Oh, Ross, Mon, is it ok if I bring someone to your parent's anniversary party?
Sure. Sure. Yeah.
Who's the guy?
Well, his name is Parker, and I met him at the drycleaner's.
Oooh, did he put a little starch in your bloomers?
Who said that?
Yeah, he's really great though.
He has this incredible zest for life, and he treats me like a queen, except at night when he treats me like the naughty girl I am.
Oh, by the way. Would it be ok if I gave the toast to mom and dad this year?
Yeah, you sure you want to after what happened at their 20th?
Yeah. I'd really like to.
Okay, hopefully this time Mom won't boo you.
Yes! Every year Ross makes the toast, and it's always really moving, and always makes them cry.
Well this year I'm gonna make them cry.
And you you wonder why Ross is their favorite?
No, really. Any time Ross makes a toast, everyone cries and hugs him and pats him on the back.
And they all come up to me and say, "God, your brother." You know what they're gonna say this year? "God, you."
Well, I can promise you, at least one person will be crying.
You know, I'm an actor, and any actor worth his salt can cry on cue.
Really? You can do that?
Oh, you kidding me? Watch.
Well, I can't do it with you guys watching me!
What are you doing? I'm working on my toast for the party.
Or as I like to call it: "Sob fest 2002."
Hey, check this out. It's a dog.
It's a dead dog. That's Chi Chi. She died when I was in high school.
It's your parents' anniversary and you're going to talk about their dead pet?
It's good stuff, huh?
Hi! Hey! Hey!
嗨。 嗨。 嗨。
Joey? You got a present for my parents? That's so sweet.
Yeah, yeah, in honor of their 35th wedding anniversary, I had a star named after them.
That is so cool.
And I got them a book on Kama Sutra for the Elderly.
Do you guys have any extra ribbon?
Oh, yeah, sure. What do you need? We got lace, satin, sateen, raffia, gingham, felt...And I think my testicles may be in here too.
Chi Chi! Oh, I loved this dog! You know well Monica couldn't get braces because Chi Chi needed knee surgery.
What? You're the 200 pounder 11 year old who rode her!
Hey! Everybody, this is Parker. Parker, this is...
No, no, no wait! Don't tell me. Let me guess. Joey, Monica, Ross, Rachel and, I'm sorry Phoebe didn't mention you.
Chandler, I'm kidding all righty you're my favorite!
Why don't all of you tell me a little about yourselves?
Ah, actually, I'm sorry we we probably should get going.
Classic Ross. Rachel, Rachel, look how you glow. May I?
I think you already are.
Rachel, you have life growing inside you.
Is there anything in this world more miraculous than...Oh a picture of a dog! Whose is this?
That's my old dog. He he passed away years ago.
Well, at least you were lucky to have him. Bow wow, old friend. Bow wow.
So where's the party?
It's out on the island. It's in Massapequa.
Massapequa, sounds like a magical place. Tell me about Massapequa, is it steeped in Native American history?
Well, there is an Arby's in the shape of a teepee.
OK I've got my note cards.
You got the presents? Yeah.
And I've got the car keys. We're driving?
So he seems like a nice guy. Yeah, yeah, I like him a lot.
You wanna hang back and take our own cab?
Yeah, otherwise I'm not going.
Hey, Mom. This is such a great party!
Thirty five years. Very impressive. Do you guys have any pearls of wisdom?
Jack? Why would you serve food on such a sharp stick?
It's a good question, Dad. It's a good question.
Congratulations, you two. Thank you, we're so excited.
And also, congratulations on your wedding.
Can can we talk to you for just a you know...Hey It's it's just a little thing.
Well we think it's simply marvelous that you're having this baby out of wedlock, some of our friends are less open minded.
Which is why we told them you're married. What?
Thanks for going along with this.
Dad, we have to pretend that we're married?
Son, I had to shave my ears for tonight. You can do this.
Can you believe that? Yeah, I know.
If you're gonna do the ears, you may as well take a pass at the nosal area.
No, no. I don't wanna have to lie about us being married.
No, I know. I don't either. But you know what? It's their party, and it's one night. We don't even have to lie. We just won't say anything.
If it comes up again, we'll just smile, we'll nod along... Ross! Rachel?
如果有人提起，我们只要微笑点头。 罗斯！ 瑞秋！
Hi, Aunt Lisa. Uncle Dan.
Congratulations on the baby and on the wedding.
Here's a little something to get you started.
So how's married life treating you?
Unbelievable. It's great! We love marriage. Great!
不可思议，太棒了！ 我们可喜欢结婚了。 太好了。
What a beautiful place. What a great night.
I have to tell you, being here with all of you in Event Room C I feel so lucky.
I think of the good times that happened here. The birthdays, the proms, the mitzvahs, both bar and bat!
But none of them will compare with tonight! My God, I don't wanna forget this moment!
It's like I wanna take a mental picture of you all. Click.
I don't think the flash went off.
I'm gonna go find the men's room, be right back.
I'll go with you. Come on.
Somewhere there is someone with a tranquilizer gun and a huge butterfly net looking for that man.
I have to go to the bathroom too, but I don't want him complimenting my thing.
So glad we weren't in the car. Did he ever let up?
He called the Long Island Expressway a "concrete miracle."
This room. This night. That waiter! His shoes! I must take a mental picture! Ooh, sorry...
Were you guys making fun of Parker?
That depends, how much did you hear?
He's a little enthusiastic. What's wrong with that?
It's just that, it's so much. Well, so what? I like him.
Do I make fun of the people that you've dated? Tag, Janice, Mona? No, because friends don't do that. But, you want my opinion?
Do you want it? 'Cause in my opinion, your collective dating record reads like a who's who of human crap!
I feel terrible. I know.
What was wrong with Mona?
Open it, open it, open it. Yeah, baby!
So we never got to hear about your wedding.
We were surprised we weren't invited.
Oh, no, no, no, it was just our parents and 1 or 2 friends. It was a small wedding.
But it was beautiful. I mean it was small, but kind of spectacular.
Where did you have it?
On a cliff in Barbados, at sunset. And Stevie Wonder sang "Isn't She Lovely" as I walked down the aisle.
Really? Yeah. Stevie's an old family friend.
Oh, my God. That sounds amazing.
I'd love to see pictures. Yeah, so would I.
You wouldn't think Annie Liebowitz would forget to put film in the camera.
Would you, would you excuse us for a second? What are you doing?
What? I'm not you. This may be my only wedding I ever have.
And I want it to be amazing.
Ok, ok. Ooooh, ooh maybe I rode in on a Harley.
Okay. Ross, it has to be realistic.
Say, are you okay? You seem kind of quiet.
No, I'm fine. I'm great. I'm with you.
And I'm with you. What a great time to be alive! Look at this plate bouncy thing.
What an inspired solution to man's plate dispensing problems.
Oysters! Let me feed you one. No, that's not necessary.
Please. No, actually I don't, I don't eat...
I won't quit until you try one. Okay, fine, fine.
What're they like? I've never had one.
Why don't you just try one. No, they look too weird.
What are you doing?
Just going over my toast. Uh, those two will never know what hit 'em. I can't wait. They're gonna be crying so hard. They're gonna be fighting for breath.
You know if you want to, I can just hold them down and you could.
And my my veil was lace, made by blind Belgian nuns.
Well, not at first, but it was very intricate work and they said even though they lost their sight, it was all worth it.
I bet you looked beautiful.
Oh well, I I don't know about that. But there were some people that said I looked like a floating angel.
How did you propose?
Oh, yeah, that's a great story.
Well, um, actually, I I took her to the planetarium. That's that's where we had our first date. Um, she walked in and I had the room filled with lilies, her favorite flower...
That is so sweet! Shhh! I wanna hear the rest!
Then, Fred Astaire singing uh The Way You Look Tonight came on the sound system, and the lights came down. And and I got down on one knee and written across the dome in the stars were the words "Will you marry me?"
And the ring was the size of my fist.
Hey uh, Phoebe! Look umm, I wanna apologize about before, ok? We were being jerks. Parker's a nice guy and I'd like to get to know him.
Then you better do it now.
Why? Because I'm gonna kill him.
What? What? You guys were right.
He's too excited about everything.
I mean I'm all for living life, but this is the Geller's 35th anniversary. Ok? Let's call a spade a spade this party stinks.
I know. I'm having the worst time.
I know. I'm having the worst time. There there was a 15 minute line for the buffet, and when I finally got up to the plates, I slipped on a giant booger!
Are you sure it wasn't an oyster?
I guess it could've been, I didn't really look at it. You know, I just wiped it on Chandler's coat and got the hell out of there.
He's just such a great guy, I'm so excited about him.
Oh hey, you know, you should be excited about him. There's nothing wrong with him, he he's a good guy.
You think? Yeah, you know what I think?
I think we were all just being too negative. You're right.
You're right. He's just embracing life. We could all stand to be a little more like Parker.
You know what? I'm like him! I'm a sunny, positive person!
Actually, you have a little bit of an edge.
What's that now?
Oh look it's Parker! Look, the Bunny Hop!
Oh, I love it! You do?
Are you kidding? People acting like animals to music? Come on!
Ok it's time for the toast! Umm, I I know that normally Ross gives the toast, but this year I'm gonna do it.
No no, it it it's gonna be great. Really! Um, ok.
Mom, Dad, when I got married one of the things that made me sure that I could do it was the amazing example the two of you set for me.
For that, and for so many other things, I wanna say thank you.
I know I probably don't say it enough, but...I love you.
When I look around this room, I'm saddened by the thought of those who could not be with us.
Nana, my beloved grandmother, who would so want to be here. But she can't because she's dead.
As is our dog, Chi Chi. I mean, look how cute she is...was.
Do me a favor, pass this to my parents. Remember she's dead, okay? Her and Nana, gone.
Hey, does anybody remember when Debra Winger had to say goodbye to her children in Terms of Endearment?
Didn't see that? No movie fans? ! You want to hear something sad?
The other day, I was watching 60 Minutes and there was this piece on these orphans in Romania who have been so neglected that they are incapable of love.
You people are made of stone! Here's to Mom and Dad. Whatever!
Thank you, Monica. That was interesting. Wasn't it interesting, Jack?
Why don't I remember this dog?
Ross? Why don't you give us your toast now?
Oh, no, Mom. It's just Monica this year.
You're not gonna say anything? On our 35th wedding anniversary?
No, of course. Everybody?
I I just wanted to say...uh, on behalf of my new bride, Rachel, and myself. Umm, that if...if in 35 years, we're half as happy as you guys are, we'll count ourselves the luckiest people in the world.
I just wish Nana were alive to hear Ross's toast.
My God, what a fantastically well lit hallway.
Can I get you something to drink, like a water and Valium?
I must say you know this apartment, it's, it's, there are no words.
Thank God. It's a haven. A third floor paradise, a modern Eden in the midst.
Yeah? I know! I know! Uh huh? I got you, ah, yeah.
Listen, let's, uh, why don't we just um, sit and relax? You know just be with each other. Quietly.
That sounds great.
My god. This is the most comfortable couch I've ever sat on in my entire life.
All right. Let's let's try something else, let's play a game.
I love games. Shocking.
Let's play the game of who can stay quiet the longest.
Let's let's play this one first. And remember, whoever talks first, loses!
I lose, now Jenga. Oh my God! Oh my God!
Is something wrong?
Wrong? Really? You know the word wrong. Everything isn't perfect? Everything isn't magical?
Everything isn't a glow with the light of a million fairies? They were just brake lights, Parker!
Well, excuse me for putting a good spin on a traffic jam!
You don't have to put a good spin on everything!
I'm sorry. That's who I am. I'm a positive person.
No, I'm a positive person. You are like Santa Claus on Prozac. At Disneyland, getting laid!
So what do you want me to do? You want me to be more negative? You want me to be less happy?
Much less happy.
Fine. Well, then to quote Ross, "I better be going."
So long! Hey! Don't let the best door in the world hit you in the ass on your way out!
Isn't this the most incredible fight you've had in your entire life?
And then we could've gone from the ceremony to the reception with you in the sidecar.
Ross, it just wouldn't be feasible.
But having a dove place the ring on your finger would've been no problem?
It was fun being married to you tonight.
Yeah! And! And, it was the easiest 400 bucks I've ever made.
Okay, Ross, can I ask you something? Yeah.
That proposal at the planetarium...
I know, I know. It was stupid.
Are you kidding? ! With the, with the lilies, and and the song, and the stars! It was, it was...really wonderful! Did you just make that up?
Nah, actually I thought about it when, when we were going out. It's how I imagined I uh, I would ask you to marry me.
Wow. Wow, that would've been, that would've been very hard to say no to.
Oh, it's a good thing I didn't do it, because it sounds like it would've been a very expensive wedding.
Okay, good night. Good night.
Even if the sidecar had a windscreen so your hair wouldn't get messed up?
I will think about it. That's all I'm asking.
Okay, that's it. I give up. At Mom and Dad's 40th anniversary, you're the one giving the speech.
You know, I don't understand why they didn't cry. It was a beautiful speech.
Oh, come on. Hey! All that stuff you said about true love.
You were right. I mean, we did learn a lot from Mom and Dad.
And that picture of Chi Chi with her mischievous grin. And what you said about nana. Ohh, yeah she really would've wanted to be there.
And you know what? I think she was.
Oh, good God, Ross, how the hell do you do it?