Ross: Ok, ok, here is to my sister, the newly-appointed head lunch chef...
Monica: Who is also in charge of purchasing.
Ross: Newly appointed head lunch chef who is also in charge of purchasing...
Monica: Who has her own little desk when Roland's not there.
Ross: Uh, lunch chef, purchasing, own little desk when Roland's not there. Here's to my little sister...
Monica: Oh-oh-oh, wait, and I got a beeper!
All: Oh, cool.
Ross: That's fine, I'll-I'll just wait!
All: Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry...
Waiter: Are we ready to order?
Rachel: Oh, you know what, we haven't even looked yet.
Waiter: Well, when you do, just let me know. I'll be right over there on the edge of my seat.
Phoebe: Wow, look at these prices.
Rachel: Yeah, these are pretty ch-ching.
Joey: You know, what are these, like famous chickens?
Chandler: Hey, sorry I'm late. Congratulations, Mon.
Chandler: I'm not sorry I'm late. How incredible was my afternoon with Jade?
Ross: Well, pretty incredible according to the message she left you on my machine. Hey, Chandler, why is this woman leaving a message for you on my machine?
Chandler: Oh, see, I had to tell her that my number was your number, because I couldn't tell her that my number was my number because she thinks that my number is Bob's number.
Ross: Hey, tell me again, what do I do when Mr. Roper calls?
Waiter: Do I dare ask?
Monica: Yes, I will start with the carpaccio, and then I'll have the grilled prawns.
Ross: That sounds great. Same for me.
Waiter: And for the gentleman?
Joey: Yeah, I'll have the Thai chicken pizza. But, hey, look, if I get it without the nuts and leeks and stuff, is it cheaper?
Waiter: You'd think, wouldn't you? Miss?
Rachel: Ok, I will have the uh, side salad.
Waiter: And what would that be on the side of?
Rachel: I don't know. Why don't you just put it right here next to my water?
Waiter: And for you?
Phoebe: Um, I'm gonna have a cup of the cucumber soup, and, um, take care.
Chandler: I will have the uh,
Waiter: Anything else?
Chandler: Yes, how about a verse of Killing Me Softly. You're gonna sneeze on my fish, aren't you?
Chandler: Woah! Did anybody feel like they just gave birth to an alien?
Ross & Monica: Yes!
Rachel, Phoebe, & Joey: No.
Ross: Plus tip, divided by six. And everyone owes 28 bucks. -Chandler: Ok.
Rachel: Um, everyone?
Ross: Oh, you're right, I'm sorry.
Joey: Thank you.
Ross: Monica's big night, she shouldn't pay.
Monica: Oh, thank you!
Ross: So five of us is, 33.50 apiece.
Phoebe: No, huh uh, no way, I'm sorry, not gonna happen.
Chandler: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback.
Phoebe: I'm sorry, Monica, I'm really happy you got promoted, but cold cucumber mush for thirty-something bucks?
Phoebe: Huh, no! Rachel just had that-that-that little salad, and, and Joey with his like teeny pizza! It's just...
Ross: Ok, Pheebs! Shh, shh, how about we each, we each just pay for what we had, ok? It's-it's no big deal.
Phoebe: Not for you.
Monica: All right, what's going on?
Rachel: Ok, look you guys, I really don't wanna get into this right now. I think it'll just make everyone uncomfortable.
All: Fine. All right, all right, you know. Wh? What?
Chandler: You can tell us.
Ross: Yeah, Hel-hello, it's us, all right? We'll be fine.
Joey: Ok, um, uh, we three feel like, that uh, sometimes you-you guys don't get that uh...
Joey: We don't have as much money as you.
Ross: I hear ya.
Chandler: We can talk about that.
Phoebe: Well, then...Let's.
Ross: Well umm I, I guess I just never think of money as an issue.
Rachel: That's 'cause you have it.
Ross: That's a good point.
Chandler: So, um, how come you guys haven't talked about this before?
Joey:'Cause it's always something, you know, like with Monica's new job, or the whole Ross's birthday hoopla.
Ross: Wha - Whoa, hey, I don't want my birthday to be the source of any kind of negative...there's gonna be a hoopla?
Rachel: Basically, there's the thing, and then there's the stuff after the thing.
Monica: If it makes anybody feel better, then we can just forget the thing, and-and we'll just do the gift.
Ross: Gif-gift? The thing's not the gift?
Chandler: No, the thing was, we were gonna go see Hootie and the Blowfish.
Ross: Hootie and the - oh my. I, I, I can catch them on the radio.
Phoebe: No, now I feel bad. You wanna go to the concert.
Ross: No, look, hey, it's my birthday, and the important thing is that we all be together.
Monica: All of us.
Chandler: Together. - Ross: Not at the concert.
Rachel, Phoebe, & Joey: Ok. Yeah. Thank you.
Chandler: So, the Ebola virus. That's gotta suck, huh?
Chandler: Gee, Monica, what's in the bag?
Monica: I don't know, Chandler. Let's take a look.
Phoebe: Oh, it's like a skit.
Monica: Why, it's dinner for six. 5 steaks, and an eggplant for Phoebe.
Monica: Yeah, we switched meat suppliers at work, and the new guys gave me the steaks as sort of a thank you.
Ross: But wait, there's more. Hey, Chandler, what is in the envelope?
Chandler: By the way, this didn't seem so dorky out in the hall. -Ross: Come on.
Chandler: Why, it's six tickets to Hootie and the Blowfish!
Chandler: The Blowfish!
Monica: It's-it's on us, all right? so don't worry. This's-this's our treat.
Phoebe: So...Thank you.
Ross: Could you be less enthused?
Joey: Look, it's a nice gesture, it is. But it just feels like...
Ross: We're just, we're just trying to do a nice thing here.
Rachel: Yeah but Ross, you don't understand your nice thing makes us feel about this big.
Phoebe: Actually, it makes us feel that big.
Ross: I don't, I don't understand. I mean, you, it's like we can't win with you guys.
Chandler: If you guys feel this big, maybe that's not our fault. Maybe that's just how you feel.
Joey: Oh, now you're telling us how we feel.
Rachel: God, see, ok, we never shoulda talked about this.
Phoebe: Alright, I'm-I'm just gonna pass on the concert, 'cause I'm just not in a very Hootie place right now.