Joey: All right, all right, let's play one more time, ok? And remember, if I win, you do not move to Paris.
Rachel: Ok! Can't believe I'm risking this again, but you're on! All right Joe, you remember the rules! Heads I win, tails you lose.
Joey: Just flip!
Rachel: Ha, tails!
Joey: Damn it!
Chandler: So we thought we'd throw you a little going away party around seven.
Rachel: Oh, that sounds good!
Monica: Hey, Rach, you're leaving tomorrow, shouldn't you be packing?
Rachel: It's all done!
Monica: Oh, yeah, right! And after I took a shower this morning I just threw my towel on the floor! Oh God, it hurts to even joke about it.
Rachel: I know.
Rachel: Honey, seriously, I did it all. The luggage that I'm taking is in the bedroom, this is Emma's Paris stuff, these are the boxes that I'm having shipped, and that's the sandwich that I made for the plane...
Joey: Which could use a little more mustard.
Monica: Ok, so you've done some good work!
Monica: What about your carryons?
Rachel: Oh, well. Everything that I need is in here and my travel documents are on the counter organized in the order that I will be needing them.
Monica: Oh my God! I've nothing left to teach you!
Chandler: Where's your passport?
Rachel: It should be right next to my plane ticket.
Chandler: Well, it's not.
Rachel: What? Maybe I put it in here. Oh, oh, it's not in there! Oh, no! I must've packed it in one of these boxes!
Monica: Here, let me help you.
Rachel: Shoot. Oh, I can't believe I did this!
Chandler: At what point did it stop being funny that I took her passport?
Monica: Oh, wow, can you believe you're like three weeks away?
Erica: I know.
Monica: You don't mind me touching your belly, do you?
Erica: No, I don't mind you touching my belly, but right now your hand is kinda blocking the part where the baby is gonna come out.
Ross: Hey Erica, welcome back to town! Wow, look how big you've gotten.
Erica: That's because I'm pregnant!
Ross: Right, no, I...I understand.
Erica: Oh, ok. I'm just always afraid that people think I'm just fat with big breasts.
Ross: No, no, I knew.
Monica: Ok, well, stop staring at them.
Ross: What...She brought them up! I didn't realize you were coming back so soon!
Erica: Yeah, well, in a couple of weeks I won't be able to travel.
Monica: Yeah, and I wanted her to get to know the doctors and get settled into the hotel.
Ross: Hotel? Why isn't she staying with you guys?
Monica: Oh because we're moving in a couple of days and it just didn't make sense.
Erica: Plus hotels are fun! My room has this little fridge full of free snacks!
Ross: Erica, those things aren't free. In fact they have one of the highest mark-ups of any consumer product...
Monica: Ross! She's giving us her baby. She can eat you if she wants.
Erica: I'll be right back.
Ross: Oh man, I can't believe you guys are leaving this place.
Monica: I know. I know. Hey, you know, you can take it if you want! The lease is still in nana's name.
Ross: No, no. This will always be your place. It would be too sad. Plus, how much a month does it cost to feed Joey?
Monica: Yeah, it takes two incomes.
Ross: Hey, is Chandler here? We talked about catching a movie.
Monica: Oh, no. He doesn't have time for that. But if you want, you can go help him and Joey pack up the guest room.
Ross: Mhm...packing, sexy cheerleader comedy.
Monica: Mhm...helpful brother, creepy loner at teen movie.
Ross: What're you guys doing?
Joey: Try it, I can't feel a thing!
Monica: Are, are you kidding? This is packing?
Chandler: We're taking a break!
Chandler: Jumping on the bed...
Monica: All right, Rachel's party is in a couple of hours and there's a lot to do. Now, Ross, you got Geller blood, you're in charge of these yahoos!
Ross: You got it.
Monica: All right.
Ross: All right, she's right, we gotta get serious. Let's put styrofoam peanuts down his pants and kick him!
Chandler: No, no, no, no, guys. She's right. We should get to work. I'll take stuff out of the closet, Joey you pack them and Ross you re-pack whatever Joey packs.
Joey: You guys hear a ringing?
Chandler: What the hell is this?
Joey: Hey! Handcuffs! And fur line, nice! I didn't know you guys had it in ya!
Ross: Chandler, you don't have a sister so you can't understand how much this bums me out.
Chandler: I didn't know Monica had these!
Joey: Maybe she used them with another boyfriend. Maybe Richard!
Chandler: Why would she use them with Richard and not me? I can be kinky! I once did a naked dance for her...with scarves!
Ross: Bumming hard, guys, bumming hard...
Monica: Hey! Where's Mike?
Phoebe: Oh, he has a gig. It's kinda like being married to a rock star, you know. My husband has a gig.
Ross: Yeah? Where, where is it?
Phoebe: Oh, he's playing organ for a children's roller-skating party.
Ross: Rock on!
Phoebe: Wow, this is quite a spread! What is all this stuff?
Monica: Well, I thought this would be a great opportunity to use up all the food that I don't want to move to the new house with me! So...enjoy: smoked oyster casserole with a breakfast cereal crust, kidney beans in their own juices, and for dessert, a questionable orange.
Ross: I think I speak for everyone when I say...
Ross: Hey, where's Rach?
Joey: Oh, she's uh, she's putting Emma down, she'll be over in a second. It just hit her that she's leaving. She's kind of emotional, so no one say anything to set her off, okay?
Everybody: Hey Rach, hey you.
Ross: Here she is!
Rachel: Hi you guys!
Joey: What did I just say!
Rachel: No, no, no. It's ok. It's ok. I'm gonna be fine.
Monica: Come here, I'll make you a drink.
Ross: Oh, man! I can't believe she's actually leaving. How am I gonna say goodbye to Rachel?
Chandler: I know, she's been such a big part of my life. And it feels like when Melrose Place got cancelled. I mean...oh, forget it. I miss Melrose Place!
Joey: You know, I had a chance to stop her too!
Joey: Who loses fifty seven coin tosses in a row? Head she wins, tails I lose. Wait a minute.
Chandler: Yes, Joe?
Joey: I forgot to pick up my dry cleaning!
Phoebe: Are you doing ok?
Rachel: Well, I've been better.
Rachel: You guys are gonna come and visit me, right?
Phoebe: Yes! You know, in six months the statute of limitations runs out and I can travel internationally again!
Rachel: I'm gonna miss you so much.
Phoebe: I know.
Rachel: You know what? Uhm, I have some goodbye stuff that I wanted to say to each of you and I was gonna save it until the end of the night, but come here.
Ross: Hey, what do you think they're doing in there?
Joey: Huh, if I had to guess, I'd say Rachel is putting on the bubble wrap and Phoebe is doing the punching.
Rachel: Oh, Pheebs, I don't even know where to start.
Phoebe: Ok well, before you do, I know we weren't supposed to get you going away presents, but I do have something for you.
Rachel: What is it?
Phoebe: Well, it's a cotton swab with a bit of my saliva on it, so that if they perfect the cloning process while you are over there, you can use the DNA to create your own Pheebs!
Rachel: I'm gonna throw this away, but thank you so much for the gesture!
Monica: Chandler? I was just in our bedroom and I found these on my pillow.
Chandler: Oh, yes. I decided to leave these out for you in case Richard stops by and you wanna engage on a little light bondage and moustache play!
Monica: What're you talking about? These aren't mine.
Chandler: Oh yeah, right! Good luck getting another scarf dance from me!
Monica: That would be a terrible punishment. But, I'm serious, I've never seen these before.
Chandler: Really? Then what're they doing in our guestroom?
Monica: Rachel used to live in that room.
Chandler: Rachel...with handcuffs! Interesting!
Monica: Joey's bare ass!
Chandler: Well played.
Rachel: I love you Phoebe.
Phoebe: I love you too. Please, please don't...Don't turn into...you know...French bitch!
Rachel: I won't.
Rachel: All right. Well, if I gonna do this, I'd better keep going.
Rachel: Ok. Monica?
Rachel: Will you come here with me for a minute?
Phoebe: Are you wearing waterproof mascara?
Phoebe: Oh, you're so screwed.
Ross: Hey. What was that all about?
Phoebe: She's gonna say goodbye to each of us individually.
Ross: Are you kidding? Oh, my God.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, it's gonna be even worse for you. God, Ross, get ready to do some serious crying.
Ross: Oh, man, I'm not gonna be able to handle this. Now I know how my students feel at the end of each year. And why they act out by giving me such bad evaluations.
Rachel: Mon...Ok...I better...just say what it is I'm gonna say. None of the amazing things that've happened to me in the last ten years, wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for you. No one's been more like a sister to me.
Monica: I know what you mean. You're like a sister to me too.
Rachel: I wouldn't know what I'm gonna do without you...
Monica: You're the best friend I ever had.
Monica: That is so sweet.
Ross: Oh no, she took down Monica. And I'm the crier in the family. Oh God! I could be next. Maybe she won't talk with me if it looks like we're deep in conversation.
Ross: Oh, so that thing you said about the thing. It really made me think about that other thing.
Chandler: Uh, Rach?
Ross: Well it's ok. Chandler is talking to her.
Joey: I really made you think about that thing uh?
Chandler: Rach...I think I have something that belongs to you.
Rachel: Oh, I'm sure gonna miss pretending to laugh at your weird jokes that I don't get.
Chandler: No, no, no...They're really yours. We...found them in your old room.
Rachel: Well, these aren't mine. Maybe Monica used to use them with...
Chandler: Don't say Richard! Well, if they're not Monica's and they're not yours, then whose are they?
Rachel: Well, I think you're forgetting the kinkiest former resident of that room.
Chandler: I think these are yours.
Phoebe: These are not mine...Look how flimsy they are, come on! Good God! You try to hang a guy from a water-pipe with these, they'll snap like a piece of licorice.
Rachel: Can I talk to you alone for a minute?
Chandler: You don't really handcuff guys to water-pipes do you?
Phoebe: Where do you think Mike really is?
Rachel: Oh, honey...
Chandler: Let me just say something...Because once we get into this, I'm gonna get all uncomfortable and probably make some stupid joke... I just wanna say that I...I love you. And, I'm gonna miss you. And I'm so sad that you're leaving.
Rachel: Oh, you know what, Let's not say anything else. I love you.
Chandler: Ooh, not so tight...
Chandler: I'm sorry, just give me one more chance.
Chandler: I'm sor...Just go. Just go. I can't, I can't.
Monica: So, I guess you're next. You're ready?
Ross: I don't think so.
Chandler: Oh, you're definitely not. I haven't cried like that in years.
Monica: You cried yesterday at the six o'clock news.
Chandler: That old woman was being scammed by her mechanic.
Ross: God! I can't believe she saved me for last. Why're they taking so long?
Phoebe: I don't know. But, God, Joey seems to be handling it surprisingly well.
All: No, no, no, no!
Ross: Ok, here we go...
Rachel: I think I'm gonna take off.
Rachel: I've such a big big day tomorrow. So...
Monica: Aren't you forgetting something?
Rachel: Oh, right! Ross?
Rachel: I forgot to write your mom a birthday card. Would you please do that for me?
Rachel: Thank you. Oh, you guys. This was an amazing night. Thank you so much. I love you. Good night.
Ross: What? I don't get a goodbye?
Joey: Lucky bastard!
Ross: Unbelievable. She says goodbye to everyone but me.
Monica: Well, maybe she thought that with all of your history it could be, you know, implicit.
Ross: Well, it needs to be plicit.
Phoebe: You know maybe, she was just really spent from our talk. It was pretty intense.
Monica: Yeah, mine too.
Chandler: Mine was a humdinger.
Joey: All right, all right all right, let's think about this. I mean, there's gotta be an explanation. Uh...did you do anything to make her mad?
Ross: No, I don't, I don't think so.
Joey: You didn't, say, borrow her Girls Gone Wild video and never return it?
Chandler: Really? Now?
Ross: I mean don't I deserve anything? I mean a few tears, a cursory hug? Not from you!
Phoebe: Ross, if you're this upset, you should go and talk to her.
Monica: And say what? "You owe me a goodbye", I mean, he's got more pride than that.
Ross: The hell I do!
Ross: I don't get a goodbye?
Ross: Everyone gets a goodbye but me? What I gotta do to get a goodbye, huh? Be best friends with you? Uh, go out with you? Have, have a baby with you? Oh wait a minute, wait a minute, I did all those things.
Ross: Oh no, maybe me, I'm just not giving you, enough credit. Uh, I mean it is difficult to say goodbye to five people. Uh, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, good...IT'S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE. You know what? After all we've been through, I can't believe this is how you wanna leave things between us. Have a, have a good time in Paris.
Phoebe: Rach, I know this may not be the best time, but uh, Joey's going over the balcony again. Could you just come talk to him?
Monica: I hope Ross isn't too upset.
Joey: I'm sure he's not more bummed out than I am.
Phoebe: Tell me about it.
Chandler: Well, you can't say we don't know how to throw a party.
Phoebe: All right, I think I'm gonna head out.
Monica: Uh, where do you think you're going?
Phoebe: I thought I was going home to go to bed, but I'm sensing there's something less fun for me to do here.
Monica: We're moving in a couple of days and we got a lot of packing to do. It would be great if you guys could pitch in.
Chandler: Joey and I can finish up in the guestroom.
Joey: Oh, yeah, yeah, good idea.
Monica: Oh, no! You and Phoebe are gonna help me in here.
Chandler: You couldn't be cool.
Monica: Ok, we're gonna start in the kitchen. Plates get put into plate protectors and stack ten to a box. The silverware gets bundled in rubber bands and then bubble wrapped. Got it?
Phoebe and Joey: Yeah. Yeah.
Monica: Good! Now I need you to be careful and efficient. And remember, if I am harsh with you, it is only because you are doing it wrong.
Chandler: Hey Mon, I think I figured out whose handcuffs they are.
Monica: You did? How?
Chandler: Well, I was cleaning out the closet and I found some pictures of them...being used.
Monica: Oh my God! Let me see.
Joey: Who's that dirty old lady?
Chandler: Monica's grandmother.
Monica: Nana liked it rough!
Erica: Hey, what're you guys looking at?
Chandler: Oh, just normal pictures of our regular family, not having sex.
Joey: Come on here, have a seat.
Phoebe: How was your night?
Erica: Oh, it was ok. I went to a movie with my cousin and then out for dinner. We went to thisthis place that had...Ooh...Hoo...ooh...Anyway, they had these really amazing cheeseburgers.
Monica: Erica, are-are you ok?
Erica: Yeah, you know, maybe I ate too much. I keep getting these stomach aches. They come and go like every few minutes.
Monica: Oh my God!
Chandler: Relax! We'll just get her some antacids.
Monica: She doesn't have a stomach ache, she's in labor.
Chandler: Oh my God!
Phoebe: Yeah, you gotta get to the hospital!
Monica: Ok, Chandler, get the coats. Erica, let's go. Phoebe and Joey, keep packing! Oh my God we're gonna have a baby. All right. We're gonna have a baby! OH MY GOD, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY! Oh God, oh God, I gotta sit down, I gotta sit down. Ooh!
Chandler: Honey, it's gonna be ok.
Erica: You can do this. Just breathe.
Monica: Ok, ok. Ok, I feel, I feel a little better.
Erica: Are you sure?
Monica: Yes, I'm sure. Oh honey, let's go. Ok bye everyone.
Monica: Okay, bye, everyone! Good luck!
Joey: Chandler, wait, wait, wait.
Joey: If you get a second, find out where she got that cheeseburger.
Ross: Dear Judy, happy birthday, love, Rach...No, you know what, I'm not doing this.
Rachel: You really think I didn't say goodbye to you because I don't care?
Ross: That's what it seemed like.
Rachel: I cannot believe, that after ten years, you do not know ONE thing about me.
Ross: Fine, then why didn't you say something?
Rachel: Because it is too damn hard Ross. I can't even begin to explain to you how much I'm gonna miss you. When I think about not seeing you every day, it makes me not want to go... Ok, so if you think that, that I didn't say goodbye to you because you don't mean as much to me as everybody else, you're wrong. It's because you mean more to me. So there, all right, there's your goodbye. Oh!
Ross: You can-can't, you can't...
Joey: Ok, a little more.
Joey: A little more, a little more.
Phoebe: All right.
Joey: Little more.
Joey: A little more...All right. Ok, all right, let's do this.
Phoebe: All right, ready?
Joey: Yeah. Now, give me your best shot.
Phoebe: All right, here goes...
Joey: Doesn't work...