Hi! Hey! Hey!
嗨。 嗨。 嗨。
So, what's the final head count on my baby shower?
About twenty. A couple people from work had something else to do.
Also both of your sisters called and neither can make it.
What? You mean they're not coming to a social event where there's no men and no booze? That's shocking. I don't care, as long as my mom's here.
Oh, my God. Your mother.
What? My mom's not gonna be here?
Well, given that we forgot to invite her, it would be an awfully big coincidence if she was.
Well it wasn't my fault, Phoebe was in charge of the invitations!
Well I don't, I don't have a mother so often I forget that other people... Oh, give it a rest.
So my mother is not coming to my baby shower?
No. Neither is mine.
Ok, you know what? Don't worry, ok? We'll take care of it. We'll call her. You just go home and get ready.
Please, make sure she comes. It's really important to me. I mean that's my mom!
I know. I know, what's her number? I don't know.
Go. I have it in my book. Go.
Wait a minute. If you're in charge of invitations, why am I the one who has to call her Hello, Mrs. Green! Hi, it's Monica Geller.
Oh, hello, Monica. Hi.
Umm I know this is last minute, but we we've decided to throw an impromptu baby shower for Rachel today.
I know, my daughter's told me about it when they received their impromptu invitations a month ago.
Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm I'm so sorry.
For what, dear? For not inviting me, or for lying about it?
Oh, my God! My ass is sweating.
Please, please, can you come? It starts at 4:00.
Well, all right. I'll see you at 4. Thank you.
Isn't it at 3? Son of a bitch!
Hey, Joe! Wanna shoot some hoops?
No, I can't go. I'm practicing. I got an audition to be the host of a new game show.
Oh cool! Great!
Yeah yeah, and if I get it, by day I'll be Dr. Drake Remoray, but by night I'll be Joey Trrrribbiani!
You'll be perfect for this! That's already your name!
But the audition's in a couple hours, and I don't understand the game.
Well do you want some help?
Oh, really? That'd be great. Hey, you guys can be the contestants!
Okay, I guess we can lose to junior high girls some other time.
All right. Let's play Bamboozled!
Bamboozled? Yeah. Isn't that a cool name?
Yeah! No! All right. Okay. Our first contestant is Ross Geller.
对！ 不！ 好吧。第一位参赛者是罗斯·盖勒。
Why don't you tell us a little bit about you Ross?
Well uh, I I'm a paleontologist. Umm, I I live in New York. I have a son Ben. Uh, hi Ben! And uh...
I said, a little bit, Ross. Now, how about you, Chandler?
JWell Joey, I'm a headhunter. I hook up out of work Soviet scientists with rogue third world nations. Hi Rasputin!
Excellent! Let's play Bamboozled! Chandler, you'll go first.
What is the capital of Colombia? Bogota.
It's Bogota, but close enough.
Now, you can either pass your turn to Ross or pick a Wicked Wangle card.
What does a Wicked Wango Card do? I should know that.
Let's see, just one moment please. Umm, here we are, a Wicked Wangle card determines whether you go higher or lower.
Higher or lower than what?
This is embarrassing!
Can you believe how lame this is?
I'm sorry. I don't believe contestants are allowed to talk to each other.
Oh, I told the stripper to be here at five. That's good right?
You ordered a stripper for the shower? That is totally inappropriate.
Why? He's gonna be dressed as a baby.
Oh, hi, Mrs. Green. I'm so glad you could make it.
Yeah, thank you so much. And again we're so sorry. We could not feel worse about it.
Try. Oh there's my little girl.
She's still mad. Yeah, I know.
Isn't it great? One less person we have to make small talk with.
Phoebe, Sandra's mad at you too. It doesn't bother you?
No, look, we've apologized twice! I I can't do anymore than that. I know you hate it when people are mad at you but you know you just have to...be ok with it.
Okay. I can do that. I gotta go powder my ass.
Look at that face! Just like when you were in high school.
If I didn't know better, i'd say you were a cheerleader in trouble.
Come, let's get some tea. Okay.
Oh, my! Look at that. Only three weeks to go, now have you picked your nanny yet?
Now I don't want you to just use your housekeeper 'cause it would just split her focus.
Oh well actually I'm not gonna use a nanny and uh, I don't even have a housekeeper.
It's like you're a cave person. Rachel, you must get a nanny. You don't know how overwhelming this is gonna be. I mean when you were a baby I had full time help, I had Mrs. Kay.
Mrs. K! Oh that she was sweet. She taught me Spanish. I actually think I remember some of it, tu madre es loca.
Such a sweet woman.
Well, as as great she was, I I can't afford that.
Oh, Rachel! I just had the greatest idea! I'm gonna come and live with you!
Wh wh what? What?
Oh, I'm so happy I'm gonna do this for my little girl. Look at you. You have tears in your eyes.
Yes, yes, I do.
All right Ross you're in the lead, would you like to take another question or spin the Wheel of Mayhem?
The Wheel has not been my friend tonight, Joey. I'll take another question.
Okay. This is gonna be tough. Hold your breath.
It's okay. I'm ready.
No dude, you gotta hold your breath until you're ready to answer the question. This is part of the game.
This is ridiculous! He's not gonna hold his...
Okay. What do you have a fear of if you suffer from this phobia? Triska...Holy cow. That's a big word. Trisk...Seriously, look at this thing. Chandler, how do you say that?
Let me see that. This one right here.
Triskaidekaphobia. Fear of Triscuits!
No! No. Fear of the number 13. Fear of Triscuits?
It's possible. They have really sharp edges.
Alright, Chandler, you're up.
Wait a minute, I I believe I'm entitled to use my Angel Pass for a free turn?
This game makes no sense!
You know what? You're just upset 'cause you're losing.
Oh, come on, Ross. I think we're all losers here.
Alright, Chandler. You can either spin the Wheel or pick a Google Card.
Let me think, let me think. Oh, I don't care.
You you must choose Mr. Bing.
Either. It makes no difference.
Choose, you jackass.
I'll take a card. Okay, you picked the Gimme Card!
You get all of Ross' points! What?
This game is kind of fun!
You don't think it's a little crazy that you get all my points just 'cause you...
I don't think the contestants aren't supposed to speak to each other.
Why did you invite my mother? What?
She wants to move in with me and Ross to help take care of the baby.
For how long? Eight weeks.
I mean I love my mother, but my God, a long lunch with her is taxing.
I personally would be honored if she wanted to live with me.
She can't hear you.
What? You guys, come on! What am I going to do?
Well, if you don't want your mother to move in with you, just tell her.
You're right. You're right. I mean I'm about to have a baby, I can tell my mother that I don't want her to just be sleeping on my couch!
Oh my God! She's gonna want to sleep in my bed with me. This cannot happen!
That's right. That is right. You go over there and tell her you don't want her to live with you.
Do not take no for an answer. Okay.
This is great! Now she's gonna be mad at Rachel!
You know what? And I'm just gonna swoop in there and be like the daughter she never had.
I have new respect for Chandler. All right, everybody! It's time to open the presents!
Yes! Yes! And I think that the first gift that Rachel opens should be from the grandmother of the baby, because you're the most important person in this room. And in the world!
Well uh, I don't have a gift because I wasn't invited until the last minute, but thank you so much for bringing that to everyone's attention.
How about you less important people? Let's open your presents!
Mom that's ok that you didn't get you a gift!
Well, I kinda did. Me. Eight weeks of me.
Yeah. Ok, you see mom, the truth is I can do this on my own.
Sweetheart I know you're gonna be a terrific mom, I just think you need a little help, especially at the beginning.
But mom, I really know what I'm doing. I can handle this.
Really? Remember Twinkles?
He was a hamster. I'm not gonna vacuum up my baby!
Okay, come on, Rach. It's present time!
You know you're the glue holding this whole party together. It's kinda falling apart here.
Oh, look! Wow!
They came this is from your friends at work.
Oh, my gosh! Oh, wow! Oh, I know what this is.
Wait a minute. That can't be right. Is that a beer bong for a baby?
Darling, that's a breast pump.
Did I say I was done guessing? Okay, thank you for that. Oh, wow! What's this?
It's a Diaper Genie. It dispenses clean diapers!
No. It's where you put dirty ones.
Well that's gross, why don't you just take it outside and throw it in a dumpster?
Oh you're gonna do that ten times a day?
What, it goes 10 times a day? Are we feeding this baby Indian food?
No dear, that's what babies do. No, dear.
Rachel, listen to your mother. She is very smart.
Plus, what are you planning on doing with the baby while you're trotting out to the garbage ten times a day?
I don't know, I'd leave it on the changing table?
What? What did I do? What did I do?
You can't leave a baby alone.
Oh come Of course, I know that! Of course you never leave a baby alone.
I mean who would she wouldn't be safe, you know, not as she would be with me, the baby dummy. Oh God.
OK.You know what? Opening the presents is a little overwhelming right now. So I think umm, I'm just gonna maybe open them all a little bit later, but thank you all for coming. And for these beautiful gifts, and this basket is beautiful.
It's actually a bassinet.
Okay, Mommy, don't ever leave me.
In what John Houston film would you hear this line, "Badges? We don't need no stinking badges!"
Treasure of the Sierra Madre!
Correct! There's a possible backwards bonus!
Madre Sierra the of Treasure! Yes!
I'd like to go up the Ladder of Chance to the Golden Mud Hut, please!
Wise choice. How many rungs? Six!
That noise can only mean one thing. Hungry Monkey!
I'd like a Wicked Wango Card. Okay.
It's an audio question. Name this television theme song:
Oh, my God. I know this, give me give me a second!
Tell it to the Time Turtle! Shut up!
Ross:"I Dream of Jeannie"! Yes! Yes, you're back in the lead!
I'd like to spin the Wheel.
Oh, come on!
Super Speedy Speed Round.
Is there a Hopping Bonus? Of course.
Who invented bifocals? Ben Franklin!
Correct. Which monarch ruled Great Britain the longest?
Queen Victoria! Correct again.
But you forgot to switch legs between questions. So, no Hopping Bonus!
Ohhh! Every time!
Yeah. Now over to Chandler. I'd like a Google Card.
Are you sure? Yes! No! Google!
Oh, my God! Congratulations, Ross! Because, Chandler...you've been Bamboozled!
No! Yes! This is the best game ever!
不！ 对。 这是我玩过最棒的游戏！
So umm, you're gonna stay with me as long as I need you?
Of course, I am.
Oh mom, I swear I'm not an idiot. I read all kinds of books on pregnancy and giving birth, but I I just didn't think to read the part about what to do when the baby comes.
And and then guess what? The baby's coming and I don't know what to do. Oh, can I throw up in my Diaper Genie?
Sweetie, you're gonna be fine.
Wait wait where're you going? Where're you going? I'm going to the bathroom.
Now, don't worry. Everything's gonna be okay.
It is gonna be okay! Worth a shot.
Hey! Hey! Why are you all red and sweaty?
I just Bamboozled Chandler!
Which is not a sexual thing. That was a quick shower.
Not if you were here.
Wow! Looks like we got a lot of good stuff.
Oh we did, but my mom got us the greatest gift of all.
A Play Doh Barbershop?
No. She's going to live with us for eight weeks.
Yes! She's gonna help us take care of the baby!
What You're not serious. I mean she's a very nice woman, but there is no way we can take eight weeks of her.
She'll drive us totally crazy. Hi, Ross!
Hey, Joey, hi! I'm Ray. I'm the producer of the show.
It's a pleasure to meet you, Ray.
And this is Duncan and Erin, they're gonna help us outwith the audition. So uh, let's get the camera rolling.
Righty O Ray! Whenever you're ready.
Hello. I'm Joey Tribbiani. Let's play Bamboozled!
Erin, you get the first question. In hockey, who is known as "The Great One"?
Now, would you like to pick a Wicked Wango Card or spin the Wheel of Mayhem?
Uh Joey, didn't your agents give you the revised rules? We've eliminated all that. No wheel, no cards.
Uh, well, the game was too complicated and research showed people didn't follow it.
Well what's complicated?
You spin the Wheel of Mayhem to go up the Ladder of Chance. You go past the Mud Hut through the Rainbow Ring to get to the Golden Monkey; you yank his tail and boom! You're in Paradise Pond!
Yeah all that's gone. Um, it's basically just a simple question and answer game now.
Well, what's fun about that? You expect me to be the host of a boring game that's just people standing around answering questions?
Well, there'll be women in bikinis holding up the scores.
Let's play Bamboozled!
And all those dinosaur knick knacks you have, Ross, I I thought they might be more at home in the garage.
Well we...we don't have a garage.
Did I say garage? I meant garbage.
You know what, Mrs. Green? Maybe it's not absolutely vital that you live with us.
What Rachel needs help with the baby.
I do. I really do. I don't know anything.
Oh, I'm I'm sure that's not true.
Oh, no? Pheebs, Monica, do I know anything about babies?
No. Not a thing. It's frightening.
Well uh, you know what? Even if she doesn't know anything, I do.
I have a son. And his mother and I didn't live together. When he was with me, I took care of him all the time, by myself.
That's true. You do have another child. Yeah.
With another woman. Have you no control, Ross?
That's a different issue.
The point is, when the baby comes, I will be there to...to feed her and bathe her and change her. And more than that, I want to do all those things.
Well then you really don't need me to live with you. Yes!
Yes. You're gonna be so missed.
You're gonna be a great father. Well you're gonna be a wonderful grandma.
Hello? I still don't know what the hell I'm doing!
Come on, every first time mother feels that way. You'll you you're gonna pick it up.
Hey! You will! Uh look, you know when you first came to the city? You were this spoiled helpless little girl who who still used daddy's credit card. Do you remember?
I hope you're going somewhere with this.
Look at you! What You're you're this big executive! You are much more capable than you give yourself credit for. I I have no doubt you're gonna be an incredible mother.
Really? I'm telling you.
All right, you two. I'm gonna get going.
Oh no no no no sweetheart, you stay put. I'll let myself out. It's like I'm not here, which I almost wasn't.
You're still so funny. You're so funny. What do I do?
Nothing. You have apologized to her, like, a million times. And she's been nothing but terrible to you.
And don't forget, you just threw her daughter a lovely, albeit slightly boring, shower. And she hasn't even thanked you for it.
You know what? You're you're right.
Yeah I mean if you wanna say anything to her, I'd tell her off.
Okay, I will. Mrs. Green? Mrs. Green?
It is rude to leave a party without saying goodbye to the host. Yeah, and and also, when someone apologizes to you, the decent thing to do is to accept it.
'Cause what I did to you, it wasn't on purpose! But what you're during to me now, it's just plain spiteful!
Spiteful? That's right.
Maybe it's time you took a good, hard look in the mirror, young lady! Old lady! Lady!
Wrap it up. Wrap it up. Wrap it up.
So whenever you're ready to apologize to me, I will forgive you. Good day.
I can't feel my legs!
You were fantastic! I'm so proud of you.
Yeah? I'm proud of me too. You should be.
Yeah could could could you get me something to drink? You got it!
Mrs. Green! Ok I'm really sorry! I'm apologizing for the Ok, I bit my tongue, but I'm still really sorry!
Okay, I'm ready. You sure?
Yes. I've done my studying, and I really know my stuff.
All right, then. Rachel Green, let's play Bamboozled!
How do you test the temperature of the baby's bath water?
Uh, put your elbow in it. Excellent! How do you put a baby down for a nap?
Full, dry, on its back, and no loose covers.
That's correct! This is an audio question. What do you do when a baby makes this sound?
Check if it's wet, check if it's hungry, burp it!
Excellent! Excellent! Now do you want another question or a Wicked Wango Card?
A card! A card! I pick a card! Oh, I'm sorry.
You've been Bamboozled! You're gonna be a terrible mother!
I've lost sight of why we're doing this!