糟糕
Oh, no.
又过去一年了吗
Has it been a year already?
♪ 你是一面伟大古老的旗帜 ♪
♪ You're a grand old flag ♪
♪ 一面高扬的旗帜 ♪
♪ You're a high-flying flag ♪
♪ 愿你永远飘扬在和平年代 ♪
♪ And forever in peace may you wave ♪
我们热爱国♥庆♥节
We love the Fourth of July.
这个节日太完美了
It's the perfect holiday.
你可以在户外烹饪 放烟花 穿短裤
You get to cook outside, blow stuff up, wear shorts.
复活节该好好学学
Easter should be taking notes.
♪ 好好望着这伟大古老的旗帜 ♪
♪ Keep your eyes on the grand old flag ♪
比我记忆中的还漫长
That was longer than I remember.
你好
Hello?
乔 你该感恩你生活在这个国家
Joe, you should be thankful that you live in this country.
我的半个童年都在服饰店香蕉共和国度过
I spent half of my childhood in a Banana Republic.
那是我们村里唯一有空调的商店
It was the only store in my village that had air-conditioner.
遵命 主席先生
Yes, Mr. President.
遵命 这是我的荣幸 谢谢您
Yes, sir, I'd be honored to, sir. Thank you.
天大的好消息
Amazing news.
今天游♥行♥的大礼官爆出性侵丑闻了
The grand marshal for today's parade just got #MeToo'd,
他们叫我去接任
and they need me to fill in.
杰 我真替你高兴
Oh, Jay, I'm so happy for you!
现在你遗愿清单上没实现的
So, now the only thing left on your bucket list
只有赤手空拳大战俄♥国♥佬了
is to bare-knuckle fight a Russian!
曼尼的公路大旅行就快结束了
Oh, and Manny's gonna be back home
他能及时赶回家看游♥行♥
from his big road trip just in time for the parade.
他走了这么久 我等不及见他了
He's been gone for so long. I can't wait to see him.
太好了
That's great!
到时全家人都能齐聚 和我一起
We'll have the whole family back together with me
乘男爵敞篷车
to ride in the convertible LeBaron.
乔 你的游♥行♥挥手练得如何了
Joe, how's your parade wave?
我们再努力改进
We'll work on it.
♪ 在红白蓝的旗帜下 ♪
♪ Every heart beats true ♪
♪ 每颗心脏都真挚地跳动着 ♪
♪ For the red, white, and blue ♪
♪ 将永远没有... ♪
♪ Where there's never a... ♪
还要
More!
行 我有时间帮你
Yeah. I've got time to help you.
看你表姐人多好 帮朋友的忙
Oh, look at your cousin being so sweet and helping out a friend.
你这个软弱的小懦夫
Such a weak little coward.
还没搞定吗
Are we done yet?
没有 这座桥真的很大
No. It's a really big bridge.
或许是你这个人真的很渺小
Or maybe you're just a really tiny man.
我的横跨美国公路旅行很顺利
Things were going great on my cross-country drive
直到我突然患上了
until I fell behind schedule
完全合理 基于事实的过桥恐惧症
after I developed a perfectly rational, fact-based fear
进度就耽误了
of driving over bridges.
我打电♥话♥找小卡帮忙
I called Cam for support
因为他做过驾驶教练
since he taught driver's ed,
但他不在
but he wasn't around.
干嘛啦
What?
原来严厉的言语痛斥
Turns out a strong verbal lashing
正好能激励我过那座桥
was exactly what I needed to get me across that bridge
还有像癌症一样遍布全国的所有桥
and the many others that cover this country like a cancer.
好了 卡尔 来和妈妈打个招呼
Okay, Cal. Let's say hi to Mommy.
说"妈妈 你好"
Say, "Hi, Mommy!"
要是我入镜了 后退一点再把灯关上
If I'm in that shot, back up a-and turn the lights down.
咱昨晚吃的是中餐 我人都水肿了
We had Chinese food last night. I look like a blowfish.
知道吗 米奇尔 你不是重点
Okay, you know what, Mitchell? It's not about you.
我向我姐保证过 会在她过生日时
I promised we would send a video of Cal
给她发卡尔的视频
to my sister for her birthday,
已经过去一周了 我们必须把视频拍好
and that was a week ago, so we got to get it done.
我们一直在照看
We have been watching
个头看起来比年龄大的外甥卡尔
my big-for-his-age nephew Cal
我姐姐帕梅隆
while my sister Pameron is --
回密苏里去偿还一些债务
is back in Missouri paying off a little debt.
还社会的债 她进监狱了
To society. She's in prison.
因为稍微违反了假释条例
For a tiny parole violation.
她在某间商店试穿商品
She tried something on in a store
不小心就那么走出了商店
and accidentally walked out.
她带走的是另一个女人的包
It was another woman's purse.
不幸中的一线希望是
The silver lining is,
卡尔因为我们的育儿经验十分受益
Cal is benefiting from our parenting experience.
米奇尔在让卡尔的小脑袋瓜成型
Mitchell is molding young Cal's brain
我则负责抚弄孩子的身体
while I handle the young boy's body.
我们没坐牢真是奇迹
It's a miracle we're not in prison.
是啊
Yeah.
好 我们为妈妈唱字母歌♥吧
Okay, let's sing the alphabet for Mommy.
快来 我们练过的
Come on, you and I worked on this.
A B
A B.
6
Six.
我想是我传授的信息太多了
You know, I think I put so much information in there,
他说话时就搞混了
it's getting jumbled up on the way out.
我们拍点你教的东西
Well, let's-let's do some of your stuff.
丢个球给他接之类的
Throw him a ball or something.
好 这主意好
Oh, okay, yeah. That's a great idea.
好了 我数到三 卡尔
Okay, on the count of 3, Cal.
准备好了吗 1 2 3
Are you ready? 1, 2, 3!
好吧
Oh. Okay.
那好吧 拥抱
All right, um... well, hugs!
来拥抱一下好吗
Hey, how about a hug?
他真擅长拥抱
He is such a good hugger.
好吧 是这样的
Okay, here's the thing --
卡尔来咱家时橄榄球集训营开始了
football camp started when Cal came.
之后我因为
Then I was laid up
那顿螃蟹大餐卧床不起
because of that dinner at Absolutely Crabulous.
别担心 我这边做得也不好
Well, don't worry. I've been slacking on my end, too.
是的 可我一直对小帕说
Yeah, but I've been telling Pam
卡尔在这成长得特别好
that Cal is thriving here.
我们不能把他背AB6的视频发过去
We can't send her a video of him reciting his AB6s!
我在想
I wonder...
接着说 我入伙
Go on. I'm in.
有没有可能用拍摄技巧
Is it possible to shoot him in a way
让他看起来比实际做得好
that makes him look better than he is?
这还用问吗 范·迪塞尔都能当影星
Oh, honey, are you kidding? Vin Diesel's a movie star.
知名性格男影星 戏路比较单一
演技见仁见智
剪辑能使一切成为可能
Anything's possible with editing.
你拿的是什么
What do you got there?
我只是在选大学课程
Oh, just choosing some classes for college.
这个看起来挺有趣的
This one looks interesting.
"本加强课程..."
"In this intensive" --
算了
Nope.
快放下
Drop that!
今天是比赛日 伙计
Game day, buddy.
有史以来第一次 卢克和我
For the first time ever, Luke and I
要参加体育项目之王
are taking part in the sport of kings,
最美味的科学
the savory science.
我们组队参加了亲子热狗大胃王比赛
We're teamed in a parent/child hot-dog-eating contest.
我们已经训练了几周 我非常骄傲地说
We've been training for weeks, and I'm proud to say that Luke,
卢克和他爹一样 天生一张吃热狗的嘴
like his old man, is blessed with a dogger's mouth.
我觉得肚子里某个地方裂开了
I felt something tear inside.
挺过去
Push through it.
撑到爽以后你会感谢我的
You'll thank me when you start to feel the gorger's high.
搞什么
What the hell?!
热狗让你生气了吗
Oh, is the hot dog making you angry?
人生气时胃会变大12%
An angry stomach is 12% larger.
我觉得我们有很大机会
I think we've got a real shot
能战胜朗达和谭蒂·霍达克家
to take down Rhonda and Thandie Hodak.
可她们从没输过
But they're undefeated.
看来我们是"落水热狗"
I guess that makes us "Under-dogs."
你这个哏憋了多久了
How long you been sitting on that one?
没你在那个沙发上坐得久
Not as long as you've been sitting on that couch.
你地上捡的百吉饼分我一半好吗