Has it been a year already?
♪ 你是一面伟大古老的旗帜 ♪
♪ You're a grand old flag ♪
♪ 一面高扬的旗帜 ♪
♪ You're a high-flying flag ♪
♪ 愿你永远飘扬在和平年代 ♪
♪ And forever in peace may you wave ♪
We love the Fourth of July.
It's the perfect holiday.
你可以在户外烹饪 放烟花 穿短裤
You get to cook outside, blow stuff up, wear shorts.
Easter should be taking notes.
♪ 好好望着这伟大古老的旗帜 ♪
♪ Keep your eyes on the grand old flag ♪
That was longer than I remember.
Joe, you should be thankful that you live in this country.
I spent half of my childhood in a Banana Republic.
It was the only store in my village that had air-conditioner.
Yes, Mr. President.
遵命 这是我的荣幸 谢谢您
Yes, sir, I'd be honored to, sir. Thank you.
The grand marshal for today's parade just got #MeToo'd,
and they need me to fill in.
Oh, Jay, I'm so happy for you!
So, now the only thing left on your bucket list
is to bare-knuckle fight a Russian!
Oh, and Manny's gonna be back home
from his big road trip just in time for the parade.
He's been gone for so long. I can't wait to see him.
We'll have the whole family back together with me
to ride in the convertible LeBaron.
Joe, how's your parade wave?
We'll work on it.
♪ 在红白蓝的旗帜下 ♪
♪ Every heart beats true ♪
♪ 每颗心脏都真挚地跳动着 ♪
♪ For the red, white, and blue ♪
♪ 将永远没有... ♪
♪ Where there's never a... ♪
Yeah. I've got time to help you.
Oh, look at your cousin being so sweet and helping out a friend.
Such a weak little coward.
Are we done yet?
No. It's a really big bridge.
Or maybe you're just a really tiny man.
Things were going great on my cross-country drive
until I fell behind schedule
after I developed a perfectly rational, fact-based fear
of driving over bridges.
I called Cam for support
since he taught driver's ed,
but he wasn't around.
Turns out a strong verbal lashing
was exactly what I needed to get me across that bridge
and the many others that cover this country like a cancer.
好了 卡尔 来和妈妈打个招呼
Okay, Cal. Let's say hi to Mommy.
Say, "Hi, Mommy!"
If I'm in that shot, back up a-and turn the lights down.
We had Chinese food last night. I look like a blowfish.
知道吗 米奇尔 你不是重点
Okay, you know what, Mitchell? It's not about you.
I promised we would send a video of Cal
to my sister for her birthday,
and that was a week ago, so we got to get it done.
We have been watching
my big-for-his-age nephew Cal
while my sister Pameron is --
is back in Missouri paying off a little debt.
To society. She's in prison.
For a tiny parole violation.
She tried something on in a store
and accidentally walked out.
It was another woman's purse.
The silver lining is,
Cal is benefiting from our parenting experience.
Mitchell is molding young Cal's brain
while I handle the young boy's body.
It's a miracle we're not in prison.
Okay, let's sing the alphabet for Mommy.
Come on, you and I worked on this.
You know, I think I put so much information in there,
it's getting jumbled up on the way out.
Well, let's-let's do some of your stuff.
Throw him a ball or something.
Oh, okay, yeah. That's a great idea.
好了 我数到三 卡尔
Okay, on the count of 3, Cal.
准备好了吗 1 2 3
Are you ready? 1, 2, 3!
All right, um... well, hugs!
Hey, how about a hug?
He is such a good hugger.
Okay, here's the thing --
football camp started when Cal came.
Then I was laid up
because of that dinner at Absolutely Crabulous.
Well, don't worry. I've been slacking on my end, too.
Yeah, but I've been telling Pam
that Cal is thriving here.
We can't send her a video of him reciting his AB6s!
Go on. I'm in.
Is it possible to shoot him in a way
that makes him look better than he is?
Oh, honey, are you kidding? Vin Diesel's a movie star.
Anything's possible with editing.
What do you got there?
Oh, just choosing some classes for college.
This one looks interesting.
"In this intensive" --
Game day, buddy.
For the first time ever, Luke and I
are taking part in the sport of kings,
the savory science.
We're teamed in a parent/child hot-dog-eating contest.
We've been training for weeks, and I'm proud to say that Luke,
like his old man, is blessed with a dogger's mouth.
I felt something tear inside.
Push through it.
You'll thank me when you start to feel the gorger's high.
What the hell?!
Oh, is the hot dog making you angry?
An angry stomach is 12% larger.
I think we've got a real shot
to take down Rhonda and Thandie Hodak.
But they're undefeated.
I guess that makes us "Under-dogs."
How long you been sitting on that one?
Not as long as you've been sitting on that couch.
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