All: Hey! Hi!
Rachel: How was the honeymoon?
Phoebe: Oh, incredible! Oh! Champagne, candle-lit dinners, moonlight walks on the beach, it was so romantic!
Chandler: So, where's Mike?
Phoebe: Oh, he's at the doctor, he didn't poop the whole time we were there! Shoot, I wasn't supposed to tell you that! Um I mean, ok, he's-he's at a gig.
Chandler: A gig we're definitely not going to.
Joey: Well anyway, I'm glad you're back, I really need your help.
Phoebe: Oh, why? What's up?
Joey: Well, I have an audition for this play and for some of it I have to speak French. Which, according to my resume, I'm fluent in.
Ross: Joey, you shouldn't lie on your résumé.
Monica: Yeah, you really shouldn't. By the way, how was that year-long dig in Cairo?
Ross: It was ok...
Rachel: I do not know you spoke French.
Phoebe: Oui, bien sur je parle francais! Qu'est-ce que tu penses alors?
Rachel: Oh...you're so sexy!
Joey: Well so, will you help me? I really wanna be in this play.
Phoebe: Sure! Tout le plaisir est pour moi, mon ami.
Rachel: Oh seriously, stop it, or I'm gonna jump on ya.
Chandler: Why're you wearing my apron?
Monica: I'm making cookies for Erica. Oh, by the way, we have to leave for the airport soon, her plane comes in about an hour.
Chandler: Oh, hey, when she gets here, is it ok if I introduce you two as "my wife" and "the woman who's carrying my child"? No? Divorce?
Ross: Uh, you guys know where Rachel is?
Monica: No, we haven't seen her since this morning.
Ross: So unbelievable. She was supposed to meet me half an hour ago with Emma.
Monica: Well...these are for Erica!
Ross: What? She's gonna eat all those cookies?
Monica: Well, I want he baby to come out all cute and fat!
Ross: So, why, why is Erica coming to visit?
Monica: Well, because we want to get to know her better and thought she's never been to New York so she wants to see all the tourists' spots...you know, Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building...
Chandler: Oh, those places! There's always so many people, they're being corralled like cattle, and, you know, there's always some idiot who goes "Mooooo"!
Monica: Well, if it annoys you so much, then why do you do it?
Ross: Hey you should take her to a museum.
Monica: Oh please. So I can hear Chandler say over and over again "You call this art? I can make that."
Chandler: It was a tower of sponges.
Ross: Oh, hi! Hi! Thanks for showing you up thirty minutes late!
Ross: No, no, no, I'm sure you have a great excuse, wh-was it a hair appointment, a mani-pedi or was there a sale at Barney's?
Rachel: My father had an heart attack...while I was at Barney's.
Ross: Oh my God.
Chandler: I'm so sorry.
Ross: Is...is he ok?
Rachel: Yeah, they said he's gonna be fine, but he's still heavily sedated.
Ross: Ok, ok. I'm gonna come out to Long Island with you, I mean, you...you can't be alone right now.
Rachel: No, come on, I'm totally ok. I don't need you to come! I can totally handle this on my own.
Ross: Still...still, let me come...for me.
Rachel: Ok. You really need to.
Ross: I bet someone could use one of Monica's freshly baked cookies.
Rachel: Oh, I really could.
Phoebe: All right, it seems pretty simple. Your first line is "My name is Claude", so, just repeat after me.
好的，这看起来很简单。你的第一句台词是 "我的名字叫克劳德。" 好，跟我念。
Phoebe: "Je m'appelle Claude".
Joey: Je de coup Clow.
Phoebe: Well, just...let's try it again.
Phoebe: Je m'appelle Claude.
Joey: Je depli mblue.
Phoebe: Huh. It's not...quite what I'm saying.
Joey: Really? Sounds exactly the same to me.
Phoebe: It does, really?
Phoebe: All right, well let just try it again.
Phoebe: Really listen.
Joey: Got it.
Phoebe: Ok. Je m'appelle Claude.
Joey: Je te flouppe Fli.
Phoebe: Oh, mon Dieu!
Joey: Oh, de fuff!
Monica: Hey you guys.
Monica: I want you to meet someone really special. Phoebe, this is Erica. And this is the baby!
Monica: Joey. Erica, baby!
Monica: Everyone. Erica, baby!
Chandler: Monica. Calm, self.
Chandler: Hey, sit down.
Erica: Thank you. It's really nice to meet you guys, I can't believe I'm here!
Joey: Well, welcome to New York City! Or should I say "ghe deu flooff New York City"?
Chandler: Why would you say that?
Phoebe: Ok. What're you gonna be doing today?
Erica: Oh, I wanna see everything! Time Square, Coney Island, Rockefeller Center...
Joey: Oh, you know what you should do? You should walk all the way to the top of Statue of Liberty.
Erica: Oh yeah, let's do that!
Chandler: Great! This baby better be really good.
Rachel: Hi, uhm, excuse me, I'm here to see my father. My name is Rachel Green.
Ross: And I'm Doctor Ross Geller.
Rachel: Ross, please, this is a hospital, ok? That actually means something here.
Rachel: Can somebody please go in?
Ross: Rach, I think I'm gonna wait out here, because my throat is feeling a little scratchy, I-I don't wanna infect him.
Rachel: Ross, please, don't be so scared of him!
Ross: I'm not scared of him, I'm really sick!
Nurse: He's under sedation, so he's pretty much out.
Ross: I'm feeling better.
Rachel: Oh...Oh my God! Ohhh, ohhh, wow, that ear and nose hair trimmer I got him was just money down the drain, huh?
Nurse: Ms. Green? Your father's doctor's on the phone if you'd like to speak to him.
Rachel: Oh, great. Are you gonna be okay?
Ross: He's unconscious. We'll be just fine.
Ross: Did...did the TV wake you?
Dr.Green: No, when you put your feet up in my bed, you tugged on my catheter. What are you doing here, Geller?
Ross: Well, I came with Rachel, who...who should be back any second! So what's new?
Dr.Green: Ooh, I have a little heart attack.
Ross: Right, is...is it painful?
Dr.Green: What, the heart attack or sitting here talking to you?
Ross: Let's see if we can get that Rachel back in here.
Dr.Green: So what's new with you, uh, knocked up any more of my daughters lately?
Ross: No, just the one. Rachel!
Rachel: Daddy, hi! You're awake. How are you.
Dr.Green: I'm ok. By the way, Ross's been of great comfort.
Rachel: Listen daddy, they wanna keep you here for a couple more nights.
Rachel: I know. But, wait, you know what, I'm gonna go home and get you a bunch of your stuff so that you're really comfortable here.
Dr.Green: Oh, thank you sweetheart.
Ross: It's pretty ironic huh? I mean you've been a heart surgeon and you had a heart attack, it...it'd be like uh, if I was eaten by an allosaurus. I'm...I'm gonna wait outside.
Rachel: He's pretty much out.
Phoebe: Je m'appelle Claude.
Joey: Je do call blue!
Phoebe: No! Ok, maybe if we just break it down. Ok, let's just, let's try at one syllable at a time. Ok? So repeat after me.
Phoebe: Great! Ok, faster!
Phoebe: Ok, it's too hard, I can't teach you!
Joey: What're you doing?
Phoebe: I, I have to go before I put your head through a wall.
Joey: Don't move! Don't go! I need you! My audition is tomorrow! Shah blue blah! Me lah peeh! Ombrah! Pooh.
Ross: I was gonna make us some dinner but all I found in your dad's fridge was bacon and heavy cream. I think we solved the mystery of the heart attack.
Rachel: Did you call your parents?
Ross: Oh, yeah. Emma's doing great.
Rachel: Oh good.
Ross: Just can't believe I'm in Rachel Green's room.
Rachel: What do you mean? You've been in my room before!
Ross: Yeah, sure, right! Like I've ever been in Rachel Green's room.
Rachel: Ok I gotta tell ya, it's really weird when you use my whole name.
Ross: Sorry...You ok?
Ross: You had a rough day, uh?
Rachel: Yeah, just so weird seeing him like that, you know? I mean he is a doctor, you don't, you don't expect doctors to get sick!
Ross: But we do!
Ross: He's gonna be ok, Rach!
Rachel: Ow. I don't want him to wake up alone! I should go to the hospital!
Ross: What? No, no! Hey hey hey, look.
Ross: They gave him a lot of medication, ok? He wouldn't even know if you were there. Look, we...we'll go see him first thing in the morning, ok?
Rachel: Really, I...I shouldn't feel guilty?
Ross: No, God! Hey, Rach, you've been an amazing daughter, ok? Right now you just need to get some rest.
Rachel: Ok, maybe you're right.
Ross: Good night.
Rachel: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Would you stay, here with me for a little while?
Rachel: Ok. Thank you for coming with me today.
Ross: Oh, of course.
Rachel: Rachel Green is very happy you're in her room!
Ross: Me too. Come here.
Rachel: I just don't wanna be alone tonight.
Ross: Ok, well, uh, I can maybe grab a...a sleeping bag, or...
Ross: Oh, oh...No, Rach! I'm sorry, I just, I just don't think this, this, this is a good idea.
Rachel: Wait, well we won't know that until we do it, will we?
Ross: Uh, look, uh. You are upset about your father and you're feeling vulnerable and I...I just don't feel it would be right, I'd feel like I'd be, you know, taking advantage of you.
Rachel: What...? Taking advantage? I'm giving you the advantage, enjoy!
Ross: Look, I'm sure it would be great, but I...I think one of us has to be thinking clearly, so, I'm gonna go!
Rachel: Wow. Ok.
Ross: I'll see you in the morning.
Ross: Haven't had sex in four months, I should get a medal for that!
Erica: Thanks so much for taking me to all those places. I had a great time.
Monica: Oh, I'm glad. Listen, I wanna apologize about Chandler though. I just did not see this coming.
Chandler: New York is awesome!
Monica: What is with you?
Chandler: Yeah, I've been to these places before, but I've never really seen them, you know.
Monica: Yeah, you miss a lot when you're mooing.
Chandler: Let's go to a Broadway show. Cats!
Monica: I think we've done enough.
Chandler: Honey, these are actors dressed like cats who sing like people. Honey, come on!
Erica: Thanks so much for showing me around.
Monica: Oh! It was our pleasure. We are so much enjoying getting to know you.
Erica: Well, if there is anything else you wanna know?
Chandler: Oh, uh, ok, uhm, do you mind if we ask you some questions about the father?
Erica: Oh, sure. Yeah, well, he was my high school boyfriend. Captain of the football team, really cute and he got a scholarship and went off to college.
Chandler: That's great.
Erica: Yeah...it's almost definitely him.
Monica: How's that now?
Erica: Well, there is a chance it's another guy. I mean, I've only ever been with two guys, but they sorta overlapped.
Chandler: So, what's the other guy do? Does, does he go to college too?
Erica: No, he's in prison.
Monica: Well...was he falsely accused of something?
Erica: No...he killed his father with a shovel. But other than that, he's a great guy.
Chandler: I'll bet his dad doesn't think so.
Monica: Are you awake?
Chandler: Of course I'm awake. Assume from now on that I'm always awake!
Monica: Alright, we don't know that it's him. I mean, it could be the football guy.
Chandler: Honey, it's us. Of course it's the shovel-killer.
Monica: All alright...all right, let's say that it is him, would we not want the baby? No! Would we treat him any differently?
Chandler: I'd keep an eye on him! We have to find out which one the father is.
Chandler: I don't know, aren't there tests for these things, right?
Monica: Yeah, but maybe we're just overreacting.
Chandler: Easy for you to say, he's a father killer. He probably loves him mommy. He's probably got a tattoo that says "mom" on his shovel-wielding arm!
Tape: We will now count from one to five. Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq.
Joey: Huh, un, blu, bla, flu, flenk!
Tape: Good job.
Joey: Thank you.
Phoebe: Hey, Joey.
Phoebe: Listen, I feel really badly about yesterday and I thought about it a lot and, and I know, I was too impatient. So let's try it again.
Joey: Oh, no, that's ok, I don't, I don't need your help. I worked on it myself and I gotta say, I am pretty good!
Phoebe: Really, can I hear some of it.
Joey: Sure, sure. Ok, "Bleu de la bleu, de la blu bla bleu" See?
Phoebe: Well, you're not, You're not...you're not...again, you're...you're not SPEAKING FRENCH!
Joey: Oh well I think I am, yeah and I think I'm definitely gonna get the part.
Phoebe: How could you possibly think that?
Joey: For one thing, the guy on the tape said I was doing a good job!
Ross: Hey Rach, can you grab me a cup of coffee?
Ross: You...you've been quiet all morning. Is everything ok?
Ross: You sure you're alright?
Ross: Okay. Um, well, I'm gonna go uh grab some breakfast.
Ross: There it is.
Rachel: In the future, when a girl asks for some ill-advised sympathy sex...just do it.
Ross: Wait, wait, You're, you're mad at me about last night? I...I was just trying to do the right thing.
Rachel: Really? Well, it seems to me if you'd done the right thing, I would've not woken up today feeling stupid and embarrassed, I would've woken up feeling comforted and satisfied!
Rachel: Oh stop that!
Ross: I can't believe this. What you...I...I was just being a good guy. I treated you with...with respect and understanding.
Rachel: Oh, that is so hot.
Ross: Hey, I was looking out for you.
Rachel: Oh, really, well Ross, you know what? I am A big girl. I don't need someone telling me what is best for me.
Ross: I gotta say, I've not had sex a lot of times before, this is the worst ever.
Rachel: Oh, really, really? Well, it wasn't very good for me either.
Ross: Oh? Okay, you know, hey hey, you know what? you know what? To avoid this little thing in the future, let's just say, you and me, never having sex again.
Ross: That's right, sex is off the table. I am never having sex with you again.
Rachel: Dr.Green, are you feeling better?
Chandler: Hey! How was lunch?
Erica: We had a good time. By the way, I wanted to ask you something. It would really mean a lot to me, if the baby was a boy, that you name him after my father, Jiminy Billy Bob.
Chandler: Oh, really?
Erica: No! You were right, that was fun!
Erica: I'm gonna go finish packing.
Chandler: So, is she gonna take the test?
Monica: Nope, she doesn't have to, I found out who the father is.
Chandler: Oh God. It's shovely-Joe, isn't it?
Monica: No, it's not.
Chandler: How do you know?
Erica: Well, it turns out that Erica didn't pay much attention in Sex Ed class, because the thing she did with that prison guy...it'd be pretty hard to make a baby that way.
Chandler: Oh God! What was it? The thing that we hardly ever do or the thing we never do?
Monica: The thing we never do.
Chandler: Shovely Joe!
Director: Whenever you're ready Joey.
Joey: Right. Dja bu bu Claude. Uh, c'est la pu les la lu blah bloo.
Casting assistant: I'm sorry, what's going on?
Joey: Dude, come on! French it u-up!
Director: Uh Joey, do you speak French?
Joey: Toutes la smore! Bu blu-ay bloo blah ooh! Pfoof!
Director: That's not French.
Joey: Play play poo pa po po pa pu.
Director: Neither is that.
Director: You know what. I think this audition is over.
Phoebe: Uh, excuse me. Uh, I am Regine Philange. I...I was passing by when I heard this man speaking the-the regional dialect of my French town of Estée Lauder.
Director: You really think this man is speaking French?
Phoebe: écoutez, je vais vous dire la vérité. C'est mon petit frère. Il est un peu retardé. Alors, si vous pouviez jouer le jeu avec lui? (Okey. I'll tell you the truth. He's my little brother. He's a little retarded. Would you please just humor him? )
Director: Good job, little buddy. That was some really good French. But I think we're gonna go with someone else for the part.
Joey: Ah. All right. But my French was good?
Director: It was great.
Joey: Oh-hoh! Ha-hah! See!
Phoebe: Merci. Au revoir. (Thanks, goodbye)
Joey: Yeah-hah. Toute-de-le-fruit.
Ross: Emma's down for the night.
Rachel: Oh, good.
Ross: So uh...I guess I wanna take off.
Rachel: Ok...Hey, listen, just before you go I...I again, I just wanna say "thank you" for coming with me.
Ross: Oh, no problem.
Rachel: And also, you know I uh, I...I was thinking about what you said, uh you know, about the whole sex thing and...it's probably not a great idea to go down that road again.
Ross: Thank you. I'm glad, I'm glad you agree.
Rachel: It's a shame though, I mean, when we did it, it was pretty good.
Ross: Yeah...Yeah, that's true.
Rachel: Hey, uhm, do you remember that one really great time?
Ross: Oh, ye-ah! Rachel: You know it was your uhm...your birthday?
Ross: Valentine's day?
Both: Oh yeah!
Rachel: Well, I guess that's all in the past, now.
Rachel: Not even one more time?
Ross: Not even once.
Rachel: No matter how much we want it.
Ross: Even if we want it really bad.
Rachel: That's what we decided.
Ross: Uhm, right!
Rachel: It's kinda hard though!
Rachel: You know, when...when...when two people have, have a connection, you know, that's...just seems like such a...waste.
Ross: I hate waste.
Rachel: Just so you know...With us...it's never off the table.
Ross: Damn it. It's never off the table.
Phoebe: Ok, can you really tap dance?
Phoebe: It's off the résumé.
Phoebe: Horseback riding?
Joey: Would fall off a lot.
Phoebe: You can drink a gallon of milk in 10 seconds?
Joey: That I can do.
Phoebe: Come on! You can drink a GALLON of milk in 10 seconds?
Joey: Alright, watch me! Ok, you time me. Ready?
Phoebe: You did it!