Joey: I'm telling you Ross, she wants you.
Ross: She barely knows me. We just live in the same building.
Chandler: Any contact?
Ross: She lent me an egg once.
Joey: You're in!
Ross: Aw, right.
Woman: Hi, Ross.
Chandler: Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in the game here, OK? The Rachel thing isn't happening, your ex-wife is a lesbian.... I don't think we need a third.
Joey: Excuse me, could we get an egg over here, still in the shell? Thanks.
Ross: An egg?
Joey: Yeah, you're gonna go up to her and say, " Here is your egg back. I'm returning your egg."
Chandler: I think it's a winning.
Ross: Come on, I think it's insane.
Chandler: She will love it.
Joey: Thank you. –
Chandler: Thank you. Here. Go with the egg, my friend.
Chandler/Joey: Go, go, go, go...
Joey: Think it'll work?
Chandler: No way, it's suicide. The man's got an egg.
Monica: You can not do this.
Rachel: What? Do what?
Monica: Roger wants to take her out tomorrow night.
Rachel: No! Phoebe! Don't you remember why you dumped the guy?
Phoebe: 'Cause he was creepy, and mean. And a little frightening. All right, still it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day!
Monica: But Phoebe, you can go out with a creepy guy any night of the year. I know I do.
Rachel: What are you guys doing tomorrow night?
Joey: Actually tomorrow night kinda depends on how tonight goes.
Chandler: Oh, uh, listen, about tonight...
Joey: No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me. The only reason she's going out with me is because I said I could bring a friend for her friend.
Chandler: Yes, I know. But her friend sounds like such a…
Joey: Pathetic mess. I know, but.... Come on, man. She's needy. She's vulnerable. I'm thinking.... Thanks. Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice. You're doing this.
Ross: She said yes.
Chandler: Yes, way to go, man!Still got the egg, huh?
Joey: How do I look?
Chandler: Oh, uh, I...don't...care.
Joey: There's Lorraine.
Chandler: OK, now, remember, no trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess.
Lorraine: Hi, Joey.
Joey: Hey. Well well, look what you brought. Very nice.
Chandler: And what did you bring?
Lorraine: She's checking her coat. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.
Chandler: Janice? Janice! ?
Janice: Oh.... my.... God.
Chandler: Hey, it's Janice. OK, I'm making a break for it, I'm going out the window.
Joey: No, no, no, don't! Please! Look, I've been waiting for like, forever to go out with Lorraine. Just calm down.
Chandler: Calm down? Calm down? You set me up with the woman that I've dumped twice in the last five months!
Joey: Can you stop yelling? You're making me nervous, and I can't go when I'm nervous.
Chandler: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're right. Come on, do it, do it, go, come on! !!
Rachel: OK, OK, Roger was creepy, but he was nothing compared to Pete Carney.
Monica: Which one was Pete Carney?
Rachel: Pete the Weeper.
Rachel: Remember that guy who used to cry every time we had sex. "Oh, was it good for you?"
Monica: Yeah, well, I'll take a little crying any day over Howard, the "I win" guy. "I win! I win!" I went out with the guy for two months—I didn't get to win once.
Rachel: How did we end up with these jerks? We're good people!
Monica: I don't know. Maybe we're like some kind of magnets.
Phoebe: I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch.
Monica: There's more beer, right?
Phoebe: Oh! You know my friend Abby who shaves her head?
Phoebe: OK, I have this friend Abby who shaves her head. She says if you want to break the bad boyfriend cycle, you could do like a cleansing ritual.
Rachel: Pheebes, this woman is voluntarily bald.
Phoebe: Yeah. So, we can do it tomorrow night, you guys. It's Valentine's Day. It's perfect.
Monica: OK, well, what kind of ritual?
Phoebe: OK. We can, um, we can burn the stuff they gave us.
Phoebe: Or...or we can chant and dance around naked, you know, with sticks.
Monica: Burning's good.
Rachel: Burning's good.
Lorraine: You know...ever since I was little, I've been able to pick up quarters with my toes.
Joey: Yeah? Good for you. Uh, quarters or rolls of quarters?
Janice: By the way, Chandler. I cut you out of all my pictures. So if you want, I have a bag with just your heads.
Chandler: That's OK.
Janice: Oh, are you sure? Really? Because you know, you could make little puppets out of them, and you could use them in your theater of cruelty.
Joey: We can't do that.
Chandler: What? What can't you do? Uh, can I talk to you for a second, over there?
Joey: Uh, we might be leaving now.
Chandler: Tell me it's "you and me" we.
Joey: She said she wants to slather my body with stuff and then lick it off. I'm not even sure what slathering is! But I definitely want to be a part of it!
Chandler: Ok, you can not just do this to me.
Joey: You're right, I'm sorry.
Lorraine: Uh, can we have three chocolate mousses to go please?
Joey: I'm out of here. Here's my credit card. Dinner's on me. I'm sorry, Chandler.
Chandler: I hope she throws up on you.