Joey: Hey. So where's Mon?
Chandler: Oh, she's at home, putting up decorations for Rachel's birthday party tonight.
Joey: And you're not helping?
Chandler: I tried, but apparently singing "I will survive" in a helium voice - not helping.
Ross: Hey, you guys!
Joey and Chandler: Hey! Happy birthday...
Rachel: Shhh don't say that loud, Gunther's gonna wanna hug me.
Ross: Uh, good news everyone, we finally found a nanny.
Ross: This is Molly. Molly, Chandler, Joey.
Joey and Chandler: Hi.
Ross: Ooh, somebody's getting a little fussy.
Joey: You damn right I am, I've been waiting for a cookie for 7 minutes.
Rachel: Ok, you know what, I'm just gonna take her outside.
Molly: No, you stay, I'll do it.
Rachel: OK, thank you.
Molly: Nice to meet you guys.
Joey: Yeah, you too.
Rachel: Oh, wow, Molly is just great!
Chandler: Yes, Bravo on the hot nanny.
Rachel: What? You really think she's hot?
Chandler: Are you kidding?
Rachel: If I wasn't married she'd be rejecting me right now.
Joey: How do you think she's doing?
Rachel: Am I the only one who doesn't think that she's hot? Ross?
Ross: Eh, I mean, I mean she's not unattractive but but-but hot? I...
Rachel: Thank you!
Chandler: Now that Rachel's gone?
Ross: So hot I cried myself to sleep last night.
Phoebe: Hey Mike, what's the capital of Peru?
Phoebe: No. Ohm, it starts with a "v" and ends with an "x". And hopefully with a, with a "to" in the middle.
Mike: You know, kinda think of it, the capital of Peru IS "vtox". Oh God! Oh!
Mike: OK, I don't wanna freak you out or anything, but I just saw a rat in your cupboard.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, no, that's Bob.
Mike: What, he is your pet rat?
Phoebe: Well not so much a pet as, you know, an occasional visitor who I put food out for, you know. Kinda like Santa.
Phoebe: Except Santa doesn't poop on the plate of cookies.
Mike: You can't keep a rat in your apartment!
Mike: They're extremely unsanitary, and they transmit leptospirosis and hantavirus.
Phoebe: What are those?
Mike: I don't know but they don't sound like spa treatments. You-you have to get rid of it!
Phoebe: OK, fine, if it means that much to you I'll get rid of Bob.
Mike: Thank you.
Phoebe: It's just so weird, you think he's so gross and you're willing to eat his crackers.
Rachel: Gavin, I, I just wanted to say thank you again for watching Emma yesterday during the presentation. I really owe you an apology.
Gavin: For what?
Rachel: Well, when we first met, you know, I thought you were pompous and arrogant and obnoxious.
Gavin: Is this your first apology?
Rachel: No, I just mean that, you know, first impressions don't mean anything.
Rachel: And I-I think you're a really good guy and I'm sorry that I misjudged you.
Heather: Good morning!
Heather: But you know what? Hey, new day, new leaf. I am just really, really happy...
Heather: I'm sorry. Obviously, Heather's ass has something more important to say so I'll just wait till it's finished.
Rachel: I was giving you an apology and you were totally checking her out!
Gavin: I wasn't checking her out. I'm in fashion. I was looking at her skirt.
Gavin: Or was it pants? I didn't really see what happened below the ass area.
Rachel: Oh, wow, you are really, you're really a creep.
Gavin: Why do you even care if I was looking at her? Are you jealous?
Rachel: Oh yeah, I'm jealous. "Oh, Gavin. Please, please look at my ass." Stop looking at my ass!
Rachel: I mean, I just think you are totally inappropriate. Okay? This is a work environment. She's your subordinate.
Gavin: But it was ok when you slept with your old assistant Tag?
Rachel: That is totally different for two reasons.
Rachel: One: I didn't know that you knew that.
Rachel: And two: I wasn't some creep staring at his ass.
Rachel: We had a...We had a deep, meaningful relationship.
Gavin: Huh. What's Tag's last name?
Rachel: It was...Oh, my God. He didn't...He didn't...He didn't have a last name.
Rachel: It was just-just "Tag". You know, like-like Cher, or, you know, Moses.
Gavin: But it was a deap meaningful relationship.
Rachel: Oh, you know what, my first impression of you was absolutely right.
Rachel: You are arrogant. You are pompous. Morgan! Morgan!
Rachel: Tag's last name was Morgan! Huh!
Gavin: It was Jones.
Rachel: Yeah well what're you, his boyfriend?
Joey: Man, I wish I had a nanny like you.
Molly: You mean, when you were a baby?
Monica: Would you stop staring at her?
Chandler: I wasn't staring. I was leering.
Monica: What's the big deal with her?
Monica: Maybe she's attractive in an obvious kind of way.
Ross: Yeah, obvious beauty's the worst. You know, when it's right there in your face.
Ross: Me, I like to have to work to find someone attractive. Makes me feel like I earned it.
Chandler: Looks like Joey is doing allright with her.
Monica: Yeah. Hey, that was nice of you guys to back off and let Joey get the girl for once.
Molly: I'm gonna take her back to the apartment.
Ross: Ok, I'll be uh home right after work.
Ross: Ok, by Emma-Wemma-Demma, I love you- wo you do vyou...
Monica: They've elected me to talk to you about the baby talk, It's not so good.
Molly: I think it's sweet.
Joey and Chandler: Bye, Emma-Wemma-Demma.
Ross: Hey, listen, Joey, about Molly, I really prefer if you didn't go after her.
Joey: Why not?
Ross: Because it took us months to find a good nanny And I wouldn't want anything to, you know, drive her away.
Joey: So, what, you-you think I'm just gonna sleep with her and never call her again, and things are gonna get uncomfortable? Yeah, that sounds about right.
Ross: Come on, there are plenty of other women out there, ok?
Ross: Just-just forget about her, ok? Just, she's off limits.
Joey: Oh, man, why did you have to go and say that for?
Joey: Now that you told me I can't have it makes me want her even more!
Ross: What're you, a child?
Chandler: It's true; he's like a little boy. Like Ben! Just think of him as a really, really, really horny Ben.
Ross: No! Look, Joey, come on, now, for me! Please, just-just try to focus your sexual energy on someone else.
Monica: Take me home!
Ross: You want a piece of this?
Phoebe: Hey, Mikey.
Mike: Hey, Pheeb.
Phoebe: What're you doing?
Mike: Setting rat traps.
Phoebe: To kill Bob?
Mike: No, no, to test his neck strength.
Phoebe: No, Mike, I don't wanna kill him!
Phoebe: I thought we were just gonna capture him and, you know, set him free in the countryside where he could meet a friendly possum and a wisecracking owl.
Mike: Ok, ok, I'll throw away the traps.
Phoebe: All right, I'll find Bob, I'll get him. Bob? Bob? Robert?
Phoebe: Wait, I think I hear him. Oh- Oh my god! Bob had babies! Bob's a mom!
Mike: Better think of a new name for him.
Phoebe: Oh, I don't know, I kinda like Bob for a girl.
Mike: I don't know, I mean I'm not sure that which...
Phoebe: Oh my God, we killed Bob!
Mike: Maybe-mabe it wasn't Bob, maybe it was a mouse.
Chandler: That's it? It's over? Who shoot J.R. ? Who shot J.R. ? I have got to get a job.
Chandler: Seriously dude, 3 years ago.
Ross: Listen, can you do me a favor? I'm gonna be out today.
Ross: Can you keep an eye on Joey. make sure nothing happens between him and Molly?
Chandler: You don't trust him?
Chandler: Some woman who sounded a lot like Joey called earlier and asked for her daughter, the "hot nanny."
Chandler: Is this really your long term plan, for me to run interference?
Chandler: Because I could get a job any day now.
Ross: You do appear right on the cusp of something.
Ross: Look, come on, man. I'm sure he'll lose interest in a week or two, but for now, could you please just do this for me?
Chandler: All right, fine, but don't blame me if it doesn't work, 'Cause you know as well as I do that once Joey sets his mind on something, more often than not, he's going to have sex with it.
Ross: Well, well, I mean, we gotta do something, ok?
Ross: Nannies like her don't grow on trees.
Chandler: Picturing that tree?
Ross: I am, yes.
Chandler: Where're you going, Joe?
Joey: For a walk.
Chandler: Oh. You mind if I join you?
Joey: Actually, I'd rather be alone.
Joey: You know, I really need to organize my thoughts.
Chandler: Your thoughts? Plural?
Joey: All right, fine. I only have one thought. It's about the hot nanny! I gotta see her!
Chandler: I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Joe.
Joey: Now you're saying I can't see her?
Joey: You guys are killing me! She's forbidden fruit! It's like, like...like she's the princess and I'm the stable boy.
Chandler: Look, I know. She's the most beautiful woman in the world.
Monica: I can hear you.
Chandler: Could you set my pillow and blanket on the couch for me, please?
Joey: Yeah, Why are you doing this, huh?
Joey: Did Ross tell you not to let me go over there?
Chandler: Yes, as a matter of fact, he did. So I can't let you go.
Joey: Huh. Interesting. Now there are obstacles. Hot nanny and me against the world! This is the stuff great novels are made of.
Chandler: Great novels?
Joey: Fine...mediocre porn.
Gavin: Gavin Michelle's office.
Rachel: Rachel Green's office! Give me that phone.
Gavin: Hello, this is Rachel Greene. How can I help you? Uh huh...
Gavin: Okay then. I'll pass you back to your son.
Gavin: Hey, Mom. No, that's just my secretary.
Rachel: Um, excuse me, Gavin, I have a question I need to ask you.
Gavin: Mom, I'll call you later. Yeah.
Rachel: If you like looking at butts so much why don't you just go look in a mirror?
Gavin: Thank God you finally said that. I saw you make a note on your pad three hours ago. Man, I really bug you, don't I?
Rachel: Oh, no, please, I don't care about you enough to bug me.
Rachel: In fact, from now on, I'm going to take the high road and I'm going to be very, very nice to you, you mama's boy starting right now.
Monica: Hey Rach!
Monica: You about ready for your birthday lunch?
Rachel: I am, I am!
Monica: Oh, but first, Monica, I would like to introduce you to my very talented colleague and more importantly my wonderful friend Gavin Mitchelle.
Gavin: Pleased to meet you.
Monica: Pleased to meet you.
Gavin: So you're coming to Rachel's party tonight?
Rachel: Oh no no no no no, Gavin can't, he already has plans, most likely with his mother.
Gavin: Well I don't mind, I'll cancel them. I would never miss my secretary's birthday.
Rachel: Oh God! Why did you invite him? I can't stand that guy!
Monica: You were just being so nice to him!
Rachel: I was faking it! Can't you tell when I'm being fake?
Rachel: Hey, Mr Philips, nice suit!
Rachel: Right there. That was so fake!
Monica: Hey, Chandler, which do you like better the tuna tartar or the mushroom panamas? The pile of raw fish, or the tacos?
Chandler: Oh, the tacos. Definitely, the tacos.
Rachel: Oh, honey, I still can't believe you invited Gavin, and he is just the last person I want to see.
Monica: Oh, you're welcome for the party. I'm glad you're having a good time.
Rachel: God, I hope he doesn't show up. Of course he's not gonna show up, the guy hates me.
Monica: Does he?
Monica: Maybe he's-he's bothering you so much because he likes you.
Monica: It's like in first grade when Skippy Lang-wild always pushed me on the playground because he secretly had a crush on me.
Rachel: Oh, Monica, you think Skippy liked you? Honey, all those boys had a bet to see if he could knock you over.
Molly: She's out, I'm gonna take her home.
Rachel: Oh, ok, thank you.
Molly: Bye, sweetheart. Do you see what all the guys see in her?
Monica: Wouldn't kick her out of bed. No more vodka for me.
Joey: Hey, Rach! So, can I sing happy birthday to you now?
Rachel: Yeah, sure!
Joey: Oh...All right. Happy birth...See you later.
Monica: Hey Rach somebody got you shoes!
Rachel: Oh, give me!
Monica: Wow. Wow. Oh, my God!
Phoebe: Careful! Careful! These are my rat babies!
Mike: Yeah. We have rat babies now.
Rachelle: Ahhhh, you brought rats to my birthday party? So this is what a stroke feels like.
Phoebe: I had to bring them! We killed their mother, They're our responsibility now.
Phoebe: You know, they require constant care. You should know that, you're a mother.
Rachel: Are you comparing my daughter to a rat?
Phoebe: No! Seven rats! I think we should take them home, we need to feed them.
Rachelle: Whhh-wait, you're gonna leave my party to take care of a box of rats?
Phoebe: Well I'm sorry Rachel, but I'm not like you, Ok? Not everyone can afford help.
Ross: Hey, where-where the hell are Joey and Molly? I asked you to watch them.
Rachel: I'm sorry, I got a little preoccupied.
Ross: Look, we have to stop, them before something happens!
Rachel: Right behind you, big guy!
Joey: So, you see, Molly, what people don't understand is that acting is a discipline. Takes a lot of hard work.
Molly: So where'd you study?
Joey: Oh, I didn't go to college.
Molly: No, where'd you study acting?
Joey: Molly...people don't study acting...
Ross: Molly, ah, do you mind giving us just a minute?
Molly: Sure, I'll go check on Emma.
Joey: Will the stable boy never get the princess?
Ross: So what, what do you think you're gonna do, huh? have sex with her right here on my couch?
Joey: No...the leather sticks to my ass.
Joey: You know, this isn't fair. What makes you think, that I'm just gonna sleep with her and then blow her off?
Joey: Huh? Can't you guys open your minds to the possibility that I actually like her, and might want something real?
Joey: Look, the truth is, I haven't felt this way about anyone since Rachel.
Joey: Okay? I didn't think I could ever love again.
Ross and Rachel: Come on! Joe!
Woman: Hi, is Molly here?
Ross: Ah, yeah, yeah. Come on in. Molly?
Molly: Hey! Guys, this is Tabatha.
Molly: I'll see you tomorrow.
Ross: Uh, well, Joey, I, I guess we have no problem.
Joey: It's like my favorite fairy tale come true!
Joey: The princess, the stable boy and the lesbian.
Phoebe: OK, you start preparing the formula and I'll start changing the box. and then we gotta put them straight to bed.
Mike: Hey, when did we become one of those couples whose lives revolve around their rats?
Phoebe: Well, you know what, they're our responsibility now.
Mike: Ok, fine, these rats are our responsibility. What happens when they mate and there are hundreds of them?
Phoebe: Mate? They're all brothers and sisters.
Mike: Yeah, uh, not such a problem with rats. No, they're more of a "love the one you're with" kind of animal.
Phoebe: No. Really? Oh my God, get off your sister! Oh my god, what are we gonna do?
Phoebe: We have 7 rats. So what if, what if each of them has 7 rats? And then each of those have 7 rats? That's like...That's math I can't even do! What are we gonna do?
Mike: I know this is gonna sound crazy, but, we could not let the box of rats ruin our lives.
Phoebe: Yeah, ok. I guess you're right. All right, so we should just give them away.
Phoebe: But to nice families, with-with children, and reduced fat Wheat Thins. Those were Bob's favorites.
Mike: It's gonna be ok.
Phoebe: You must think I'm crazy.
Mike: No, I think you're sweet.
Phoebe: Good. It's just-just so hard, it's hard for me to...let them go.
Phoebe: I guess it just brings back memories, you know from when I gave birth to my brother's triplets and I had to give them up.
Phoebe: I haven't told you about that yet, have I?
Rachel: Hi. Thanks for the party, honey. Should I help you clean up?
Monica: No way! You had your party, now I have mine! Is everything alright?
Rachel: Yeah, I just get a little bummed when my birthday's over.
Monica: Well, at least you have one thing to be happy about.
Monica: That jerk Gavin from your office didn't show up.
Rachelle: Mmm hmm.
Gavin: Yeah, I hate him.
Monica: Oh, we weren't talking about you. No, no way to recover. No. Rachel: Uhh.
Gavin: Fun party. Rachel: Well, it was, and you would've seen it if you didn't showed up at...9:30? God! Oh, this party was lame...
Monica: Again, you're welcome.
Gavin: Look, I'll just give you this and go.
Rachel: Oh, you bought me a present! Why?
Gavin: Well, let me explain how birthday parties usually work.
Gavin: There are presents and a cake, perhaps a fourth or fifth person.
Gavin: Ok, I...I got you the present to make up for being such a jerk to you.
Rachel: Aww. Well, ok, well that's very nice. And you wrote a card. "From Gavin." Gavin: I really mean it.
Rachel: Awww, awww, it's beautiful.
Gavin: You don't mind? Let me. Well, what do you know, it fits!
Rachel: See, Gavin, you're capable of being a nice guy. Why did you give me such a hard time?
Gavin: I'm not sure.
Rachel: Well, Monica seems to think it's because you have feelings for me.
Gavin: I do have feelings for you.
Rachel: You do?
Gavin: Yes, I feel that you are a little annoying.
Rachel: See, why? Gavin, why? Right when I'm about to change my opinion of you, you go and you. .
Rachel: And you do that.
Phoebe: Hey. Chandler: Hey.
Phoebe: Listen, I-I think I left something here.
Chandler: Oh, well, someone left this. This is yours?
Phoebe: No, but I like it. No, I think I left one of my rat babies.
Chandler: Oh, uh, well, no, I haven't seem it but if I do I'll let you know.
Monica: Oh! Rat baby! Rat baby! Rat baby!
Phoebe: Ooh, maybe that's him!