Joey: Girls in my magazines are a lot nakeder.
Phoebe: Oh, hey Joey.
Joey: Em, hey.
Phoebe: Listen, I...I need to ask you something. Ok, you know how my stepdad's in prison.
Phoebe: Yeah. Well, uhm...listen he was supposed to get a weekend furlough, so he could come to the wedding tomorrow, but he just called and...uhm...well, apparently stabbing Iceman in the exercise yard just couldn't wait till Monday.
Joey: So he can't come?
Phoebe: No, and so there's no one to walk me down the aisle and...um, well I would just really love it if you would do it.
Phoebe: Yeah, you've...you know, sort of being like a dad to me. I mean, you've always, you know, looked out for me and shared your wisdom...
Joey: I am pretty wisdomous.
Phoebe: So...what do you say?
Joey: Are you kidding? Phoebe, I would be honored.
Phoebe: Oh, thank you. Oh, I hope...I hope you know how much you mean to me.
Joey: Listen, I hope...I hope that you know...I don't want you to see your father cry. Go to your room!
Joey: Oh no, no, no, let your dad get this.
Phoebe: Oh, it's my wedding planner. She's driving me crazy! Hello. Hey, ok, stop screaming! Ok? So, halibut. All right, so salmon, either way. I don't...I don't...it doesn't matter to me!
Monica: Well, it matters to me!
Phoebe: Well, I don't care, so you pick!
Monica: Did you just hung up on me? All right, look, I need you at the rehearsal dinner tonight at 1800 hours.
Phoebe: Uh...uh. Ok. What time is that.
Monica: You don't know military time?
Phoebe: Well, I must've been in missile training the day they taught that.
Monica: Just subtract twelve.
Phoebe: Ok, so...1800 minus twelve is...one thousand, seven hundred eighty eight...
Monica: Six o'clock!
Monica: Ok. Hold on. Yeah, Geller here! No! I said it has to be there by 4 o'clock. Goodbye. God, how hard it is to make an ice sculpture?
Joey: Harder than it looks.
Phoebe: Wait, ice sculpture? That sounds really fancy! I told you I just want a simple wedding.
Monica: Please...honey, leave the details to me. Now I wanna make this day as special for you as I can. Now, ok, I was thinking that the harpist should wear white.
Phoebe: What harpist? My friend Marjorie is playing the steel drums.
Monica: Ooh...she backed out.
Phoebe: She did? Why?
Monica: I made her. Steel drums don't really say "elegant wedding". Nor does Marjorie's overwhelming scent.
Phoebe: Hey! She will shower when tibet is free.
Chandler: You look great.
Chandler: I'm so glad we're having this rehearsal dinner, you know, I so rarely get to practice my meals before I eat them.
Phoebe: What did we say was your one gift to us?
Chandler: No stupid jokes. But, I thought that was for the actual wedding.
Phoebe: Rehearse it!
Mike: Thanks for coming you guys. Ross: Oh, yeah, oh. I uh, I was...I was going for a hand shake.
Mike: Is that why your hand is pressed against my crotch?
Ross: That is why!
Phoebe: So, Rach.
Phoebe: Where is Emma?
Rachel: Oh, Monica made me send her to my mother's. Apparently babies and weddings don't mix.
Monica: Are you still crying about your damn baby? Pheebs, you gotta keep the line moving, remember, 20 seconds per person. Your see these clowns all the time!
Rachel: You must give me the name of your wedding planner, I wanna throw a really tense party.
Joey: Hey, you're Mike's parents, right?
Mike's mother: Yes, we are.
Joey: Our little ones are growing up fast, uh?
Mike's father: How's that?
Joey: You know, on the one hand you're happy for 'em, but on the other hand it's hard to let go. Hey, how do you wanna divide up the holidays? I was thinking Thanksgiving at my place, Christmas at yours.
Mike's father: Who in God's name are you?
Joey: Hey, I'm not that fond of you either, ok buddy? But I'm just trying to be nice for the kids!
Chandler: You know what I just realized? We have no idea what we're doing in the wedding tomorrow.
Ross: Yeah, I thought we'd be groomsmen, but wouldn't they've asked us by now? When did they ask you to be a bridesmaid?
Ross: I wanna say it's not looking good.
Rachel: Hey Pheebs.
Rachel: Uhm...you haven't told these guys what they're doing in the wedding yet.
Phoebe: Uhm...well, they're not in the wedding.
Rachel: Well, this is really awkward. Oh, and I can leave!
Phoebe: I'm sorry you guys. But, you know, Mike's got his brother and his friends from school so...you know, you were, you were...if it helps you, you were next in line, you just, you just missed the cut.
Ross: Oh, man!
Chandler: This is like figure skating team all over again. I mean synchronized swimming. I mean...I mean the balance beam. Help me!
Chandler: Thank you.
Monica: Oh, Pheebs, spit that out, that has pork in it.
Phoebe: Oh! I thought the pot stickers were supposed to be vegetarian!
Monica: Yeah, I changed them. I, I sent you a fax about it!
Phoebe: Well, I don't have a fax machine.
Monica: Huh! Well then there are gonna be a few surprises!
Ross: I can't believe we're gonna be the only people that aren't in this way.
Chandler: I know, I hate being left out of things.
Ross: And it's a wedding! It'd be weird if I'm not in it.
Mike: Hey guys, how is it going?
Chandler: Fine. We're just sitting here. Alone. Doing nothing. It's our rehearsal for tomorrow.
Mike: Yeah look, about tomorrow, I...I've got a question for ya. I just found out that one of my groomsmen had had an emergency and can't make it.
Chandler: What happened?
Ross: Who cares, AND?
Mike:...and I was wondering if, you know, maybe one of you guys...
Ross: I'll do it!
Chandler: M...Me, me, me!
Mike: You both wanna do it? Uhm...there's only room for one.
Chandler: Pick me, I look great in a tux and I will not steal focus.
Ross: No, Mike, no, no. You wanna pick me, I mean, watch!
Mike: Uh, you know, I really don't feel very comfortable making this decision. You know, Phoebe knows you better, I'm gonna let her choose.
Ross: Well, if Phoebe's choosing, then say hello to Mike's next groomsman.
Chandler: Oh, I will. But I will need a mirror...as he is me!
Ross: Please, you're going down!
Chandler: You are going downer!
Ross: Is that what they say on the Figure Skating Team?
Chandler: I wouldn't know, I didn't make it!
Joey: So, you know I'm filling in for Phoebe's step dad, tomorrow, right?
Mike: Yeah, yeah. Hey, thanks for doing that.
Joey: Oh, hey, my pleasure. So what're your intentions with my Phoebe?
Mike: I intend to marry her.
Joey: Oh, a wiseacre...Now, I...I understand you plan to support your wife by playing the piano? Isn't that kind of unstable?
Mike: No more so than acting.
Joey: Strike two!
Mike: You're right. She probably will support me. Hey, unless we move in with you, dad?
Joey: Strike three! You only get one more, Mike!
Mike's mother: Michael, can I see you for a moment?
Mike: Yeah, sure.
Mike's mother: This was...
Mike's father: Weird.
Rachel: What's with the face?
Joey: That Mike has no respect. I'm not sure about him. Wait that's not him, there he is.
Ross: So, what...what did you decide?
Phoebe: I decided to pee.
Chandler: Mike didn't tell you? You have to choose one of us to be in your wedding. One of his groomsmen fell out.
Phoebe: Oh no, no. I can't choose between you two! I love you both so much!
Chandler: Sure, just not enough to put us in the original wedding party.
Ross: Such bitterness. Best to keep that attitude in the seats.
Chandler: Come on, Pheebs. We both really wanna do this, and it's up to you.
Phoebe: But I don't wanna choose. It's...Oh...Okay, wait. Rach? Listen, I have a very special bridesmaid task for you to do.
Rachel: Goody, what is it!
Phoebe: Well, there's a spot open for only one groomsman and you have to choose between Ross and Chandler. So good luck with that.
Rachel: What, what, wait, no, I don't, I don't, I don't wanna do that.
Phoebe: All right, I guess I have to find a new bridesmaid.
Ross: I'll do it!
Monica: Ok, it's 2100 hours. Time for your toast.
Mike: Do I have a minute to go to the bathroom?
Monica: You had a bathroom break at 2030. Pee on your own time, Mike! Now, in regard to the toast, ok, you wanna keep them short, nothing kills a rehearsal dinner like long speeches. Ok. You just get in, do your thing and get out!
Mike: Is that what you say to Chandler?
Monica: It's uh 2101 and I am not amused. Ok, the bride and groom have a few words they'd like to say.
Phoebe: Ok. Hello everyone and thank you all for being here tonight. So tomorrow's the big event and some of you might not know, but Mike and I didn't get off to the best start...Uh, yeah, my, my friend Joey and I, uh. decided to fix each other up with friends so I, I...oh I...hum...I...I gave it a lot of thought and I fixed him up with my friend Mary Ellen who couldn't be here tonight because...it's not, not important...she is in rehab.Anyway, so, ok, yeah, so, Joey said that he was fixing me up with his friend Mike, only he didn't have a friend Mike so he just brought, uhm, my Mike and, and but despite, you know...it got...it got good.Ok, I wanna take a moment to mention my mother, who couldn't be here...
嗨，大家好很高兴各位今晚能够光临。明天就是正式的婚礼了。大家可能还不知道，我和麦克的开始一点也不精彩。呃，是这样的。当时乔伊和我决定相互替对方介绍朋友。所以呢，我，我...我... 我考虑把我的朋友玛丽埃伦介绍给他。玛丽埃伦今晚没有来，因为她这不重要，她正在戒毒。总之呢，乔伊说他要介绍他的朋友麦克给我认识，但他并没有朋友叫麦克，所以就把我的麦克带去了，然后...尽管如此... 呃，结果呢，结果还不错。我想用一点时间来缅怀我的母亲。她今晚不能出席。
Monica: Oh, God.
Phoebe: And, and, moment's over! So, ok, uh, I can forget that. I can forget that and uhm...Oh this is funny! Oh, but you need to know that...to take that, so...Oh, well, ok, uhm, I.Ok, ok, I.ok,.... Monica I can't do it like this! This is MY wedding! Ok, I don't want, I don't want this or this or this Ok? I just wanted a simple wedding! Where my fiancé can go to the bathroom anytime he wants!You know what? You're done.
Phoebe: You're fired! Cheers.
Rachel: Happy wedding day!
Phoebe: Oh, happy my wedding day to you!
Rachel: Ok no, Joey, listen. This is gonna be bridesmaid central, all right? We're gonna have hair and makeup going on in the bathroom and oh, I had to move a couple of things in the fridge to make room for the corsages.
Joey: Oh, man! I wouldn't have had breakfast if I knew there was gonna be corsages!
Monica: Hi. Um, um, about last night...I know you are under a lot of stress and...oh, even though the things you said were a little hurtful to me...you know, as someone who's never been fired before.
Rachel: What about in high school when that yogurt store let you go for sampling all the toppings?
Monica: Everyone who worked there did that.
Rachel: Yeah but did everybody owe three grand at the end of the summer?
Monica: My point is: Uh, well, I'm willing to take my job back.
Phoebe: Oh, well that's ok. I think, I think you and I will do much better if you're just...you know here as a bridesmaid.
Monica: Oh, is that so? Ok. If that's really what you want, then here, I give you the headset. Well, I don't really wanna give you the headset.Well I guess if you're taking over, then you should probably return these messages.
Phoebe: Wow, this is a lot!
Monica: Uh...huh, but I'm sure you can handle this. I mean, I have won awards for my organizational skills, but, uh, I'm sure you'll do fine.
Phoebe: You won awards?
Monica: Mm...mh. I printed them out on my computer.
Ross: Uh, where's Rach?
Monica: She's in her room, why?
Ross: Oh I have to talk to her about this groomsman situation, ok? I'm not gonna watch Chandler up there while I'm sitting in the seats like some chump!
Monica: This wedding isn't about you.
Ross: It's not? Then who's it about?
Monica: Well, it used to be about me, but now I have no idea.
Ross: My God, you're breathtaking.
Rachel: What'd you want?
Ross: You haven't by any chance chosen a groomsman yet, have you?
Rachel: Oh, Ross, come on, please! Don't make this harder than it already is!
Ross: I'm not! I'm making it easier! Pick me!
Rachel: Chandler said that it's really important to him too!
Ross: I'm sorry, did you and Chandler go out? Do you and Chandler have a huge history, huh? Do you and Chandler have-have a child together?
Rachel: If I said yes, that would totally freak you out, wouldn't it?
Ross: Listen, listen. Whoever you pick is gonna walk down the aisle with you! Now I promise I won't say a word, but if you pick Chandler he's gonna be whispering stupid jokes in your ear the whole time!
Rachel: Oh, you are the lesser of two evils!
Rachel: Oh. Please, don't say anything to Chandler until I talk to him.
Ross: You got it.
Rachel: Ok. I cannot believe you played the Emma card.
Ross: Oh please, I was prepared to offer you my body.
Rachel: Oh my God! And I didn't hold out.
Ross: You know, normally, that would hurt my feelings but today, I'm a groomsman!
Phoebe: Sven I don't understand what you're saying! What is wrong with the flowers? Lorkins? What the hell are lorkins?
Monica: I know.
Phoebe: Listen, Mike, if you were Swedish and you were saying the word "lorkins" what flowers would that be?
Phoebe: Right there! That's why I'm marrying you!
Joey: Hello Michael.
Joey: May I have a word with you, please? You wanna step it up there?
Mike: This is...this's great.
Joey: Have a seat. Last night, I tried to welcome you into my family...instead, you disrespected me...I cannot allow this.
Mike: Are you rehearsing for some really bad Mafia movie?
Joey: More back talk. And yes, I may be borrowing a few lines from my recent unsuccessful audition for "Family Honor 2: This is a time it's personal."
Mike: Joey, I kinda have a lot to do today, what...what'd you want?
Joey: I want you to take this seriously! Phoebe is very, very important to me, okay? And I wanna make sure that you are gonna take care of her.
Mike: Joe, I love Phoebe. She's the most important thing in my life. I'd die before I let anything happen to her.
Joey: That's what I wanted to hear! Because she's family, ok? And now you're gonna be family, and there is nothing more important in the whole world, than family.
Mike: That must've been one lousy movie.
Joey: That was ME!
Chandler: Hey, can I talk to you about this groomsman thing? Hey, if you pick Ross, you know he'll walk you down the isle just fine. But if you choose me, you'll be getting some comedy!
Rachel: Even so, I think I'm gonna pick Ross.
Chandler: Yeah yeah, I figured you might. 'Cause of the history, and you used to love him...you guys have a baby.
Rachel: Well thank you for respecting my decision.
Chandler: Let me tell you why you need to pick me.
Chandler: See...when I was a kid, you know, I was always left out of everything, you know, and it really made me feel...insecure.You know, I was always picked last in gym. You know. Even behind that big fat exchange student who didn't even know the rules to baseball. I mean, this guy would strike out and then run to third. It's just so humiliating.I mean, you know what it feels like to be left out of things right?
Chandler: Anyway, If I'm the only one left out of this wedding, I just know that all those feelings are gonna come rushing back.
Rachel: All right fine, I pick you.
Chandler: Y-Y-Yes! Make "groom" for Chandler.
Rachel: Oh my...
Phoebe: No! We're gonna do it my way. Because your way is stupid! Alright I, I gotta go, I have another call, Reverend. Hello?
Joey: I'm glad we had this little talk.
Mike: Yes. Yeah. And thanks for all the wedding night advice. That didn't make me uncomfortable at all! Alright, so I'll see everybody tonight?
Mike: Uh, did you guys know that there is a giant ice sculpture in the hall?
Phoebe: Oh my God, what's it doing here?
Monica: Ugh, I guess it got sent to the billing address as opposed to the shipping address. Uh! What a pickle.
Phoebe: My God, everything is such a mess. Why is this happening to me?
Joey: How bad do you wanna stick your tongue on that?
Chandler: How's it going?
Ross: Good. I'm just getting some coffee. So I'm alert for the wedding.
Chandler: That's what I was doing too.
Ross: Well, you have fun tonight.
Chandler: You too.
Ross: Oh, I will.
Chandler: Me too.
Ross: Wait a minute, I know why I'm being such an ass, why're you?
Chandler: I'm not supposed to tell you.
Ross: I'm not supposed to tell you!
Chandler: Did Rachel say you could be in the wedding?
Chandler: She told me that too!
Ross: I don't believe this, I played the Emma card!
Chandler: I looked into my soul!
Chandler: You told us both we could be in the wedding?
Rachel: Well, in my defense, you weren't supposed to tell each other!
Ross: Rachel, only one of us can do it, you have to choose. You and me together again.
Chandler: Rach, Rach, knock-knock.
Rachel: Who's there?
Chandler: I'll tell you at the wedding.
Mike: Hey, I forgot my scarf.
Rachel: What...You know what, I can't do this. I don't know which one of you guys to pick.
Mike: Oh, you haven't picked yet. Oh good, 'cause I...I had an idea. I thought it would be fun if the third groomsman was my family dog. Chappy.
Ross: What? A dog? No! Rachel gets to choose.
Rachel: Wow, this is a tough one. I think I'm gonna have to go with the dog.
Phoebe: Alright, wait, so what you're saying is th...that the chef is at the Hamilton Club, but the food is not and the drinks are there, but the bartender is not? Are you, are you freaking kidding me?
Monica: How's it going?
Phoebe: Help me.
Phoebe: I want you to be crazy bitch again.
Monica: You really want me to come back?
Phoebe: More than I wanna get married.
Monica: Ok people, we are back in business! Oh God, we've missed you soo much! Ok, go and get your hair and make-up done, and I'll take care of everything.
Joey: Hey, what're you guys gonna do?
Phoebe: About what?
Joey: The blizzard.
Joey: I just saw on the news, it's like the worst snow storm in 20 years! They already closed all the bridges and tunnels.
Monica: But the band and the photographer are coming all the way in from New Jersey!
Joey: I don't think they are.
Ross: Haha! Looks like you're not gonna be in the wedding either. So sorry, Pheebs.
Monica: Well, the club lost its power.
Joey: Yeah according to the news, most of the city did.
Rachel: Since when do you watch the news?
Joey: Uh, for your information, since they hired a very hot weather girl.
Ross: I can't believe you guys aren't gonna be able to get married today.
Phoebe: I know.
Rachel: Wow, you know, it's so beautiful out there. You always wanted to get married outside. Why don't you guys just do it on the street?
Rachel: Well, look, it's hardly snowing anymore. I mean you couldn't ask for a more romantic setting. This could be the simple wedding you've always wanted!
Phoebe: What do you think?
Mike: I think I wanna get married to you today.
Phoebe: Me too! Monica, do you think we could do it?
Monica: Okay, let's get these chairs out here! Gunther, hit the Christmas lights.
Monica: Okay, who left the ice sculpture on the steam grate?
Mike: Michael. Hey, you made it. Great. Chappy!
Mike's dad: There you go.
Mike: Hi. Hi.
Mike: Mom, I know getting married in the street isn't what you approve of...
Mike's mom: No...It's lovely. The lights and the snow. I could look at them forever.
Mike's dad: I crushed a pill and put it in her drink. Come on, sweetheart.
Mike: You know, Chappy's too small to handle all this snow. Someone's gonna have to walk him down the aisle.
Chandler: So, technically, would this person be in the wedding?
Mike: I guess.
Chandler and Ross: I'll do it!
Ross: No, but Chandler, hello...I mean...Aren't you, aren't you scared of dogs?
Chandler: I'm not scared. I'll just take little Chappy and...He can sense my fear. My throat is exposed.
Ross: Well, I guess I'm in the wedding then. Ha haaa. He stinks!
Monica: Level 1 alert. I repeat, level 1. This is not a drill. Ok we got a situation. The minister just called. He's snowed in. He can't make it.
Mike: Oh, no! Joey: Oh hey, don't worry. I'm still ordained from your wedding.
Joey: Yeah, you'd think I'd give up being a minister and start paying to ride the subway? Uhh...uh.
Ross: Uhm, ministers don't ride the subway for free.
Joey: I had to read the Bible pretty carefully, but...yeah we do.
Monica: Ok, if Joey does the ceremony, then we have to find someone else to walk Phoebe down the isle.
Chandler: I'll do it.
Chandler: Na ha ha...Ne he he...Ah ah...
Monica: Ok, Mike and Joey, get in position. Chandler, come with me.
Monica: Ok, Joey's doing the ceremony and Chandler's giving you away.
Phoebe: Oh, ok. Hi new dad.
Monica: So, you're ready to do this?
Phoebe: Uhuh, uhuh. Oh my God! This is really happening.
Rachel: Oh, Phoebe, I'm so happy for you honey.
Phoebe: Oh, thank you.
Monica: I love you. Oh, wait, wait, wait! No...No hugs. The dresses...Oh what the hell. Oh, come on.
Phoebe: I love you guys.
Rachel and Monica: I love you.
Monica: Ok. It's zero hour. All teams execute on my count. Let's get this bad boy on the road.
Chandler: Is it ok that I want you to wear that headset in bed tonight?
Monica: I have you scheduled for nudity at 2300 hours.
Chandler: Oh yeah!
Monica: Ok Marjorie, hit it.
Rachel: Geez Ross, you could've showered.
Ross: It's the dog.
Monica: Groomsman, groomsman, why're you just standing there, where is your bridesmaid? We've got a broken arrow. Bridesmaid down! Oh, that's me.
Phoebe: Oh wait, oh no. Wait.
Chandler: Wow! Aren't you gonna be cold?
Phoebe: I don't care. I'll...I'll be my something blue.
Chandler: You look beautiful.
Phoebe: Thank you.
Mike: My God! Aren't you freezing?
Joey: Friends, family, dog...Thank you all for being here to witness this blessed event.The cold has now spread to my special place...so I'm gonna do the short version of this.Phoebe and Mike, are perfect for each other. And I know I speak for every one here...when I wish them a lifetime of happiness.And may they have many children...who will one day avenge their family's honor. How could I not get that part? Stupid Ralph Macchio.Right. Ok. Uh, uh, who has the rings?
Phoebe: When I was growing up, I didn't have a normal mom and dad, or a...a regular family like everybody else, and...and I always knew that something was missing.But now I'm standing here today, knowing that I have everything I'm ever gonna need...You are my family.
Mike: Phoebe you're so beautiful. You're so kind, you're so generous. You're so wonderfully weird.Every day with you is an adventure, and I can't believe how lucky I am, and I can't wait to share my life with you forever.
Phoebe: Oh wait, oh I forgot...and uhm...I love you...and you have nice eyes.
Mike: I love you too.
Ross: Uh Joey?
Ross: Chappy's heart rate has slowed way down.
Joey: Oh, ok. Uh uh, Phoebe, do you take this man to be your husband?
Phoebe: I do.
Joey: Ok uh, Mike, do you take this woman to be your wife?
Mike: I do.
Joey: I now pronounce you...husband, and wife.
Phoebe: I got married! Could someone get me a coat, I'm freaking freezing.
Chandler: That really was an incredible wedding.
Joey: It was, yeah. I kinda don't want it to end. Hey, you wanna come in for a drink and a bite of corsage?
Chandler: I'd love to, but it's 2300 hours and I'm about to have the most organized sex anyone's ever had.
Joey: Nice. Oh hey, whatever happened to about Ross?
Chandler: I don't know. Maybe he hooked up with that hot girl he was talking to.
Ross: Come on, Chappy! Do your business! Make! Make! I did not sign on for this.