Chandler: You know I remember my father, all dressed up in the red suit, the big black boots, and the patent leather belt, sneaking around downstairs.
Chandler: He didn't want anybody to see him but he'd be drunk so he'd stumble, crash into something and wake everybody up.
Rachel: Well, that doesn't sound like a very merry Christmas.
Chandler: Who said anything about Christmas?
Ross: Hey, anyone hear from Phoebe yet?
Rachel: No, nothing.
Monica: I hope she's OK.
Joey: Yeah, I know exactly what she's going through.
Monica: How do you know exactly what she's going through?
Joey: She told us.
Chandler: So what we got there Monica?
Monica: Just some stuff for the party.
Ross: Hey, what're you guys doing here, aren't you supposed to be Christmas shopping?
Monica: You guys haven't gotten your presents yet? Tomorrow's Christmas Eve, what're you gonna do?
Chandler: Don't you have to be Claymation to say stuff like that?
Rachel: Oh, by the way Mon, I don't think the mailman liked your cookies. Here are the ornaments your mom sent.
Monica: Well, maybe the mailman liked the cookies, we just didn't give him enough.
Joey: Monica, pigeons learn faster that you.
Ross: Hey, Rach, you know what? I think, I think I know what'll make you feel better. How about you make a list about me?
Rachel: Wha...forget it Ross, no, I am not gonna stand here and make a list of...-Ross: Come on Rachel.
Rachel: OK, you're whiney, you are, you're obsessive, you are insecure, you're, you're gutless, you know, you don't ever, you don't just sort of seize the day, you know.
Rachel: You like me for what, a year, you didn't do anything about it. And, uh, oh, you wear too much of that gel in your hair.
Ross: See, there, you uhh, all right, you-you did what I said.
Rachel: Yeah, and you know what? You're right, I do feel better, thank you Ross.
Phoebe: Yeah, um, in Albany, can I have the number of Frank Buffay...OK, um, in Ithaca...alright, um, Saratoga...Oneonta. Alright, you know what, you shouldn't call yourself information.
Phoebe: Hello grandma, if that is in fact your real name.
Grandmother: Come on now Phoe, don't still be mad at me. How's it going?
Phoebe: Oh, not so good. Upstate's pretty big, he's pretty small, you do the math.
Grandmother: Well, I think you're better off without him. Oh honey, I know he's your daddy but, but to me he's still the irresponsible creep who knocked up your mom and stole her Gremlin.
注释：creep：猥琐的人，讨厌鬼; 讨好卖乖的人; 谄媚奉承的人; 马屁精。
Phoebe: No I just, just wanted to know who he was, you know.
Grandmother: Yeah, I know. OK, I wasn't completely honest with you when I told you that, uh, I didn't know exactly where he lived.
Phoebe: What do you mean?
Grandmother: He lives at 74 Laurel Drive in Middletown. If you hit the Dairy Queen, you've gone too far. You can take my cab.
Phoebe: Wow. Thank you.
Grandmother: Now, remember, nobody else drives that cab.
Phoebe: Uh-huh, got it. Ooh, I'm gonna see my dad. Oh, thank you. Oh, OK, wish me luck, Grandpa!
Joey: Hey! Phoebe here with the cab yet?
Chandler: Yeah, she, she brought the invisible cab...hop in.
Joey: Well she better get here soon, the outlet stores close at 7.
Chandler: Hey, don't worry.
Chandler: I figure it'll be 2 hours to Phoebe's dad's house, they'll meet, they'll chat, they'll swap life stories, we'll still have plenty of time.
Joey: Hey, here she comes!
Phoebe: Can you believe this. In, like, two hours I'm gonna have a dad. Eeeshk.
Chandler: Eeeshk. -Joey: Yeah, big stuff!
Phoebe: OK, let's go. -Chandler: OK.
Phoebe: All right, here, you have to hold this. -Chandler: OK.
Chandler:"Brake, left. Gas, right"?
Phoebe: Uh-huh, yeah, that's my cheat sheet.
Chandler: Where's my seat belt?
Phoebe: Oh, no no, that side doesn't have one, the paramedics had to cut through it.
Chandler: Hey! -Joey: Hey.
Ross: Come on, just tell me, please, please.
Monica: For the sixteenth time, no...I do not think you're obsessive.
Rachel: Oh, gosh, it's hot in here.
Monica: Rach, get the heat. Ross, could you turn the heat down please?
Ross: Sure. By the way, there's a difference between being obsessive and...
Monica: Ross, the heat!
Ross: Fine, OK! Heat, heat, heat, and I'm the obsessive one. OK, this way is on, so this is...off.
Rachel: Did you just break the radiator?
Ross: No, no, I was turning the knob and, and...here it is.
Monica: Well put it back.
Ross: It uhh, it won't go back.
Rachel: I'll call the super.
Monica: Here, let me try.
Ross: Oh, oh that's right, forgot about your ability to fuse metal.
Monica: Hey, it's Funny's cousin, Not Funny.
Rachel: Hi, Mr. Treeger, hi, it's Rachel Green from upstairs. Yes, somebody, uh, broke our knob on the radiator and it's really hot in here.
Rachel: Yes, it's, it's hot enough to bake cookies. Well, do you think we could have a new one by 6?
Rachel: What, no, no, Tuesday, we can't wait until Tuesday, we're having a party tonight.
Ross: OK, tip the man.
Monica: No, if he doesn't like our cookies, too bad, I am not gonna be blackmailed. Look if worse comes to worst, it gets a little warm, we'll call it a theme party.
Ross: Hey, here's a theme: Come on in, live like bacon.
Phoebe: Ooh, this is it, 74.
Chandler: Oh, so that's what this is for.
Phoebe: Wow, this is it, I'm gonna meet my dad. This is like the biggest thing ever, huh.
Joey: Sure is.
Phoebe: OK, here I go. I'm going in.
Joey: Good luck Pheebs.
Phoebe: OK, here I go...here I go...I'm going.