Ross: She's not here yet. She's not here. She's having my baby and she's not here.
Monica: I'm sure everything's fine. Has her water broken yet?
Ross: I don't know, but when I spoke to her, she said she had already passed the mucus plug.
Joey: Do we have to know about that?
Monica: Joey, what are you gonna do when you have a baby?
Joey: I'm gonna be in the waiting room, handing out cigars.
Chandler: Yes, Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the 50's.
Ross: God, I don't believe this. I mean she could be giving birth in the cab.
Rachel: Oh, Ross, relax. It's probably like two dollars for the first contraction, and then fifty cents for each additional contraction...
Rachel: What, it's ok when Chandler does it?
Chandler: You have to pick your moments.
Phoebe: Hi! Did I miss it, did I miss it?
Ross: No, she's not even here yet.
Monica: What's with the guitar?
Phoebe: I just thought we might be here for a while. You know, things might get musical.
Ross: Where the hell have you been?
Susan: We stopped at the gift shop.
Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky.
Ross: Oh, Susan wanted a Chunky. We're having a baby, ok, a baby, you don't stop for Chunkys.
Chandler: I used to have that bumper sticker.
Chandler: You see what I mean.
Ross: Stopped for a Chunky.
Carol: Let it go, Ross.
Susan: I got an extra one. You want this?
Doctor: Hey, how's my favorite parenting team doing?
Ross: Dr. Franzblau, hi.
Doctor: So, I understand you're thinking of having a baby? Well, I see you're nine months pregnant. That's a good start. How you doing with your contractions?
Carol: Oh, I love them. Each one's like a little party in my uterus.
Susan: They're every four minutes and last 55 seconds.
Ross: 59 seconds. Quartz, ha!
Susan: Swiss quartz, ha ha!
Carol: Am I allowed to drink anything?
Doctor: Ice chips, just ice chips. They're at the nurses' station.
Ross: I'll get it.
Susan: No, I'm getting it. I'll be right back.
Ross: I got it. I'm getting it!
Rachel: Hi, I thought you might like some ice chips.
Rachel: And if you need anything else, I...do not believe we've met. Hi! I'm, uh, Rachel Green. I'm Carol's... exhusband's... sister's roommate.
Doctor: It is nice to meet you. I'm Dr. Franzblau. I'm your roommate's... brother's... exwife's obstetrician.
Rachel: Oh, that's funny!
Monica: I want a baby.
Chandler: Mmmm. Not tonight, honey. I got an early day tomorrow.
Monica: Get up. Come on. Let's get some coffee.
Chandler: Oh, ok, cause we never do that.
Joey: Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot... or just fall down. That's good too.
Lydia: Knick fan?
Joey: Oh, yeah.
Lydia: Oh, boy, do they suck.
Joey: Hey, listen, lady..whoa.
Lydia: Look, look at your man, Ewing. Nice shot.
Lydia: You know what, he couldn't hit water if he was standing on a boat.
Joey: Oh yeah? And who do you like?
Joey: Celtics? Ha. They couldn't hit a boat if...wait. They suck, alright?
Lydia: Oh, shut up. You know, it's a rebuilding year. You... waah!
Joey: Wha? Wha..aa? Let me get the father. Hey, we need a father over here! We need a father!
Lydia: There is no father.
Joey: Oh, sorry.
Lydia: Ok, that's ok. I'm fine. I'm... oh!
Joey: Oh, uh, ok. Right this way. All the other pregnant women seem to be going in here.
Phoebe: They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch, and soon they'll grow up and resent you so much. Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why, you cry and you cry and you cry. And you cry and you cry and you cry... Thanks, Ross.
Ross: Yeah. I'm paying you to stop. OK?
Phoebe: Oh, look, twins. Hi, guys. Oh, cute, cute.
Monica: No fair. I don't even have one. How come they get two?
Chandler: You'll get one.
Monica: Oh yeah? When?
Chandler: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?
Monica: Why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: Oh, no, no. No, I just meant hypothetically.
Monica: OK, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: No, no, no.
Monica: What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?
Chandler: Uh, uh.
Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack!
Phoebe: Hey. Ooh, look at you, dressydress.
Monica: Did you go home and change?
Rachel: Yeah, well, it's an important day. I wanna look nice. Um, has Dr. Franzblau been by?
Monica: No, I haven't seen him.
Rachel: Well, where is he? He is supposed to be here. What if the baby needs him?
Chandler: Rachel, what is the deal with you and doctors, anyway? Was, like, your father a doctor?
Rachel: Yeah, why?
Chandler: No reason.
Lydia: Mom, we've been through this. No, I am not calling him. I don't care if it is his kid, the guy's a jerk.
Lydia: No, I'm not alone. Joey's here.
Lydia: What do you mean, Joey who?
Lydia: Joey Tribbiani. Yes. OK. Hold on.
Lydia: She wants to talk to you. Take the phone.
Joey: Hi, yeah, it's me. Oh, no no no, we're just friends. Yeah, I'm single. Twenty five. An actor. Hello?