Hey, you guys. I got some bad news.
Well that's no way to sell newspapers. Why don't you try, "Extra! Extra! Read all about it!"
No. Monica's restaurant got a horrible review in the Post.
Yeah, I didn't want her to see it, so I ran around the neighborhood and bought all the copies I could find.
Man, this is bad! And I've had my bad share of bad reviews.
I still remember my first good one, though: "Everything else in this production of Our Town was simply terrible. Joey Tribbiani was abysmal."
Oh, my God! Look at all the newspapers. It must be a good review. Is it great? Umm...
Oh, dear God.
But the good news is, no one in a two block radius will ever know.
What about the rest of Manhattan? Yeah, they all know.
Oh, my God, this is horrible. I'm so humiliated.
Yeah, but you know what they say, Mon, there's no such thing as bad press.
You don't think that umm, "The chef's Mahi Mahi was awful awful," is bad press?
I didn't write it.
God, is he right? Am I really am I awful? Oh, no!
Hey! Hey Monica! , you listen to me, okay? I'm not just saying this because I'm your friend. I'm saying it 'cause it's the truth. Your food is abysmal!
Ross? What? What?
I am freaking out! Are you?
My due date is in one week!
What are you doing up? That is seven days.
Okay, look. I had a lot of water before I went to bed.
Can we do this after...? No no no no no, Ross!
Please, come on we do not have any of the big stuff that we need!
We do not have a changing table! We do not have a crib! We do not have a diaper service.
It's funny you should mention diapers.
I'm serious. Ok look, there's there's nothing to worry about.
We have plenty of time. There's a great baby furniture store on west 10th. Tomorrow, we will go there and we will get you everything we need. Okay?
Okay. Thank you. That's great. Thank you.
Wait wait! Where on West 10th? 'Cause there's this really cute shoe store that has like this little...
Ok. Ok. If uh, if you're gonna do this, then I'm gonna go do that. So...
Oh, wait Ross! I'm sorry, one more thing!
Umm, our situation. You know umm, what we mean to each other. And I mean we we're having this baby together you know, and we live together. Isn't that, isn't that weird?
Well uh... I'm just kidding. You can go pee.
Hey, Monica, I can't remember. Did we say we were gonna meet here or at the movie?
We said at the movies, but...
Okay, I'll see you there.
Joey, now that you're here...
Sure, I can hang out 'til I have to meet ya. What uh How come you're not going?
I can't. I got a job interview I gotta get ready for.
I thought you already have a job.
And people say you don't pay attention.
No, this is a much better job.
It's vice president of the company that does data reconfiguration and statistical factoring for other companies.
Wow. How do you know how to do that?
That's what I do now.
Hey Joey, come taste this. What is it?
Remember that guy that gave me a bad review? Well...I'm getting my revenge!
You cooked him?
No. He teaches a course on food criticism at the New School, so before we go to the movies I wanna go by there and make him try my bouillabaisse again.
I can't wait to read the front page of the Post tomorrow: "Restaurant reviewer admits: I was wrong about Monica."
The front page? You really do live in your own little world, don't you?
Do you want these things delivered, Mr. And Mrs. Geller?
Oh. Oh. No no no! No, no, no.
We're not married. We are having a baby together but we're not involved.
I mean, uh we we were seeing each other a while ago, but then we were just friends. And then there was one drunken night.
Or, yes, stranger, we'd like this delivered, please.
Why don't you fill out this address card? Oh, okay.
I notice you picked out a lot of dinosaurs items. Oh yeah!
Actually, that's one of the reasons why we're not a couple.
I chose those. I'm a paleontologist.
Really? That is so cool.
Oh. Oh yeah, don't get too worked up over it. I mean it it sounds like he's a doctor, but he's not.
Oh no no, I'm fascinated by paleontology. Have you read the new Walter Alvarez book?
Yeah. I teach it in my class.
Oh my God! I'm standing at a cash register, I'm holding a credit card, and I'm bored.
Oh, I love your neighborhood. There's a great gym right around the corner from your building.
That's my gym. I can tell you work out.
A paleontologist who works out. You're like Indiana Jones.
I am like Indiana Jones.
Hi, Pheebs. Hey! Oh, how did baby shopping go?
Oh, it was great! We got everything that we needed!
Oh, and Ross almost got something that wasn't on the list. A whore.
Well, we were paying for our stuff and this saleswoman just started flirtingwith him. Can you believe that?
Well did she know you two weren't married? Yeah.
Oh my God! Well the idea of a woman flirting with a with a single man, we we must alert the church elders!
You don't understand. You didn't see how brazen she was.
Sounds like you're a little jealous. No, I'm not.
I I I just think it's wrong! It's it's that I'm Here I am about to pop and he's out picking up some shop girl at Sluts 'R' Us!
Is that a real place? Are they hiring?
Hey, Phoebe. Fatty.
Hey Chandler, why so fancy?
Well, I got a job interview. It's kind of a big deal too. It's a lot more money and I'd be doing data reconfiguration and statistical factoring.
Wait, I think I know someone who does that.
Me. I do that. So, seriously, do I look okay? I'm a little nervous.
Oh, yeah. You really look great.
You know, just don't get your hopes up.
Why not? Well, the interview.
What about it? You know.
You don't make a very good first impression.
What? Oh, you don't know.
Are you serious?
Yes, when I first met you, you were like, "Blah, blah, blah." I was like, shhh!
What is it that I do?
Well it's just like you're trying too hard. Always making jokes, you know, you just You come off a little needy.
Did you like me when we first met?
Chandler, I'm not gonna lie to you. But I am gonna run away from you.
Hi! Umm, I'm Monica Geller, I'm the chef at Alessandro's.
I think the things that you said about me were really unfair, and I would like for you to give my bouillabaisse another chance.
I don't see any reason why I'd do that to myself again.
Either eat it or be in it.
So what do you think?
I'm torn between my integrity and my desire to avoid a beating. But I must be honest. Your soup is abysmal.
Thatta girl! We should get out of here, there's a new class coming in.
Welcome to Introduction to Cooking. Now, before we start, Can anyone tell me the difference between hollandaise and bearnaise sauce?
I can. Okay, go ahead.
Well, they both have a egg yolk and butter base. But a bearnaise has shallots, chervil, and most importantly, tarragon.
Oh, that's very good, what's your name?
Monica, You go to the head of the class! Okay!
All this stuff takes up a lot of room. Hey how uh, how serious are you about keeping Ben in your life?
My son? Pretty serious.
Oh hey Katie! What uh, what're you doing here?
Well, the delivery went out to you and I realized they forgot this.
Ah, must've been fairly obvious since it was the only thing left in your store.
Listen, to be honest, home deliveries are really a part of my job description. Oh.
Oh uh...I actually came here to ask you out.
Oh. Wow. Yeah, that sounds great.
I'm just gonna put this back in my pocket and pretend that didn't happen.
Uh yeah, actually I'm free now. You wanna grab some coffee or...
Sure. Horny bitch.
No, you're a horny bitch! No, you're a horny bitch! No, you're a horny bitch!
So you guys go and have a really good time.
Yeah I'm just gonna grab my coat. And uh, and my whip. You know because of Indiana Jones?
Not not because I'm I'm into S&M.I'm not I'm not into anything weird. You know? Just just normal sex. So, I'm gonna grab my coat.
So you had a good day, huh? Big commission, picked up a daddy.
Are you okay with this?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, please. You guys have fun.
Okay. It was nice to see you.
Oh, and it was great to see you too. And you look fantastic.
Although you missed a button. Oh, umm, actually I umm...
Oh, okay, I see what you're doing there.
I can't even believe this. I really come off that badly?
Oh! It's ok, you calm down after a while and then people can see how really sweet and wonderful you really are.
Oh good. Good, because I'm sure this interview is gonna last a couple of weeks.
All right, don't freak out, okay? I I will help you.
How long before you have to leave? An hour.
I can't help you. Phoebe...
All right, all right, we'll just do our best. Ok? So let's say that I'm the interviewer and I'm meeting you for the first time.
Okay. Hi. Come on in. I'm Regina Phalanges.
Chandler Bing. Oh, Bing.
What an unusual name.
Well you should meet my uncle, Bada. I'll let myself out.
Your Fettuccini Alfredo looks a little dry, did you use all your cheese?
When you say "use," do you mean "eat as a pre cooking snack"?
And the cream? Cheese makes me thirsty.
Okay. Let's move on. All right.
Oh! Something smells good over at Monica's station!
Oh my God! This is absolutely amazing! You've never made this before?
Oh, no. I don't know anything about cooking. I had to ask what it's called when the, when the water makes those little bubbles.
Hats off to the chef.
I I I'm sorry, your your mouth was full, I didn't hear what you said.
Hats off to who now? The chef!
I think you'll find if I come to work here, that I don't micro manage. I don't shy away from delegating.
Um hmm, that's good to know. But let's stop focusing on what you don't do, and focusing on what you do do.
What I do do...is manage to create an atmosphere of support for the people working with me.
I see. Nice sidestep on the "do do" thing by the way.
Hardest thing I've ever done in my life.
Oh, you gotta go! Oh!
Ok, don't worry. You're ready. Really?
Absolutely! Just fight all your natural instincts, and you'll be great.
Monica, my star student.
You know, you called me that before so I I took the liberty of fashioning a star out of aluminum foil. Now, no pressure, you like my cookies, you give me the star.
Wow, a star! I know you all hate me and and I'm sorry, but I don't care.
Okay, Joey, you're up next. Yeah.
Oh, my God! This is amazing! You get an A.
I got an A? In school? Hey, I'm a dork!
Joey, I'm so proud of you.
I think you should give him your star. Excuse me?
He doesn't even know what he's doing!
We're all beginners here. Nobody knows what they're doing.
I do. I'm a professional chef! Oh, relax. It's not a courtroom drama.
If you're a professional chef, what're you doing taking Introduction to Cooking?
I'm I'm sorry, it's just that umm...Well I I cook at this restaurant, Alessandro's, and umm I just got a really bad review...
I love that place! You do?
Oh yes! You're an excellent chef! As a person you're a little...
Oh, I'm totally crazy, but you liked the food?
Okay, then. I don't stink. I'm a good chef! Okay.
Whoa whoa whoa whoa! I don't want to go. I'm having fun.
Well actually, did either of you pay for this class?
Hey hey hey, if my friend says it's time to go, it's time to go.
Also, I was the point person on my company's transition from the KL5 to GR6 systems.
You must have had your hands full.
That I did. That I did.
So let's talk a little bit about your duties.
My duties? All right.
Now you'll be heading a whole division, so you'll have a lot of duties.
But there'll be perhaps 30 people under you so you can dump a certain amount on them.
Good to know.
We could go into detail... No, don't, I beg of you.
All right then, we'll have a definite answer for you on Monday, but I think I can say with some confidence, you'll fit in well here.
You can relax. You did great.
Yeah, I gotta say thank you, I was really nervous. You know I've been told I come on too strong, make too many jokes, and then it was really hard to sidestep that duty thing.
Duties. Doodies. Poo.
Oh, my God. This doesn't count. Okay? The interview was over.
That was the real Chandler Bing in there. This is just some crazy guy out in the hall.
Call security! There's a crazy guy out in the hall!
I'll look forward to your call.
Hi! You're back from your date! How are you?
I'm fine. But that's not important. What's important is how was she?
Uhh, it was fun. We, we just had coffee.
Oh, uh huh, uh huh, coffee, a little rub rub rub under the table?
What's uh, what's going on? Do you not, you not like Katie?
No! No, she's she was nice. I mean, she's just a little slutty, but who isn't?
Well, I liked her.
Of course you did Ross, you would date a gorilla if it called you Indiana Jones!
Did you get like a fresh batch of pregnancy hormones today? !
No. It's just that...Katie bothered me.
Why? What was wrong with her?
There was nothing wrong with her, all right? She was perfectly lovely.
Okay. Ok, so what's the matter?
I don't want you to date her.
Why? What, what are you jealous?
Yes. And not because I want you to go out with me. Because I don't want you to go out with anybody.
Ok? I know it's a terrible thing to even think this, and it's completely inappropriate, but I want you to be at my constant beck and call 24 hours a day!
I'm very sorry, but that is just the way that I feel.
I won't date. I'll...I'll be here with you all the time.
Really? But I'm being so unreasonable.
True, but you're allowed to be unreasonable. You're having our baby.
Oh, Ross, thank you. Thank you.
You feel better?
No, not really. You're pressing the baby into my bladder and now I have to pee. Sorry.
Uh Rach? Yeah? Just, just one thing, umm...
瑞秋？ 什么事？ 只有一件事……
We live together. You're you're having our baby. I'm not gonna see anybody else. Are you sure you don't want something more?
Wow. I don't know, maybe...
Oh oh, Rach! I was just messing around! Like you did last night when I had to pee?
I knew that. I knew that! I was just messing with you too!
Ok. Ok. Because for a minute you said you... Oh no no no no, no! ...that you actually...
好吧，因为你看起来似乎…… 不不不！ 但你像是真的……
That's just because I'm such a good messer!
The bathroom? Right.
Well I had a great time! Learned how to bake, ate great food, that's the first A I've gotten since seventh grade, and, I didn't have to sleep with the teacher this time.
Oh, look! Acting for Beginners! Hey, wanna feel good about yourself?
What the hell!
All right. Let's start with some basics. Can anybody tell me what the difference between upstage and downstage is?
Yeah, this was a stupid idea.