-早安 先生 -早上好
- Good morning, sir. - Morning.
-早上好 市长先生 -你好
- Good morning, Mr. Mayor. - Hello.
-见到您很高兴 市长 -早安
- Good to see you, mayor. - Morning.
Good morning. Morning.
You do realize I'm lost, right?
-这边走 先生 -早安
- Oh, uh, it's this way, sir. - Morning.
Sir, I know you said no to the teleprompter,
but just remember to emphasize job creation,
and please don't try to speak Spanish again.
It's not my fault pero means "Dog" and "But."
That's just goofy.
You might wanna let me hold your watch, sir.
An Audemars Piguet might be perceived as elitist.
When exactly did elite become a bad word, Tommy?
2001, Perry Ellis introduces Elite cologne.
Base notes of tonka bean and oakmoss--who is that for?
Excuse me, Mr. Bremer?
Hi, I'm Jayden Kwapis, Interim Director of Communications.
You're hand's very... warm, Jayden.
Yes, I was holding a French bread pizza.
-好吧 -您准备好了吗 先生
- Okay. - Are you ready, sir?
What if I say no?
Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor!
Can you believe this?
Well, hey, I never thought I'd be standing here.
And I know you didn't, Rick.
I'm not a politician.
This time last year, I was happily retired,
推杆 锻炼 从不使用我的户外厨房♥
putting, exercising, and never using my outdoor kitchen.
I was quarantining before it was cool.
Uh, too soon, maybe.
But I love this city.
Like so many Angelenos,
I chose LA as my home.
In 1976, I followed a girlfriend out here.
Classic California story.
She wanted to be an actress, but hey, she didn't make it.
She was killed by the Night Stalker.
But in my attempts to find her,
I stumbled into the outdoor advertising business.
For 20 years, I gave you something to dream about
while you were stuck on La Brea.
for your consideration, "Nurse Jackie."
But now, I'm unretired
because my city needed me.
We're all grateful to former Mayor Delgado.
He served this city valiantly
through an unprecedented time.
The lightning strikes may have caused the earthquake,
which has shut down a number of testing centers.
Now, we learned overnight that the app we've been using
for distance learning is malware
and might be filming your kids on the toilet--
Sir, we just found out that the murder hornets are back,
and it turns out, they are not hornets.
They are tiny North Korean fighter jets.
2020, you broke me!
Y'all know the rest. Delgado retired,
Dolly Parton bought everyone the vaccine,
they called a special election, and I jumped in.
You wanna know why I jumped in?
Because that day, the mayor quit.
And he was later found climbing one of my billboards.
Remember that? Yeah.
And the billboard said,
"Bremer. Available Now."
And you know what?
I thought to myself, "That sign is a sign."
All right, questions. Anyone?
Over here. Yeah?
When will you be making appointments?
You haven't named a single deputy mayor.
And I don't want any.
Like my daughter used to say about wiping her tushy,
"No! Me do it."
No deputy mayors.
Look, I know that this city has big, big issues facing it.
That's why today, I wanna start with something small
we can all agree on.
I wanna ban something...
Guess what it is?
Oh, my God, I can't believe he won.
I can't believe I did this.
Is it bigger than a doll?
Biracial Twitter's gonna come for me.
What are you talking about?
I made that old, white man seem cogent and cool.
I got him to advertise in dispensaries.
I got his cardboard cutout seated next to Kendall Jenner
at the NBA Finals.
I got him that toy phone, and told him he was tweeting on it.
Okay, is this an anxiety attack,
- or are you just bragging? - It's both!
Because of me, he won 68% of the vote.
He won 68% of the 8% of people who voted,
which, by the way, never tell him.
- What matters is that he's in! - But he's not qualified.
He thinks Santa Monica is part of Los Angeles.
-他不完美 那又怎样 -何止不完美
- So he's not perfect. - Perfect?
Tommy, that toy phone makes farm animal sounds.
Remember, election is not marriage.
You're not trying to find "The one."
It's like dating. It's not going to be perfect.
Or fun, or good, or fulfilling,
but you do it so your mom can brag at church.
Okay, I took this job
as a short, high-paying PR challenge.
Now, we won, and I'm supposed to just, what?
Work for the city?
That's not content my followers wanna see.
Well, bail if you want to.
I am excited about being a part of this administration.
Really, you're telling me you're all-in?
On this guy?
No. I'm very open to the idea of a robot police force.
Thank you for reminding me.
I think he's a charismatic, open-minded independent.
So if you can't get on board,
then you should get the hell out of my bed.
Ew, "West Wing,"
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