Monica: Hey guys!
All: Hi! Hey!
Monica: We need to talk to you about something.
Chandler: Yeah. We don't feel like we can host Thanksgiving this year.
All: What? Why! What're you talking about? Are you kidding?
Chandler: Well, it's just with um, work and the stress of adoption, we just don't feel like we have the energy. Plus, we don't think it's fair that every year the burden falls on us.
Ross: That doesn't sound like you...That's Monica talking!
Chandler: No, no! We made this decision together.
Ross: She's putting words in your mouth!
Joey: Don't you put words in people's mouths, you put turkey in people's mouths!
Rachel: I can't believe this! This is Emma's first Thanksgiving!
Monica: No, it's not!
Rachel: It's not? When was she born?
Phoebe: Well, personally I think it's great you're giving yourself a break.
Monica: Thank you, Pheebs!
Phoebe: Sure. It's just as well...I mean, last year wasn't very good. I think she's losing her touch.
Monica: What? You are way off, lady!
Phoebe: Am I? Really? Am I? Well, why don't you cook Thanksgiving dinner and prove me wrong! Well, think about it, think about it, you'll...you'll be trying to top than you did last year. You'd be in competition...with yourself.
Monica: That's my favourite kind! Ok, we're doing this!
Chandler: Don't let yourself get manipulated this way!
Monica: Stay out of this, Chandler! This is between me...and ME!
Chandler: We're supposed to make these decisions together! Did you not watch The Doctor Phil I taped for you?
Rachel: Hi! Happy Thanksgiving!
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, happy needless-turkey-murder day.
Monica: You guys, I ordered uh some chocolate pies from that bakery on Bleecker. Could you pick them up for me?
Phoebe: You're not making the pies yourself?
Monica: No no no no, I don't make chocolate pies. When I was younger I...I entered this pie-eating contest. I ate so many that just the thought of them made me sick.
Rachel: Did you at least win the contest?
Monica: 2 minutes, 12 pies and a part of one tin! Ok, I'll see you guys at 4.
Rachel: Can't wait!
Monica: This dinner is gonna be so great! In your face, last year "me"!
Phoebe: Hey Rach.
Phoebe: What's Emma doing today?
Rachel: Well, let's see, uh, I know that she has a meeting with her lawyer and then she has to make a very big poop. Why?
Phoebe: Well, I wanna enter her in a baby beauty pageant.
Rachel: Oh my God! That's the creepiest thing I've ever heard!
Phoebe: Ok, but, well, before you say no, my friend Susanne is entering her kid and compared to Emma she's a real dog!
Rachel: Oh! Phoebe, all babies are beautiful!
Phoebe: Yeah o-ok.
Rachel: Phoebe, just the idea of pitting one baby against another, I mean, you know, and judging who's cuter just for a trophy...
Phoebe: And a thousand dollars.
Rachel: Is something I'm very interested in! Oh please, do not tell Ross. He still believes that what's in the inside is important.
Phoebe: Ok, oh, and Emma needs a cowgirl outfit for the competition.
Rachel: Where am I gonna get a cowgirl outfit on Thanksgiving?
Phoebe: Well, I was thinking...
Rachel: Oh, take the clothes off Joey's Cabbage Patch Kid.
Monica: Does someone drop the baton again?
Chandler: Why come all the way from Kansas to do that?
Monica: I don't get older, I'm just get better.
Chandler: You know what just occurs to me? This could be our last Thanksgiving just the two of us. I mean, we could be getting a baby soon!
Monica: You don't know that.
Chandler: Somebody is gonna pick us.
Monica: Yeah, but we haven't heard a thing from the adoption agency and it's been weeks!
Chandler: I'm telling you! It's gonna happen. Next year it's gonna be you, me and the little Hemingway Bing. What, he's my favorite author!
Monica: Name one of his books.
Chandler: "The Firm"?
Monica: Ok, let's see. Uh, k, the turkey is in the oven, the stuffing is ready...
Chandler: You know, you always cook this meal all by yourself. Let me help this year.
Monica: Oh, Chandler, that's sweet. But you don't have to do everything Doctor Phil tells you to do.
Chandler: I'm serious, let me do something, just not the turkey or the stuffing, nothing "high profile".
Monica: Ok, let's see. Oh, the cranberry sauce, it is easy to make and no one really cares about it.
Chandler: Tell me more.
Monica: Ok, I'm gonna go check on something across the hall. You start by washing these.
Monica: Not with soap!
Chandler: You obviously haven't tasted my Palmolive potatoes!
Ross: Hey! Hey, guess what Joey has!
Joey: Three tickets to today's Rangers game!
Ross: Dude, I wanted him to guess.
Chandler: Oh my God!
Joey: Yeah, they're great seats too!
Ross: Guess where they are?
Joey: Center ice.
Ross: Did I do something to you?
Chandler: Hmm, the game's at one.
Chandler: Dinner is at four, we'll never gonna make it back.
Joey: So we'll leave before it's over, we'll be back in time.
Chandler: You say that now, but it could take us a long time to get back home. Plus Joey could get lost and and they could have to page us to go pick him up.
Joey: Dude, two times that happened!
Chandler: Look, Monica's been working hard all day, she didn't wanna host this thing in the first place, we shouldn't go!
Ross: He's right, man.
Joey: Yeah, I guess. Alright, so see you at four.
Chandler: Ok. And get ready to taste my very special cranberries. Or should I say...chanberries!
Joey: That's some gentle comedy, dude.
Ross: We're still going to the game, right?
Rachel: Oh Phoebe, listen. Well, I think we gotta go. This place is really freaking me out. I've been watching this guy over there, I don't think he came with a kid!
Phoebe: But we can't leave now! There was this one baby, Haley, who was favorite to win and she got croup, so she had to stay home! This competition just blew wide open, folks!
Rachel: Phoebe, I think...It's just too weird, I just saw a one-year-old running around with pantyhose on!
Phoebe: Oh, I know, we should've been more prepared. It's ok. Now, the way I see it, our real competition now is Cameron. Oh my God, they just took her sweater off. Look at those arms! Hello Michelin Man.
Rachel: Oh, Phoebe! Come on! Hey you know what, it's already three o'clock and they haven't even gotten to Emma's group yet. We gotta go, we got dinner!
Phoebe: But Emma's got what it takes, she could go all the way!
Rachel: Ok, Phoebe. Phoebe, you have to calm down.
Phoebe: Ok. Rachel, the hottest babies in the Tri-State Area are in this room right now! I overheard one of the judges say that not one of them holds a candle to Emma!
Rachel: You heard them say that?
Rachel: All right, ok. Alright, let's give to these babies something to cry about!
Phoebe: Good! Hey! Let's get down to business! Emma needs some makeup!
Rachel: What! No, what?
Phoebe: Well, she's gonna look all washed out next to the other contestants!
Rachel: No, Phoebe, I am not letting you put makeup on my baby!
Phoebe: Why not?
Rachel: Because I already did!
Ross: What a game, huh?
Joey: I know, yeah.
Ross: I can't believe Chandler is missing this!
Joey: Yeah. I am sorry he's not here too, but I gotta say, I am really enjoying Nacho Chair.
Ross: Yeah, I'd probably enjoy it more if you didn't keep batting my hand away.
Joey: Ohhhh! Yeah.
Ross: These seats are great!
Ross: I know, I know! When I was here for Holidays on Ice I was sitting so far away Michelle Kwan couldn't read my banner!
Joey: Dude, I'm sure she knows you heart her.
Ross: I hope so.
Joey: Wow, hey, we'd better get going. If we don't leave right now, we'll be late for dinner.
Ross: Oh, but it's a tied game! So we're a little late, you know, the girls will be there, let's, let's just stay for one more goal.
Joey: I don't know...
Ross: One more fight!
Monica: Where is everybody? They're forty-five minutes late!
Chandler: I can't believe they are not here! I slave and I slave for what? They've ruined cranberry day!
Joey: How late are we?
Ross: Forty-five minutes.
Joey: Ok. Rachel and Phoebe are already there, ok? So they probably started without us. We could just slip in and no one needs to know where we were!
Ross: You may wanna lose the foam finger!
Joey: Oh, no, no, no, no. You just want to put it on your hand!
Joey: You, you are not at Thanksgiving?
Phoebe: No, we're late!
Rachel: What're you doing here!
Ross: We're late too!
Joey: We figured we could be late because you guys were gonna be on time.
Phoebe: Don't point that thing at me, Tribbiani!
Ross: So, nobody's here? Monica's gonna kill us!
Joey: Yeah, where were you?
Ross: Yeah, yeah, what's with the trophy? !
Rachel: Well, eh...
Phoebe: Uh, we were at a Spelling Bee!
Rachel: And I won!
Ross: You won an adult Thanksgiving day Spelling Bee.
Rachel: Yes! Y-E-S.Yes!
Ross: Let me see this...Grand Supreme Little Darling, New York Division.
Rachel: Yeah that's me!
Ross: You entered Emma into a Beauty Pageant?
Phoebe: And it looks like she put makeup on her!
Joey: Wait a second, wait a second, where have I seen that cowgirl outfit before...
Ross: I can't believe this, she's our daughter! That you would treat her like some kind of showdog is inexcusable!
Rachel: She won a thousand dollars!
Ross: So this is an annual thing?
Joey: Oh! That's Alicia Mae Emory's outfit!
Phoebe: You guys, there are people in there who are not getting any happier!
Ross: Yeah. What are we gonna do?
Rachel: I don't know, you guys figure it out, I gotta put Emma down for a nap.
Joey: All right. Hey Rach, while you're in there, throw something on Alicia Mae.
Phoebe: Alright, what're we gonna say?
Ross: Ooh, we'll say that we were mugged! You can't get mad at someone who's been mugged!
Phoebe: Oh, good, that's good, but you don't look like you were mugged!
Joey: Nah. Here.
Monica: Do you hear something?
Chandler: They're out there!
Monica: Ohhh! Let me see! My God, I can't believe this! They're an hour late and they're just staying out there, talking!
Chandler: Everything is so distorted! Looks like Joey has a giant hand! Which says "Rangers" on it. They went to the game!
Monica: Oooh! They are in for a world of pain!
Chandler: Ross' shirt is torn.
Monica: They're late and they're sloppy!
Rachel: Alright, Emma is napping...what happened to your shirt?
Ross: I got mugged. And they stole my pocket.
Phoebe: We're just...we're trying to figure out an excuse. Hey! Ooh! How about this: We can say that Monica told us 5 o'clock, not 4 o'clock. That way we're right on time! OR...or, we can plant PCP in the apartment and call the cops on her.
Ross: That would be a good way to get rid of all the PCP we have a line around.
Rachel: You know what, we just say that she said it was 5 o'clock. We'll just act casual. We're not late, we're right on time.
Ross: "We know you're out there."
Joey: Who do you think it's from?
Rachel: Oh, God. This is bad. This is so bad.
Ross: Well, let's just go in there and face them.
Phoebe: Well, I'm not going in first. I bet that vein on Monica's forehead is popping like crazy.
Joey: I hate that thing, it's like a...bolt of lightning.
Rachel: Oh, hey, I have an idea. Why don't we play rock-paper-scissors, and whoever loses goes in first.
Joey: oh! All right, I'm in.
Joey: Ha ha! I win!
Ross: What is that?
Joey: That's fire. Beats everything.
Phoebe: Oh, really? Does it beat water balloon?
Joey: Well played, Phoebe Buffay, well played.
Rachel: Alright, enough, enough, come on. Let's just all go in at the same time.
All: Ok, ok.
Phoebe: It's locked.
Ross: What? Oh, sure, now they lock it, but when they're having sex on the couch, it's like: "Come on in, my butt is surprisingly hairy".
Rachel: Alright, come on...Alright, you guys. We're so sorry we're late. Please let us in, so we can have dinner together.
Monica: No! Everything's cold. The turkey's dried out and the...the stuffing is all soggy.
Chandler: Yeah, and there's a bowl of cranberry sauce that...what happens to cranberry sauce?
Monica: Nothing. It's fine.
Chandler: Oh thank God!
Ross: Come on you guys, we're sorry, alri...? Our subway broke down.
Chandler: That's a lie, you went to the game, I can see Joey's hand.
Ross: For the love of God, take it off!
Rachel: You guys, come on, it doesn't matter why we're late. We're all here now, please let us in so we can have some of your delicious turkey.
Joey: I had a dream once about a fax machine that did that.
Monica: That's all the turkey you're gonna get.
Ross: How're we gonna decide who gets this?
Joey: Water balloon!
Phoebe: What're we gonna do? I'm starving.
Rachel: Oh, I just remembered. We do have something to eat. Monica put something in our oven this morning.
Phoebe: Oh yeah!
Monica: Hey, you touch that and you'll be sorry.
Chandler: Guys, I'll listen to her. The vein is bigger than I've ever seen it.
Rachel: Oh, my God, it's Brussels sprouts!
Ross: That's worse than no food.
Chandler: HA-HA! All you got was Monica's stinky Brussels sprouts!
Monica: Stinky? !
Chandler: Please let me stay on this side of the door.
Rachel: Oh, I know...I still have my old key! We can just unlock the door.
Phoebe: Well, I don't know if that's such a good idea. They clearly don't want to be with us.
Rachel: You know what? I don't wanna be with them either, but it's Thanksgiving and we should not wanna be together, together!
Joey: Just get in there and make a face to face apology, you know? Look 'em in the eye. I know I can get them to forgive us.
Ross: I don't know.
Joey: I'm telling you...
Joey: I can do it.
Ross: Yeah, he can do it!
Joey: Oh! It all looks so beautiful: the turkey, the stuffing...
Chandler: The cranberries?
Monica: Enough! A monkey could've made them.
Joey: Hey listen guys, we feel really terrible.
Chandler: He's doing that weird eye contact thing. Don't look at him, don't look at him!
Joey: Come on you guys, we want you to know we're very, very sorry. Right guys?
Ross: I feel terrible.
Phoebe and Rachel: So, so sorry.
Joey: Now let's not ruin this day. You worked so hard. Let's move past this and try to have a nice meal all together, huh?
Chandler: The floating heads do make a good point.
Monica: Yeah, they do seem to feel pretty bad.
Rachel: So bad.
Ross: So bad.
Phoebe: So bad.
Monica: Ok, ok. You two, go get the dessert. And I'll let you in.
Monica: Yeah, I asked you and Phoebe to pick up the pies. You did remember, right?
Phoebe: Pies, oh, we thought you said praise. Here!
Monica: Grand Supreme Little Darling?
Monica: Oh my God! YOU FORGOT THE PIES? Well, I cannot believe this. You force me to make dinner, then you're an hour late and you forget the one little thing that I asked you to do.
Ross: Really girls, not cool.
Chandler: Well, you man-heads aren't any better. You lied about going to the game. You knew it would make you late, and you still went anyway.
Joey: Hey! I'm getting a little tired of this ok? We said we're sorry. It's Thanksgiving for Pete's sakes! A day of forgiveness!
Ross: It's a day to be thankful.
Joey: Don't make me come up there!
Monica: Too late for apologies.
Joey: Fine! Let's just go. I don't need your stupid dinner.
Chandler: That would be a lot more convincing if you weren't drooling.
Rachel: Ewww, is that what that is?
Phoebe: Come on you guys, let's just do our own Thanksgiving.
Rachel: Yeah! I'll cook!
Ross: Yeah! Let's go out.
Joey: Yeah! You three, have a nice Thanksgiving.
Monica: The three of us?
Joey: Yeah! You, Chan, and the vein!
Joey: Oh-oh! I'm stuck!
Monica: Joey, that is not gonna work.
Joey: No seriously...I'm really wedged in here.
Phoebe: I'll...I'll pull you through.
Joey: Aaahh STOP! STOP! I'm worried about damaging my head.
Chandler: It's a little late for that.
Joey: Well, hurry up, you gotta do something.
Monica: Alright, well, this's not change anything. Ok, we need to get something to grease the sides of his face.
Chandler: Uhm, we've got turkey grease.
Monica: Bring it.
Joey: I just wanna say that I'm sorry I referred to the vein as a separate person...
Monica: Here you go!
Joey: Oh, that smells good!
Monica: Ok, try it.
Joey: It isn't working.
Monica: Alright, we're gonna have to unscrew the chain.
Joey: Well hurry, I can't feel my ears!
Chandler: Can you ever feel your ears?
Monica: Chandler, where are your tools?
Chandler: Oh, I left them on my bulldozer.
Chandler: I don't have tools!
Monica: Well I do, but Rachel borrowed them.
Rachel: I lent them to Ross.
Ross: I gave them to Joey.
Joey: I left them at the park.
Ross: I'm finding it really hard not to mess with him.
Phoebe: I've already stuffed a bunch of Brussel sprouts down his pants.
Monica: Ok, I have to get that. Now when I get back, I want you and your friends to be gone. Thanksgiving is over. The Vein has spoken.
Joey: It's really starting to hurt.
Chandler: Ok, look, I'm, I'm gonna pull on the door and you guys push as hard as you can. Maybe we can get enough room to wiggle him out, ok? Ok, so, PUSH!
Phoebe: Just a sec, we're kind in the middle of something here.
Joey: Ooh! Stop putting things down my pants!
Chandler: Come on, guys, PUSH!
Joey: Yeah! Come on!
Joey and Chandler: PUSH! PUSH! PUSH!
Chandler: My cranberries!
Joey: Man, I got food all over me.
Chandler: Argh! I can't believe what you did. Monica's gonna kill you!
Chandler: Look! Look! Look what the...Look what...Look what the floating heads did!
Monica: I don't care.
Chandler: What's going on?
Monica: That was the adoption agency.
Monica: We're getting a baby!
Chandler: Are you serious?
Monica: There's a pregnant woman in Ohio, and she picked us!
Rachel: I'm so happy for you!
Monica: This Thanksgiving kicks last Thanksgiving's ass!
Rachel: To Monica and Chandler...and that knocked up girl in Ohio.
Ross: I'm just so happy you guys are finally getting a kid.
Phoebe: I know. Have you considered pageanting?
Monica: I can't believe they called, I mean we're actually getting a baby.
Joey: Oh, I know how you feel.
Joey: Sure. I went through the exact same thing with Alicia Mae Emory. The waiting, the wondering. Oh. Then one day...I get that call from Toys "R" Us. She was in stock!
Chandler: That is the exact same thing.