Joey: Hey guys!
Monica: Hey, let me tell them!
Monica: Joey is gonna be a celebrity guest on a game show!
Ross: Really? Which one?
Monica: Fish, seaweed, a sunken ship.
Ross: Things you find in the ocean, You're gonna be on "Pyramid"!
Monica: Oh, that was our favorite game show ever!
Ross: Except for "Match game"...
Monica: Or "Win, Lose or Draw".
Chandler: What did I marry into?
Joey: Would you guys wanna come down tomorrow watch me tape the show?
Monica: Oh, I can't. We're throwing Phoebe a bachelorette party.
Phoebe: Yeah, sorry boys, this ride's closing.
Ross: Oh, and Chandler and I have this stupid college alumni thing. I can't believe you get to meet Donny Osmond.
Monica: Ross and I always wanted to be Donny and Marie.
Chandler: You guys just keep getting cooler and cooler!
Monica: Yeah, we used to perform for our family and friends.
Rachel: Oh God, that's right. I blocked that out.
Monica: "I'm a little bit country..."
Ross: "and I'm a little bit rock in roll..."
Chandler: I'm leaving you.
Ross: So weird to see all these people again. Oh my God, look, there's Geoffrey Cleric.
Ross: He was roommates with John Rosoff. He went out with Andrea Tamburino. She dumped him for Michael Skloff.
Chandler: Did I go to this school?
Ross: Hey, there's Missy Goldberg. You gotta remember her.
Chandler: Sure, nice.
Ross: Dude. You're married to my sister.
Chandler: You're right, by saying "nice" I'm virtually licking her.
Ross: Hey, I, I hear she's single again, you think I should ask her out?
Chandler: Are you asking permission to break the pact?
Ross: Yes please.
Ross: Hey. Hey, check out the flyers for the band. I made them on a Macintosh in the computer room!
Chandler: Awesome, the name really stands out.
Ross: Thanks to a little something called "Helvetica Bold 24 point"!
Chandler: Man, we're gonna rock that Asian student union!
Missy: Hey guys!
Chandler: Hey hey, Missy!
Ross: Hey. Missy!
Chandler: You know, our band is playing on Friday.
Ross: Yeah, yeah. You should come check us out. We're called "Way! No Way!"
Missy: No way!
Chandler and Ross: Way!
Missy: Right. I'll be there.
Ross: She's gone.
Chandler: I know it. You know, I'm totally gonna ask her out.
Ross: Dude, I was gonna ask her out.
Chandler: I said it first, bro.
Ross: Well, I thought it first, Holmes.
Chandler: Look, if you did...
Ross: Wait! Wait! What're we doing? What we have is too important to mess it up over some girl. I mean, we can get laid anytime we want.
Chandler: totally. I had sex in high school.
Ross: Me too. I'm good at it.
Chandler: All right, I say we make a pact. Neither of us will go out with Missy Goldberg.
Ross: You got it.
Chandler: All right, so that's Missy Goldberg, Phoebe Cates and Molly Ringwald, who neither of us can go out with.
Ross: Those are the pacts!
Chandler: Oh, and Sheena Easton. But we probably couldn't get her anyway.
Ross: Oh, oh, maybe not you!
Chandler: Well, I officially give you permission to break the pact.
Ross: Thank you. All right, here I go. Hey, remember how scary it used to be going up to girls in college?
Chandler: Your hands are shaking.
Ross: I know, and I can't stop sweating.
Voice: Five! Four! Three! Applause!
Donny Osmond: Yeah! Welcome, it is Soap Opera week here on Pyramid, let's meet our contestants. First, Gene Lester is a database specialist, he's gonna be playing with "Days of Our Life's" star Joey Tribbiani!
Joey: So...I know it could be intimidating for regular people to be around celebrities but...relax, I'm just like you! Only better looking and richer.
Donny: She'll be playing with star of General Hospital, Leslie Charleson. Welcome everybody. Good luck to all of you. Let's play Pyramid.
Donny: All right? Now, we flipped a coin before the show. Gene, you won the toss, so you're gonna start. Which category would you like?
Gene: I'll take "You crossed the line".
Donny: You crossed the line. Joey, describe for Gene, these things that have lines. Give me 20 seconds on the clock, please. Ready, go!
Joey: Uh...ok. It's a store, like a supermarket. Oh! I see...I see what I did. Ok, ok, ok, uh...I'm writing in my...
Joey: Noo, more like a notebook. Damn it! Ok...Oh, if I'm building an house, the plan isn't called the 'schm-print'. Can't say that either? Woha...hey...In high school, I once had sex with a girl right in the middle of the...
Joey: Yeah! But that is not what they're looking for.
Phoebe: Thank you so much for this.
Rachel: Oh, you like it?
Phoebe: Oh my God, it's all so elegant! When's the dirty stuff starting?
Rachel: What? Phoebe: You know, the strippers, and the guys dancing, and you know, pee pee's flying about.
Rachel: Pheebs, I...I, there isn't gonna be any flying about! We actually thought we were a little too mature for stuff like that.
Phoebe: Oh, ok. I see what you're doing, that's fine. This is all there is, just tea, ok. Hmm, raunchy!
Rachel: Seriously Pheebs, it's not gonna be that kind of a party.
Phoebe: Really? So this is...this is my big send off in the married life? Rachel this is the only bachelor party I'm ever gonna have! I, I got a big wad of ones in my purse! Really? I mean, really? It's just tea?
Rachel: No! Phoebe, of course there is more!
Rachel: I mean, I'll just go and talk to Monica and get an ETA on the pee pee's!
Rachel: We've got a problem.
Monica: Oh my God. Did someone find my Band-Aid in their scone?
Rachel: Ew, that wasn't an apricot?
Monica: What's, what's the problem?
Rachel: Oh, God ok, Phoebe wants a stripper.
Monica: Wait a minute, but we said we were too grown up for that.
Rachel: Yeah, well. It's what she wants. Hey, why is the page that has strippers on it dog-eared?
Monica: Chandler was in Tulsa. I, I was bored. Please don't tell him.
Donny: Now Gene I must remind you, you need all six of these to stay in the game, all right? Describe for Joey, things you find in your refrigerator.
Joey: He might as well just give us the points.
Donny: Give me twenty seconds on the clock. Ready? Go!
Gene: You put this in your coffee.
Joey: A spoon. Your hands. Your face!
Gene: It's white!
Joey: Paper, snow, a ghost!
Gene: It's heavier than milk!
Joey: A rock, a dog, the Earth.
Gene: You put this on a sandwich.
Joey: Salami, anchovies, jam!
Gene: It's white!
Joey: Paper, snow, a ghost!
Gene: It's made from eggs!
Gene: You put this on a hamburger!
Donny: Oh, time's up! Joey! You were, uh, almost on a roll there.
Donny: Uh, Gene, you're gonna have a chance to go to the winner circle in the second half. But right now Henrietta, you are going to the winner circle to try your luck for ten thousand dollars, right after this, don't go away.
Stage Manager: And we're out!
Joey: Hey, how about the Ketchup thing huh?
Gene: Yeah, impressive.
Joey: Oh, so we didn't win, but it's fun to play the game, right?
Gene: Hey! I got a kid starting college. I've got surgery on my knee, you just lost me ten grand!
Joey: Oh, wow! I'm so sorry, ok? I promise, we, we'll do better next time!
Gene: Well, I will, because I won't be playing with you.
Joey: Hey you know, some of those are pretty hard! Like why would there be a ghost in my fridge?
Ross: So, Saturday night!
Missy: I'd love to!
Missy: So how come it took you so long to ask me out?
Ross: Oh, well, uh, this is gonna sound kinda silly, but, do you remember my roommate Chandler Bing?
Missy: Sure, he was in your "band"?
Ross: It's been sixteen years but the air quotes still hurt.
Ross: That's ok. Uh, anyway, well he and I both really liked you a lot, uhm, but we didn't want anything to jeopardize our friendship, so we kinda...kinda made a pact, that neither of us could ask you out!
Ross: Yeah, why?
Missy: Well, Chandler and I used to make out! A lot!
Ross: You did?
Missy: Yeah. We'd go to the science lab after hours!
Ross: And on my turf? !
Monica: Hey, where is this guy? It's been over an hour.
Rachel: Well, he's coming from Jersey, he said he would get here as fast as he could! Oh, by the way, Phoebe's friend Marge found an earring in her cucumber sandwich.
Monica: Well, it's not mine. Wow, I am not on my game today.
Monica: Who is it?
Man: It's the police!
Rachel: The police!
Man: That's right, it's officer Goodbody.
Monica: What's the matter, officer? Has someone been bad?
Roy, the male stripper: Whoo, that's a lot of stairs!
Roy: Ooh, boy. You should warn people there's no elevator! I should not have had that Mexican food for lunch.
Monica: Are...are you gonna be ok, officer, uh...
Monica: If you say so.
Roy: So where's the young lady who I'm supposed to take down town!
Phoebe: Oh, God.
Roy: You, my dear, are under arrest.
Phoebe: Cardiac rest?
Roy: All right, somebody show me where to plug in my box, and we'll get this party started! Whaaaa...Here? All right.
Phoebe: Um, are you kidding?
Rachel: All right, look, we did not know that you wanted a stripper so we went to the phonebook, we got the first name we could find!
Phoebe: How old is your phonebook?
Monica: Oh my God, this man is gonna get naked in my apartment!
Phoebe: God. No, I don't wanna see him take his clothes off!
Roy: Are you talking about me?
Monica: Oh, no! I mean, obviously we wanna see you take your clothes off! Big piece of eye candy!
Roy: Ok, ok, ladies! Can I have your attention, please?
Roy: Did someone call, for the long arm of the law?
Roy: I should warn you, I have a concealed weapon!
Roy: I hope you're familiar with the States penal code, ok, ok, enough teasing. Now, for some pleasing!
Roy: She cringed!
Phoebe: This is how I look when I'm turned on!
Roy: You were talking about me before! Look, I don't need this! I'm outta here! Where's my hat? Look, I've been in this business for a long time!
Roy: Now if you just pay me my three hundred dollars, I'll be on my way!
Phoebe: Three hundred dollars, are you kidding?
Rachel: No, that's ok, let's me just get my checkbook!
Phoebe: No, you're not gonna pay him, he didn't do anything!
Roy: Didn't do anything? I took a bus all the way from Hoboken. And...I climbed, I don't know, like a billion stairs. It's not like I can take them two at a time!
Phoebe: I don't care. We're not paying you 300 dollars for this.
Roy: Well look it's not my fault if you're too uptight to appreciate the male form in all it's glory.
Phoebe: Oh yeah, ok. I'm uptight. Yeah, that's why I don't wanna watch a middle aged guy dance around in what I can only assume is a child's halloween costume!
Roy: I may've borrowed this from my nephew, but let me assure you, what's underneath, is all man.
Phoebe: I'm sorry, did you say all man or old man?
Roy: Oh, you're mean!
Monica: Uh, look, offi...officer, um, sir...
Roy: Damn it. OH! Big surprise! The hunk of beef has feelings!
Donny: Ok Henrietta, you've picked Jack and Jill went up the hill.
Joey: My friend Rachel has a kid. I totally know nursery rhymes!
Donny: Joey, describe these things associated with the United States Congress. Give me 20 seconds on the clock please. Ready? Go!
Joey: Pass. Ok, uh the little thing that hangs down at the back of your throat.
Joey: Oh, then pass!
Donny: Okay. Henrietta, you didn't get all the points you needed, so that means Gene, you are going to the winners circle to try for ten thousand dollars! And you're gonna be going there with Joey Tribbiani.
Chandler: Nope. You must be thinking of someone else. I was never in the band.
Ross: You made out with Missy Goldberg. How could you do that, after you promised me?
Chandler: Excuse me. That didn't make us sound gay at all!
Ross: You broke the pact!
Chandler: Ross, that was 16 years ago.
Ross: That doesn't matter! We're talking about the foundation of our friendship.
Chandler: I believe the foundation of our friendship was unfortunate hair.
Chandler: All right, look, if we're really gonna do this, it's not like you never broke one of the pacts.
Ross: I didn't.
Chandler: Oh really?
Chandler: Oh really?
Chandler: Adrienne Turner.
Chandler and Ross: Hey! Hey Adrienne.
Ross: I never did anything with Adrienne Turner.
Chandler: Oh, please, and you knew how much I liked her.
Ross: I don't know what...you're talking about.
Chandler: Really? Remember that big party? Freshman year? A week before Christmas vacation? I do. You had some visitors.
Monica: I can't believe we're at a real college party! I have to pee so bad!
Rachel: This is so awesome! College guys are so cute!
Monica: Hey, you had a boyfriend!
Rachel: No. But if some guy who looks like Corey Haim wants to kiss me tonight, I'm so gonna let him.
Monica: Hey look, there's Chandler, you know, that stupid friend of Ross who said I'm fat. You know I've already lost 4 pounds!
Rachel: It...You can so totally tell.
Monica: I know!
Rachel: Well let's see. Maybe he knows where Ross is.
Rachel: Hey, how's it going?
Chandler: Aren't you?
Rachel: Yeah, Rachel. And this is Ross' sister, Monica. We met at Thanksgiving.
Chandler: Right. So how're you doing?
Chandler: Hi Monica.
Monica: Hi, Chandler. It's really nice to see you...not!
Chandler: Okay. I'll see if I can find Ross.
Monica: Oh my God Rach. Bean bag chairs.
Monica: Do not let me sit in one of those. We'll be here for days.
Ross: Listen, Adrienne, you can't tell Chandler about this.
Adrienne: Oh believe me, Ross, I won't be telling anybody about this.
Chandler: No way.
Ross: I didn't know you knew about that.
Chandler: Well, I did and it hurt. That's when I wrote the song: "Betrayal In The Common Room".
Ross: That's why that song had so much power.
Ross: Oh...man, I'm sorry.
Chandler: Look, it was a long time ago.
Ross: So, eh. I made out with Adrienne and you made out with Missy. Well I guess we're even.
Ross: We are even, right?
Chandler: Just one more thing. I was so pissed at you that night that I wanted to get back at you. So I thought, who does Ross like the more than anybody?
Ross: What did you do to my mom?
Chandler: Not her!
Rachel: I am so drunk.
Monica: That's weird. I've had the same number of beers as you and I don't feel anything at all.
Chandler: So, you girls having fun?
Monica: For your information, ass munch, I've lost four pounds. Maybe even five with all the dancing.
Pizza guy: Somebody ordered a pizza?
Monica: Oh that's me!
Rachel: I am so not gonna do good on my SATs tomorrow.
Chandler: Well maybe you can go to school here next year and we can totally hang out.
Rachel: Oh yeah. There is a plan! Why don't I just start taking my smart pills now?
Chandler: Well, maybe you can get in on a beauty scholarship.
Rachel: Oh, what a lie.
Chandler: So where're you applying to?
Rachel: Oh well, You know, I think it's kinda really important that I go somewhere where there's sun, so I'm sort of...Hey!
Chandler: I'm in college and I'm in a band.
Rachel: Yeah ok.
Roy: What's the matter? You never saw a 50 year old stripper cry before?
Phoebe: You know, it's fine. We'll pay you.
Roy: No, no, you're right. Who am I kidding? I should've hung up that breakaway jockstrap years ago. Half the time, it just pops off by itself.
Monica: Uh maybe now is a good time for cake and presents.
Roy: What am I gonna do? I mean, this's been my life for thirty two years. Taking my clothes off in front of people is all I know.
Rachel: No, wait. No there's gotta be something else that you can do. I mean, what skills do you have?
Roy: I don't know. I can make my pecs dance.
Roy: I can pick up a dollar bill with my butt cheeks.
Roy: I can go to that special place inside me where I feel no shame.
Rachel: Maybe something in an office.
Phoebe: Or you could, you could teach stripping. You know, share your gift, pass the torch.
Roy: You know, actually that's not a bad idea. I can do it out of my apartment. I don't think my mom would mind.
Phoebe: There you go. Ok, do you think you're gonna be ok?
Roy: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Roy: This is so weird. I mean, you never know when it's gonna be your last dance. And I didn't even get a chance to finish it.
Phoebe: Finish it!
Phoebe: Your last dance. Do it for us.
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah. He deserves to do the thing he loves one last time.
Roy: Ok! All right! Get ready ladies!
Phoebe: Oh this is so hot!
Phoebe: Oh no no no, don't stop!
Roy: Have to.
Joey: I'm so sorry that you have to do this with me. Listen, I know this won't put your kid through college but, would you like a Days of our Lives mug?
Voice: We're back in five, four, three, two. Applause.
Donny: Hey, welcome to the Winner Circles. Joey, Gene, you guys ready?
Donny: Ok. Give me sixty seconds on the clock please. Ready, GO!
Gene: Oak, maple, elm, birch...
Joey: I don't know. Types of trees?
Gene: Uh...Buenos días, enchilada, por favor...
Joey: Oh I'm so sorry. I don't know any Spanish words.
Gene: A match, a candle...
Joey: Things that go "tssst" when you put them out.
Gene: A torch, a bonfire...uhm, your pee...
Joey: Things that burn.
Gene:"I'd like to go for a walk", uh..."scratch my belly".
Joey: Dude, dude! I think you're losing it.
Gene: Uh, "I have fur", "I like to bark".
Joey: Oh oh oh! What a dog says.
Joey: Pizza topping, next!
Gene: Cindy Crawford, Christie Brinkley, Heidi Klum, Claudia Schiffer...
Gene: Christie Turlington, Kate Moss...
Joey: Girls Chandler could never get?
Joey: Where? !
Chandler: I can't believe you're so upset.
Ross: What do you mean? You kissed Rachel.
Chandler: Ross, she was so drunk she didn't even remember it the next day. Plus, I should tell you, it did not last long.
Chandler: I'm in college, and I'm in a band.
Rachel: Yeah, ok.
Chandler: And now I've killed one.
Ross: Hi, where's Rachel?
Monica: She and Phoebe took the stripper to the hospital.
Chandler: Sounds like your elegant tea party went off just as planned.
Ross: Did you know Chandler kissed Rachel?
Monica: What? When...when was this?
Chandler: Last week. We had some wine and...You don't know I'm kidding.
Ross: Nineteen Eighty Seven. The weekend you guys visited me at school.
Monica: Oh my God! That's wild!
Chandler: Yeah, but it was like a million years ago, so it doesn't matter.
Ross: Well, it matters to me.
Ross: Because, the night you kissed Rachel was the night I kissed Rachel for the very first time.
Chandler: You kissed her that night too?
Monica: Two guys in one night? Wow, I thought she became a slut after she got her nose fixed.
Chandler: Seriously, where did this happen?
Ross: After you told me she was passed out in our room, I went in there to make sure she was all right. She was lying on my bed, all...all buried in peoples' coats. Well, I...I went to kiss her on the forehead, you know. But it was so dark, I accidentally got her lips. I started to pull away, but then I...I felt her start to kiss me back. It was only for a second, but...it was amazing. And now, now I find out that you kissed her first.
Chandler: Oh wait, what bed did you say she was on?
Chandler: I'm pretty sure I put her on my bed.
Ross: No, she was definitely on my bed.
Chandler: Why would I kiss a girl, and then put her on your bed?
Ross: Well, then who was on my bed?
Monica: OH! OH! OH!
Ross: NO! NO! NO!
Ross: You were under the pile of coats?
Monica: I was the pile of coats!
Ross: Oh, my God!
Monica: You were my Midnight Mystery Kisser?
Ross: You were my first kiss with Rachel?
Monica: You were my first kiss ever? !
Chandler: What did I marry into!
Monica: Oh, crap!