Ross: Dad, before I was born, did you freak out at all?
Mr. Geller: I'm not freaking out, I'm just saying, if somebody had come to me with the idea...
Ross: Dad, dad, dad, I'm talking about the whole uh, baby thing. Did you uh, ever get this sort of... panicky, "Oh my god I'm gonna be a father" kind of a thing?
Mr. Geller: No. We just had kids back then. We didn't think about it. What else could the sun dry, I wonder?
Ross: Dad, come on. Kids.
Mr. Geller: Right, look, your mother really did the work. I was busy with the business. I wasn't around that much. Is that what this is about?
Ross: No, no, Dad, I was just wondering.
Mr. Geller: 'Cause there's time to make up for that. We can do stuff together.
You always wanted to go to that Colonial Williamsburg. How about we do that?
Ross: Thanks, Dad, really, I just... you know, I just... I just needed to know, um... when did you start to feel like a father?
Mr. Geller: Oh, well, I, I guess it must've been the day after you were born. We were in the hospital room, your mother was asleep, and they brought you in and gave you to me. You were this ugly little red thing, and all of a sudden you grabbed my finger with your whole fist. And you squeezed it, so tight. And that's when I knew. So you don't wanna go to Williamsburg?
Ross: No, we can go to Williamsburg.
Mr. Geller: Eat your fish.
Monica: Rachel, the cute doctors are here.
Rachel: Okay, coming!
Monica: Hi, come on in.
Dr. Mitchell: Hey.
Monica: Hi, Geoffrey.
Dr. Rosen: Ah here, we brought wine.
Dr. Mitchell: Look at this, it's from the cellars of Ernest and Tova Borgnine, so... How could we resist?
Rachel: Oh, that's great. Look at that.
Dr. Rosen: So, Monica, how's the ankle?
Monica: It's uh...
Monica (as Rachel) : Well, why don't you tell them? After all it, is your ankle.
Rachel (as Monica) : You know what, it's feeling a lot better, thank you, um... Well, listen, why don't you two sit down and, and we'll get you some glasses... Okay. Okay. Stat!
Rachel: Okay, listen, I'm thinking, why don't we just tell them who we really are? I mean, it'll be fine, I really think it'll be fine.
Monica: It will not be fine. We'll get in trouble.
Rachel: Oh, Monica! Would you stop being such a wuss?
Monica: A wuss? Excuse me for living in the real world, okay?
Dr. Rosen: So... they are still seem normal.
Dr. Mitchell: That's because they are.
Dr. Rosen: Okay, but you have to admit that every time we go out women we meet at the hospital... It turns into...
Dr. Mitchell: Will you relax? Look around. No pagan altars. no piles of bones in the corners, they're fine. Go like this.
Monica: I said we are not going to do it, okay? Sometimes you can be such a, a big baby.
Rachel:I am not a baby.
Monica: Be serious. Every time You act like a princess.
Rachel:You know what?
Rachel: Every day, you are becoming more and more like your mother. Hello! Here we go!
Dr. Rosen: This is a great place. How long have you lived here?
Rachel: Thanks! I've been here about six years, and Rachel moved in a few months ago.
Monica: Yeah... see, I was supposed to get married, but, um, I left the guy at the altar.
Dr. Mitchell: Really?
Monica: Yeah...Yeah, I know it's pretty selfish, but haha, hey, that's me. Why don't you try the hummus?
Dr. Rosen: So, Monica, what do you do?
Rachel: (as Monica) Aahh, I'm a...chef at a restaurant uptown.
Dr. Rosen: Good for you.
Rachel: (as Monica) Yeah it is, mostly because I get to boss people around, which I just love to do.
Dr. Rosen: This hummus is great.
Dr. Mitchell: God bless the chickpea.
Monica: (as Rachel) Oh, god, I am so spoiled. That's it.
Rachel: (as Monica) I shoplift.
Monica: (as Rachel) That was years ago, you had no idea that lipsticks was in your pocket.
Did I tell you that I think I am so much cuter than I am?
Rachel: And by the way, have I mentioned that back in high school, I was a cow?
Monica: I used to wet my bed.
Rachel: I use my breasts to get other people's attention.
Monica: We both do that!
Dr. Mitchell: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Err yeh, aayah, yeh, just one second...ah, Rachel, it's your dad.
Monica: Hi, Dad. No, no, it's me. lilisten, Dad, I can't talk right now, um, but there's something, um... there's something that I've been meaning to tell you...
Rachel: Would you excuse me for a second?
Monica: Remember back in freshman year? Well, Billy Dreskin and I had sex on your bed.
Rachel: Daddy...Daddy...Daddy, why why would I sleep with Billy Dreskin? His father tried to put you out of business!... dead!
Monica: Hey, Rachel? Are these your condoms?
Rachel: Oh, no, that was just Monica. She's drunk again.
Ross: Pheebs, I don't think “scrunchy” is a word.
Phoebe: Why not, if crunchy is a word, why scrunchy?
Chandler: Okay, then I am using that same argument for “fligament.”
Monica: Ross, he's got the remote again.
Ross: Good. Maybe he can switch it back. Maybe not.
Rachel: Okay, Daddy? That's the other line. Okay, no not even in my bedroom. Okay, okay, byebye.
Rachel: Hello? Um, yeah, uh, Okay ah, hold on a second, let me let me just check and see if see if she's here. It's the woman from the hospital admissions office. She says there's a problem with the form. Oh, god, oh god... Oh God, oh, God. What do we do, what do we do, what do we do?
Monica: Oh God, I don't know! Find out what they want! Find out what they want!
Rachel: Okay no, you do it.
Monica: Hello, this is Monica. Yeah? Oh... Okay, yes, we'll be right, we'll be right down. Thank you.
Monica: We forgot to sign one of the admissions forms.
Rachel: Ohhh... Okay, you were right. You were right! This was just not worth it.
Monica: Thank you.
Rachel: Okay, let me just change.
Ross: Nautical term.
Chandler: Cheating man.