Ross: Hey! So what's the big news we uh rushed all the way over here for?
Phoebe: Rushed? It took you 45 minutes to cross the street. Come on guys, it's just one baby.
Phoebe:Oh, sure, now you guys clam up.
Chandler: Ok, our news.
Chandler:My company has asked me to head up our office in Tulsa, so, as of Monday I'm being officially relocated.
Ross: Oh my God!
Phoebe: What? !
Rachel: What? !
Joey: Well how long do you have to go for?
Chandler: Well, they said it could be up to a year.
Joey: A year?
Rachel: Do you have to go?
Monica: I kinda have to, don't I? 'Cause of this stupid thing.
Chandler: There is nothing like the support of your loving wife, huh?
Joey: But wait a minute, wait, you can't go to Tulsa.
Joey:Maybe you forgot, but we've got tickets to the Jets game next week.
Chandler: Well, I'm-I'm sorry buddy, but I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it.
Joey: But we do, we were gonna go see the Jets!
Ross: You-you, you can't go, I mean you're the glue that holds this group together!
Ross: Not you.
Chandler: You know, this whole thing is gonna be ok, you know? They said they'd rent us a great house in the suburbs, and you guys can all come and visit.
Rachel: Oh, God, that's so not gonna happen!
Joey: Come on, I can't believe you guys are moving.
Phoebe: I call their apartment!
Everyone: No! Ah! Ahh!
Joey: Here you go Rachel.
Rachel: Oh, thank you, Joey. Oh, you know what? I'm not even sure I can have caffeine.
Ross: Uh, I went through this with Ben and Carol.
Ross:One cup of coffee won't affect your milk.
Rachel: Yeah. Just to be sure I'm gonna call Dr. Wiener.
Joey: Rachel: Every time?
Ross: Rachel, you-you don't have to call whenever you have a little question, ok? Trust me, I know this.
Rachel: All right, I trust you.
Ross: Rachel, I can see you dialing! I don't understand why...
Rachel: Shhh! I'm on the phone! Dr. Wiener?
Phoebe: It's so weird seeing Ross and Rachel with a baby. It's just so grown up.
Joey: I know, yeah. I feel like we're all growing up. Person named Wiener, God that kills me.
Phoebe: Look at you all grown up.
Joey: Yeah. Actually, actually, you know what?
Joey:I am. You know? That we all know- that whole thing with Rachel made me realize that maybe I'm ready for a more serious relationship.
Joey:You know? Like I'd like to meet a nice mature commitment-minded lady.
Joey:And looks aren't as important as...Nah, she's gotta be hot.
Phoebe: Well you know, I might know somebody.
Phoebe:Hey, how about you set me up with someone, and we double date!
Joey: I can do that, yeah. How's-how's Friday?
Phoebe: Done. Oh good, really?
Phoebe: Ok, let's see! Heehee! Oh, you know who's great? Sandy Poophack.
Phoebe: Yeah...All right, well that rules out Lana Titweiller.
Chandler: I've got good news!
Monica: You got out of the whole Tulsa thing?
Chandler: Ok, I have news.
Chandler:You don't have to move to Tulsa. You can stay here and keep your job.
Monica: It's great! How?
Chandler: Well my boss and I worked out a deal where I only have to be in Tulsa four days a week, so the other three, I can be here with you.
Monica: So you're gonna be gone four days a week? No.
Chandler: I'm sorry, are you just used to saying that?
Monica: No. I can't be away from you for that long.
Monica: Yeah, you're my husband. I'm not gonna live in a different state than you for 208 days out of the year.
Chandler: That's fast math! We could use you in Tulsa.
Monica: Honey, thanks for trying to figure out a way, but if you're going to Tulsa, I wanna go with you.
Chandler: Hey, you said that without gagging!
Monica: I know!
Rachel: Wh- Ex-excuse me? Oh yeah? Well, up yours too!
Ross: Who the hell was that?
Rachel: Oh, Dr. Wiener.
Ross: Rachel, you can't call people at three in the morning.
Rachel: Oh you know what, you sound just like his wife!
Ross: Was there anything even wrong with Emma?
Rachel: Yes, of course there is! Ok? I'm not insane!
Ross: Well, what was it?
Ross: Rachel, I told you, you can't call him every time any little thing comes up.
Rachel: Yeah well, not anymore. I can't. He fired us! Can you believe that?
Ross: Rachel, I could believe it if he came here and hit you over the head with a copy of Highlights.
Rachel: What are we gonna do? We have to find a pediatrician.
Rachel:Oh, wait wait, wait wait, Monica said that when you guys were growing up, you really liked your doctor. What was his name?
Ross: Dr. Gettleman? Yeah I know, I don't, I don't think that's a good idea. In fact, I think, I think he's dead.
Rachel: Argh! Why does everything happen to me?
Ross: Rachel, I promise first thing tomorrow we'll find another doctor, but I gotta get up early and I'm not feeling all that well.
Rachel: What? Where, where-where you're not feeling well? What do you have? Is it Rubella? Because don't go near Emma, she has not had that shot.
Ross: You know? Come to think of it, it does feel Rubella-like!
Rachel: Wiener, Wiener, Wiener, Wiener!
Rachel: Great! Now he's gonna know it was me!
Joey: And the Kung Pao chicken. Yeah. Utensils and plates for one.
Joey:And can you read the order back to me? Ugh, Ugh, Ugh, Ugh, Ugh, Ugh, Ugh, great, oh, ugh, yeah, ok. Thanks, bye.
Phoebe: So how is this for our big double date tonight?
Joey: Oh my God!
Phoebe: Ooh, great! Just the reaction I was hoping for.
Joey: Yeah, yeah, so you-you found someone for me. You didn't forget?
Phoebe: Of course not! And you're gonna love Mary Ellen. She's really smart and cute and funny, and, I can't tell you how I know this, but she' not opposed to threesomes.
Phoebe:Yeah. So tell me some about my guy.
Phoebe: Come on, give me something.
Phoebe:What's his name?
Joey: I'm-I'm not sure I understand the question.
Phoebe: What'd they call him?
Phoebe: Mike? Ok! What's his last name?
Joey: Damn it! Is there no mystery left in romance anymore?
Phoebe: All right, we'll see you and Mike, at the restaurant in a couple hours.
Joey: All right, great. See ya. Bye-bye.
Joey: Why did I have to say Mike? I don't know a Mike! Why couldn't I've said...There's no guy in there!
Chandler: So, this is being a parent, huh? I think I can handle this. Oh, too intense, too intense.
Rachel & Chandler: Hey! Hi!
Monica: Well, I did it. I told my crew at the restaurant that I'm heading off to Tulsa.
Chandler: Oh yeah, how'd they take it?
Monica: Pretty well, yeah. They're brave little soldiers.
Monica:Did their best to be stoic.
Monica:Some of them even high fived each other to mask their pain.
Rachel: Oh, it's impossible to find a good doctor. I mean, how do you know the good ones from the ones who are gonna push their penis against your knee?
Monica: Excuse me?
Chandler: I know what she's talking about.
Chandler:Yeah, you probably also had the piano teacher with the wandering hands.
Rachel: We-we've got to find a new pediatrician.
Rachel:Ross was getting sick last night, and I think Emma may have caught it.
Monica: Why don't you go see Dr. Gettleman?
Rachel: Ross said he died.
Monica: He didn't die. I saw his daughter last week. Said he was fine. Her on the other hand, botched Botox.
Rachel: Oh great! Well then I'm gonna take Emma to see him. I wonder why Ross said that he died.
Monica: Oh, maybe he was getting him confused with his childhood therapist.
Chandler: He saw a therapist?
Monica: Uh-huh, Yeah, he used to have this recurring nightmare, just really freaked him out.
Rachel: Wow, what was it?
Monica: That I was going to eat him.
Mike: I gotta tell you, I can't believe I'm doing this with you.
Mike:Although yeah I did just get out of a nine-year relationship, so I guess I should be open and taking some risks.
Joey: That's good. Yeah, get all that born stuff out now.
Joey:Look, everything is gonna be fine, ok? Just follow my lead, all you have to do is pretend to be Mike.
Mike: I am Mike.
Joey: Ok here they come.
Phoebe: Hi, Phoebe.
Mike: Hey. Phoebe, I'm Mike. How you doing.
Phoebe: Nice to meet you, Joey, this is Mary Ellen Jenkins. So, Mike, how do you and Joey know each other anyway?
Mike: How do Joey and I know each other?
Mike:Wow, if I had a nickel for every time somebody's asked me that.
Joey: From-from school.
Mike: Yeah, we met in college.
Mike:I mean, high school.
Phoebe: Wow, you guys go way back then.
Phoebe:So what're-what're you up to these days?
Mike: Well, I'm a lawyer.
Joey: Mike, 'attorney at law'!
Mike: Actually, I just gave up my practice.
Joey: What? That's-that's the kinda thing you usually run by me.
Mike: Well, I always wanted to play piano professionally, and I figured if I don't do this now, I never will.
Phoebe: Wow, that's great! I liked that better than the law thing, so...
Joey: Which is why I waited until now to introduce you to Mike.
Mary Ellen: I thought you thought he was still a lawyer.
Joey: No no no, that's not what I meant. Let's-let's get you a cocktail.
Monica: What're you doing?
Chandler: Looking for restaurant jobs for you in Tulsa.
Monica: Oh, that's so sweet. Find anything?
Chandler: Slim Pickings.
Monica: Nothing, huh?
Chandler: No, 'Slim Pickings', it's a barbecue joint.
Chandler:They're looking for a cook. Actually 'cook' may be a bit of a stretch.
Chandler:They're looking for someone to shovel mesquite.
Monica: 'Slim Pickings'...That is so cheesy.
Chandler: Oh, 'So Cheesy' also has an opening.
Monica: Honey, that's ok. I actually know this woman, Nancy, who's-who's a restaurant biz head-hunter. Maybe she'll know of something.
Chandler: Can I just say, how much I appreciate you coming with me. When we get to Tulsa I'm taking you for a great dinner at 'Slim Pickings'.
Chandler:'So Cheesy'? 'Whole Hog'? It's going to be tough to keep Kosher in Tulsa.
Monica: Hi, Nancy. Hi, it's Monica Geller.
Monica:I'm good. Listen, I'm-I'm looking for a job in Tulsa.
Monica:Well, my husband's been relocated...Because I love him!
Monica:No-no, I-I, I don't-don't wanna job in New York.
Monica:Javo is looking? Oh my God!
Monica:He asked for me personally? Oh my God!
Monica:Oh, wow, this is really really flattering, but I'm-I'm-I'm moving to Tulsa.
Monica:Yeah, so just if you would tell Javo...I'll take it!
Rachel: Hi, my name is Rachel Green, I have an appointment for Emma.
Receptionist: Oh, Dr. Gettleman is finishing up with a patient, he should be out shortly.
Rachel: Ok, thank you.
Dr. Gettleman: I think you just have a cold, it's definitely not Strep.
Ross: Thanks, doctor.
Dr. Gettleman: Would you like a lollypop?
Ross: You even have to ask?
Ross:He is alive!
Phoebe: You know, it's so surprising that you and Joey have known each other for so long and I've never heard about you.
Joey: Awh, that's uh, that's because we had a bit of a falling-out. Mike hit my mom with a car.
Mike: No, I didn't.
Joey: That's ok, Mike, I have forgiven you. And now we're friends again, everything's great!
Mary Ellen: Wait, is your mom ok?
Joey: Please, we're trying to have a conversation.
Mary Ellen: Wow, you're a lot nicer on 'Days of Our Lives'.
Mike: 'Days of Our Lives'! That's why you look so familiar!
Phoebe: Do you not know each other?
Joey: Of course we do! Mike is playing a game that we used to play in high school.
Joey:Yeah, where we pretend we don't know each other. We played all kinds of games. Hey, you remember the one where I punch you in the face for not being cool?
Phoebe: Mike, let me ask you something. How many sisters does Joey have?
Phoebe: No he doesn't, he has seven.
Joey: What're you doing? I said seven! Argh!
Phoebe: Joey, why did you set me up with a stranger?
Joey: Because I, I forgot about our date, I'm so sorry.
Mike: Yeah, I'm sorry too. And just to be clear, I didn't hit his mother with a car.
Mike:Although I'd like to be hit by one now.
Joey: Yeah, no problem.
Phoebe: You are unbelievable! I spent so much time finding the perfect girl for you, you know.
Phoebe:Mary Ellen is really smart and cute and loose.
Mary Ellen: Hey!
Phoebe: Oh who are you kidding?
Phoebe:You just find some guy off the street for me? God! This is humiliating!
Joey: Look Phoebe I'm so sorry! You know, hey, look, if you don't like this guy I can find you a better one. Mike! Mike!
Phoebe: Oh! I'm out of here.
Mike: It was nice meeting you!
Joey: You're leaving too?
Mary Ellen: I'll stay if you can tell me my name.
Joey: Have a good night!
Mary Ellen: Hmm.
Chandler: Honey, we're leaving tomorrow and you still got a lot of packing to do.
Monica: You're right. Maybe I shouldn't go.
Monica: Hmm, so Nancy told me about this-this job at this great restaurant, Javo. It's just a little outside of Tulsa.
Chandler: Well how far outside?
Chandler: And, you're thinking of taking it? So, before you said being with me was more important than any job, but I guess now it's old job, me, new job.
Monica: I'm gonna miss this hand! Ok, I know it's a lot to ask, but oh my God Chandler, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Chandler: What happened to 'you can't live without me four days a week'?
Monica: Well, if you really think about it, I mean four days is just not that long.
Monica:I mean, I see you Monday before you go to work, and I see you Thursday when you get back, and I always work late on Tuesdays, so really if you think about it, it's really just one day.
Monica:And, well, if we can't make it one day, we got real problems my friend.
Chandler: I-I think you should take the job.
Chandler: Yeah. I know it must be important to you when you start chattering like a monkey.
Monica: That's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me!
Chandler: Well, it's your dream job, I can't make you pass it up. Besides, I'm-I'm proud of you.
Monica: You are?
Chandler: Yeah. And when I get to Tulsa and people say, "Where's the missis", l'll tell them "she's a chef at Javu."
Chandler:And then, when they stare at me blankly, l'll make some offensive Tulsa joke, and thus begin my isolation.
Monica: How was the pediatrician?
Rachel: Oh, I really liked him. Yeah, yeah, it was really, really, really good.
Ross: You promised you wouldn't say anything.
Rachel: I know. Ross still sees his pediatrician! I don't care!
Monica: Are you serious? You still see Dr. Gettleman?
Ross: He's a brilliant diagnostician!
Chandler: Diagnostician or boo-boo fixer?
Rachel: Ross, seriously! You gotta go to an appropriate doctor and not an orthodontist, not a gynecologist, and not a veterinarian.
Ross: Why? Why? I-I know it's a little weird, but hey, he is a great doctor, ok?
Ross:He knows my medical history, and every time I go in there, he makes a big deal. You know, 'Ah, look, it's-it's my favorite patient!'
Chandler: Does he say that before he sticks his thermometer in your tushie?
Ross: Hey, I seem to remember someone bringing his security blanket to college!
Chandler: That was not a security blanket! That was a wall-hanging!
Ross: It didn't spend much time on the wall!
Mike: Oh, excuse me, hi. I was hoping I would run into you. Can we talk?
Phoebe: Sure. Yeah, there's someone I want you to meet. This is my best friend from high school.
Woman: I'm sorry, I don't think I know you.
Phoebe: Oh. How hard was that?
Mike: Look, I'm, I'm-I'm sorry, I'm really, I'm so embarrassed.
Mike:Please, really, I'm-I'm a pretty nice guy. Just ask my parole officer...Ap-apparently I'm not a funny guy.
Phoebe: Why did you go along with that?
Mike: Because I was told I'd get a free dinner, which I didn't. And that I'd meet a pretty girl. Which I did.
Phoebe: That's true. Well, is-is anything you told me about yourself true?
Mike: My name in Mike, and I do play piano.
Phoebe: Oh, uhuh, uhuh, prove it.
Mike: There isn't a piano here.
Phoebe: That wouldn't stand in the way of a true pianist.
Phoebe: You are really good! Um, um, I-I play a little guitar myself.
Mike: That's great.
Mike: What kind of music do you play?
Phoebe: Well, um, like acoustic folksy stuff. You know? But I'm right now working on a couple 'Iron Maiden' covers.
Mike: Do you think that maybe, sometime, I could...
Phoebe: It's ok. Go ahead, ask me out.
Mike: Ok. Do you think maybe sometime I could take you out?
Phoebe: Oh, you just caught me off guard! Yeah, that would be nice. Yeah.
Joey: Look at this. My two best friends!
Ross: Excuse me, uh, I don't mean to be a jerk, but the baby with the rash came in after me.
Receptionist: The doctor will be right with you sir.
Ross: I hear you, but do-do you have any harder puzzles?
Girl: Mommy, I can't find Waldo.
Ross: What page you're on? What, the circus? He's behind the elephant.
Woman: Wow, so your child is a big fan of the Waldo books too?
Ross: Yeah, that's-that's how I know. I'm Ross by the way.
Sally: Hi, I'm Sally.
Sally: So, no ring. Can I assume you are also a single parent?
Ross: I am a single parent.
Sally: It's hard isn't it? There's-there's almost no time for a social life. I mean, where're you gonna meet someone?
Girl: Mommy, I can't...
Ross: Seashore? Rowboat. Well, um, let's say, I don't know, you-you met someone in the pediatrician's office.
Nurse: Rossy, we're ready for you.
Ross: Hmm, yeah. Come on Ross Jr. It's time to go in.
Girl: Mommy, what's wrong with that man?
Ross: Hey, I helped you find Waldo!
Ross: Oh, good, you haven't left yet.
Monica: Where have you been?
Ross: I got held up at Dr. Gettleman's office.
Ross:Uh, there-there was some guy that uh freaked everybody out.
Ross:I-I-I don't think I'm going back there.
Chandler: Well, you got here just in time. I really have to go buddy.
Ross: Oh man.
Monica: Honey, promise to call me when you land.
Chandler: Of course I will call you. I love you.
Monica: I love you too.
Rachel: Ok, wow, wow, wow. Watch the tongue people, we got a baby over here.
Phoebe: Bye, Chandler.
Chandler: Awww. Bye!
Rachel: Bye honey.
Chandler: What's the matter Joe?
Joey: I'm mad at you for leaving!
Joey:You're nothing but a big leaver.
Joey:Big leaver with a stupid, suitcase.
Chandler: Any chance you are trying to pick a fight to make all this easier?
Joey: Aw dude, you see right through me! !
Chandler: Ok, well, bye Mon, bye Ross, Rachel, bye Emma!
Phoebe: Ok, bye-bye! Good trip! Ok.
Monica: Chandler, wait. It goes: old job, new job, and you. This is just something I have to do.
Chandler: I know.
Monica: I love you so much.
Chandler: I know that too.
Chandler: Don't worry, I'll be back before you know it. Yes it will be the same. Because I know, that's how. I promise.
Joey: You double promise? Call me when you land.
Monica: Can I talk now?
Joey: Ok, bye.
Joey: He had to board.
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