mona's dumping Ross.
蒙娜要跟罗斯分手。
Oh, my God. Poor Ross.
天啊。 可怜的罗斯。
Oh, great. We have to watch him do yoga in his underwear, but for this he closes the drapes!
平时我们得看他穿内♥裤做瑜伽，结果现在他却把窗帘拉上了。
Rach, you know that birthing tape you wanted to see? It's here.
瑞秋，关于你想看的那卷生产录影带，在我这里。
Oh, and we should warn you, before you watch it: don't watch it.
我们得在你看之前警告你。千万别看。
Why? You saw it? Is it scary?
为什么？你们看过了？很可怕吗？
Well, let's just say that it's ironic how footage of someone being born can make you want to kill yourself.
讽刺的是 "生"孩子的画面让人很想去"死"。
Well, well now, wait. Now I'm all freaked out. Come on, you guys will watch it with me.
现在我被吓住了，你们能跟我一起看吗？
No, but I'll leave a sweater that smells like me right next to you.
不行，但我会把有我体味的毛衣放在你旁边。
Come on, be seriously, you guys, you're not gonna make me watch this alone? !
说真的，你们不能让我一个人看这种东西。
She's right...of course not. Honey, get the tape.
她说得对，当然不行。亲爱的，去拿录影带。
This reminds me of a very specific part of the tape. Here we go.
这个动作我想起了录影带里的某一段内容。来吧。
Okay. Oh, my.
好吧。天啊。
Woah! Why is that baby torturing that woman? !
为什么宝宝要折磨那个女人？
Why have I seen this thing three times?
为什么这种玩意我要连看三次？
It's still beautiful.
但还是很美好啊。
It's horrible!
好可怕！
I know, I know! I'm so sorry for you! Oh, my god.
我知道，我为你感到难过 天啊。
You guys! You guys, look! What? What? Did her ass explode?
你们快看！ 怎么，她屁♥股爆炸了吗？
No, the baby's out. Look, look.
不，宝宝出来了，你们看。
Oh, look at those little fingers and toes!
看看那些小手指跟小脚趾。
And look how happy the mom is now!
看看妈妈现在有多高兴。
Oh, Rach.
瑞秋。
Oh, screw you guys, you don't have to do it!
去你们的！要生孩子的又不是你们！
Hey. Hey, Wh uh
嗨。 嗨。
What's up? Mona just dumped me.
怎么了？ 蒙娜刚刚甩了我。
Oh, man, I'm sorry. Why?
天啊，我很遗憾，为什么？
Well, with everything that's been going on lately, I haven't exactly been the perfect boyfriend.
从我最近的种种表现来看，我算不上个称职的男友。
You know, I mean, I I didn't tell her I got Rachel pregnant. Then I I uh, I gave her a key to my apartment, and then had the locks changed!
我没有告诉她，我让瑞秋怀孕了。我给了她我家的钥匙，然后换了锁。
Then I lied to her about Rachel moving in with me.
关于瑞秋搬到我家的事，我跟她撒了谎。
In a way, I I judge her for not breaking up with me sooner.
其实，我想怪她不早点跟我分手。
Still, that really sucks, man. Just on Valentine's Day. Yeah.
这打击太大了。特别是在情人节。 是啊。
Wait a minute. What are you doing here? Joey Tribbiani without a date on Valentine's Day? What's going on, huh? Girl trouble?
等一下，你在这里做什么？乔伊·崔比安尼在情人节没有约会？发生了什么事？遇上感情困扰了吗？
Sort of. Yeah. Really?
可以那么说。 真的吗？
You don't have to seem so happy about it.
你不必表现得这么高兴。
Sorry. Well, uh look, maybe, maybe I can help.
抱歉，或许我能帮忙。
Hey hey, whatever it is, I am sure it has happened to me.
不论发生了什么事，我相信我也有相同的经验。
You you know, actually once once I got dumped during sex.
事实上，我有次在做♥爱过程中被甩了。
So anyway, uh, so wh what is it?
到底发生了什么事？
Forget about it. It's no big deal.
算了，没什么大不了的。
Come on, Joey, what is it? It's nothing.
少来了，怎么了？ 没事。
Hey, hey, it's me. Why can't you tell me?
你连我都不能告诉吗？
Okay. Sit down.
好吧，坐下。
There's this woman that I like a lot. But it can't happen.
我很喜欢一个女人。但我们不可能在一起。
She's not a Tribbiani?
她不会是你的姐妹吧？
No!
不是！
So, uh, so was she, uh, someone from work?
她是你的同事吗？
Yes.
对。
Well, does she like you?
她喜欢你吗？
Sometimes I think maybe she could. But it doesn't matter, because I can't do anything about it.
有时候我觉得是的。但这都无济于事，因为我不能追她。
Why not?
为什么？
It's complicated.
事情很复杂。
She was with this other guy for a long time. Someone from work too.
她跟另一个男人交往了很久。他也是我的同事。
And I could never do that to the guy, you know? Because we're really good friends.
我不能对他做那种事，因为我们是好朋友。
Ok. So, uh, this this guy, she used to go out with, is, uh...is he still in love with her?
以前跟她交往过的那个男人还爱着她吗？
No, I don't think so.
我想应该不爱了。
Okay. Is he a good guy?
好吧。他是好人吗？
Yeah, he's the best.
对，他最棒了。
Then talk to him.
那就跟他谈谈。
He might be fine with it. I don't know.
他可能不会介意呢。 我不知道。
Joey, come on, it's worth finding out, if you really like her.
乔伊，如果你真的喜欢她，这值得一试。
I do, so much. I can't stop thinking about her. I can't sleep...
我真的非常喜欢她。我没办法不想她，我睡不着……
Okay, Joey, you know what? You you have to go for it.
你知道吗，乔伊，你得尽力去争取。
How often does this happen to you? You you owe it to yourself.
你多久才会动一次真情？你要对自己负责。
Here's your warm milk.
你的温牛奶来了。
I'm I'm gonna...uh...I'm gonna put the bourbon in it at home, you know.
我要回家加点波本酒。
Anyway...seriously, just...just talk to the guy, ok? And let me know how it goes.
说真的，跟那个男的谈谈，好吗？告诉我结果。
It's Rachel.
是瑞秋。
You're having a baby and you need to be prepared.
你要生孩子了，你得做好准备。
And you're gonna make yourself watch the whole thing. Just do it!
你得看完整只录影带。看吧。
I came to the big city to become a star. I'll do anything to make that happen.
我来到这个大城市，希望成为大明星。为了圆梦，我任何事都愿意做。
Anything?
任何事？
Maybe it starts with how she gets pregnant.
可能一开始讲的是她怎么怀上的。